S1 E17 - Happiness is an Inside Job

Welcome to the Broke to Woke podcast. Our mission for this podcast is to help each and every person out there in the world not only become a force for good, but also uncover those micro magical mental moments that help you become an absolute cerebral pyromaniac. Brittany, this has been an incredible journey. We are going from broke to woke up during this podcast, during this episode, and we're also learning a lot more about each other.

This is fun.

And I think from all the outpours of DMs and the messages and the tweets, like, we're actually helping. And that was kind of our goal, I think, of this entire podcast.

That was our entire goal when we got this together.

We're like, we need to share our stories because I think that we've messed up so badly that we can help some people and they can understand a lot about our journey, but also understand what to do and what not to do and how to go from broke to woke.

Yep.

In this episode, I think we're going to talk a little bit about some definitions, we're going to talk about some terms. We're going to talk about things that we've been able to help, how they helped, why they've helped, what they've helped. And it's going to start with a really easy question for you.

Go on.

What is your definition of happiness?

You know, I've actually always had a problem with the word happy.

Okay.

Because people say that makes me happy, that makes me happy. Or. Yes, it seems so seasonal to me. And in my own experience, I always had a really good reason to be unhappy in my journey. There was always something going wrong. It was pretty tough journey. And what I have learned for me is that joy comes from within, not from whatever you're doing without.

And if I ever felt like having something make me happy, then I'm giving it the power. I'm giving it my energy. And so I had to make a conscious decision.

As I'm overcoming all this stuff, as I'm learning I'm getting sued, I've got haters, I've got people turning on me. I'm with or without money, you know, with or without food, depending on what's going on and what valid excuses use, I had to be unhappy. I remember the day I woke up, I drew a line in the sand and I said, I'm going to choose to live in my own bubble of joy, regardless of external circumstances. And having that choice and taking ownership of my own state dramatically improved the quality of my life to where I just had joy. I actually had happiness, if you want. Want to call it that, for the first time, for real, probably ever. And if I could give any advice, it would be to recognize that emotions coming from you, probably not even being present, and taking ownership of recognizing what is going well in your life. So when I forget. Yeah, because whatever you're feeling, anxiety, fear, depression, whatever, for me, it's forgetting what matters most. And so when I'm completely losing it, certain people are even trained because I'm a genius. Instead of accountability systems. Bernie, go up to the whiteboard, write it out. What is working for you in your life? And some days, on my lowest days a couple years ago, the only thing I could write up on the board was, I have legs.

Sure.

Because I thought if I didn't have legs every day, I would just wish I had legs. I just wish I had legs. So I want you taking it very literally. Yeah. I want to encourage you to just always train your brain to find what is working, not what's not working.

So I have two questions now. Spurred from that, I'm asking both. So you know what's in my mind.

Okay.

Do you believe in depression? And then the second question is, you mentioned that you had a day. You said that there was an actual day where you drew a line in the sand. Was it an actual. An actual day?

It was an actual day.

Can you describe it for me?

It was during that lawsuit.

Okay.

Actually, maybe my third lawsuit. Yeah. I was waking up with massive amounts of anxiety and just. I had depression. And it looked like everything in my life was going wrong and nobody cared about me, and all of this was for a waste. And what really mattered, you know, it was spiraling. And I was like, you know, I'm always gonna have a reason to not be happy, and I'm tired of living like this, so I'm just gonna choose to be freaking happy, to choose to operate from a place of joy. And inside this bubble, all of these things outside will go away eventually. So if I extend this time worrying about them, then I'm not happy. So if I can just not worry about them and recognize they're gonna go away. I just have to deal with them. But don't give it the worry feeling. Then I can just be happy as I deal with them.

Where was that physically when you were there? Do you remember?

I was in Shelby Hills in my house on the second floor, looking out over this park.

Had just checked some really horrible emails first thing in the morning, and I was like, you know what? Yeah, done, done. But I've had to find really creative ways to remind myself. So for me, I'm, I guess, very forgetful. I don't know if everybody else is, but all of my art is intentional. My clothes are intentional. My jewelry is intentional. The people I have around me, the name of my company, everything is a constant walking vision board, okay. Of what I really want to remember and stay true in my life presently and future. So I want to ask you the same thing.

Okay.

How would you define happiness? Sir?

I am over here afraid that my answer is gonna be so less great than yours.

