Life Fulfillment, Marriage & Breaking Free From External Validation | Tomas Martinez

And the reality is, is that's not a fun place to be.

No.

I did that for a year and I didn't lose not one pound, Jared. If I don't change something now, I'm not going to live to see my granddaughter.

How did you make that happen? What is up, guys? Welcome to the Zen Hard Podcast, where we find amazing achievers and we deconstruct their inner worlds, their beliefs, and their ways of life to to be able to give you tools, tactics, and habits to become extraordinary and to grow in your own life. On this episode, I'm interviewing a good friend of mine, Tomas Martinez. Tomas was a schoolteacher who turned into a super successful entrepreneur here in San Antonio. He's one of those guys that just has the it factor. He's done Ironmans, which are extremely challenging physical tests beyond that of a marathon, He's one of those people that when you talk to other people in town, they all know who he is and they say, I love that guy, Tomas. He has this energy that you just want to be around. And for any of you listeners out there, there's going to be a ton of information in here that may inspire you, may help you get back on the path that you think you belong on, or it may help clear up some inner conflicts that you've been having. So stay tuned, guys. This one's a banger. And I hope you enjoy. But anyway, thanks for coming on, bro. Yeah, it's great to have you here. You're one of my best friends here in San Antonio. You know, I'm new to the area. I've known you for a relatively short period of time, but I feel like I've known you forever.

Yeah, I feel the same way.

Everyone who I know that knows you always has amazing things to say, and it seems like everyone in San Antonio knows you.

Yeah, that's cool.

Which means that you have a vibrant energy and a magnetic personality which is a really cool trait. And for me, I'm really excited to deconstruct you a little bit and learn more about you.

I'm ready.

So I want to start talking about like— so I know you started as a schoolteacher.

I did.

And you became an entrepreneur. You're the founder and owner of Luxury Home Magazine in Austin and San Antonio, and you're expanding into other cities. And you became this guy that everyone knows as, you know, a successful entrepreneur in the area. And I know that you run Ironmans, which are insanely hard to— I can't even wrap my head around doing something like that. I want to start there.

Okay.

I want to learn about a little bit, how did you start getting into these like really hard physical challenges? First of all, like what, what races have you done? What's been the hardest ones you've done? And how do you start getting into that stuff?

So gotta go back, uh, to my wedding day. About a week before my wedding day, I hear about my dad running a marathon. So this was 24 years ago, 23 years ago. And my dad told me he was training for a marathon, and I really didn't even know what that meant. And so he ran the marathon. Him and my stepmom, Kim, they actually ran that marathon, the Honolulu Marathon, a week before my wedding. And that was when I was like, ooh, OK, that's kind of interesting. And so fast forward, my dad signs up for a half, and he says, hey, I want you to come do this half with me. He signed me up. Didn't train for it. Worst idea you could ever do is try to run a half marathon without training. And I did it. And my wife would always joke that I went straight from the couch to a half marathon. Paid the price, blisters, the whole nine. But it was like it was an accomplishment. So the next year I did it again. I vowed to train and I didn't. And I went and did it without training. And it was the worst decision once again.

When you say the worst decision, how bad was it? How hard was it?

It's hard because everything hurts because you haven't trained. So I remember, I think it was the first time I got to— I was running so hard for so long. And again, when you don't train, you don't know how fast to run. You don't know pace. So I just took off with the crowd and thinking, this is so fun. It was the Rock 'n' Roll. There's a band every mile. And you're just all excited. And then I got to mile 8 and I had to go to the restroom. So I stopped running. Once I stopped running, I could no longer run again. That was it. I was done. Like my legs just, my knees hurt, my feet hurt. So I learned from that stupidity. And then, you know, you fast forward to 2016, I was in the worst shape of my life. I was about 190 pounds and I was really struggling, like with the weight and struggling with just energy. Now I was a basketball guy. I played basketball all the way up to, you know, my 30s and did a lot of leagues and stuff. And so here I was at, you know, I was 40 years old and I just wasn't really happy with where I was at just with my body, you know? And I knew I needed to make a change. I knew I needed to make big changes. And so, you know, you fast forward to my boxing coach who I'd boxed with before, I finally got a why big enough to make me really stretch. And the why was, if I don't change something now, I'm not gonna live to see my granddaughter. And I specifically, I remember writing this down, it was my granddaughter, her name is Jordan, I need to figure out a way to live long enough to see her. And that became my why for my fitness journey. And so every time that I would be in the boxing gym and things were really difficult, I would think about Jordan.

That was like an anchor point for you when things got hard.

When it got really, really hard, that became the anchor point. And so then that grew from that to I would jog. So I'd do 2 a day. I would run before boxing and then I would box. And then I was getting more and more shape. And then I— —had my friends, they were talking about Ironman and they were talking about this. And I was like, again, Ironman was foreign to me. That didn't even make sense.

And just clarify, what is an Ironman? A full Ironman?

