Behind the Scenes: An Open Discussion with Life Coaches

Mm-hmm. Let's go. All right, so welcome.

I'm so excited.

This was just one of my brainchilds of just like wanting to get a couple of my badass coaching friends together. And sorry if I'm cussing for some of you guys.

No need to apologize.

I know, but it is like the opportunity to get sisters together that share in coaching. And Jennifer, since you are up front there, I see you. Of course, it was because you and I were talking and you were saying, I am so glad that I have coaching going through this period.

And I was like, yes.

And so I just want to do this Zoom call, this happy hour where we just get together and just kind of share our story with coaching. So, um, for the sake of the audience, just let everybody know what your name is. And, um, anybody who wants to, um, share their story of how you came to coaching, like what was your first experience or what was your first transformation, whatever it is that you want to talk about that you think you would want someone to know about. So the floor is open.

Yeah, I can take that. I think my first— I'm Tavonna Denise, and I am from the DC area but based out of Atlanta. And it's interesting because I'm a life and business coach for women in healthcare. So my initial experience with coaching, I was taking a continuing education course because my background is as a physical therapist, and they gave me a wellness coach certification at the end of that class. And I was like, oh, okay. I guess I'm a coach now, but I have— I don't really know what I'm doing. So I went on the internet to figure out how to start this business and I bumped into a lady and she was like, um, you only had one day, you need some more training. So you need to go talk to this lady named Brooke Castillo at the Life Coach School and get some more training. And I have to tell you, I'm so glad that she did that because learning what I did at the Life Coach school completely changed my life. It— I battled depression quite a bit. And at that time, it was very interesting being a healthcare professional and not feeling like you could say something about that because I didn't want it on my records. And it was just— it like, I, I get emotional thinking about it because I remember turning to Chris Plackey, who was my coach instructor at the time, and really understanding that I am in control of what I think and how I feel, and that I could change it if I wanted to, or I could learn to process it. And I was like, wait, Chris, you mean that I can just think differently to feel better at any time that I want to? And she was like, yeah. And I think as a person in healthcare where burnout is so rampant, if I didn't have those tools, I wouldn't be here today happily doing what I'm doing after 18 years. So that's been my experience.

I want to piggyback on what Tawana just said. Hello everyone, I am Dr. Siobhan. I am a life and marriage coach. And I think for me, you know, coaching has made such a difference in just being able to take responsibility. So kind of like what Tawana was saying, we think that the circumstances and the things outside of us, and in my field, our husbands or other people, are the reason that we feel the way that we feel. And I am both grateful and annoyed at coaching because what it teaches you is that you don't get to blame the things outside of you for how you feel, that you are in 100% control of what you think and that is what is really driving your emotions. And so when you come to that awareness that it's you, that you are also, you know, you were always both the problem and the solution for anything you face in your life. It's, It can be for some people off-putting, but I have found it to be the place of my personal greatest source of empowerment to be able to sort of experience anything in my life the way that I want to. And so I found coaching actually as I transitioned to motherhood. So I was up late at night nursing a newborn baby, having a major life transition, leaving my career, becoming a stay-at-home mom at the time, and I remember listening to Brooke Castillo's podcast and just being like, wait, what? Like, this is me. This is for my own mind. Like, I control my emotions by how I think. And, um, it's really been life-changing. Um, and I'm, I'm very, very grateful. So I can really relate to what you said, Tavonna.

Yes. I, I, um, had a, I'm just going to break it down. Y'all know, I just stay real. So I'm just going to be real. Like I found Brooke, like, you know how the Facebook ads keep following you? Like I said, they stalk you. Like it's Brooke's ads stalked me for like a year. And I personally never clicked on the ad to even learn more. Now, granted, which was so strange to me because I've always thought, Ooh, life coach. But I, you know, never clicked on her ad because I always saw this blonde hair, blonde, you know, white girl. And I'm like, what's she going to teach me?

Like, I wouldn't click on the ad. Like, what's she going to teach me? What's she know?

She don't know nothing about my life. That was me and my thoughts about it. And then my girlfriend and I were in Thailand at the pool and she brings out this book. Self-Coaching Scholars.

