Brian Johnson (Optimize) reflects on John Gottman’s idea of "responding to bids" and applies it to parenting. He describes a simple if-then "kid bid algorithm": when his child Emerson bids for attention while he’s doing dishes, he will stop and give attention (or alternatively do the task together), and prompts viewers to notice and adopt a similar rule.
Hi, this is Brian. Welcome back to another Optimize plus one. In our last couple plus ones, we've been talking about John Gottman and his wisdom on how to make a marriage work. We've been focused on one aspect of the third of his seven principles, turning toward our partners by responding to their bids. Of course, responding to bids doesn't just apply to marriages, it also applies to all relationships, especially with kids. Today we're going to talk about a little kid bid algorithm I've been working on. Quick context. I'm in charge of dominating our kitchen. We love having a nice clean kitchen at the end of the night and Alexander does so mind exploding much to make our family life awesome that this is a tiny way for me to give back and rocket. And oftentimes Emerson will be making bids for my attention while I'm cleaning. And it's humbling to notice how often I choose the dishes over him. Just typing that and saying that out loud makes me wince. Oh, the power of vulnerability as a tool for transformation. So yeah, the dishes need to and will get done and my son is more important. Enter my new kid bid algorithm. If I'm doing the dishes and Emerson makes a bid for my attention, then I will respond to that bid and give him my attention. And it's funny because as I type that, I realize there's another algorithm that helps address this particular challenge in a potentially even more elegantly well stacked way. If I'm doing dishes, then Emerson and I are having fun doing them together. So spotlight on you. You got kids. Are they making any bids that you might not be noticing and or effectively responding to? All good. Noticing is the first step in optimizing today's +1. What one kid bid algorithm is. Can you get to work installing today? If then for the dad or mom of the year, when.
