Changing Your Husband | Holly Furtick

I want to transition into tonight's teaching. So this is your cue to grab a pen and paper for notes if you don't already have one. And as I transition to our teaching, I want to read a comment that Mikayla made. She said this. It's very short. Also, by reading some of our comments, it seems that most of our foxes for me too, come from our mouth. Mikayla, you could not have helped me segue any better into this week's topic because this week we are talking about grace and gratitude and the power that you have in your tongue. The words that come out of our mouths affect everyone around us more than we really want to admit. It's funny when I think about it now, but in my own marriage, when I finally stopped trying to change my husband. And for me, it wasn't necessarily these big changes that I wanted him to make. It was more like I was trying to tweak him. Anybody out there tried to tweak your husband? But when I finally stopped trying to tweak him and decided that I was going to focus on tweaking myself, that sounds kind of funny when I say it. But that's when I saw the results in my marriage that I wanted to see. And I found out that the main thing that I needed to face was my own attitude. This was a pivotal decision in my life and in my marriage. My husband recently did a staff teaching, and it was all about pivotal decisions, and it completely blew my mind. So I'm totally going to steal it. I really want to teach it to you tonight. It's only going to take me two minutes. Pivotal, by definition simply means to turn. I know my friend Laura Lentz, if she's watching, is laughing because all she can think of is Ross from Friends screaming pivot. Do you remember that scene when they're trying to get the sofa up to their apartment? So a pivot is a turn. If you have a child who plays basketball or a husband who loves basketball, it's a basketball turn term. It means to turn. And oftentimes it's just. Just a small turn. And here's how my husband illustrated it. And I never forgot this. Everybody stand up. Okay, go ahead, stand up. Wherever you are, whether you're watching this live or later, as long as you're not driving, I want you to stand up and just face forward. Okay? Now I want you to pivot just a little to the right or to the left, whichever way, it doesn't matter because you're opposite of me anyway. So just going to take one little Step and pivot. Small change, right? Unless you walked for a mile. Because if you walk for a mile, you would end up in a completely different place than if you'd walked in this direction. And that's what this study is all about. A series of pivotal decisions that over time are going to change the direction of your marriage. You can sit down. Fruit comes from the smallest decisions carried out over time. Remember, can you see my T shirt? We're catching all the little foxes before they destroy the vineyard of love. Last week, we talked about all of the small ways that we can respect or disrespect our husband. The small decision not to interrupt, or the small decision to greet your husband with a kiss when he comes home, even though you worked all day too, and you would love for someone to greet you. It's a small decision. Those two tiny, little, small words that we talked about last week and we're gonna talk about them again this week. Thank you. Can make a huge difference. So as we go throughout this study, it's really all about small decisions that can make a drastic difference in your marriage and in your relationship over time. It's not gonna happen overnight. Some of you are seeing some. Some changes overnight. It's not gonna happen necessarily overnight. Long term change requires you to continue in the same direction for a long period of time. And the longer that you've been married, the longer and the harder it's gonna be for you to undo some of the habits that you already have. So the topic that we're gonna dive into today is mostly centered around our attitude as a woman. You set the atmosphere of your home. You are the thermostat. You have the power to turn up the heat in your home or to cool it down. We all know the saying, if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. And you can either fight this idea or you can embrace it. Maybe you're like me and you thought, I just feel like that's unfair. And I mean, why can't I be in a bad mood for an hour? Why can't everyone just leave me alone, go do their own thing and let me sulk? I'm with you. But the reality is I don't have that luxury. I can choose to be in a bad mood. Yes, I can. But the whole family is probably going to join me there if I don't pull myself out of it fair fairly quickly. Guys, I'm sorry if I'm already stepping on some toes. This is a struggle for so many of us, and it's a struggle That I have. There are days where negativity just grabs me by the foot and yanks me down. Have you ever felt this way? Sometimes it's pms, sometimes it's frustration over a situation or a problem at work. But the truth is, if I let my circumstances control my mood, my. I will always find a reason to be in a bad mood. Now, the flip side of that is