Happy {Half} Hour! Social Eating Success Part I

Hey, hey, hey! Happy Friday! Hey, Luxe Ladies, what is up? It is happy half hour on a Friday, Memorial Day weekend. Yay! First holiday, kickoff holiday for the summer season 2019. Super excited. I am— let's see, I I'm doing big things here today, y'all. I am outside. First of all, I got the whole setup— microphone, camera— and I thought I was on Instagram, but let me double check. Hold on here, people. Going live. One day I'm going to get this Instagram thing right. Alright, and I'm out on my deck, so welcome to the oasis in Philadelphia. So I have to say, first of all, the weather here is amazing, simply amazing. A couple weeks ago, remember on Mother's Day, for those of you who are in Philadelphia, the weather was absolutely terrible. It was cold, it was rainy, and we had a couple days of just like really yucky rainy cold weather. So here we are, a beautiful day. It's like 70-something outside, out on the deck, beautiful scenery behind me. I've got my favorite wine glass. It is Five O'Clock Somewhere, and it is filled with water with ice. I have no Spindrift. I got to do my Target run after, uh, happy hour today. But today, since it is a holiday weekend, we're going to talk about how to stay on track when you have all of these social events to go to— barbecues and family gatherings. All the restaurants are like, come, come, come see us, we got the outdoor seating, it's happy hour, we got specials, come, come, come, it's food season. And that's what we like to do, right? We like to socialize on the weekends. We like to hang out with our friends and our family, kick back, relax, eat some good food, and just chill, right? So because it's a holiday weekend, I wanted to talk about— and if you're here, go ahead and say hi. If you're watching the replay, go ahead and just type replay in the comments. Um, if you have any questions, feel free to type them in at any point in time and I will go back and answer them. But I want to talk about how to eat and be successful when you're out socially eating. All right. So before we dig in, hello, I am Jennifer Dent-Brown. I am a life coach and I help women learn to stop dieting forever. Right. And so how do I do that? I have a 7-month program where you coach with me one-on-one and we go through 16 weeks of modules and learning different strategies and tools. And one of the strategies we're going to actually talk about today, straight from my course. So get ready, grab your pen, and cheers to another beautiful Friday. So exciting. All right, here we go. So like I said, I have the 7-month weight loss course, and I put everything that I have learned in my almost 5 years of being a health and success coach, not life coach, into one beautiful package. So in addition to coaching, coaching with me one-on-one, you also have access to 16 different modules which walk you through different tools and strategies of how to lose weight without dieting, how to maintain your weight without dieting, without any crazy pills, potions, lotions, none of that, right? So I believe and teach you all how to stop dieting forever. So today we're going to talk about one of my favorite modules, and one of the things that was most applicable when I was on my weight loss journey was social eating, right? So I was a very social person, still very, very social person, love going out to eat. Love just being in the company, going to great restaurants. Total foodie. Hey, Lil, good to see you. Total foodie. Philadelphia has like the best restaurants. I mean, I will put any of our restaurants up to challenge for any other city. We have fabulous food here, and so there's always new restaurants to try, new foods to try. If you follow me on Instagram stories and my Facebook stories, I'm always like taking pictures of my food. My husband now is used to me snapping pictures at my food before I start eating it. So yeah, Philly has great, great restaurants and I love eating out. But how do you maintain your weight loss and still eat out, right? Beautiful weekend here in Philly. We are barbecuing on Sunday. I'm sure those of you who are local are probably doing some type of barbecuing or whatever. If you are, raise your hand, say what's up. Hey, Minister White, good to see you. And how do you manage, right, going to these social events and trying to stay on track with your diet and not just over-consuming a lot of food? So we're going to talk about, talk about that and how do you manage that. So again, this is straight from my course, right? So I walk you through this process. You guys are getting a sneak peek, Social Eating Success, a sneak peek at one of the tools and tricks tricks and strategies that I teach my clients when they're out eating socially. So there are a couple of reasons why social eating can be detrimental to our weight loss, and I'm sure those of you who are not new to the dieting game can relate, right? So we've got birthdays, barbecues, weddings, baby showers, brunches, happy hours, forced fun meetings and dinners with colleagues, you know, all that stuff. And you can't always just say, "No, I can't go," because you're trying to stick to an eating plan. You gotta be social. You can't stay in your house and be a hermit. So here are some of the challenges that I know I faced when eating out socially, and I'm sure you have also faced as well when it comes to— here's one thing. Here's what I remember when I was working working very, very diligently to lose weight, you know, like the longer you— when you go out to eat and, you know, you're like staring at the menu and you're like, okay, and you're having this huge conversation, this dialogue in your brain about what you're going to eat. You're like, I really want to eat the seafood Alfredo pasta, but I know I should be eating the salmon salad, but I really want to eat the fried chicken and waffles, but I really should be eating the grilled chicken breast, right? And so you're having this long-ass