In this video the narrator outlines a three‑stage model of female sexual response—Safety, Arousal, then Desire—and provides concrete dating advice to move a woman through each stage. The first stage emphasizes creating a sense of safety by avoiding behaviors ranked as "creepy" (staring, excessive touching, steering conversation toward sex) and by using non‑verbal cues that signal friendliness rather than threat, illustrated with contrasting examples from talk‑show hosts Conan O'Brien and Craig Ferguson. The second stage, Arousal, focuses on tactile and visual stimulation: using hands more during intimacy, applying a "heat map" to gauge appropriate touch, and employing sustained eye contact (the triangle method) which research shows boosts attraction by about 35%. The third stage, Desire, is achieved by leveraging cognitive‑dissonance attraction—alternating warm and cold behavior—to keep a woman thinking about the narrator, exemplified by the historical story of the Duke of Lozen. Throughout, the video blends research citations, pop‑culture references, and practical step‑by‑step tactics, concluding with a concise playbook for applying the Safety → Arousal → Desire framework in real‑world interactions.
Chapters
This is how aggressively men lose women's attraction over time. We fail maintaining women's sex drive because we forget what was proven in early 2000. Men and women's lust functions completely differently. Men start with desire, we physically want someone, and then move to arousal, the body's response to attraction. For women, the first step is actually safety, then arousal, and then desire. So— Number 1, safety. Being creepy is the quickest way to make someone feel unsafe around you. Now, a few years ago, a bunch of researchers literally ranked the creepiest stuff a person can do. As you can see, the top three are staring before interacting, touching too frequently, and steering the conversation towards sex. So avoid doing these things. But I know what you might say: this stuff would not be seen as creepy if you'd be rich and famous, right? Well, this is a scene with the famous host Conan O'Brien.
I love you. Don't be creepy.
Look at. At his nonverbal and paraverbal communication— hands pressed on each other and no showing of the palms, head tilted down and leaned in towards her in the first minutes of the interaction— all of these signal judgmental and non-friendly behavior. And then he even elongated his words while saying, I love you. He basically acts like a sexual predator. Connor is sometimes known for being a bit creepy with female guests, yet Craig Ferguson, a man with a similar job, Similar age and similar looks somehow gets these reactions from women.
You look very romantic. I do.
Yeah, I do.
You really want to do this? I do. All right.
How does he do it? Well, let's take a look at his body language. In the first moments of the interaction, he leans out, a sign of disinterest, while keeping his legs near her, a sign of interest. He's already in her personal space, yet this position makes it much more comfortable for her. But he doesn't stay like that forever. He eventually leans in and closes the social gap, but when it's socially suitable. But here's the strange part: during his interviews, Craig does steer the conversation towards sex, yet he never turns out as creepy.
Very quickly, I know. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm really sad about that. I was kind of enjoying myself. Well, I can't tell you how many women have said that to me.
Did you catch it? He rarely initiates the joke out of He waits until the guest says something that can be interpreted as sexual and then makes a short witty comment about it. Now according to the study from the beginning of the video, once a girl feels safe, she enters a neutral state where she becomes receptive to sexual stimuli. Number 2: Arousal. For the last 4 years, The Summer I Turned Pretty was massively praised as the series who perfectly captured the female gaze. The theme is simple. One girl has to choose between 2 brothers. Jeremiah, younger, funnier, and more outgoing. And Conrad, older, capable, and more mature. Now what truly differentiates this love triangle show from hundreds of others is how much they focus on the visual details of the female gaze. Almost all the romantic scenes focus on specific body parts like eyes, back, arms, and hands. Coincidence or not, these are the same body parts women rated as most erotic in this study. But I know what you might say, how do you make your hands of all things look more erotic? Well, you don't. You just use them more. You see, in many movies, kiss scenes are plain and only used to establish a romantic milestone between 2 characters. But when it comes to The Summer I Turned Pretty, many women have expressed their appreciation towards kiss scenes with unapologetic hand placements. So if you're in a relationship with a girl, use your hands more during intimate moments. If you're not in a relationship, try to establish more physical contact between you 2. How do you know when it's appropriate to touch her? Well, for start, you can use this heat map. But to increase arousal, you don't only need friendly touches, you also need sexual, flirty touches. Dangerous stuff. Unless you add some plausible deniability. Basically, it's one thing to randomly grab her by the waist, but it's a completely different thing to touch her waist as you guide her out the door, right? She gets the same touch, the same sensory feeling, yet she sees you as an exquisite gentleman instead of a socially uncalibrated brute. On the same principle, it's one thing to grab her leg and another to softly land your hand on her thigh as you whisper something to her. But you see, touches are not the only paths toward increasing a woman's arousal. In 2024, it was proven that every minute of mutual eye contact increased attraction by about 35%. Now, Matthew McConaughey's eye contact seemed so smooth and charismatic because he didn't just stare into her eyes. Now, a simple trick that you can use is the triangle method. You first look at one eye, then the other, then the lips, and then Number 3, Desire. A state where she consciously and unconsciously wants you. It might seem random, but imagine being thrown into prison because you're too good at creating desire. Well, that's the story of the first Duke of Lozen, an average height man with a long nose and a narrow face. You see, the Duke couldn't use his presence to be attractive, so he used his absence. During his short meetings with women, he would be romantic and flattering for a time, but then cold and distant the next time. Women would spend hours trying to understand his intentions. Does he like me? Did I do something wrong to upset him? Was he just polite the whole time? One by one, the Princess of Monaco, the king's mistresses, and countless other noblewomen fell for him. But then he overstepped. Among his conquests, he seduced the Duchess of Montpensier, one of the richest, most influential women in Europe. And the king's cousin. She fell in love so hard that she actually proposed to him. This madly angered the king, so he threw the duke into prison for 10 long years. Now, was it worth it? Well, after 10 years, he married the duchess, became rich, and even maintained the reputation of an unmatched seducer for the rest of his life. Now, the technique he used is known in psychology as cognitive dissonance attraction. By his warm and cold behavior, he made women spend their time thinking about him, even though they never truly understood why. Our brains just hate uncertainty. So to justify the reason why we think a lot about a person, he makes us believe that we actually like them. So we eventually end up desiring that person. But to speedrun this whole process, you need something called sexual appeal. Fortunately, I have a whole video to help you out.