that we all know at least one woman who seems to be under a tremendous amount of stress, circumstances that we could never imagine, and yet she somehow manages to rarely complain or even draw attention to herself or her situation. As I'm talking to you, I'm thinking of a friend of mine whose child has cf. But she rarely complains or even talks about all the medications and the doctors and the therapies that her child is on. And if you ask her, she'll tell you, but it's just not something that she's decided is going to define her life, her attitude, and her mood. I think about my friend who has a child with severe special needs, but she always has a smile on her face. And. And not to say that these girls don't have bad days, but they're women who have determined that their situation is not going to make them a negative person. I have another friend who has battled breast cancer, but she has determined to keep a smile on her face and to remain positive. And it speaks to me, and it speaks to everybody who's around you when you decide to be that kind of person. When I first asked my husband, what were the three things that I could give to him, you know, what one of his top three things was? I think I sort of alluded to this during the first week, but it was a good mood. I'm sure that several of you had a husband who said something along the same lines, something about your happiness or your mood or your attitude. And my husband went on to explain to me. He was like, I mean, obviously you're going to have a bad day. But what he wanted me to understand is that it makes him happy when I am happy. Why do I let a million little things affect my mood? When it comes to my attitude? I find that once I start on that downward spiral, I tend to turn on everyone in my home. And I'm so sorry to my family, but every little thing about everyone starts to irritate me. Is anybody out there? Can you please type amen in the chat or say, I'm with you, or I'm totally here because I think I'll walk around and okay, it's like this. I think I said this the first week. Blame is like a comforting blanket. So I get into this bad mood, I get into this negative head space, and I start walking around and just being irritated with everyone else. Because. Because I find that when I have an issue or an attitude or something that I need to deal with, it's easier for me to just point the finger at someone else. And unfortunately, the unlucky winner is a lot of times our husbands. None of us want to admit that we nag. None of us want to admit that we're constantly going around trying to point out all of the ways that our husbands need to improve or could make their lives better or should or shouldn't do this. And this is something you're going to hear me say over and over again. I understand that most of us think that we're just helping, just, just helping, just making a suggestion. But I want to talk about nagging for a minute and I want to see if you can see that there's a slight chance that we all might have an area that we need to work on. And in this idea of nagging this week. Okay, so first, let me start with something safe. I looked up the definition of a nag, and it says this. A nag is someone, especially a woman. Webster wrote it, not me. Who annoys people by constantly finding fault. Or a person who is not pleasant or agreeable. Okay, so this was eye opening to me to begin with because I always thought of a nag as someone who was constantly finding fault in other people. But by the true sense of the definition, it's a person who is not pleasant or agreeable. And how many of you know a woman in your life? Don't comment in the chats on this one, but you know a woman in your life who. Who is not pleasant or agreeable to be around the majority of the time. The verb of nag is to annoy by constant scolding, complaining or urging. And then it says to scold, complain, or find fault constantly. I don't want to be this kind of woman. It's funny that the definition of nag said that it's usually a woman. I don't know why that's like a feminine considered word. But the book of Proverbs also usually refers to a nag as a woman. Here's a couple of proverbs for you. Proverbs 21:19. Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife. Proverbs 25:24. This is from the Message version it says better to live in a tumble down shack than share a mansion with a nagging spirit. Really? Is it that bad? A tumbledown shack over a mansion? I guess it is. Here's one more also from the message version. Proverbs 27:15 16 A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet. You can't turn it off and you can't get away from it. Okay, I definitely don't want to be like that. I don't want my family to feel like they can't get away from me and my attitude. So here's a couple questions for you to consider. This is our Am I a Nag? Quiz. Pretend like I'm your girlfriend reading to you from Seventeen magazine and you can just don't answer it in the chat. Just, you know, mentally think yes or no. Just a few questions for consideration. Do you joke and tease him about things you wish he would change? Do you criticize his bad habits? Do you