And she's like, oh, I'm doing my thing.

And I was like, let me see that.

And I looked and I was like, oh, I've been seeing her ads.

So of course I started listening to the podcast. And at that time I was really upset and still feeling heartbroken over a relationship. And I knew personally that it wasn't the relationship. I just didn't know how to let it go, but I knew something was off. I thought it was because I was old and I was like, you just really fearful because you're old. I was like, I have gotten, gotten over some guys. I've gotten over way more than this. I knew I was personally making it bigger than it was, but I couldn't figure out how. And the model was the thing that showed me and it gave me so much freedom. Like it wasn't the guy, it wasn't that it was the relationship, it was my thoughts about it. And I was like, oh, so that was my transformation. I was like, and then I just Like Siobhan said, and she said it much more eloquently than I could ever say it, but I do have agency on everything, and it's always me, and I love that. So yeah, that was my experience on it. Anybody else?

I have to add on to that. I'm Dr. Sonia Wright. You know me, I do sex coaching for women. I came to life coaching relatively early when I— My other job is I'm a pediatric radiologist. And so I was in the middle of my residency and I like how you, you looked at Brooke and you thought, how can this woman know anything about my life and how can that person help? And then you realize it's not about the person, it's what message that they have to teach you. Because when I was in my residency and I decided that I needed something to help me get through my residency to all the challenges that go along with doing post-medical school training, I looked for a life coach and I actually found the life coach in the form of a nun. So I was in the middle of my residency and I was in a relatively small town and there were not a lot of life coaches. This is back in 2006. And so I reached out to this nun and you would, and you know, she was this older white lady in her 50s and you would think that we wouldn't have anything in common, but I consider her my angel. You know, we were able to get the work done. She helped me manage my mind and figure things out and get through that. And then you just kind of add layer upon layer and you grow and you slowly transform to the point where, yeah, we're in the middle of the pandemic and I'm okay. You know, my mind, you have the ability to choose thoughts that serve you, you know, and this is what I love about life coaching is you figure out, is this thought something that's going to help me get where I want to be, or is this not going to serve me, or is this thought not going to help me. It is going to make me spin my wheels and then I don't go any further. You know, so when you get to that place where you can manage your thoughts and manage your mind and go forward with it, that is what I love about Life Coaching.

Right, right, for sure. So, anybody want to share their biggest transformation through coaching? I will.

I am Jennifer Dent-Brown. I am a Life and Weight Loss Coach. I started my journey, my weight loss journey back in 2014, and I struggled with my weight all through college, all through grad school, all through my corporate career. Like, I tried every single diet. Got a job. I was working. I was traveling 90% of the time. So I was always, always, always eating out on the road. I always thought I had to lose weight by just doing more stuff. Let me just follow this diet. Let me just follow this workout plan. It wasn't until I found my first Coach, who was not Brooke, but she was the first person that showed me that my mind was connected to my body and that my lifestyle and how I was thinking about my life was contributing to my weight. So, that was my first introduction into like, oh, I just have to like exercise more and eat less to lose weight. So, I went and got certified as a Coach.

Jennifer, we are getting her back.

OK, here I am.

D-Nice must be doing his thing right now.

I know.

We have a lot of devices going in my house right now. So that was my introduction to holistic health coaching. So then I became a Coach and I started to lose some weight, and then I kind of plateaued because I was doing all of the A's, all of the actions, and I had no conceptual understanding of like, of my own thinking and how it contributed to my weight until I met my lovely friend Siobhan here, Dr. Siobhan, and we became BFFs with coaching in our businesses. And she was like, you should listen to this podcast. And the podcast was Life Coach School with Brooke Castillo. And I ended up working with one of her Coaches. And that is when I was like, whoa, the model completely completely changed my life and my own business. And so then it just kind of catapulted from there. And I realized that the missing component for all of these women who are out here, and I work with women to teach them how to stop dieting forever, is that y'all need to stop doing all the actions. Stop doing all the action. That's what I learned. And really, really learn to think about your food. Think about your hunger. Think about your circumstances, your life differently, and then the result will show up on the scale. So that is my focus and that was my biggest transformation, but it was over time. Now that I have been in the coaching world and have my own Life Coach and have my own Business Coach, the transformations have just been ridiculous. Just crazy. That is why Brighid and I were talking and I was like, oh my God, I don't know where I would be right now if I did not have coaching.