dialogue in your brain about what to eat. You're ignoring everybody at the table because you're so focused on yourself and thinking about, should I, shouldn't I, should I, shouldn't I. What I'm about to teach you, right, we're going to take all that off the table, all of that. Oh yes, church fellowships, another place where there's always lots of cake, lots of sweet punch to eat, right, Minister White? So we're about to take all of that mind drama off the table. I'm about to teach you how to get rid of all that mind drama so you can actually fellowship and enjoy the company that you're there with, because that's what you're there for. You're not there to focus on food. You should be there to focus on the social aspect and the interaction with the people that you're with. Okay, so first of all, the first challenge is when we go out to eat with these social situations, we go to somebody's house for a barbecue this weekend, One of the problems that we face is that we are worried about what people are going to think if we start turning down our favorite foods, right? So you're at your uncle and auntie's house, and auntie has made her famous potato salad, and you are, Lil, not eating potatoes, right? Because you're keeping your carbs low, and it's not a workout day. And so you kindly say, "No, thank you, auntie." to the potato salad, and then the backlash comes, like, what do you mean you're not eating my potato salad? What do you mean you're not eating my famous pound cake, right? And so we have these challenges that we face. We go out to places like this or go to someone's house, and it's just easier to be like, you know what, I don't even want to hear her mouth, give me the potato salad. I want to hear Uncle's mouth because I'm not eating his ribs, give me the ribs, right? It's just easier to eat the food instead of disappointing someone or saying no. So that is one challenge, so we're going to address that. Another challenge that we face, and again, this is straight from the worksheet from one of my courses that you would get if you were in my weight loss course, um, the second reason that we struggle is that we don't trust ourselves around a lot of food, right? So you know you got to go to this barbecue this weekend, and you know there's going to be a whole lot of food there, right? Hey Kim, good to see you, right? And you just don't trust yourself around that food. What does that mean exactly, you don't trust yourself? How about let me give a good example. Um, so okay, maybe you're going to a brunch buffet and there's a whole spread of food out available to you, all-you-can-eat, $24.99, whatever, right? And instead of being very focused and sticking to what you have decided you're going to eat, sticking to your eating protocol, all the stuff comes up. You're like, oh, they got brunch food, they got breakfast food, they got lunch food, they got desserts, they got hot rolls, like everything. Oh, and they have mimosas. Bottomless mimosas, and you just don't trust yourself around all of this food, and that becomes a challenge. So when you don't trust yourself around food, and that is a major problem for lots of us who are struggling with their weight, you end up eating a whole lot more food than you actually need to eat, right? Because you're afraid to say no thank you. You're afraid to just walk away and leave it there. You're afraid— you don't trust yourself to say I choose myself more than I choose those hash browns. Okay, so that is challenge number 2. Challenge number 3, you're just used to going out socially and eating and using alcohol or food as a distraction or a buffer to deal with the social anxiety. Now I know, like, Minister White, you are like super bubbly, extrovert, everybody loves you, you probably don't have this problem. But for introverts like me and introverts like other people, social situations can make us very anxious, right? And it's not like an overt, like, oh, I'm over in the corner having a panic attack anxious, right? It's just a very subtle undercurrent that if you're not even aware of it, it may just even pass you by. So if you're feeling a little bit uncomfortable, it's just easier to walk straight to the buffet table, straight to the food, grab yourself a plate, sit down and eat, and then you're like part of the crowd, you're part of doing what everyone else is doing. Or you walk into an event and it's just easier to go straight to the bar, right? Straight to the bar. I remember when I first recognized the social anxiety, right, because I didn't really know that I was socially anxious in some occasions. And so when I was very conscious of it and aware of it, and I was working to, you know, practicing what I preach and becoming very aware and only eating on plan, eating on protocol, I had to go to a networking event. And I walk into this room of people. I was by myself. I didn't know anyone else there. And I was like, the anxiety I felt, I literally felt the anxiety because now I'm more aware of it, right? I'm aware of the fact that Okay, I'm not using alcohol to buffer these feelings of uncomfortableness, right? So my initial, and back in the day what I would have normally done is like, mm, walk the room and go straight to the bar. It was open bar, right? Everybody was standing around the bar, and that gives me something to do, right? Go to the bar, then I could like stand around and look at people, and then I could have a glass of wine or a glass of Prosecco, and then I will like help calm my nerves, and then I could be extroverted and introducing myself and networking with other people, right? However, because I was— or for people who don't drink, maybe you just go straight to the food, right? Oh, there's the table with the food. That's the easy thing to do, right? Everybody feels comfortable grabbing a plate, looking at the food, picking around and putting food on your plate and eating it because that is a distraction. From having to like interact with people