A full is 2.4-mile swim, 112-mile bike, and then a full marathon, 26.2. So it's a lot harder than a marathon. A lot harder.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A lot harder. And it's— yeah, it's interesting on how that works. I'll get to that. But so I go through all this boxing training and I realize that my friends are doing this Ironman. And I was like, they had done— I had a buddy that had done a full marathon. I hadn't done one at that point, and I'd done some halves, and I was starting to run, and it just— it kept escalating. Like, my running group, it would escalate from 4 miles to 8 miles. And then one weekend, a weekend, a buddy of mine, Binkan, who's an agent here in San Antonio, we just decided, why don't we run a half marathon in the morning, or that on Saturday, and we'll do a half marathon on Sunday. And we literally did it, and we both were like— looked at each other like, We can't believe we just did that. Wow. I ran over 1,100 miles that year. That was in 2018, either '18 or '19.

Let me zoom in on that year for a minute. Yeah. So that's a year where you grew a lot personally. Yeah. I'm sure there was— when you go to run, you always have conflicts. There's always a part of you that doesn't want to do it. And you're overcoming this. How many days— just real quick, how many days per week were you running during that time?

At that point, I was probably running 3 to 4, and you did 1,100 miles in a year?

Yeah. How many times did you have to overcome the internal mind? Was it every time?

Like, yeah, because, you know, the first mile is— I don't care if you— I don't care how long you've been a runner, the first mile always sucks. Yeah, right? Sometimes it could be 2 miles, just depending on the wear and tear you put on your body, what you did the night before. But that first mile always is a bear to get through. Yeah. And it— but it always became for me like one of those mental hurdles of like, I get through this mile, the next 5 are nothing.

Yeah. You know, did you ever catch yourself slipping where you're like, you took like a week off and you're like, I'm going to start— like, did you fall off at all during that?

No. I mean, since 2016, I've been really, really steady. Working out at least 4 days a week. Maybe the minimum with vacation, 3. But even when I go on vacation, I have running shoes. I just went on a trip to DC. I did a 5-mile run all throughout the monuments of DC. I mean, I have to be working out.

What is your world like when you first wake up and you know you have to go and get that workout in? What are your first thoughts in the morning?

Well, typically, when I know I have a workout, I sleep with my workout clothes on. I have a routine where I wear my workout clothes. And I know this is not feasible for everybody. I know it's not too bad, right? But I have the running shorts while I'll sleep in my running shorts. I'll have my shirt ready, typically, you know, right by the sink. I have my shoes laid out with my socks and there's no excuse.

So you just get up and go.

I get up, have a, you know, like a decaf espresso, kind of like, you know, wake up, do my morning routine, and then I take off. You know, so typically within about 45 minutes I'm out the door to try to get that workout in. Yeah.

What is your— I want to go a little deeper into your world because you have like, you're always a very happy guy. You have great energy. And I know, you know, first thing in the morning for people, a lot of people that I've spoken to, including myself, like I'll wake up and like all the negative thoughts will start flowing in. Yeah. And it's not always an overwhelming sense of it. Like it depends on what's going on in life. But like when I'm tired and I first wake up, like you almost have like this like moment of like, oh my God, I don't know how I'm gonna do this today. Yeah, right. Do you get that or do you just not get that at all?

I, you know, I don't want to be the like a weirdo because my wife always makes fun of me because it's rainbows and unicorns. I really— I, I— the morning is really like, I, I can wake up and I'm just like, I'm excited. Yeah, it's just—

how did you make that happen? Honestly, were you always like that your whole life?

Um, I'd have to ask my dad, but I think so. I mean, I remember as a kid, just, you know, I always had something to look forward to. Like, you know, it's like there's always something to look forward to. Yeah, whether it was the baseball game or the, you know, the basketball game, you know, um, or the trip. You know, my wife and I and Enzo are going on a cruise with my mom coming up in a week. There was always something to be excited about no matter what, or just the fact that my eyes opened and You know, we get another shot today.

So you naturally wake up and think about something that you're excited for or something to be grateful for. Oh, 100%. So that's just a natural pattern for you.

Just a natural pattern. Yeah. I think I've had that, you know, my whole life. Yeah.

So, okay, I want to go back to that year where you ran 1,100 miles. And I do want to learn more about, you know, how that became into an Ironman and stuff like that. But first I want to know, when you started going down that path and really going in deep, Was there a change in your career at the same time? Like, did that, did that change your, uh, when did you go from being a school teacher to, uh—

oh, and then the training, how did that connect? Yeah, like, like, how did you become—

when did you become an entrepreneur, and how did the, the training affect your, your, you know, life as an entrepreneur and your success? Well, as—

when I was a teacher, I, I played basketball. I didn't have any kids while I was a teacher. Well, not till later. Um, so while a teacher I would literally get off of work, I'd go to Lifetime, and I'd play basketball. And I would play for 3 to 4 hours, 3 to 4 days a week. But the problem was that is I would get injured, and then I couldn't play. And then I'd dislocate all my fingers, you know what I mean? Twisted ankles. But then when I started my career as an entrepreneur, starting at Luxury— starting the publication that we started, I knew that exercise was important. But I felt like I was so busy that I didn't have time. I would always make the excuse that I didn't have time. When was I going to do it? How was I going to do it? And I made every excuse in the book of why I couldn't work out.