Right. What about you, Tangie?

I would say I would like to add to that as well. Like life coaching to me, like I just keep asking myself, OK, wow, like what else can I even create with this? Because I just like surprise myself every year. But initially for me, what drew me to life coaching was just severe dissatisfaction at work. Like Sonya, I was in residency training after medical school and that gets the best of like 99% of doctors. And for me, like, even like it was a year before I finished training, I was already looking for jobs outside of medicine just because I was so unhappy. And I felt a lot of shame around that because I was like, you know, only, you know, less than what, 10% of people who apply to medical school actually get in. And I felt like I had taken a spot up for all those years. And I was at a point where I was just like, I don't even want to do it. Like, I don't find any happiness or satisfaction in it. And so, um, my first coach was not, uh, related to Brooke or the Life Coach School, but she was, um, more of like an embodiment coach. And, um, but she also did kind of work around the A-Line. And so like I learned a lot of tools to help me just kind of like put a band-aid on what was wrong. And so that got me through residency and fellowship and, um, my first job, I experienced extreme burnout from that job. And so, um, that got me to another job that seemed better. But, uh, then about 6 months in, the honeymoon was over and all this stuff started coming up.

I'm like, what the crap?

What happened? That's when I ran across Brooke. And literally after listening to 5 podcasts, I just signed up. For coach training. I had no idea that some people had been waiting for like 2 years to get into coach training, but it just happened to be like perfect timing. And then I got in and I feel like working with the model is just kind of like the ultimate rabbit hole. It's just like, it looks like one thing, but like the more you kind of work with yourself every day, for me, coach training isn't it. I love helping other people, But the biggest transformation, like if I had never helped another people, like another person, it's completely worth every penny that I've ever given to any coach just from my own personal transformations. And so like the latest thing, um, so initially working with Brooke, I learned how to kind of like love the job that I was in and I was like, okay. And then ultimately, like for me, like I, I now like really like my job. I really like my work. Um, I've created an experience where I pretty much make 2.5 times what I did last year and I only work 10 days a month. And so it's just kind of like every time something comes up for me, all I have to do is just kind of like go within, coach myself, work with my own coach. And it's like, it's not a genie in a bottle, but it is like magic in the sense that like you kind of have to get, like there are your own kind of like personal obstacles and stuff that you have to overcome. But if you do your own work, like you can make anything in this world happen. And that's what coaching has done for me.

So, right. Monet, can you talk to us about, cause I know some people are like coaching, what's the difference between that and like therapy? Can you talk to that? I think you had a great example of that.

Yeah, absolutely. Um, one of the things that I like to— and it's like, it's not—

introduce yourself.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. I'm Monet Marcia and I'm a trauma coach, and, um, I do work with people on hard things. And one of the things that a lot of people come to me and they ask me, well, I have a therapist already, I already did this work. And I'm like, absolutely great, right? And I think that you should, if you're a person that either are non-functioning or you're not sure how to get from stuck in that non-functioning stage. And a lot of my people that come to me are suicidal or they just— I mean, it's really deep. You know, it's really hard things that they're dealing with. And you absolutely should speak to someone if you need to on that level. But coaching isn't about dealing a lot with what happened with the past. Like, that's going to come up, right? Because we do what we call causal coaching. Like, we want to get to the cause of why you're stuck in that thought thought, like your belief system, etc. But it's not necessarily about the circumstances and events that happened in the past. It's about what's happening right now, and then how do you grow from that? How do you get to the other side? How do you get to choose what you want to do with your life? How do you create that future that you will absolutely love, right? Like, how do you create whatever that is that you want? If it's weight loss, if it's sex, having amazing sex, if it's being with your husband or your partner, if it's healthcare, like what do you want to do with your body? Body, like how do you want to feel about your job, like if it's for me helping my kid like want to know that she want to be on this earth, like hey, let's do it, let's be on this earth, and then let's do some amazing things while we're on this earth. So I always like to tell people that it's not 100% encapsulating because there are therapists that do deal with a little bit future focus, but that's not their sole purpose from my understanding and the ones that I worked with, but that's our purpose. Our purpose is to take people to their future. To find that future self and literally like become it, right? And walk in it.