There's no competition and most of your answers are better than mine anyway.

It's not a competition, but my definition of happiness is when you have absolutely nothing to smile about, but yet you do it anyway.

Tell me more about that.

So there's these times in your life like you're mentioning that you are gonna be frustrated, scared, annoyed, depressed. I didn't believe in anxiety for a very long time. I just thought it was a made up thing. Right?

You get to experience and then you.

Get to experience some anxiety. And then when that happens, you have these panic attacks and you have all this weight and this like, ah, all this freak out happens. That's when you can really start believing in depths and souls. And so when you're, when you have no reason to smile, but yet you do it anyway, it allows me to realize that as you mentioned, happiness is synthetically created. It's internally created. You're sitting there understanding that you might be depressed, you might be anxious, you might have a panic attack, you might have this crazy bill or this person or this lawsuit or this email or this Facebook post or this message, I got four of those today. Right? And when you have that challenge and it's sitting there on your shoulders and you're just frustrated, you're stressed out and yet you go, hmm, it's okay. You just have this nice smile and you realize that you can be happy. You get to create happiness internally. And a lot of it does come from gratitude. A lot of it comes from what are you grateful for? And when I write down a journal or take notes of what I'm grateful for, kind of like you, a lot of times I will have to restart very literally.

Yeah.

Because some people are really altruistic and awesome and big picture when they do their generosity pictures. But for me I have to, sometimes if I'm really sad or upset or frustrated or anxious, I have to start at a really ground based level. I'm thankful for electricity. I'm so.

Oh, it's a good one.

So generous for electricity. And the fact that I have an ac, I love that. And again, legs, like the fact that I have working legs. My uncle doesn't. My uncle's in a wheelchair. He was a Vietnam veteran and just having that ability to walk. So I really have to start grounding myself and really think about the base human needs that we have that I can be grateful for. And from there, I can kind of work my way up sometimes. But that's my definition of happiness.

Oh, my gosh. I love it. I love that we both have recognized it is that inside job. And I want to take it a little farther, because once you recognize it's all an inside job, then you own your power.

Yes.

But I stopped. I stopped, I think, two years ago saying he made me feel.

He may have inspired it or she may have inspired it. But I chose to interpret through my filters to then transform this feeling inside myself to then create anger or whatever. He made me so angry. Nah, I made me angry.

Wow.

By the way, I took it.

Yeah.

So no one can make you anything. You get to choose to feel that. And so when I hear it, it's, you know, try not to be judgy. But inside I'm like, that's just a really immature lack of control response. So it's a constant practice.

It is.

But I think true power.

Is when anybody can come la la la la la la. Attack whatever they do. And you just keep your peace.

Yeah.

If you find a way to really walk in a way that no one can steal your peace. You have such an incredible life.

You automatically are winning at that point.

Yeah.

You're winning. You're a step ahead.

Yeah. You're the stronger person.

Yes.

You're more powerful.

You are that beam of light that is needed in that world, in that room, at that moment in time. I'm gonna pause for a moment. Not pause, but actually stop you. And just let everyone who's listening know this. And I know you and I have talked about it a little bit, but I want people to know they need to be listening to you intently for the rest of your life. You are going to be a motivational speaker. You are going to be a force for good for women and for girls and for ladies, for females, because they need more people like yourself. There are not nearly enough women who are leaders in the industry, who are leaders in their subject matter experts or their fields or their passions that are really public about it. And they share their vulnerabilities and they share their fears and they share Their hurdles and their mental insecurities openly. And then they talk about how to get through it. And that's what you're doing on this podcast, and that's what you're gonna do for the rest of your life, and you're gonna inspire millions.

Thank you. I received that. Thank you, thank you, thank you, women. As he says that behind the scenes, just let you know all those same thoughts. I'm not worthy. I'm not good enough. Why, da da. I messed up in life, blah, blah, blah. I'm not. All those thoughts are there, but instead of engaging in them, you say thank you. And you find a way to recognize inside yourself that I've gone through something that could possibly help someone else. So I'm not gonna share from a place of perfection. No, I don't even believe in the P word.

Yeah, we're just gonna call it the P word.

I don't believe in it. It's not real. Because I'm gonna learn more tomorrow and make it even more P word, you know?

Correct.