tell him you wish he was more involved with the children or a stronger spiritual leader? Do you force him to talk about things that are bothering him even when he says he doesn't want to? Do you stop him from eating or remind him not to eat certain foods? Do you constantly express that he watches too much television or plays too many video games? Do you have the feeling that nothing would ever get done unless you constantly reminded him? Last one do you find yourself treating your husband like he's another one of your children? I know some of those were tough to hear, and that's okay. If we were honest, we would all admit, we would all say we've done it before and sometimes we get in a really bad habit of doing it regularly. Here are a few things that I want to remind you about nagging. You probably already know them, but I'm just going to remind you, okay? First of all, you know that you cannot nag someone into permanent change. If you could, it wouldn't be called nagging. You cannot constantly remind somebody, tell somebody, pick at somebody, and think that they are actually going to permanently change what you're nagging them about. It doesn't work that way. When you use negativity, you rarely get the results that you want. Second reminder about nagging is that when we have to realize that when you nag, especially your husband, that you are drawing attention to something he already feels bad about. This is really key when it comes to understanding our husbands. Men are particularly hard hard on themselves. We're all hard on ourselves. Okay? But men are Hard on themselves. So much so that they beat themselves up over things in their mind. And if you could get inside their mind, you would be like, babe, go a little easy on yourself. It's really not that bad. And see, the difference is, as a woman, most of the time we think that because they're not verbalizing it, that they're not thinking it because we verbalize what we don't want. Now you may be a woman who, you know, internalizes everything and doesn't do that, but the majority of us are quite verbal. If I don't like my hair or my outfit or I feel like I've gained five pounds during quarantine, I'm probably going to say it more than once. But men don't necessarily verbalize their feelings about themselves. To us, they're not going to say, babe, you know, I just, I just, I feel really bad about myself today. They aren't going to do that. So you have to realize that when you're drawing attention to something that he most likely already feels bad about it. One time, one of the ladies in my group shared about how they had bought a play structure and they'd gotten it used so they had to take it down from the people they bought it from. And then they were gonna have to put it back up at their house. But she shared about how it sat disassembled in their yard week after week. And she realized that she needed to stop asking her husband when he was going to put it together. Because as we talked about this idea of nagging and how our husbands already feel bad about it, she realized that he was probably already beating himself up about it every time he walked by and saw this huge mound of wood in the yard. It's not like it was out of sight, out of mind. It was right there, this big unput together playset. And she started thinking about how he may be thinking about that he's a terrible dad and how he's got to put that thing together and when is he going to find the time. And when she finally let it go, he came to himself and he put it up when he was ready. They already beat themselves up enough. They don't need us to remind them that they're not eating healthy or that they need to exercise more or that they need to mow the lawn. They can see that the grass is tall. Making someone feel guilty is the worst way to motivate them. But sometimes as women, and I understand sometimes that's, that's all we got. Like, we're just like, just there's so many things that we want to say and so we just. When are you going to mow the lawn? Your husband does not need another mother. He needs a cheerleader. And preferably one in a cute short skirt. Okay? There's a reason that God gave us one mother. We only need one. And you are not his mother. So I want to get off the negative train here about nagging and I want to give you a few things practically that we can do to help ourselves with this. Is that what you're wanting? Okay, good. Glad you asked. Here are a couple things. Number one, replace your negativity with curiosity. Instead of always rolling your eyes when he's watching football, maybe you could try to get interested in it with him. I know I am under no uncertain terms saying that you have to sit on the couch all day Saturday to starting with game day at 10am and watch game after game after game, but I am simply suggesting that maybe you could be there when his favorite team is playing. I know some of our husbands have many favorite teams, but like his favorite favorite team, when his favorite team is playing, can you sit there with him and cheer them on and ask questions and learn about what he actually loves rather than just nagging him about it