Right, right. That is fantastic. Okay, so y'all, let's, let's just get real here now. Uh-oh, there's this thing called RoRo that's going around. I know y'all know RoRo, right?

Ro19.

And, and okay, now Describe to me, anybody who would like to, I know I would, like describe to me how you think you would be handling it had you not had the capacity to manage your mind and what is the benefit? Like, what are you and how are you dealing with Corona, CV-19? May I answer? Yes, please.

Hello, this is Monica Brewster.

I am a style and self-image coach, and if I had not had access to coaching, um, or have an understanding or have gotten the training to now be a coach, I would completely be at the effect of what's happening.

I—

it would have swept in like a tornado and completely taken over my life, and I would have gotten caught up in the swirl and thinking that my entire life is now impacted because of what's happening. And it would be in my mind that my life is now different, that everything about my life is now different because this thing has happened. But what coaching has been able to do is to have me be able to create a space between what's happening in life, which I understand is now neutral. Life is gonna happen, and my response to life. So before, those two things were almost one and the same, but now I can kind of get a wedge in, in between what's happening in life and how I am responding to it. And that is the very definition of responsibility, i.e., empowerment. So that's what coaching has done for me. Like, I'm not at the effect of what's happening with the coronavirus. The coronavirus is something that's happening in life. And then I got me over here doing what I'm doing with me.

Yeah, I think that's great that you said that, Monica, because we have that— I don't want the people that watch this to think that we're like these superhuman people just because we have the model, because I had my freakout moment in the midst of this when I saw, I'm like, oh, it's getting closer.

And all of these things.

But at least then I knew, all right, that wedge that you talked about, like, wait a minute. Okay. These are just thoughts I have. Okay. So now we have the actual everything shut down in Atlanta. We have the stay at home order, shelter in place order. Okay. That's the circumstance. Now, how do I want to think about this? I got options. That they are all available to me, but which one do I want to choose?

Right.

I want to choose to use this time to think, use this time to create, use this time to connect versus use this time to Netflix and chill, use this time to worry about things that I can't control, right?

So I love that. I think one of the things that has been really apparent to me as sort of like We scroll on Facebook. And I think as I consider what coaching has really offered me during this time is it has helped me walk out my faith. So I know that, you know, some of the people that may be listening to this may be thinking like, "Well, I don't need coaching.

I got God.

I got prayer." And I think, you know, there is room for all of that, especially when as a nation we are facing a pandemic, right? And so that is outside of everyone's control. And so for me, what I love to be able to do with coaching is to really combine what I already know from my faith, right? So in my Christian religion, we talk about taking your thoughts captive. And so what I think coaching has really magnified is that the thoughts will come, right? You'll receive some information, you'll hear something, something will happen, the thoughts will come and You know, just like God is telling us, like, you have the power to control that thought. You can literally grab it and transform it into something else and to really begin to focus your mind on the things that serve you, as Sonia mentioned. And so what are the things that are true? I literally walked through, you know, the scripture that talks about that, thinking about what is true, what is, you know, a good report and excellent and worthy of praise. And so even in this moment when our country, our world is in crisis and in upheaval, You know, I feel sorry for people that don't know that they actually have the power to control one, the information and control the gates of what they're receiving into their mind, but then to also be in control of how they digest that, where they let that sit in their soul and their spirit. And that we really do have the power to transform it into something that serves us and to focus on the future and know that at the end of all this, like It's all working for our good. We're going to be okay.