So instead of sharing from that place of quote, unquote perfection, you share from a place of, is there something in my life that could possibly help someone else? And that's what I want you all to start sharing. Men, women, young, old, you are qualified enough to gift someone with a couple things that you learned in overcoming whatever you've overcome.

Yes, you are qualified enough.

Business problems, could be rape, could be childhood trauma, could be eating disorders, could be whatever it is. If you overcome anything in your life, you can help someone else. And it is your gift. It is your responsibility.

But what if I'm not a good public speaker?

Find another way to tweet it.

That's right.

Figure it out.

Figure it out. There's always a way. There's always a way.

If you wish someone could have shared what you now know with you, then it's your responsibility to share it with someone else.

Oh, my goodness. That's some words of wisdom. And I think it is our responsibility. If we've overcome something, do not feel that judgment and that terror of saying, well, I'm not good enough to do this. That's always our fear subconsciously, to some degree. If we haven't done it, it is literally because you are afraid. If you haven't done and achieved or obtained whatever it is that you want, it is because you are afraid of something. And that is holding you back from that.

I want to tell you one more step. You said, don't feel that. I think it takes a long time to not actually have the feeling because it's a survival instinct. So the difference between me and what I've seen in a lot of other people is I feel all the feelings. I don't act on them.

Yes.

And so to me, again, it's courage versus just confidence. Straight up. It's having the guts to be willing to have those feelings and go the opposite way.

Yeah.

And I've asked myself. I created one really cool little trick, and it's okay, Brittany, is this feeling going to get you closer to being on the other side of overcoming this? Is this feeling going to serve your greater purpose? If not, you got to drop it so much to where I idiot proofed it for myself, which I love to do. I have on my vision board. Here are the five top things that can knock you out of the game.

Oh, wow.

I looked at my eulogy and what I want to be true for my life.

Okay.

And then I wrote a list. All right. If I engage in these five things, which I already currently was engaging in every day, then I will not reach my potential. And here are the five things that I must engage in in order to reach my potential. Number one, insecurity. Number two, anger. Number three, procrastination. And the list goes on and on. I tried to stick to five. I really have, like, eight, but I wrote it down. And so when I wake up nervous, I'm not pretty enough. I'm not la la enough. I'm not whatever it is. I look at my vision board and I'm like, you know what? If I'm too insecure to do this podcast with you, which I'm nervous before every single episode just for y' all to know. Every single one. So nervous. If I engaged in that insecurity and I let it block me from actually doing it, then someone who's supposed to hear something in some episode wouldn't hear it.

Yeah.

And so you just have to find a way to just get over yourself, because this isn't about you.

Yes. So in that regard, then, what would be your definition of success?

Good question. I can't wait to hear your answer. My definition of success is to identify your gift. The one gift inside yourself or the many gifts inside yourself. That light that only you can give to the world and find a way to give it away. Find a way to actually.

Live that versus keeping it. It's not even really a gift unless you give it, right?

Yes.

So I want to hear from you. What is your definition of success?

My definition of success is I am successful when I recognize an Opportunity.

That's a weird answer. I want to hear more. What does that mean? I've never heard that.

Yep. So for me, I wanted to create rules of success where it's easy for me to be successful, it's easy for me to feel successful because I strive so much to achieve and to obtain and to grow and to prosper. But I'm always afraid that I'm going to actually achieve those things and actually prosper and actually be successful. My biggest fear is I will be powerful beyond all measurements. As Marianne Williamson said, that's my biggest fear, is that I truly will actually obtain it and reach it and succeed and then fail and give it all away.

So I want to make sure I can instill some rules and some abilities and some beliefs in myself that are easy, that are simple, that are actually obtainable. And therefore I can prove to myself that I am good enough, that I am capable, that I am abundant, that I am magnificent, that I am incredible. And once I can do that, I can feel more confident, calm and collected, and I can actually pursue what I know I'm able to achieve.

Interesting. So good.

Yeah. So, on that topic, let's talk more about that fear of success, because that's a huge one.

Oh, my gosh.

That's one that holds a lot of people back.

So annoying.

So we're going to talk about the fear of success. We're also going to talk about on the other side of that, what does it look like?

Thank you for listening to the Broke to Woke podcast. You can learn more@geforcemastermind.com or by following us on Instagram forcemastermind. Like the broke to Woke podcast. Click the link in our description to join a mastermind with other force for good entrepreneurs just like you who are taking their life and their businesses to the next level.