Brian Johnson argues that perfect parenting is impossible and unnecessary. Dan Siegel's research shows the most reliable practice is simply to show up, physically present and emotionally available. Steinbeck put it best: "Now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good."
Chapters
Hi, this is Brian. Welcome back to another Heroic Plus One. In our last Plus One, we talked about falling short of my parenting ideals. Then we talked about the importance of owning it, recommitting to being better, and then showing up as that next best version of ourselves. Before we get into some of the goodness Emerson and I talked about that I think you will find empowering in your quest to be a heroic parent or human, I need you to know something very Very, very important. I know you already know this, but you must remember that there are no perfect human beings. Very large font, all caps, bold. And by extension, there are no perfect parents. Now, Dan Siegel is one of the world's leading parenting experts and neuroscientists and mindfulness experts and all-around amazing human. In his great book, The Power of Showing Up, he tells us, and I quote him, One message we deliver over and over whenever we write about parenting is that you don't have to be perfect. Nobody is. There's no such thing as flawless child-rearing. We'll pause while you let out a deep, relieved breath. He continues by saying, at some level, we all know this, but many of us, especially committed, thoughtful, intentional parents, consistently fall prey to feelings of anxiety and inadequacy. We worry about our children and their safety, of course, but we also worry that we're not good enough in the way we're raising them. We worry that our kids won't grow up to be responsible or resilient or relational or fill in the blank. We worry about the times we let them down or hurt them. We worry that we're not giving them enough attention or that we're giving them too much attention. We even worry that we worry too much. And he says, we've written this book for all the imperfect parents Who care deeply about their kids, as well as for imperfect grandparents and teachers and professionals and anyone else who cares for a child. We have one central message full of comfort and hope. When you're not sure how to respond in a given situation with your child, don't worry. There's one thing you can always do, and it's the best thing of all. Instead of worrying or trying to attain some standard of perfection that simply doesn't exist, Just show up. And finally, he tells us, showing up means what it sounds like. It means being there for your kids. It means being physically present as well as providing a quality of presence. You don't have to be perfect. You don't even have to know exactly what you're doing. Just show up. That is today's Plus One. I repeat, there are no perfect human beings, and by extension, there are no perfect Parents. And you and I won't be the first. One more thing before I send you on your way. I can't remember the book I found this in, but I absolutely love it. Steinbeck once said in East of Eden, and now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good. I repeat, and now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good. With that in mind, let's do our best trying to be good all day, every day, especially today.
