Holly Furtick interviews Lisa Harper about an Advent tour and the theological heart of Advent/Christmas. Lisa shares how traumatic personal losses (including the deaths of loved ones and difficult family circumstances) made conventional, cheerful Christmases feel painful, and how learning to sit with grief during Advent opened a deeper experience of Emmanuel — God with us in sorrow. The conversation critiques cultural expectations of a uniformly joyful Christmas and reframes the season as a time for presence with the suffering rather than performative happiness.
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So since we are talking a little bit more serious and we're talking about Advent, you and Levi are on this Advent tour. And tell me a little bit about the heart of the tour and why you didn't even put Christmas in the title of the tour.
We started talking about this a couple of years ago, and, I mean, there's so many wonderful Christmas events. And so you don't. I mean, that there was no need for another Christmas tour, but it was the only time that worked in our calendar. And so once we realized, well, that's. That's the only time that works for our families to kind of spend this time, you know, in this traumatizing bus experience that we're gonna. It's wonderful and horrible. You're at the same time, which is why I'm trying to talk you into at least one night doing Little Women's tour with me. Um, it's like a big adult slumber party. But we just decided we didn't want to do Christmas as usual, because the Christmas for both Luska's, Jenny and Levi and myself, that they kind of changed the trajectory of how we practice Advent and Christmas as adults was our darkest, hardest Christmas ever. It's when I didn't get to bring Missy home, and I thought I'd lost her for. And it was the year after they lost Lenya on December 20, when we, you know, both of us had to make the first of all. I had to sit in the dark with Christmas. And Christmas was really hard for me as a kid. My parents divorced when I was little, when I was five. And so I learned to fake it really early at Christmas because no matter what I did, one parent was always sad and upset. And I hated grieving my mom, and I hated grieving my dad. And there was a lot of animosity between my parents. And so Christmas just always felt hard to me. And there was a lot of anxiety around Christmas. And after my dad left, we were really poor for a while. There's just a whole. A little bit of Dickens in our Christmas. Unintentional. My parents did their very best, but I think learning to pretend at Christmas became a sweater I wore year after year after year. And then, you know, being single, I'm still single, but being single and no kids for so many years, I. I mean, I definitely felt like the elf that wanted to be a dentist, because it seemed like everybody had, you know, matching Christmas sweaters and used to be chocolate labs. Now it's goldendoodles in the Christmas cards they sent out. And it was just me. I remember one year sending out it. Remember how for a while, Christians all sent out those letters of what God has done over the past year, and we're celebrating. And I remember writing a letter one year because I was working for ministry that basically made me. And I was like, what do I do for the picture? And I sent out a picture of me, like, in a red sweater and my lap. And I thought, I just feel stupid and not there's anything wrong at all with that. But I felt wrong. I felt lonely, and I felt like I just got to kind of put a happy face on Christmas because I don't want to rain on anybody else's Christmas parade. And I was afraid if I sat in the dark of what those kind of seasons that seem to be so celebrated as everybody who has what they want, and they've got the 2.5 children and that they've got the beautiful tree, and they. They. They've kind of got everything they wanted. And it never felt like that for me. And I felt like a failure as a Christian that sometimes Christmas was hard and sad for me. And so when God in his kindness, gave me the space to sit in the dark and to grieve at Christmas, it took the lid off my joy. Because realizing in a deeper way that Christmas came. You know, Levi says Christmas came at night. And you go, gosh, if you really get the context of Christmas, the way God wrote Christmas, Christmas came when moms are grieving that Herod killed their sons. Christmas came for people who don't effectively have the matching sweaters in the golden beagle. Right, right. And. And we always talk about Emmanuel and the witness of Jesus at Christmas, but I don't think I'd experience that the way. The way I needed to until I made friends with my sad at Christmas. Yeah. And when I learned to sit inside at Christmas, that's actually where I found the true Christmas jewelry. So sorry to be so heavy, but. But it was in Lost that I found the hook of Christmas.
Yeah, I think so, Stephen and I really enjoyed coming to you guys night. The night was so beautiful. And one of the things that I took away from it is this idea that. That as a culture, we have built Christmas up to be this. This thing that it's not. Yeah, it's. It's fun and it's family and it's magical and, And. And sure, it. It can be all of those things, but there's there because of. Of movies and social media and, you know, just our. Our whole culture, we've just built this. This. This holiday up to be something that makes people think that there's something wrong with them. If they're not happy, they're.
They've.
If Christmas is hard for them because they lost a loved one, like. Like Jenny and Levi. If Christmas is hard for them because they're divorced. You know, I know. I know a couple that is getting divorced, and they wanted to wait until after Christmas to tell their kids because they didn't want their kids to associate Christmas with their parents getting divorced. I mean, that's heavy. That's a lot. And. And. And I think that what you guys so clearly communicate in this night is, is that Christmas is about God being with you in your pain. And when we misinterpret it, for it. For it to be this magical, fun moment, we miss the point of Jesus's presence. Emmanuel. God with us in our pain, in our sorrow, in our disappointment. Hey, thanks for watching. I hope that that encouraged you today. Make sure that you subscribe so that you don't miss out on other videos like this, and I'll see you back here next time.
