Addictions consultant Paul Sunderland, with 35 years of experience, explains why early boarders and adoptees show up disproportionately in addiction treatment. He calls it hidden trauma: society frames boarding school and adoption as privileges, so people never process the loss and separation underneath. Stress without attachment equals trauma.
Okay, welcome. So today I wanted to offer some reflections about addictions and just talking about how early borders and adoptees are often overrepresented in the addiction community. So I was talking to a fascinating man on Monday called Paul Sunderland, and the podcast will go live on Friday. And Paul has been involved in the addiction world for about 35 years, and he's a consultant, a trainer, and, you know, he's talked, um, he's done TEDx talks, etc., about adoptions. But also, he, in this podcast, Talking a bit about early boarding school as well. And what he's found in his work is that the ex-boarders and the adoptees are often overrepresented in addiction, in the addiction world. And I've heard this from friends who've been to AA, and they've said, you know, 7 out of the 8 who were at an AA meeting were ex-boarding school. And so it's a really fascinating discussion because what Paul is saying is that it's due to the fact that these are disguised traumas. What does he mean by that? He means that you're told when you're adopted you're lucky. You're told when you go to boarding school it's a privilege. And so therefore you're not able to process what you've gone through. You have to kind of almost keep working through it, and, you know, as if— or not working through it. Whereas if you're at home and it's a dysfunctional family, you kind of know this is wrong. Whereas in a boarding school, or if you're adopted, you're told, oh, well, you're really lucky. And, and therefore there's no space to process it. And obviously Paul goes into more depth on the podcast. The other thing he said which really fascinated me was this idea of stress without attachment equals trauma. And I thought that was again fascinating because, you know, if you think of boarding school, there's no attachment. We break the attachment with our parents, we become insecurely attached or avoidant. And I've spoken to many experts in the field of attachment theory who've said that, you know, the boarding school breaks the attachment with parents. And what happens is, yeah, stress, which there is a lot of stress in boarding schools and a lot of stress with when you're being adopted. So this creates trauma, and obviously the trauma then is at the root of addictions. You know, Gabor Maté and his work Says how when he was working on the streets of Montreal and a lot of the addicts there, found out that a lot of them, if not most of them, had childhood trauma. So it's just really fascinating. So I really recommend, you know, um, watching, uh, that episode. Really kind of very clear of how, you know, early boarding school adoptees are overrepresented. So just look through my notes, see if there's anything else. Yes, it's really just this idea of disguised trauma, and, um, I just thought that was, you know, really fascinating, you know. And I've heard this before. Annabelle Gonzalez, in her book It's Not Me, she says, you know, children trust that their caregivers will protect them and regulate their own emotions. When the caregivers are not available to do so, this gives rise to what are considered hidden traumas. which are caused not so much by what happens but by what is missing. It's kind of— for me, sounds similar. Disguised trauma, hidden trauma. It's like, yeah, you're meant to be privileged, you're lucky, you know, well done, you know. And I've heard so many stories of people who've been adopted and then they get sent to boarding school, and it's like, so there's a double rupture. And, you know, it's just, yeah, why would you adopt a child? I mean, yes, the understanding is they're wanting to give them a better life, but, you know, boarding schools, uh, throughout the literature I've read and the biographies, it's not a safe place. So if you've already got that insecure attachment, it's, you know, it's not a a good place to be sending an adopted child. So yeah, just some ideas there. Um, just really interesting speaking to Paul, and I recommend listening. So I'll put a link into the description so you can— you can— I think you can save so you can notify you when it's, uh, when it's ready. It'll be Friday. At 10 AM. Okay, well, thanks so much for listening. Take care. And any questions you have, you know, anything that resonates with you, um, please do let me know. Okay, take care. Bye.
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