So did you take time off of working out when you first started the business?

Well, you got to remember, so when I first started the business, I was 36 or 35. So yeah, so this was 12 years. So I was 35 years old. My son was maybe 6 months. And at that time, I really wasn't working out. This was in my third— At this point, I was, like I said, I was kind of a retired basketball gym rat that had gotten to the point where I'd gained a bunch of weight and I really wasn't working out. I laugh because my workout had— I basically started this walking. 'Cause to me, I guess you gotta know a little backstory. Jogging to me was the dumbest thing that anybody could ever do. Like my dad would jog and I would just, this is the dumbest, most like silly workout. I was like, I hoop, I play basketball, I run up and down the court, you know what I mean? I'm breaking a sweat and jogging to me was just stupid. And so I'll never forget, this was probably 2014, 2012, walking. So I had a little track around my house, a little, you know, a, you know, thing that I would— a routine that I would walk. I'd walk 3 miles in the morning, and I felt great about those 3 miles. I did that for a year, and I didn't lose not one pound, Jared. Wow. Now, I was religious with this walking. Yeah. And I thought I was doing something. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm listening, I'm walking, and nothing happened to my body. Like, I kind of got to the end of the year, and I was like, Dang. So then fast forward, I finally, I was starting to box a little bit, but I really didn't dedicate myself to it. And then 16 is where I really realized, that's when this whole thing happened where I was like, okay, I'm 190 pounds, I've gotta make changes. And that's the point where I needed a why. I was like, what's going to motivate me? That's when I came up with my why is my granddaughter. And then at that point I was in a boxing class And there was a lady in the class, there was 4 of us, and there was a lady in the class, her name is Jamie, and Jamie Spanley, one of my advertisers in the magazine, Jamie looked at me and she goes, you just need to go run. And I said, I don't run, I don't jog, running is stupid. And she goes, I challenge you to run 3 miles tomorrow. And I looked at her and I said, unless somebody's chasing me, I'm not running. Like, it's not gonna happen. That sat with me all day. All night. I literally woke up and I go, I got to run 3 stinking miles today. And I was like, I don't know how I'm going to do this. I put my shoes on. The first mile was horrible. The second mile was worse. The third mile, I was like, I hate Jamie. You know what I mean? This is stupid. And I finished, but there was a sense of accomplishment that I was like, okay, I didn't die. And it wasn't, I mean, it was bad. So I see her the next workout and she's like, did you run? And I go, yeah, I did, I did, I did run. And she goes, how was it? I said, it sucked, Jamie, I hate it. I said, but it really motivated me. Well, what she, I've now told her, we've talked about this, that led to me making jogging like a passion. And it led to 2018 full marathon in San Antonio. That was the year that culminated in the 1,100 miles of running the San Antonio Rock and Roll Marathon. 2019, I ran the Vegas full marathon, the Rock and Roll, with a buddy who wanted to run one. So we ran one and finished it. And then I had another buddy who I had been telling all year long, Bing Khan, 2019, hey, you need to run the full. You need to run the full. And we've been running all these miles. Let's do it. So in 2019, he and I ran the Fool in San Antonio Rock and Roll. But just think about it, like this came from somebody who didn't wanna run at all.

That was a pivotal moment in your life. Pivotal. So first of all, also you got me to sign up for this triathlon sprint. I know. I really appreciate that. It's like having something to train for is another why. Yes. It's another framework. I like to think of, for me personally, and I think a lot of people can resonate, if I don't have a framework, if I don't have something I need to do, I lose the inner battles. Yep. I'm like, yeah, I could do that, it worked out yesterday, whatever, and I don't do it. But if I have something I must do and it's in my schedule, then the inner conflict comes up and it's like, well, it's already in there, I have to do it, gotta do it. So giving me that, I, I thank you for having me sign up for that. Yeah. I, I also will say that some of the highest highs of my life have been after a long run. Yes. And I'm a horrible runner. Yeah. I got back, uh, from a plant medicine retreat one time and I went for a run. Okay. And I was like really in my soul. I was really like in my body, very present. I was in a really good state of mind and I was very aware of like my mind and my ego. And I was like, you know, in a good, great place. And I had never ran more than 4 miles in my entire life at that point. And 4 would kill me. Yeah. So I got out to go for a run. I'm like, And I was like so present that I didn't even plan how far I was gonna run. I was like, I'm just gonna go run. And I literally put on music. I didn't— I had no judgment for the music. I wasn't like, oh, the song sucks. I was like, no, whatever's on is on. I'm running. I'm just gonna be present. I'm gonna keep running until I decide I don't want to anymore. And every time a thought came up and it was like, your leg hurts, yeah, well, I don't need that thought. Like, gently put it down. I wasn't getting frustrated. It was just a gentle quieting of the mind. Yeah. And then next thing you know, I'm at 4 miles. So I broke my record. Yeah, next thing you know, I hit 5 miles, and I'm like— and I still felt at that point I started feeling good. Yeah. And then I'm like, I'm gonna keep— and at this point I was really far from my house, so I'm like, I'm like, how am I gonna get back? Yeah, I'm just gonna keep this mindset of not thinking and just keep going. Yep. Next thing you know, I'm at 7 miles. Yeah. And I'm like, holy, holy crap, I'm at 7 miles. I'm gonna run 10 miles today. So next thing you know, I'm at 9 miles, and I'm like, all right, I'm getting pretty tired.