Yes. Yes. I love it because it's, it's, it's the way that I flesh out, no matter what the circumstances, like that scripture of no matter what I have learned, that whatever the circumstances is, therefore I can be content. Like it is my method to choose contentment no matter what's going on. And so my before is like definitely especially in my field, like my field is one of the ones that I thought was very insulated and very secure. And there are places and hospitals that are closing down their anesthesia department. And like, I'm a nurse anesthetist and, um, by trade. And so they are like literally for low and them. And my security up until I found the way to identify myself or to give myself my own security was what I did, what my title was, how much money I had in the bank, all of that. And so through learning how to use my thoughts and my model, my security now comes from me giving it to myself and my values. So I would be a freaking mess right now, y'all. I'm like, honestly, I would be literally asking, are y'all gonna lay us off? Are you gonna lay us off? And I am so like, After Maya, like, like everybody else, Tavonna, I wasn't Superwoman either. I was like, okay, I need to, I need to go in. I just, I'm just glad that I had a tool that I could go in with and come out and then go back in again and then come out. Cause I did it in waves because that's what it does. It comes like our emotions come in waves and mine were like, was like that socka wocka socka, like I did one and then another one come up and I did one and then the whack-a-mole.

Waka waka waka mala, whatever.

Normal. And to not have judgment on myself because that is normal. But yet I have a tool to walk myself through it and to like, to like coach myself. So yeah, my before, like if I was doing this without coaching, I would, I know I would be a basket case. So that's me for sure. Anybody else?

If I didn't have coaching, I think I would actually be very sick right now. Because literally 2 weeks ago I got caught in the rabbit hole, the media. I was consuming all the media. I was on all these text message conversations with my friends. Where I live was deemed the epicenter of Pennsylvania. And I freaked myself out with my thoughts. I just got lost. And literally for 24 hours I was sick, sore throat, coughing. I was like, I got it. And all of the worries and all of the, oh my God, how am I going to— my family's not safe anymore.

I have to bleach the whole house.

All of these thoughts that go to the ER, that go to urgent care, like keeping me up in the middle of the night. And then I was like, hold up, wait a second, wait a second.

I am a Coach.

This is a circumstance.

COVID-19 is a circumstance. And I like literally pulled myself together in the span of like an hour. And then I was like, I have the healthiest, healthiest immune system. I just started working on my thoughts and my emotions. And when I say I call it, I call it flipping the switch in my brain. And I did all the healthy things I knew to do to boost my immune system. And literally by Saturday, 24 hours later, I was fine. I was fine. So I use that example to share with all the people who are emailing me, like, I'm just so worried. I'm worried about my family. I'm worried about my friends, my health. And I was like, look, I understand. I was right there with you. But let me tell you what you can do to change that, to flip the script in your head and understand that you have the power to change your thoughts about how you're seeing this. And so that's been my message for the past 2 weeks and to all of my clients and like all of my communications and my marketing was like, how do you want to use this time? Like Tavonna said, Tavonna, Tavonna said, how do you want to use this time? Do you want to use this time to overeat? To overdrink because you're bored and you're worried about, you know, you're going to lose your job, or you have all these people in your house? Or do you want to focus on something wonderful? Focus on some personal development, something you can take out, take with you right now and grow yourself. So at the end of this, because it will end, are you going to come out stronger? And the people are like, oh, hmm, that's interesting. Let me hear some more of that.

I'm like, okay, let's talk.

Let's do it.

Yes, for sure. Anybody else?