all the time? I wonder if sometimes when we nag our husbands about the things that they love, if we're really just jealous that maybe there's something they want to do without us or something that they're interested in without us, but we're not willing to make the effort to be interested in it. And sometimes our husbands need to have hobbies that are separate from us. So I'm not saying that you need to like elbow your way into every area of his life. I'm saying take the one thing that you want to nag him about and be curious about it and ask him questions about it and be interested in it. I read about a lady who said that her husband loves Star Trek and she said that she always thought that it was ridiculous and she would roll her eyes and she said one day she just decided, you know what? I'm going to watch the show with him. And then she said that she really started to like it. And then she started to tell her husband that he was a great leader like Captain Kirk. That is exactly what I'm talking about. When I read that, I was like, this is perfect. She turned her negativity into curiosity, which gave her an in to really encourage her husband in a meaningful way. Number two, take a look in the mirror. I know I'VE said this before, but let me ask you this. Are you living your life to the level that you expect your husband to live? Just asking a question. Jesus said, why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank that's in your own eye? We put all this energy into all of the little things that he needs to change that he's not doing right. But do you ever take time to consider all of the unhealthy habits that you have that I have? I don't always eat healthy. I don't always exercise. I binge watch HGTV and Netflix and Instagram. And if I'm being really honest, I love Candy Crush. Do I have any Candy Crush lovers out there? I love Candy Crush in an audiobook. The thing is, as women, we're just better at hiding our unhealthy things. You know, like we as moms, we can't sit on the couch all day and watch football. But there are other things that we're doing that aren't healthy that we could be focusing on. Can you think of an area in your life where you don't have it all together? Hopefully you can think of at least one. Are there any items that are on your to do list that you can tackle? Maybe he needs to mow the lawn, but maybe you need to, I don't know, clean out a closet or something. Focus on yourself and leave your husband to God. Do I sound like I'm repeating myself? It's because this is very simple. It's a very simple teaching. It's just difficult to actually apply in our everyday life. Here's number three. I want you to know that there is one person that you can nag. It's not exactly a person, but you can nag God. Have you ever thought about the fact that your husband can be changed in one moment by God? You may have been fussing for years to the wrong person, because if you take your request to God, God can whisper to your husband in one moment the very words that you have been shouting at him for years. And by the way, God does not need our help. So the minute that we can take whatever. The thing is that we feel like our husband just absolutely needs to change. And for some of you, you might be thinking, yeah, but my husband's thing is life threatening, or my husband's thing is affecting our whole family. Great, I understand. But take it to God. Don't nag him. I think I told you guys this already, but my husband Always jokes. And he calls me the Holy Spirit. And if I'm being honest, I have to say that sometimes I let this go to my head because I'll think, well, I'm the Holy Spirit, so let me tell everybody what they need to do. And I really do. I think I've developed a complex, and I really do think about things that I think other people need to do. It's easier to think about what other people need to do than what I need to do for myself. So I'm learning that the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit does not need Holly's help. That he can speak to my husband just like he speaks to me. Just like he whispers to me. Have you ever had the Holy Spirit whisper to you? This week, I felt the Holy Spirit whisper to me. You're not paying full attention to your kids in this moment. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna try to do better. Just like God can speak to us, we have to remember that he can say the very things that our husband needs to hear. And sometimes it's not the thing that. That. That we think he needs to hear. But if God can speak to you, God can speak to your husband. It doesn't matter how close your husband's relationship to God is either. God can soften your heart, and he can also soften your husband's. And he doesn't need your help massaging it. So. So, look, I don't always do this, right? But one time I did. And I love sharing the story. So if you've heard me share the story before, you're gonna hear me say it again, because this is one of my favorite God marriage stories that I have experienced. Okay, so several years ago, back when Twitter was the thing and Instagram was barely coming into life, my husband really