This is a short transcript of a YouTube conversation led by Holly Furtick with guest Tara about how personal pain and disappointment can draw a person closer to God. Holly uses the biblical example of Hannah (barrenness leading to fervent prayer and later thanksgiving in 1 Samuel 2:5) to argue that God’s goal is relationship rather than always giving answers or removing suffering. Tara shares a testimony of receiving a rheumatoid arthritis diagnosis and how that season strengthened her faith. The transcript includes pastoral reflections: God doesn’t cause suffering, He can use painful seasons to grow intimacy with Him, community may help but ultimately God quenches spiritual hunger, and faith built in past trials helps in future struggles.
Chapters
Hannah could not have a baby, and this made her feel so isolated. And I love how in the scripture you find that Hannah is surrounded by her family. Her husband loves her. They go to worship every year. She's got her sister wife who actually is not a good relationship. Somebody who's actually very cruel to her. But her pain caused her to feel isolated. And then that pain, though, is what finally drove her one year when they went to worship, to just cry out to God. And this just like, it gets. It got me thinking about pain and disappointment. And I don't know if you're like me, but I usually. When I'm going through something, you know, something hard or something disappointing, my initial questions are always things like, God, why is this happening to me? Why are you allowing me to go through this? When is this going to end? You know? Or why won't God, why can't you take this pain away? Or why can't you fix my situation? And I know that. I feel that Hannah probably went through this as well. You know, she probably had the bargaining period with God. God, I'll do anything. Please, just give me a baby. God, why?
Why?
I'm a good person and she's not. She's not a good person. She's so cruel. Why are you giving her children and not me? And do you ever feel that way when you have, like. It's like all the wrong questions? God, he doesn't cause pain and suffering. I don't believe that. None of us believe that God causes pain and suffering. But I do believe, because I've experienced it before, that God's ultimate goal is not for me to have answers. Sometimes he does eventually give you answers. Sometimes he does eventually fix your problem. But sometimes he doesn't. His goal isn't for me to have answers. It's for me to. To have a relationship with Him.
That's great.
Can you describe a time when you allowed your pain to draw you closer to God?
Yeah. So a couple years ago, I found out I had rheumatoid arthritis. And I made the mistake of, like, googling stuff like what that disease can lead to. And it was like, exactly what you just said. Like, when I got the diagnosis, I went home and I was like, God, like, why? How can you. Like, how long am I gonna have to live with this? And I. I think for me, it was a season where I really. It's like a really defining season that I can look back on. And it's like God really, like, drew me close to him in that season because I Didn't know what else to do or who else to go to. So, I mean, I went to the right source in this, but I also didn't know what else to do. And it was really cool to see how God just came through and kind of just gave me a peace. And it's something that I'm still dealing with, but I feel like I just know that God's in control and that. I mean, I don't need to know why I have it, but just trust that it's going to work out.
Don't you think there's something special? Like, can you put yourself back in that exact time and place and feeling, even though. Even though you would never. You don't want to go back there, right? You don't want to experience that pain and that hurt again. But there's something special about that moment where you. Where you knew that God was there. He was present with you in that moment. And something about it, you don't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't trade it. You don't want it to happen again, but you wouldn't trade it because of what you experience and that closeness and that realness with God. And I think sometimes we have that pain and we go to other people and we're trying to get people to understand our situation. You know, I have a friend whose husband was unfaithful to her. And you want other people, and then you feel let down that people aren't giving you what you feel like they need. But really. And God can. I'm not saying God can't use the people in your life. Obviously not. But when you have that moment with God, it can cover everything and you can bring yourself back to that moment.
You can see the difference between when you go to your friends and when you go to God. And, like, you put that so well. Like, I can picture exactly where I was in my room on some of those moments. And it's just crazy.
Again, God doesn't cause these things. He doesn't want us to have pain. He doesn't want us to suffer. But these are the things that God can use if I will allow him to really grow and strengthen my relationship with Him. And then even though I come out on the other side and whether, you know, Hannah got the baby in the end, she got the baby. But God doesn't always give you the baby. God doesn't. When you get divorced, God isn't necessarily going to give you your husband back, but he may give you a new relationship. And he may, in the process, before he Gives you that new relationship. He makes you a better person. And he fills that hole in you that only he can fill because everything else has been stripped away. I love how Hannah. So Hannah, she did get the baby. But there's a verse in 2nd Samuel, I put 2 Samuel. Sorry, it's 1st Samuel 2, 5. So this is in the second chapter. Many years later, after Hannah has been given many children. And this was her prayer. And this is what she said.
Those who were full hired themselves out for food, but those who were hungry are hungry no more. She who was barren was born seven children. But she who has had many sons pines away.
Yeah, so I just love how basically Hannah is saying, it wasn't the children that made me whole. And it's that whole thing of thirsting for God. So it's those who are hungry are hungry no more. That's just like what we learned about the woman at the well. You know, when you are going to the right source, then God is able to quench a thirst in you that nobody else can quench. That no matter. All of the people are commenting some really tough things. A son with leukemia, another lady I saw in commented that she was going through her second divorce. These are really tough, really painful things. And the beauty of it is that God wants to walk with you through your pain. He wants to be there with you through your pain. And then he also is going to bring some people alongside you to minister to you in your pain.
Speaking of that verse, Tara said, I have been drawn to God in times with dealing with my teenage and young adult children. I would never be the parent I am today without God in my life. And so I think it's that also of, like, her being able because of that leaning into God. And as a result, then, just like you said, her being closer to God and a better parent, but she wouldn't be able to do that without, you.
Know, having a situation where you're like, I got nothing.
Right.
I'm here. God, if you don't come through, it's all going down. And you're right, because it strengthens. You have this faith that something else you encounter. You're like, well, if God brought me through that, I'm good with this. Like, bring it. It helps you. Like, yeah, you gotta. Yeah, you can always go into the next. Yeah. Because pain is a part of life. Right. It's inevitable. But when you have those moments where you can think back to where you were, I have a moment similar where I just remember waking up in the morning and just thinking, is this gonna be over? Is this. Is this still. Is this. Was that a nightmare? No. This is my life right now. And. But when you wake up and you're just like, I gotta have a Bible verse. I've got. I've got to have something. There's no person that can help me with the pain that I'm experiencing right now. And it's those moments that can kind of catapult you when you're in the next one and remembering and the faith that you built along the way.
