3 Ways to Keep the Peace | Holly Furtick

Sometimes you can do everything within your ability to have peace with someone in your life and circumstances outside of your control. Do not allow it. That's okay if you've done everything that you could. But today, just in case of the possibility that there is something you can do, I want to give you three questions to consider when trying to maintain peace when within the relationships that mean the most to you. So here's the first one. Can you stay grounded? Have you ever hydroplaned in your car while driving in the rain? It's a really scary thing. What happens is when your tire encounters more water than it can spread, it momentarily separates your car from the road by a thin film of water. I had a friend in college who almost died in a car accident because his car hydroplane and then it flipped over. Do you know what you're supposed to do when this happens? It's counterintuitive. You're obviously not supposed to speed up, but when you're in an emergency, your instinct is to slam on the brakes. When you hydroplane, you're not supposed to slam on the brakes. All you're supposed to do is take your foot off the gas and allow the vehicle to slow down and regrip the road. When it comes to relationships, we are going to encounter momentary situations where we must make a choice in how we will respond. And in that split second, we can either regain traction and keep moving, or we can flip the car, so to speak. Our natural instinct is to return the energy of the person we're interacting with. And sometimes this instinct can be a real peace killer. Can you stay grounded if someone raises their voice at you? Can you stay grounded if someone else is in a bad mood? Can you stay grounded if someone says something offensive? Don't speed up. Don't slam on the brakes. How about if someone says something that you don't agree with? If it's possible, as far as it depends on you, it's not natural, but it is possible. Our instinct is to match the energy of the person that we're interacting with. But if you can stay grounded, you might be able to avoid a relational wreck. And as we learn to live at peace with one another, we learn that sometimes I am the one who goes off the rails and the other person needs to stay grounded. But if it's possible, can I, in a split second, do the thing that's counterintuitive in order to keep the peace? How do we do this? Well, here's my second question. Am I assuming the best about this person? I feel like we have Become the most easily offended generation of human beings that ever existed on this planet. If someone expresses an opinion that we don't agree with, we're offended. If someone's late, we're offended. If someone doesn't speak to us, we get offended. If someone doesn't invite us, we're offended. Our feelings are hurt. Offense begins when we assume the worst about someone's intentions towards us. They don't respect my time. They don't listen to me. They're trying to make me mad. They know I don't agree and they're saying it anyway. But what if. What if you assumed the best? There's a verse in Proverbs that says, this is Proverbs 19:11. A person's wisdom yields patience. It is to one's glory to overlook an offense. What if instead of jumping to conclusions about someone's intentions, we saw past their behavior and assumed the best about them? Maybe they're having a bad day and it has nothing to do with you. And a little compassion would go a long way. Maybe they forgot because they're really overwhelmed and they have a lot on their plate. Maybe they're introverted. Maybe they are ashamed. Maybe they are anxious. Maybe they have no idea that they even offended you. Do you remember the sermon that Pastor Stephen preached? It was called it's deeper than you think. This is such a great rule for relationships. A person's behavior is always deeper than you think. So the next time you feel quick to be offended, can you stop for a moment and consider that maybe this person is reacting to you about something that's not actually about you at all? These are the moments when. When we are able to extend grace and put into practice the active kindness of God. Can you extend the compassion you would hope to receive if the situation were reversed? Okay, here's the last question, and I gotta tell you, this one's the hardest. Okay? Am I willing to apologize first? Now, this one will get you. So let's start with this. Would you agree in every conflict, no one person is 100% responsible? Okay, so here's my question. Can you sincerely apologize for your part, even if you're only 5% in the wrong? Can you begin the process of peace by going forward and sincerely apologizing for that? And just for clarification, a sincere apology begins with, I'm sorry that I. Not, I'm sorry that you. If it's possible, as far as it depends on you, peace might cost you your pride. Because the three hardest words that a person can ever say is, I was wrong, especially when you feel like they were more wrong than you. It's hard, but in my experience, the times that I get this right, the momentary pain of admitting my fault when I feel hurt is so worth the peace that comes when a relationship with someone I care about is restored to be in harmony with friends and family and coworkers. It requires work, but it is so worth it. Look back at our scripture as a prisoner for the Lord, then I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle. Be patient bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Christ died so that we could have unity. We must make every effort to maintain it. Unity is the thing that should set us apart as Christians. But so often we let our feelings and our emotions and our egos stand in the way of the peace that is already ours, that Christ already paid for. We can't have peace out there if we can't have peace right here with those we love.