loved to go on Twitter after he preached a message, and. And it was super encouraging to him. Cause people would always say things like, oh, this point meant so much to me, or they'd retweet a line or this and that. And it really helped him feel like his sermons were resonating with the people and they were connecting and they were making a difference. But you guys know that social media can get really ugly really fast. And so people began to use that space on Twitter to say mean things. I have such a hard time with this on social media, because we all tell our children, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. But somewhere along the line, all the grownups on Twitter and Instagram and Facebook forgot about what our Moms taught us. I don't know if your mom taught you that, but my mom taught me that, and I try to live by that. On social media, if I can't say something nice, I don't say something at all. And I gotta tell you guys, people say some really mean things. I'm getting off track. But the other day, somebody said on one of my Instagram posts, why are you so wrinkly? And I'm not kidding. The people in this room, their jaws just dropped. I'm not joking. Like, why would you say that to me? I just turned 40 years old. That's why I'm getting wrinkly. Okay, sorry. Back to my story. So Twitter, it became this place where for every 10 nice things that people would say, there would be one or two people who would say something that was ugly or hurtful. And at first we thought it was kind of funny. And he'd say, hey, listen to what this person just said about me. But after a while, it's not funny. And those small, negative comments, I felt like they began to discount the 10 positive things that people said. And I felt like it was starting to get to my husband. So I would say to him, babe, why do you read this stuff? I don't like you letting people put all this negativity into your head. And he would say, no, no, no, no. It's really important. I need to hear the good things. I need to know that my sermons are connecting. It's really not that big of a deal. So after saying it to him once or twice, or maybe more than once or twice, I don't really know how many times it was. Something in me just decided, he's not listening to me about this, so I am going to give it to the Lord. So I just determined every time I would see him looking at Twitter, I would just nag God. And I would say, lord, I really don't think he should be looking at that. Or I would say, lord, maybe you could tell him that this isn't the best thing for his spirit. God, when are you going to tell him? And when I tell you? Months went by, months went by where I just determined I was just gonna keep reminding the Lord that if he could just tell my husband this one thing, I think it would really help him out. So, no, nothing. Until one day we got on an airplane to go on a ministry trip. I haven't been on an airplane in a long time. I don't know if it's been a long time for many of you, but back then I would love to fly with my husband when he was going to preach somewhere, because when we would get on the airplane, he was often, like, having a captive audience. And as you can tell, I'm a quite talkative person. So, you know, we'd get on the plane and it would just be the two of us and no kids interrupting us. And so this particular time, we were having a great time. We were enjoying each other's company, talking to each other, and all of a sudden, he takes out his journal and he jots something down in his notebook. And then he hands it to me, and I looked at it, and he had written this. What are three things that you would like for me to work on? And in that moment, I knew that that was my answer to prayer. Now, before you get excited about this method, I'm telling you about, about nagging God, I should let you know that he has never done this before or since. Like, handed me a journal and said, what are three things you would like for me to work on? It was like the card, what are three things I can give to you each day? And this is amazing. So I was able to tell him, I really feel like it's unhealthy for you to let people say all these negative things to you on Twitter. I know. You know, from the bottom of my heart, I know that there are a lot of people saying positive things, but I just. I just worry about the negativity that you're letting people speak into your spirit. And he listened to me. And over the course of time, not immediately, not that day, he actually took Twitter completely off of his phone. And to this day, this was at least eight years ago, he hardly ever looks at Twitter. Now, of course, he's on other social media outlets. But my point is, when I stopped nagging and I took my request to the Lord God began to work on my husband. And so when I was able to bring it up in a loving, safe space, it fell on a soft heart. And even to this day, we can't avoid being on social media. Obviously, our entire church is. Is on social media. We're on Instagram, we're on Facebook, we're on YouTube. And he's seeing those comments. But even to this day, I believe that he not. I believe I have seen him work to try