Yeah.

So then I start looking at my phone in the distance and it's like 9.1 and I'm like, oh crap. And I'm running for like, I'm like, let me look again. It's like 9.14. I'm like, oh no. And every time I started looking and hoping I'd be closer, I got more and more tired. Yep. But I finished the 10 miles and it was funny because, uh, Madeline was like hanging out in the house and she was, uh, I walked back in, I'm like drenched in sweat. I'm like so much energy. And she was recording me. I didn't know. And I went—

have to see this video.

Oh, you guys, it's hilarious, bro. It's hilarious. I went in the bathroom and I go, yo, like as loud as I could, just out of like just a pure high of energy. And Madeline got it on video and it's the funniest thing. I'll show it to you later. I want to see this. Yeah, so, so the experience of running has brought me to some highs that I just— I like the confidence you get afterwards. So it's a great tool. Now I'm curious, how has your career been affected by the running, by the discipline?

Yeah, well, in 2016, the business, Luxury Home Magazine, we were cranking along, you know, and it was doing well. But when the discipline of really digging into working out obviously took a whole new level once I really started getting serious about the discipline of working out. And we hit, in 2017, hit one of our largest revenue years ever, largest magazine ever. We had a 112-page magazine. I had a young man working with me, David Garcia, shout out to David. And David and I would just, we were competing in a healthy way. We were both selling and we were both just pushing the magazine to new heights at that point. And really the energy that I was expending in working out, because this is where a lot of entrepreneurs are, is they feel like they don't have time and they feel like, well, if I dedicate that, then I'm not going to have any energy to actually put to my business. And the reality is that if you don't dedicate that time to your body, then you really don't give your body the energy, the fuel mentally to be clear, ready to act, to do the things you need to do for the actual business that you do. Right. And so you have to have that time of really digging in and making your body better. You have to find it. And everybody here, I don't care who you are, it doesn't matter. You have time to get up early and work out and do, even if it's 30 minutes, Everybody has time. Now, whether you're willing to make the time or find a why big enough, that's really the question.

Yeah, and I mean, for me, I, I actually spend more time reflecting and working out and doing things that help my personal growth because I understand that in doing all of those things, it builds my confidence, and my confidence allows me to see opportunities and my confidence allows thoughts to enter my state of being that maybe I would never have had if we, you know, if I didn't do those things, if I didn't build that confidence. So like the argument for me is like, you know, when I go and do the runs, I get up early or I do the meditations first thing in the morning, you know, that day I'll see opportunities I never saw before. Right. And right. You know, it's like you're— you have like your subconscious mind is always judging what you do. So if you're like, yeah, I'm going to start working out, and, you know, the next morning comes up, I'm tired, I'm gonna snooze today. And then the next day comes up, you know, yeah, I'm gonna do it, and you're kind of being flaky. Yep. Then your subconscious perceives you as a flaky person, and your confidence is, is, you know, mid-level to low level. Yeah. But if you get up and, you know, you're, I'm tired, well, I'm doing it anyway, and you do it and you feel proud. Next day you do it, you feel proud. Next day you do it, you feel proud. Next thing you know, 2 weeks go by and you've done it every day. You've built, you've built this confidence of your subconscious looks at yourself as someone who gets it done, of someone who's worthy of success. And I, you know, I mean, I'm curious about your— I'm going to ask you in a minute about your kind of philosophy of life. Yeah, I'm more on like the energy. I kind of like have belief that there's a lot of things about us that we don't know because we can't measure things. Like, for example, 50 years ago, Wi-Fi would have been a crazy you know, uh, thing to comprehend. Um, X-rays, microwaves would have been a crazy thing to comprehend, you know, 100 years ago. It's because we never had machines to measure how fast those waves are vibrating. And it's the same thing with thoughts and emotions. It's vibration, but they vibrate faster than we can measure and we can see for the most part. So I, you know, the way I live is like trying to focus on my energy and the way I feel and understanding that in feeling a certain way, the thoughts of my frequency will come to me. So if I feel proud, if I feel strong, if I feel like a man of abundance, those thoughts will, will get attracted into me, and then my actions will be created through that. So I focus on the energy, and working out is an amazing way to create that energy. Yeah. I want to, I want to kind of zoom out and give you like an abstract question. Yeah. What is your kind of philosophy of life? What is your way of being? Like, what— how do you— because you do have an amazing, vibrant energy. Everyone loves you. You got this, you got this, you got that it factor. Yeah. And maybe, maybe you don't realize it, maybe you do, but you do. Yeah. And I want to know, like, what's your philosophy of life? Like, what, what makes you, you know, how do you be the way you are? Yeah.