Yeah, I was going to say, interestingly enough, on the before coaching and something like this, I would say I would still be the same person just because that's kind of my personality. But coaching gave me a different tool. But for COVID, I haven't really had to put it in my sea line for myself. But what the model did do and my coaching did do was help me to have compassion for other people who are experiencing that, because I learned it through my own self-coaching that I wasn't really showing up as a person with compassion. Like, I had it, I just didn't choose it ever. Like, I was more of the— I'm gonna be frank, you know, that kind of person. Like, I'm just gonna tell it like it is. But telling it like it is and having compassion at the same time, you can do that. And so what it allowed me to do was actually show up in a way to help people through it because I show compassion, because I could talk to them and tell them the same things that you were doing, Jennifer, like, hey, let's put that in your seat, you know, and creating a series for my people who are already dealing with grief, right? That they were doing that before, uh, Rona 19 decided to show up. So they were already having some issues and not moving. And then you throw this on top of it, but I could have compassion for them and be like, okay, And I would have never had compassion for people the way that I do now and be able to show up and help them before. I just would have— it would have been about the world of me, and not in like a, um, I'm like on top of you about it. I just, yeah, I just don't know if I would have been able to help anybody with it, you know. But it's, it's really been helpful because now I was able to like create something for somebody else to help them. And I would have not even chose that first off. I would have just chose to keep my little Little house safe. Like, we good. We know what to do. We know how to boost our immune system. But it just showed up so differently. And I think I am truly blessed to have something that helped me be a better me to other people, which is very odd. I didn't go into it thinking that that is what would have happened, but it has totally showed up that way. And I just, I hope other people really understand that this coaching thing isn't so frou-frou or one and done. Like, it's life-changing for every situation that comes up.

Like, does not even matter.

We're all on here doing something different, right? And now we're plugging in COVID in our models, right? And how it's helping everyone individually. I love that.

Sonia, you was going to say something.

Yeah, I was also going to say that I love coaching because it allows me to ask myself the question, How do I want to show up in this situation? You know, who do I want to show up? Do I want to show up as a person running around screaming, or do I want to show up as the person that I want to be in a month or two? What do I have to do in order to be that person? What thoughts do I need to think? What are my, you know, starting with the end in mind, what do I have to do to move back to controlling my thoughts and taking care of that? And then, like Monet's saying, having compassion and being there for my clients at this time. And I do sex coaching, but I've been a life coach since 2016, and then I did sexual counseling training and added that on since 2018. So I have a lot of these skills that I can bring together. So how can I be there for my clients and what they need at this exact moment, you know? And then when I'm there for my clients coaching them, I also have to hear what I'm saying to them, and I have to be like, oh yeah. I gotta listen to what is coming out of my mouth. I better be living that life right now. So, type of things, it reinforces me. So, I am very thankful for being a Coach. I am so thankful for my Clients. I am thankful for the training that I have gone through, and I am really, actually, I am thankful for this meeting too because I am listening to all these amazing women. I am just like, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, that is true. So, right now I am getting some more stuff, some more truth. So thank you.

Yeah, I think too, when we talk about— someone mentioned being future-focused. I think having that future that we're striving to helps us also not be at the mercy of what's going on now. Because it's just like, when you're so used to working towards a goal, you know stuff doesn't ever work like you thought it would the first time anyway. So you're just used to bobbing and weaving and adapting. And this is just one of those times. And so when you work with a coach and it's all about your future focus and there's uncertainty anyway, there's fear anyway, there's like the not knowing and the discomfort anyway, you kind of build that muscle in your mind so that when something like this comes, it's nothing really new to you. I mean, yes, this, the exact circumstance of COVID-19 coronavirus is new, this, but having to pivot or change plans or directions in the middle of going towards something, that part's not new. And then also staying connected to, okay, in this present moment today, just today, I'm okay.

Right.

Right.

So good.

Anybody else?

I think one of the things that came up for me as Sonya was talking when she said, who do I want to be in this moment, is I feel like coaching equips you with different questions to ask yourself. So people right now, especially in this pandemic, are like, why is this happening? What, you know, they're asking questions that put them in fear and greater anxiety and really asking questions about things that are beyond their control. And so I love the question of like, who do I want to be in this moment? Another one is like, what if this is the best thing for me?

Right?

I think like no one's asking that question about COVID Like, how could this be the best thing for my career, for my family, for my life, for all the things?

For my industry?

For my industry, for everything. Like, and I just love like sitting in the possibility. I think that's part of what coaching is about. It's sitting in the best possible case scenario. And I think so much of the time when things, you know, fall apart or feel like they're not going the way you expected, we go to the worst case scenario and just stay stuck there.

Yes, for sure. Anybody else? Okay, I have a surprise question. Uh-oh. As Black women, we have our cultural beliefs. What belief have you had to work through that just wasn't true, that you believed all the way up until the day you figured it out in coaching? That challenged you that you had to work through? What was that belief? Anybody?