and protect his spirit because he heard me say it. From a place of love, you can nag. Just don't nag your husband nag. God, nag. The one who can actually bring about a result and a change in your husband's Life number four. Give the grace that you hope your husband will give to you. This is fascinating. Did you know that if you look up the word nag, you will find that one of its antonyms is the word grace? In week one, I told you that we were going to give what we want. Give what you want. In week two, we learned give what he needs. Right? This week, we are going to give what we would expect him to give to us. You see, we expect our husbands to give us grace when we mess up, when I lose my temper, when I'm late, when I'm not the best mom, because, you know, it's easy to criticize our husbands for the way that they parent. But I'm not even close to a perfect mom, and I expect my husband to give me grace when I don't handle a situation right. Why wouldn't I extend that grace to him when I'm not paying attention, when I forget to do something? But so often, time after time, I don't extend the very same grace to him that I hope that he would give to me. Grace is about assuming the best about the man that you love. Things like this. He didn't leave his socks on the floor because he thought, oh, my maid Holly will come along and pick them up. He was probably in a hurry. How many times have you ever left your socks on the floor? Or maybe this one. He didn't come home from work late because he doesn't want to be with us. He came home from work late because he's a hard worker and he wants to do a good job at his job. We have to learn how to assume the best. Nagging turns up the temperature in your home. It creates an atmosphere of annoyance for you and your husband. But grace is the cooling agent. You don't have to be the thermostat. You get to be the thermostat. You have the power to change the atmosphere in your home. And we have to learn to embrace this and use it to our advantage. So this week we're going to do an experiment that is going to open our eyes to our own negativity. Because a lot of times we're negative and we don't even realizing it. Complaining and nagging have just become a natural part of our language. The negativity can just creep in and become a habit that we no longer notice. We are going to do what I call the Bracelet Challenge. Original and catchy. I know I should have asked Steven Furtick to help me name it better, but alas, it is called the Bracelet challenge. And here's how it works. When we're done with this teaching, you are going to go and find some type of bracelet that is comfortable enough for you to wear 24 hours a day for the next week. I've got a few little examples to, I don't know, jog your memory. Okay? Okay. It could be a hair tie, but not a hair tie that you're gonna put in your hair. It has to be like an extra hair tie that is on one of your wrists 24 7. It could be a pretty bracelet. Gotta wear it 24 7, though. And you have to be able to switch it. So you're not gonna wanna wear a bracelet with a clasp. Here's another. Here's a beaded bracelet. Here's another one of those little hair ties. These get really stuck in my hair, guys. So scrunchies. It could even be a simple rubber band or one of those, like, you know, the Livestrong bracelets. I don't know if you can see the one that I have on. It's just a black little rubber band bracelet that we had made for our team. It says, and no, I don't have any of these to share with you, so sorry. You can find one and write something on it. But mine says, stay calm, stay kind. So that's the bracelet that I'm gonna be wearing for the next week. Here's what you do. You're going to put the bracelet on either wrist. Every time you catch yourself being negative, you're going to switch the bracelet from one hand to the other. Okay? Now write this down because I'm going to give you the definitions, the rules for what I think that negative entails. What makes you have to switch your bracelet, Any nagging, any complaining, whining and. Or negative talk. Negative talk can be about someone else. It can be about something, a situation. It could even be about yourself. Because we all know that we shouldn't gossip about somebody else. But a lot of times I don't think that we think it's that bad for us to speak negatively about ourselves. You know, I'm having a terrible hair day, or I just. I don't feel like I have anything to wear. Even those negative comments that seem to soften with the words I wish. Like, I wish we had a nicer sofa or one day when we can afford a home of our own. Those are complaints. They're just prettied up with words like one day when. And I wish those types of expressions. This is what this exercise I want to help you to see is that those types of expressions can kind of take the atmosphere of your home into a negative space, into a negative home. Remember, if you're happy, then they're happy. And so we're going to do this challenge this week to figure out all of the places that we are negative. That doesn't mean that you can't have a constructive conversation about an issue that you're