Um, so I definitely think there is a— there's a spiritual nature. I, I, you know, I'm a religious person. I go to church. I, I, I believe that God has a purpose for my life, you know what I mean? Deeply. I believe that the essence of what my purpose is, is about shining the light that has been shined on me. And there's been— I've been blessed beyond measure, you know, with amazing parents. I've been blessed beyond measure with a wife that just believes in me more than I believed in myself in a lot of ways. And so I believe that I was created by God and that God has a purpose for my life and what he wants for me. And I go to an amazing church, CBC. And I feel like the Bible has always been something for me that has resonated deeply. When I went to my trip to Israel, you know, and got to see the Sea of Galilee, I got to walk in the Holy Land, I really feel like it made the Bible real in a way that had never been made real to me, you know? And so when I think about my life philosophy, I really reflect on, you know, what happened. I remember in 6th grade, Ryan Shelton, shout out to my high school buddy, I was at his house spending the night, and I didn't grow up in a religious family. I didn't grow up going to church. And I remember at one point, his mom walked into the room. It was a Sunday morning. She said, hey, everybody get ready. We're going to church. Yeah. And I looked at my buddy. I go, what do you mean we're going to church? What he doesn't realize is that moment of his mom, Ms. Shelton, it changed the trajectory of my life forever. Wow. You know what I mean? And then there's been— you know, moments throughout my whole life where that has happened, where there's been these pivotal changes and things that have happened because of my belief and what I believe. And so, yeah, I feel like that is the light that I think that I exude comes from— From faith. —from my faith and what I believe. And I believe that the blessings of just, you know, the things that have come my way, I just step back and I just go, Man, God is good, you know what I mean? And it is— it has blessed me in a tremendous way.

That's amazing. And, you know, I didn't grow up religious. I'm technically Jewish. I didn't get a bar mitzvah. I never went to temple. I went to Sunday school with a friend of mine and his mom because my mom was working and I was kind of just hanging out with them for the day. But I never learned anything about religion. Yeah. Um, I always had no real conception about you know, what is God, what is Source, what is— I, I had no kind of opening to any of that stuff until more recently in life, actually. And I've, I've, I've been able to feel connection to something higher. And, you know, I've pondered a lot on what, what is God, what is, what is the universe, like, what, what is all this stuff. And I, I'm, I'm curious what your beliefs are because I have some things that are I think, and in this conversation, I think is a really important one to have. Yeah, especially like, you know, in today's day and age, there's so many people that are so far from being aligned with their spirituality and being aligned with faith and having a connection to something higher. And I feel like you need something higher to be able to live a fulfilled life. And there's so many people that are just on Instagram all day, you know, scrolling through things that or they're addicted to, whether it's, you know, hot chicks or cars or watches or, you know, the algorithm serves you whatever you're addicted to. And that pulls you further and further away from connection to source or God or whatever you want to call it. Yeah. I'm curious, what are your— what's your beliefs on that subject?

You know, I believe that, you know, God gave us the Bible. I believe that the Bible is a way for us to guide our life. It's a way for us to find answers in a world where the world wants to give us answers that don't necessarily fulfill us internally. Yeah. You know, these, the ideas of what the world has to offer, they all, they feel good, they look good, but in the end, they don't lead us to where we really wanna be spiritually. Yeah. You know? And I feel like the Bible is the best guide, is following and reading it. Learning from it, will never be perfect. Like, this is a conversation I have with my son. My son is 13, right? He's going to be 14. Right. And I've said this to him probably since he was probably like 9 or 10 or something. I said, listen, Mommy and Daddy know you are never going to be perfect and we are not shooting for perfection, right? Like, Jesus was perfect. That's not your scorecard, right? Okay. Like, I was a 10-year-old. I was a 9-year-old. We're not looking for perfection, but what we're looking for is the humility and the awareness to know when you've missed the mark, when you haven't been the best that you could be. Yeah. And having that understanding. And then the Bible will kind of lay out some of these guidelines and ideas to help you kind of see the world because you're either gonna see the world from that Instagram, social media point of view, or, you know, kind of like, this is what the world says, or you're gonna see the world from a biblical sense and, hey, here's kind of the guideline that God has set. And I feel like that that guideline really can provide people with purpose. It can provide people with a clear idea and not just a, well, maybe, you know what I mean? It's like, hey, here are some guidelines that can help us live faithful marriages, live marriages where we truly embody each other and we want each other to succeed, you know what I mean? And be one. And so like, I could tell you this much, you know, to be married 23 years and without a biblical like foundation, it's really difficult. I mean, it's almost, I would darn say impossible because when you're married this long, you know, and again, I have an amazing wife, right? But to be married this long, you need something to look up to, something to, to like call you higher. And it can't be your spouse. Right. It can't be that other person because we're human. We don't know what we don't know. So you've gotta have a foundation that pulls you a little bit higher beyond just this world and just what the world says to call you to a faithfulness to your spouse that the world's not, well, that's not that big a deal. Oh, that's okay. No, no, no. Biblically going, hey, this is what I want for my marriage. I mean, for my wife and I, I remember at 2 years, I got this book. It's called "The Hidden Keys to a Loving, Lasting Marriage." It was a biblical principle book about marriage. And this book rocked me.