I think my biggest one, because I worked through some beliefs.

Oh my goodness.

Listen, my reason even coming into self-coaching was to be a better me to the people. Like that whole compassion piece is like literally all my coaching thing is. Like, how can I be better to the people that are around me? How can I want to be at home with my husband and my daughter? Like, how can I just be better? And so there was so many beliefs that I had to go through. Um, and I think the one that challenged me the most was that you had to work hard. I used to really think that you had to start from the bottom and go through all the 32,000 steps, right? And you had to like work hard. And I've never, been the person that loved to work hard. Like, that just wasn't the— I believed it because that's what everybody told me. But since I didn't work hard, I felt like that's why I didn't get to wherever the highest step was. I mean, I was grooving, but not wherever people say this mark is, because I'm like, I'm just— I'm not gonna work hard.

That's not—

it's just not—

I don't feel right Yes.

And so I was like, how do I— and the podcast, that's how I got hooked to Brooke or whatever, got connected. One of them was talking about beliefs and like, what was one that really got you stuck? And that was the one that I was like, I was like, I know that I don't see other people doing it. You know, I'm in corporate. I started in corporate when I was in high school and I'm like, I see other people matter of fact, she doesn't even know how to do her job, right? Like, so I see she's not working hard, so why do I have to work hard? But it was always ingrained in me that us Black people, we had to work hard because the XYZ element OP. And I was like, well, I guess I'm not Black because I don't, I don't do it, right? I just don't want to do it. But I didn't know that I could choose to be whatever I wanted to be and be amazing at it and not do the quote unquote working hard. And now that's all the message I spread to everybody. And they just like, she crazy. I'm like, okay, well live your life because I ain't working hard.

Anybody else got one?

I think for me it was as a Black woman, success—

Y'all can't hear my dog whining.

As long as y'all can't hear him because I'm like, he at this door just whining, mama, please let me in.

Anne, go ahead.

I think for me, like, it was like, as a Black woman, all of your security and happiness and worth comes from success.

Yes.

It comes from your job.

Yes.

And what you do and how much money you make, what you wear.

Yeah.

What you spend your money.

Yeah.

What you're driving. Yeah. Yeah, I agree with that one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I would say for me it would be, um, we don't pay for our personal development because I've been, you know, into personal development for a long time and used to go to the little events and be only one of me and like me and one of my girlfriends and that's it.

Right.

And just a lot of like older white men or older white women and that we just didn't pay for personal development. So when I was going through my whole personal development phase where I was learning and exploring, um, it was a secret. I am a, I am a preacher's daughter, right? I wasn't telling anybody I was meditating, right? It was just, it was, it was what I did. It was my own personal thing, my own personal journey. I didn't have anybody like you all to talk about it with. Until, you know, I decided to come out and go get certified as a coach myself. And then, you know, doors started opening and I started being more comfortable, more confident.

That's interesting. I had not heard someone from that perspective, Jennifer.

Anybody else?

I could talk about it all day.

I was going to say kind of in line with what Monet said, and I was raised to work hard. You got to work that much harder than other people, right, to get things to happen. So I'm unpacking and unwinding that belief. But then also this idea, a lot of ideas around money, right, that it's hard to make money, that you have to work hard for the money, that money doesn't grow on trees. And I'm proving that shit wrong every day. And it's so fun.

Yes, you are.

Yay!

Right. Right. I think, I think just as a culture, we do have, have money mindset and that work hard mentality, which, you know, it worked for us for so long. And then it's the idea of some of the thoughts that we had worked for us for so long, but now they just don't serve us. And to be able to just let some of them go. But I think it's the beauty of coaching as Black women is that we can identify those thoughts in our clients. Like, this thought may have served you all the way up to this point. We all know, we all have the client that busted her butt to get to the top, and she's still hustling, she's still working, and she's still striving because she thinks she has to work hard. And although that thought might have served her to get there, it doesn't serve her now, and it may not even get her to the next level.

