Short YouTube micro-chapter (Areté +1) by Brian Johnson explaining the importance of promptly repairing relationship ruptures. Uses a Dan Siegel anecdote (flipping his lid) to illustrate naming emotions, apologizing, expressing love and commitment, and using mindfulness tools to restore equanimity; ends with a call to action to check for and make pending repairs.
Hi, this is Brian. Welcome back to another Arete one degree a micro chapter from Arete activate your heroic potential 450 one of my all time favorite big ideas, including this one repairing relationships a key practice for optimizing the love in our lives. Leading mindfulness and neuroscience and relationship expert Dan Siegel tells us that when something inevitably goes wrong in a relationship, we want to repair it as quickly and as we can. One of the examples he uses to make his point is a story about a time when he, Mr. Mindfulness flipped his lid, turning off his prefrontal cortex and going full limbic brain yelling at one of his kids. Now I laughed as I typed that as a it's always refreshing to see a world class teacher and practitioner humbly reminding us that no one is perfect. And baby, I very much know the feeling as the father of very energetic 10 and 6 year olds. So we have an interaction that we're not proud of. Then what? Then you repair the relationship as quickly as you can. Something like wow, I got really impatient. Loud Fill in the blank. I flipped my lid. I want you to know I'm sorry and that I love you and that I'm committed to getting a little better at handling those challenging moments in the future. Insert potential hug. We don't want those little micro moments of negativity to stew into jumbo resentments and unhealthy cauldrons of ick. Take a deep breath. Drop into your heart. Label the emotion, Dan says, Name it to tame it, or now to frame it and use whatever tool you need to as you regain your equanimity. And then repair plus one degree. Check in any repairs waiting for you. Get on that now.