Really?

It rocked me because I was so freaking selfish. Really? As a husband. And I remember reading this book, Jared, it changed me to the core because what it did was, is it got me to stop blaming her or stop looking at her as the problem and start making me be aware of, okay, who are you and what are you doing and how are you responding to your wife, right? And he gave the analogy, women are butterfly, men are buffalo. A breeze, the butterfly is just, whoo, it could change in an instant. You know what I mean? You know this, you've been married. For us, we're buffalo. Nothing. A win's not going to change us very much. So that, at 2 years of marriage, that literally like shifted our marriage from me being all about me to going, wait a minute, it's about her needs. It's not just about mine.

And that feels better, right?

Oh, it's a game changer.

Game changer. I never thought, up until some experiences I had with plant medicine and really pondering on this stuff, I never thought you know, I would be married at this age, at 32. In my early 20s, um, and, and even in my teens, right, like growing up, the, the way to be validated in my friend group was to hook up with as many girls as possible. Yeah. Then I went to a party school where I was in a fraternity, and the way to be validated was to hook up with as many girls as possible. Yeah. And then I had a roommate who was like the biggest— and he's great, amazing guy, most fun person I know, um, love him to death— biggest player on campus. Yeah. To be validated was to you know, hook up with as many girls as possible. So my whole reality was like, oh, that's how you get validated in life, that's how you, you know, become the, the man, basically. Yep. And, uh, and I met Madeline, and it was kind of like I'd never planned on having a long-term relationship, but— and, and my mind was looking for every reason why to not be in a relationship. Like, yeah, I can't be in a relationship, but I can't find anything wrong. And anytime something wrong would happen, I— or wrong in my book, it would she would do something that I'd be like, well, that's just too good. And I ended up, you know, marrying her and realizing recently that, you know, it's not about me. It's about when, when you could change your life from how do I serve myself to how can I serve the people I love. Yeah, the amount of fulfillment exponentially grows. Yeah, like when I first started, you know, when I was dating Madeline, from a selfish perspective, I'm like well, she's gonna fly to see me, I'm gonna put her in an economy flight. Like, I don't want to waste my money on a first class flight. If I'm flying, I'm flying first class. Yeah. And when that, when that moment shifted, when I'm like, well, I want her to feel as good as possible, and it's not about me and my money and my scarcity mindset, and I could go all in and, you know, buy it, it changed everything for me. It made my life way better. Yeah. So I'm, I'm, I want to hear your perspective on like the, you know, to the young men out there listening. Yeah. That don't they, they know that, you know, what happens is like society tells us things are normal. You get married, you get a job, you have kids. Yeah. And some of those things are good, some of them are not. Yeah. But, and then there's a lot of people that are just anti-society. They're like, well, yeah, my parents did that, but look at them, they got divorced and blah blah blah. What would you say to a young man that's kind of, you know, I don't know if I want to get married or if I want to just be a bachelor for, you know, the next 10 years? Yeah. What would you say to someone like that?

Um, what I would tell him is that, um, when, when you have a, a relationship like my wife and I have, uh, for 23 years, there is no amount of singleness— and I don't know how to describe this in words, right? There's no amount of, of, of kind of like running around that could compare to the love and just oneness that my wife and I have. Mm. Yeah. I mean— Yeah. Obviously, not to get graphic, but I think the mindset is for a lot of young guys is they want to experience as many, right? It's like, well, I need to experience to know what I like. And the thing that— when you become married, you know, that loving aspect of your life, that bedroom aspect of your life, I mean, it can be better at 23 years than it was in the first 5 years. Yeah. And if I could give a medicine or like a plant-based something for somebody to feel that and to know it, they would see relationships completely differently.