struggling with or a relationship that you're struggling through or goals that you're trying to work toward as the couple. But I want you to understand that negative talk would be expressing any type of thoughts or having any conversations that truly don't have a resolution or that simply just put you in a bad mood. Because we're trying to identify those things that start. And I want to go back. I know I said when we're happy, they're happy. I know that's not always. I even know that some of you maybe have a spouse who struggles with depression. But I truly believe that our attitude and our mood can help change the entire atmosphere of our home. Is it going to cure your husband of depression? No. But is it going to help the atmosphere of your home? I believe that it will. One more little rule. A little note of clarification for you, because this came up when I originally started doing the bracelet challenge with some of my groups. We are going to switch our bracelet every time we say something or think something negative. This is going to make it extra hard. I understand that. But the reason I want to include your thoughts in addition to your words is because your mood starts in your mind. And usually by the time it's come out of your mouth, it's almost too late for you to even get your mood back, or it's at least gonna be a lot more difficult. So just pretend like you're playing a game of Where's Waldo? Is that even a thing anymore? We can call it Where's Negative Nancy? I'm so cheesy. I know. But we have to find her and we have to get rid of her. Because becoming Mrs. Betterhalp is all about identifying those negative patterns and then replacing them with good patterns. And that's what this bracelet experiment is all about. And I cannot wait to hear your comments about this in the group chats this week. So before we wrap up this session, I do want to talk to you for just moment about what do you do when you really do have a bad day or when you're going through a difficult season in your life? Because I don't want to just Blanket statement like, oh, you know, we all just need to get a good attitude. I understand that we all go through difficulties that justify us being in a negative mood. And I don't want to stand here before you today and say, you always have to be in a good mood. There's never a reason for you to be in a bad mood. No. A lot of us have a list of reasons why we should be in a bad mood. It could be a situation that's big or small, short term or long term. It could be one of those days that's a series of unfortunate events that we all have and we just want to go under the covers and start over tomorrow. It could be a situation that some seemingly has no end. It could be a rebellious teenager or a serious health issue or something as simple as a burned dinner or something more serious like an ailing parent or a financial strain. We all go through days and seasons. We all go through days and seasons. You are not the only one who is going through something difficult. And we all go through things where our friends that are looking on the outside in could say, you have every reason to whine or complain about your situation. But like I said earlier, we also all know people who have every reason to whine or complain, and they don't. And they are refreshing to be around. They're uplifting, they're inspiring because it causes you to think, well, if she can smile with the things that she's going through, surely I can do that. So I just want to give you just really quickly as I close, a few things that we can learn to sacrifice. Remember, we're replacing the bad patterns with the good patterns. Mrs. Betterhalp is all about learning to sacrifice. Sacrifice for the the man that you love. Some sacrifices as women are intuitive. If you're a mom, then you have sacrificed your body. Maybe intuitive isn't the right word. They're just simply not optional. If you wanna be a mom, you're gonna sacrifice your body, you're gonna sacrifice your sleep, you're gonna sacrifice your sanity. On some days you've probably sacrificed your dessert. And it's not even just as a mom, as a woman at your job, you have to make sacrifices to succeed. But for whatever reason, as wives, so many times, we just cannot sacrifice for one more person. We just simply cannot make ourselves sacrifice for the man that we love. And I don't want to be that kind of person. In the Bible, there are many, many different types of sacrifice mentioned. From the sacrifices in the Old Testament to Jesus making the ultimate sacrifice of his life. And so I want to point out to you three biblical types of sacrifice that, if practiced enough, can become some of those good patterns, a good habit that you can use to remind yourself to squelch that negativity. So what do you do when you're faced with situations that look bleak, when it would be valid for you to be in a bad mood? The first one is this. It's the sacrifice of humility. This is when maybe we're treated in a way that we didn't deserve. Psalm 51:17 says, the sacrifice that you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart. Oh, God, we have to learn how to live out