Dealing with the eff it moments

All right, looks like we— okay, we are live. Perfect. Hey, Sharla. Hey, Yusefa. All right, y'all, let's just talk about the eff it moment. I don't know what's happening with Facebook, Zoom connection. All good, we are here. So this is Jennifer Live. This is me coming live and direct to you once a week. Hey, Sherry. To talk about challenges that I've seen in the community and my Lux Life community. Emails that you all, questions that you all email me and DM me. So it's me addressing, hey Maddie, a question once a week. I'm going to spend about 10 or 15 minutes on it and how we can apply the Stop Dieting Forever process to this problem of weight loss. OK, so I'm Jennifer Dent-Brown. I am a certified life and weight loss coach. Go check me out at JenniferDent.com and you can learn all about all the things that I'm doing and how you can get involved and learn the Stop Dieting Forever process. But today I want to talk very specifically about the Epic Moments. And I see Sherry's on here because Sherry was the one that sent me this email before the Boot Camp started. So Sherry's actually enrolled in the Stop Dieting in 30 Boot Camp now, but before the Boot Camp began, One of the challenges that she said, hey, Liz, that she was dealing with was the eff it moment. And we can all relate to the eff it moment, right? The eff it moments are when you're just like, I don't really give a crap, shit, whatever. I don't give a crap. I'm going to eat what I want. I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm going to sleep in. I'm going to skip the gym. I'm going to drink this glass of wine. I'm going to— I don't care. I love that the captions just came up on Facebook when I cussed. It came up like it bleeded it out. Oh my goodness, technology, it's so funny. So if you're watching on Facebook live, you can see the auto-generated captions. But anyway, when you're having the eff it moment, it's just your bratty brain taking, trying to take control and be like, girl, you know you don't want to, we'll just wait, you know you don't need to do this, like go ahead, enjoy yourself. Now. Just give in to that feeling, that false sense of pleasure right now. Have the donut, drink, go to the Starbucks, get the dessert. All the things that you— all the habits that you're trying to change because you want to lose weight, your bratty brain is like, nah, girl, you have permission. Let's eff it and do the things. Yeah, Sherry, you deserve it. You've had a long week. You deserve it. You've had a long day, the kids are driving you crazy, you deserve it, right? So you're having these eff it moments. And what happens is when we allow these eff it moments and we follow the direction that our brain, our ready brain, is giving us and we say eff it, I'm going to have whatever I want to have, the more that we do that, the more that we are reinforcing this behavior, okay? The more that we are agreeing, like, okay, this is just what we do when we get frustrated with something. What we do is that we F it. We say we F it, and I'm going to go eat the donut. Okay, so when you find yourself in like this F it pattern— and I remember very specifically there was one boot camper, I think I coached her on the first week, and that was her, like, she's like, I'm just in the F it, I just don't care, right? When you're in that pattern, it's very easy to keep repeating the same thing over and over and over and over again. All day, every day, until you realize like, hey, this isn't going to get me where I want to be, right? This isn't going to get me to my forever weight. So when you notice yourself having these eff it moments, just keep— just be aware of the fact that every time you give in to that thought of like eff it and you give in and you eat whatever, you're just reinforcing this habit. You're just reinforcing this thought pattern. OK, so the solution to this problem, if you deem it as a problem, and I know some of you do because this is why you're watching. If you deem it as a problem, first of all, get coached. Help— get coached, right? Allow a coach to help you identify the source of this behavior. But if you don't have access to a coach, if you're not in the Stop Batting in 30 program and you're not— you don't have access to getting group coaching or getting coached by a coach like me, what you want to do is learn this practice of self-coaching. This is what I teach in the process. I teach you how to self-coach because, hey, I can't coach everybody. I would love to, but I can't coach everyone individually one-on-one. So you've got to learn how to coach yourself. And I'm so excited because next week in the boot camp, we're actually going into our deep dive week. This is week 3. Where we go in deep dive into the act of self-coaching. What does that look like? So self-coaching, when it comes to the effort moments, is you figuring out and getting to the source of the effort moments. It's getting to the source of why you are thinking in this way. OK? So very simply, self-coaching is taking a pen taking a piece of paper, right, and writing down your thoughts, writing down what's happening in your head. A lot of my clients come to me like, well, I don't know what to write. I don't know, like, I just, I don't, I don't know how to get the thoughts out of my head and on paper. It's real simple, y'all. Don't make it more complicated than what it is. Ask yourself one question: why? Why am I choosing the F it moment? OK. Why am I choosing to drink the 4th glass of wine? Why am I choosing to have the 2nd dessert after the 1st dessert? Why am I choosing to continue to eat after the kids have gone to bed? Ask yourself that question. Don't like, roll that question around in your head. I want you to literally pen piece of paper, write the question down and write the answer down. When you take time to write a question out on, on a piece of paper, the act of