Yeah. You know what I mean? It almost takes the relationship to see it differently. Like me, I'm now 7 years with Madeline. We got married about a year ago. Yeah, 1-year anniversary is coming up here in July. Yeah. And our relationship keeps getting deeper. Yeah. Like, I keep caring more and more about her. And, you know, my— on my last plant— well, so I mentioned I'd done some plant medicine journeys. Yes. Which have been unbelievably life-changing for me. And during my first journey I had, I had this realization that me and Madeline are one. Yeah, like she is me, I am her. And like my family now is— I'm not just me anymore, I am my family. And it, it's, yeah, it's a beautiful thing. And it multiplies the love in life and it multiplies the fulfillment in life in a way that you can't really know unless you experience it. And that's why I think, you know, religion and like the Bible, for example, as a framework, as a guidance, could be great because it tells you to do these things that otherwise you may be very confused about. Yeah, you may not know what to do. I also think religion is oftentimes misinterpreted. I think that you can't take things too literally, you know. For example, I hear a lot of people say, you know, if you're a good person, you're going to die and go to heaven. If you're a bad person, you're going to die and go to hell. Yeah, like, I don't— I don't believe that. I believe that if you're a good person, your life is going to be heaven. Yeah, you're going to be living in heaven. If you're a bad person, your life is going to be hell. If you're cheating people and doing bad things to other people and, you know, if you're, you're, you know, not giving love, yeah, think about what it's like to be that way. You know, if you're doing good things, for example, like another thing that you did for me, you're teaching me how to swim for this triathlon. You just, you went to the store and you bought me all the stuff I needed without me even asking you to do it. And it's like that simple act of doing something like that for me, from your perspective, probably makes you feel better. And it's like being a good person allows you to live in a world where you can vibrate the way that you do. Yeah. And I think that, um, you know, a lot of people are really lost right now.

Yeah, I, I, I agree with that. I think— but I, I do think it comes back to these just basic principles, um, of people understanding that it's not just about you, you know. I mean, if, if, if we do want to live our life just about ourselves It's really hard to have impact on others and to feel the joy that we felt, right? When we're giving to other people, when we're helping other people out. And so I would think, you know, Gary V talks a lot about this is getting an awareness of who you are and understanding how you fit in this world in a sense that you're not just here to serve yourself. It's more than that. There's a whole bigger purpose than that. And for young men that are wanting to know, well, how do you find that? How do you find somebody? Well, number one, you need to be looking in the right places. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. You need to be looking for the right places. And you wanna find somebody that's gonna have the same belief systems that you have, that has the same ideals that you have. Because if the Bible talks about being yoked, if you're yoking two animals and they're two different animals, you can't really yoke two different animals. So the idea with that is yoking yourself with someone that has the belief system, that has the same ideas that you have. My wife is the most generous person in the universe, right? And so we didn't start out that way. I was really a little bit more selfish and hesitant, but because we've been yoked together, I've started to sense why she feels so strongly about being so generous. And it started to rub off on me to make me more generous. You know what I mean? And so, you know, look, I— and this is the thing for young dudes. I know you thinking, you know, you want the arm candy, right? Like, it's like, well, I just— I need that. I need that arm candy. You know what I mean? And the idea is, is, listen, I know that people say this in the— well, you know, she's, she's, she's cute, but, you know, and she's— and she's really smart, but she's not, you know, she's not— maybe she's not a 10 or 20 or whatever. She's not hot enough for me, right? Or whatever. Here's the reality. The reality is, yo dude, you're, you're gonna get old. We're all gonna get old. And I can tell you, I know people that are in their 60s, 70s, 80s. I know people that are in their 40s and 50s that don't have anybody. They don't have the arm candy or this, you know, amazing woman that wants to be next to them. Yeah. And the reality is, is that's not a fun place to be.

No. And can you imagine? Good luck finding it at that point in life. It's tough. Also, not for nothing, the arm candy gets, gets old after a few rounds. Like, not to be, you know, just— okay, everything gets less exciting after some time, right?

But if they can't call you higher, if that's their only trait— yeah, if they can't call you higher, then it's— then it— then what's the— what— how is that gonna move you forward in your journey? Because I will tell you, my wife has called me higher. I, I I'm not here sitting talking to you if I don't marry Christina. Right. No, seriously, I'm not kidding. Like, you and I never meet, right? I never join EO. Yeah. You and I, we never cross— our paths never cross. Yeah. But because my wife called— has called me higher— the— we start the magazine. That was my wife's idea. Yep. I didn't have an idea. I didn't want to start the magazine. Yeah, yeah. I was a teacher.

And she probably gave you the confidence to do it. She believed in you.

She believed in me. She's like, you can do this. You're gonna— so So who you, and I believe this to the core, who you marry matters. The person that you're gonna do life with matters. And if you're gonna do life with that person, but it's like they're not, yeah, my business is more important or what I do is more important, they're just here along for the ride, trust me, that's not gonna be the relationship that's gonna take you to the next level. You need somebody that's gonna help take you to the next level. And so my wife, you know, we, we laugh about this, but, you know, she'll, she'll, she'll have intuition, she'll have ideas, and she'll have things that she believes. And sometimes it drives me crazy, right? And sometimes I gotta go, damn, she was right again, you know, for the, for the 100th time, you know what I mean? And she knew. So who you marry matters.

