Short YouTube talk by Brian Johnson arguing that while Kristin Neff’s three-part model of self-compassion (common humanity, self-kindness, mindfulness) is essential, we must also pair compassionate acceptance with active, courageous self-encouragement—what he calls ‘heroic self-encouragement’—to change behaviors that cause unnecessary suffering. The piece urges combining gentle acceptance (a ‘flashlight’) with loving, fierce action (a ‘hammer’) today.
Chapters
Hi, this is Brian. Welcome back to another heroic plus one. Today I want to talk about self compassion. Well, technically I want to talk about heroic self compassion, which, when you take it to its logical end, becomes heroic self encouragement. So, yeah, that's what we'll talk about today. Heroic self encouragement. Here's the deal. We know that self compassion is important. Critically important, in fact, we. Which is why we've spent so much time making sure you and I practice the 1, 2 Thurs of Kristin Neff's research on the science of self compassion. Check out our notes on her great book. Now, here's the recap of that science of self compassion. First, we need to practice common humanity. We know that we're not alone in our struggles. We all fall short of our ideals and let ourselves down and suffer. Number two, we are kind with ourselves. We talk to ourselves with the same kindness with which we would support a beloved friend rather than with incessant toxic criticism. And number three, we're mindful of when we are spinning out into shame. And we bring ourselves back to practicing the first and second principles of self compassion. In other words, we shine a compassionate flashlight of awareness rather than beat ourselves up with a hammer. To which I say yes, we need to do all of that. And at some point, we need to move beyond acceptance of our suffering and choose to do something different. We need to hold the flashlight of gentle compassion with one hand and we need to wield an equally loving but considerably more fierce hammer with the other. We need to have the serenity and self compassion to accept the things we cannot change and the courage to to change the things we can. And of course, the wisdom to know the difference. In short, we could say that we need to move beyond self compassion to heroic self encouragement. Not someday, today. So with a flashlight of loving compassion, what needs work in your life? Can you see the ways that behavior is creating unnecessary suffering? You're human. You'll never be perfect. And shaming yourself about that fact, you and your shortcomings won't help. And with a hammer of loving encouragement, we need to move beyond acceptance and do the hard work to craft a better life. Let's do that hero for ourselves, our families, our communities, our countries and our world. Not someday today.