that Philippians 2 passage. Remember, you're memorizing it. I hope that you are. Jesus had every right to claim his own life, but in humility he laid it down. The sacrifice of humility is when you forgive you've been hurt, hurt badly, but you chose to forgive anyway. The sacrifice of humility is when you say, I'm sorry. And maybe, maybe it's when you say, I'm sorry first, even when you think that he was mostly wrong. It's when you give that undeserved grace to your husband because you know what it's like to receive undeserved grace. That's the sacrifice of humility. The second sacrifice is the sacrifice of praise. This is when you say, God, I don't know why I'm going through this, but I'm going to praise you anyway. I don't know why this situation has turned out the way it does. I'm in a great deal of pain. I'm hurting so badly. But I'm going to stop and. And I'm going to declare, God, you are good and you are in control and you are trustworthy and you are loving. I don't understand this situation, but I will praise you because you, God, are worthy of my praise. Hebrews 13:15. And we're going to look more closely at this verse this week. It says, therefore, let us offer through Jesus a continual sacrifice of praise to God, proclaiming our allegiance to his name. And don't forget to do good and share with those in need. These are the sacrifices that please God. Then Psalm 54 says this. I will sacrifice a voluntary offering to you. I will praise your name, O Lord, for it is good. I'm not saying that my situation is good, but I'm going to stop and I'm going to say, lord, you are good. That is a sacrifice of praise. And here's the last one. The sacrifice of thanks. This is when you say again, okay, this situation hurts, this is painful, but I'm going to choose to focus on what I have to be grateful for. See, praise is more about who God is. Gratefulness is more about what God has done for you. Thessalonians. Let me find where it is. Here. Thessalonians 5, 18. One of the very first verses I memorized as a little girl. It says, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. It doesn't say, give thanks for your circumstances. It says, give thanks in your circumstances. That means in the middle of a disastrous day where something happened at work and then maybe a kid threw up in your car, and then you have to go inside and have yet another disagreement with your teenager, I'm right there with you. In the middle of that day, you can stop and you can say, God, thank you for my job. Thank you for my car, even though someone threw up in it today, and thank you for these children. That's the sacrifice of thanks. When you don't feel like it, when it's a sacrifice to say thanks. But the most amazing thing happens when you make these sacrifices. You find that God will meet you right there, right in that moment, right where you are, right in the middle of all of your feelings. He meets you there and he gives you the strength that you need to be the woman that he's calling you to be. Psalm 50, 14, and 15 says, make thankfulness your sacrifice to God and keep the vows that you made to the Most High. Then call on me when you are in trouble, and I will rescue you and give you glory. Psalm 116, 16, and 17 says, Truly, I am your servant, Lord. I serve you just as my mother did. You have freed me from my chains. I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the Lord. Thank you, God. Those three simple words have the power to change your outlook in a split second. And our homework this week is entitled Find and Replace. So when you feel that negativity coming on, when you spot it, when you see it, when you're changing your bracelet, you're saying, thank you, God. Even if all I can do is say, thank you, God, for the sun in the sky, I would sure like to see some sun in Charlotte. It's been raining here for a week. Even if there's nothing else that you can do, then say, God, thank you that there is breath in my lungs. Find something that you can say thank you for and Watch God work. It's not going to be easy, but we're going to dive into this more in our homework this week. It's a week of grace and a week of gratitude. So type it in the chat. I'm still all in. I want to hear it. I want to know that you're still with me, that you're going to be with me all the way to the end. It's only week three, and we've got a lot more things to talk about. Type it in the chat. All right, let me pray and then I'll do our giveaway. God, I ask that you would open up our eyes. Eyes. This week we want change. We desire change in our marriages, in our relationship, in our relationships with you. God, would you show us what we need to change? And God, while we focus on ourselves, would you continue the work in our husbands that we know you're doing even when we. We can't see it? God, I pray that you would give us that staying power that Pastor Steven talked about this week, that we would continue in this study in our marriages. And Lord, we thank you in advance for what you're going to do and what you're going to speak to us and how you're going to work this week. We love you. It's in Jesus name we pray. Amen.