you don't know and like be on, right? So I'm at this networking event. I realize, okay, I'm feeling very uncomfortable. I don't know anybody here. I sign in, I look around, open bar. I would have normally just gone straight to the bar and be like, alright, give me something to drink, sir. But I did not do that. I recognized the feelings. I was like, okay, this kind of sucks, this kind of feels uncomfortable. But what did I do? I walked around the perimeter of the room, I started smiling at people, and then I just thought like, you know what, I bet you half of these people in here are just as uncomfortable as I am. You know how those networking events are, right? So what did I do? I just grabbed a bottle of water off the bar and I went and inserted myself into a conversation with women who looked as nervous as me. I was like, hi, I'm Jennifer, I'm a life coach. And there we go, right? Anxiety over. But when I left that event, I was feeling amazing because I was able to avoid the alcohol, I was able to avoid the food on the table. They had some Mexican enchiladas or burritos or something that looked very yummy, but I decided I wasn't going to eat it. And I was just going to like address the uncomfortable feeling and just work with it, right? And it was okay. And so I was able to attend the networking events, I was able to overcome my social anxiety without buffering, and I was able to make some connections and leave the event feeling really, really good, right? I was able to leave the event and not kick myself or be upset because I can't believe I had 4 glasses of wine and I said I wasn't going to drink, right? How many times have we done that? So the buffering is something that a lot of us do. So think about when you go to social events and you're not really comfortable, you don't feel like being there, eating and drinking is like the easy thing to do. And so our primitive brains will always be like, go to the bar, go get a plate, go eat. And that is the first thing we do because it's easy. And then you have Auntie over here like, baby, have some cake. And you're like, okay, Auntie, this is easy to eat cake, right? And, and yes, you could be socially anxious in a room full of people you don't know, or your family members, right? Because if there's some stuff going on, they can make you very anxious. And so food is a great comforter. So those are the 3 biggest challenges that I see within myself and also within my clients of what happens when it's time to eat socially. So this is the important part. This is where I want you to grab your pen, grab your paper, get your notes out app on your phone, and we're going to go through this worksheet. All right, I'm going to walk you through the worksheet. This is what I share with my clients and I have them do this. In fact, in our private Facebook group today, I was like, who's going to a barbecue this weekend? Who's celebrating the Memorial Day holiday? And I was like, if you are, I want you to review Module 7 and fill out the worksheet, Successfully Eating When You're Out Socially. Alright, so very simple. You write down, pen and paper. There is something about writing down your thoughts, right, and writing down things that are happening in your head and getting them out of your head and on paper. Because we have a tendency to make things a whole lot bigger and a whole lot more dramatic than they actually are. So if you're worried about where you have to go, we're gonna just break it down and make it super simple. So on this social eating game plan, what are we gonna write down? The name of the event. What is it? Where is the location of the event? Who is going to be there? What food will be there, if you already know? And you're gonna write down which of these foods will be most tempting, if you know write them down. So what this process is essentially doing is helping you break down this huge, potentially dramatic event and taking the bigness and the anxiousness and the massiveness of it all and making it really small and really simple. And we're going to break it down, right? So if you don't have a plan for the weekend and you're like, "Oh man, 3 days." beautiful weather, we got stuff to do, but I know I'm not going to be able to stay on plan, I know I'm not going to be able to stick to what I need to stick with. This is for you, so you need to pull out your pen, pull out your paper, and write stuff down. All right, so next step is once we have those logistical details written down, we're just going to start thinking a little bit, right? We're going to start thinking about what foods that might what thoughts might and feelings might trigger some of the foods that we might run into. So for me, one big thing is socially, especially like barbecue weekend, nice weather, chilling out on the deck, that just automatically means alcohol to me, right? I just want a nice glass of wine, a cool glass of rosé, chilling with my friends and my husband, and everything is irie. Right? But drinking a whole lot of alcohol on the weekends is not going to help me when I have to get up early in the morning, go to the track, and do my sprints, right? It's just going to slow me down. So it's more beneficial for me to just say, you know what, no alcohol for me tonight, I gotta do my sprints in the morning, and keep going. So what foods are you going to you might be tempted by this weekend. Just think about it. If you don't know, just write something down, right? And what thoughts and feelings you have about that particular food, right? It could be, like I mentioned before, Auntie's famous pound cake, right? You know you're going to her house and she's going to have the pound cake there, and to you that pound cake just means heaven. It just means everything to you. It just makes you want to do the happy dance, right? So write that down, write down that feeling and write down the food. So now that we have the event identified and what foods are going to be there, I want you to