Right.

So, um, I love challenging all those beliefs. So as a culture, so anything else? This has just been a fun thing. Anybody else got any comments, suggestions, what they want to say about the whole experience of coaching and you and what's your next level?

I just say, um, I'm so thankful to have found coaching both for myself and wanting to learn and continue to learn to help other people. And my, you know, client base is, you know, Black women as well, because, um, kind of similar to what the theme of the last question was, I was raised to think, or I was allowed to think, that racism and discrimination that I may or may not experience in my life was somehow, like, my fault. That it was because I was Black. That this is just something that Black people have to deal with. And it's just an unfortunate byproduct of being Black. And it put the onus of it on me as like, oh, what an unfortunate circumstance you found yourself in to both be Black and then to be a woman as well. And I know that we've all heard like the double strike. You got two strikes against you. And that does something to your psyche when you are kind of hearing that as messaging from a young age. And so to know that anything that other people may think about me or anything that other people may feel about me has nothing to do with me and has no bearing on the thoughts that I can have about myself, that I can choose about myself, has been a complete life changer, a complete life changer. And if that is something that If no other thing that I can do to change someone's mind about anything else, I can get them to change it about that, then that is worth everything that I've invested in, everything that, you know, I've learned as far as, you know, coaching is concerned.

Yes. And we're going to leave it on that one. Yeah. How they feel about us as Black women is totally on them. As Siobhan said, we have agency. I love that. We can own— they can have their thoughts. That's their model. I'm gonna let you have it, boo. Right? So thank you guys. Any last words? If not, we're gonna close this up. And look, we finished 10 minutes early.

I can't believe that.

Alright, thank you guys. Again, I am Britt Johnson. I am a Life Coach for Black women who want to better their lives. This is Jennifer who is a Life Coach.

Go ahead.

You are a Life Coach for women who want to learn to stop dieting forever.

Right. And give them how to contact you.

You can find me on Instagram at Jennifer Dent Brown. You can find me on Facebook, Jennifer Dent Brown. My business page is Coach Jennifer.

Thanks, Brown.

All right, Monica, how can people contact you?

You're a life coach for women 40-plus who are not feeling good about how they see themselves and who are interested in cultivating a more healthy self-image and to drive up their sense of inner beauty and confidence. And right now my Instagram handle is @everydivastyle, but All of that is going to change because I'm totally rebranding everything. But for now, that's probably the easiest way.

All right. Monet, how do people get in contact with you?

I am on Facebook and Instagram and LinkedIn as Monet Marcia, and I can be emailed at— or you can reach me at coachmonet.com. And I am a trauma coach for mompreneurs who want to help they're trauma survivors or mompreneurs who want to propel their businesses while they're grieving.

All right.

Tangie.

All right.

I am Dr. LaTangia Watkins. My website is thephysicianburnoutcoach.com and I am a life coach for physicians who are experiencing burnout and want to enjoy the lives that they have worked so damn hard to create.

Love it. Yes. Tavonna.

Hi everyone. I'm Tavonna Denise, everywhere @TavonnaDenise, tavonnadenise.com, and I am a life and business coach for women in healthcare who want to create the life and business of their dreams.

Right.

And Siobhan, did I get you?

You did get me.

So I am Dr. Siobhan Peratt. You can find me on Facebook at Siobhan Lenore Peratt. I have a Facebook page. It's Dr. Siobhan. You can find me there, or you can listen to my podcast, which is Love Marriage Again, which is exactly what I do. I help women who are frustrated and annoyed with their husbands love their marriage again. So I'm on all podcast platforms there.

And last but not least, Miss Sonia.

I'm Dr. Sonia Wright. I am the midlife sex coach for women. You can find me on Facebook as the Midlife Sex Coach or my website, the midlife sex coach, themidlifesexcoach.com. You can also just find me at soniawrightmd.com as well.

All righty.

Fantastic. And I'm Rick Johnson and you can find me at rickjohnson.com and Rick Johnson Facebook page. So, bye guys.

Thank you so much.

Bye everybody.

Bye. I'm going to stop the recording. Yay.