Yeah, I think what it boils down to— so what I wanted to derive from you is, you know, when, when you spend time with you and, and talk to other people, you always get this great feedback, right? And, and there's just certain people that just have that, and there's certain people that don't have that. Yeah. And the one common thing that I'm finding from people that have that, like, let's just call it that it factor. Yeah. They're magnetic. Whatever they're doing ends up working, right? It ends up working out somehow. Um, people want to be around them. When they, you know, start a new business, it's successful. When they start working on, you know, working out or whatever it is, they finish, they follow through with it. It's like that it factor. Yeah. And I think what, what it boils down to is a simple life and discipline. That's right. It's, it's, it's having a life partner. It's like when, when you're, when you're married and you're, you know, kind of having a stable life your mind is always like, oh, it'd be nice to have this freedom. Or I used to suffer from that. I'm like, I need to like get out. I need to go travel. I need to do this. And there was a, there was a moment that really got me thinking one time. It was, it was right after my first business took off and I was making a bunch of money with e-commerce. I was making like $10,000, $20,000 a day, just like, like, oh my God, I need to go experience things with all this money now. And I ended up buying the Lamborghini. I was traveling in, uh, in Asia. I was just— I went to China to see my partner, and then I went to Thailand just like explore. And I was on a, uh, a tour boat where we were going and seeing Buddhist temples. Okay. And there was like maybe 20 other people on the boat. And, uh, there was a couple, like a French couple. They were a bit older, and I was talking to them, and I was just like— were you by yourself? Just by myself, just me. Yep. And, uh, I was talking to them for a while And we depart the boat, and, and the lady of the French couple goes, she goes, uh, I hope you find what you're looking for. I was like, what do you mean what I'm looking for? Does it look like I'm looking for something? And I was like, what does she mean by that? Yeah. And I'm like, it really was like, what, what did she mean by that? How old were you?

How long ago was this?

I was, uh, like 26. Okay, so this was like 6 years ago, 7 years ago. Yep. Uh, and it really struck me in my core. I'm like, does it seem like I'm looking for something? Am I missing something? Am I lost? Yeah. And now reflecting on it, it's like, okay, I was having a great time, but I was looking for something externally that I could have found internally. Yep. And that lesson is really powerful. The problem is most people don't get the opportunity to experience it because they create the financial success that allowed them to go do those things and realize that buying the Lamborghini, traveling on exquisite trips, and doing all this, you know, luxury stuff— yeah, they still think, oh, all right, yeah, whatever, it's not gonna bring me fulfillment, but like, I still need to do it. Like, yeah, but they never actually get there, so they're always chasing it. Yep. I was lucky because I got a lot of the material stuff when I was younger, and it was fun, it was cool, but there was still that emptiness, that void. Yep. And so anyway, getting back to that it factor, it's the people that fill that void. It's the people that fill that void with love. People that fill that void with long-term relationships, lives that are not about them anymore. It's about the people around them. It's about giving. It's about doing for others and not trying to take for yourself. It's about getting up early, getting out on those runs, sticking to your disciplines for years, not days, not hours. And I think that's— you're a perfect example of that. And I'm super excited to see what the trajectory of your life continues to be. I know that it's going to be massively impactful. I know that your business is going to be massively successful. So anyway, this conversation has been awesome.

Yes, I appreciate it, my man.

Yeah. And, uh, it's, it's, uh, really cool to be able to be an example for other, you know, other listeners that kind of lost in life. Tomas, you, you, you know, are a great person to look up to and, you know, try to be more like. So thank you for being vulnerable with us and opening up about life.

Yeah, I appreciate you letting me be on the show, man. This was awesome. Yeah.

Is there— do you have anything else that you want to share or anything else that you'd want to leave the listeners with?

Uh, you know, I think the biggest thing right now, if anybody that's looking to start a business and— or is like curious, like, how should I get started? What should I do? Find somebody like a Jared Goetz. Find somebody, you know, look me up, @thomasmartinez. Shoot me a DM. I'm an open book. You know, I've got— I'm sure you feel the same way. It's like, look, I will share whatever tips that have helped me gain the success that I've had. I have no problem sharing that because there's only a few people that are going to actually do what we did. Yeah. Right. There's only going to be a handful. Like, you can lay out the blueprint for people. Yeah. And a lot of times they still won't do it. Oh, yeah. Because it's too hard, you know. And, uh, what we, you know, so, but reach out. I'd love to share whatever I can do to help in any way that I can help. So excited. Amazing.

So we'll, we'll share your, uh, social media handles in the show notes. We'll share the book. I think you called it Hidden Keys to a Loving Marriage.

Loving, Lasting Marriage. Loving, Lasting Marriage. Yeah, Gary Smalley.

Yeah, we'll, we'll share the show notes, uh, we'll share the book in the show notes. And, um, this was a very energizing and really validating conversation. A lot of things that I was hoping to hear, I heard, and really appreciate it. This was awesome. Thank you.

Yeah, appreciate it, my man.

All righty, let's do it. Let's go golf. Let's go play some golf.