writing slows your brain down. Because let's face it, y'all, we got 8 million things that we're thinking about at the same time. So it's very hard to ask yourself a clear question and see and get a clear answer because we're also thinking about What are we gonna make for lunch for the kids tomorrow? We gotta get into bed and we gotta answer these emails that our boss wanted to do. And then, oh, we forgot to do this today. And oh my goodness, look at those crumbs in the corner of the table, the floor that needs to be swept up, right? We're trying to like focus on all these different things. We're not actually answering the question. So it's very easy in those moments to be like, eff it, of course. Give me, pour another glass of wine. Like, let's do this. OK, but when you stop and say, you know what, self, I'm no longer going to be a victim of my own thinking. I know that the F it moments aren't helping me support my weight loss goal. I'm going to take 5 minutes to get to the source of why the F it moments are happening. And I'm going to sit down and do this. And I'm going to ask myself the question, why am I choosing treat myself with candy every night? Why am I choosing to drink the fourth glass of wine? Why am I choosing to stay up and watch Netflix even though I know I should be getting my rest, right? Why am I choosing to continue to eat the leftovers off of the kids' plate even though I'm not hungry and we can just toss the food, right? Write those questions down. Get Very curious. That is like the basics of self-coaching, getting curious with your own thinking. But you can't get curious with your own thinking until you actually write it down. OK, so write down the question. Write down your answer. Keep it real, y'all. Don't be like trying to fake the funk and be like, oh, I'm just doing it because— like, be very real and honest with your answers. You can like throw the paper away. When you're finished writing if you're afraid somebody's going to see your thoughts. But if you're faking the funk and you're not being honest with your answers, you're only cheating yourself. Okay, so eff it moments— you're having the eff it moment. Know that the eff it moments aren't going to help you. Your solution to the eff it moments is to stop your bratty brain, right? Disrupt that thought pattern. And by sitting down and doing some self-coaching— self-coaching simply is asking yourself the question, why? Why, why, why? Why am I choosing to do this? Why did I do this yesterday? Why didn't I do this? Why am I doing this thing right now? How is this helping me reach my goal? How is this not helping me reach my goal, right? Asking yourself very powerful questions will always give you powerful answers. Now, here's the thing, y'all. Once you answer the questions, you're not done yet. Answering the questions is just bringing about awareness to yourself of why you've been in this eff it moment, uh, cycle, why you've been like deciding and choosing to just eat the things and drink the drink. Okay, so when you uncover the source of your eff it moments you have immediately regained your power. What do I mean by that? You now see exactly why you're choosing to do the things that you do. Instead of being like, well, I don't know, I just don't feel like doing it, I don't know why I had the fifth glass of wine, I don't know— instead of being like, I don't know, you now know exactly why you're doing what you do. And so when you have that awareness about yourself, you have regained your power, and you get to decide how you want to continue on. You always have a decision. You always have a decision. You can keep going with your eff it moments if you want and understand that choosing that will not get you to your forever weight. Or you can say, you know what, at this point, I've had enough wine. I've had enough donuts. I've had enough French fries. I've had enough of sleeping in and skipping my workouts. I'm deciding that I really want to keep moving towards my weight loss goal. So I'm choosing something different than the source of what I've identified of my effort moments. OK, but until you understand the source of your effort moments, you're always going to be a victim of that thinking. You're always going to be like, I don't know, I just like, I'm just, I don't care. I'm just in this effort mode. You are always going to be stuck there. So, do this work, y'all. Start doing your self-coaching. Start getting really, really curious about why you are doing what you are doing. Why these habits, these habits that aren't helping you get to your goal weight, why do you keep doing them? OK, so this is where you regain your power. This is how you start moving towards your forever weight by making very informed, very powerful decisions. About what you do day to day. All right, I see a bunch of people on Facebook. Hey, Mary. Good. If you guys have questions, if you're watching the replay, just type them below in the comments section on Facebook. I will respond back to you. But again, my name is Jennifer Dent-Brown. If you want to know more about the Stop Dieting Forever process, which is my very simple weight loss process to get you from the epic moment to your forever weight, and that is you living your lux life, living your life at your forever weight. Come join us in the Stop Dieting Forever Community. Go to JenniferDent.com to see how you get— can get on the waitlist for the upcoming boot camp. The next one is going to be in August, I think August 15th. So you can go to JenniferDent.com, get your name on the waitlist, and be the first to find out. But in the meantime, keep checking in here. Get on my mailing list. You'll see every time when I go live to do these questions, and there's also like a bunch of them on the page. You can go back and watch the replays. All right, I love you all. Live Luxe! I'll see you not next week, but the week after. All right, bye y'all!