S1 E24 - Rebuilding After Losing Everything

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Wow, Jeremy, that last episode was nuts. What a crazy story. Both of us have had a season, I think it's so interesting, a parallel season of losing everything. I want to hear how you built it back, because you've got to rebuild trust. You might have investors, you've got courage, confidence. You're obviously beating yourself up for not having things documented. Where do you start when something so tragic happens, your heart's broken and you lose everything you've ever worked for?

Yeah. Where do you go from there?

Are you laughing?

It's ironic.

It's ironic.

It's literally ironic.

It's the worst.

Yeah. Because I'm having a fellow person who's done it, who's experienced it, go through it, and has said, all right, well, let's do it again. Because that's kind of what happened, is that would. When the situation happened with Donovan, it technically, it marked about the third or fourth time where I do this and then gone, and then I do it again and then.

Yeah. You're like a walking stock chart.

Whoa. Yeah, that's deep. That's kind of deep in a way. I love that. First of all, what I think we have to do is you have to start, or you should start with the spiritual world in the sense of you're going to. This is not what I did. Looking back, should do.

This is later advice.

This is later advice. Because now I think I'm in a spot where if I lose everything I have again, I'm gonna be much, much more prepared. I think you will as well. I think we're gonna know how to recover and we're gonna get it. But what you should do is start with the spiritual route. I went down the physical route. Physical route of let me take it out of my body in the sense of not physically, like, just go to the gym, go work out. I started just how can I dive and pour all of my time that I have all the energy, all the frustration into working out, gym, running, exercising, doing ridiculous events, just going down that road. Drinking also was a bad part of it.

Wow.

So I was still, at this point in my life, I was still really medicating through alcohol. And those are the things I don't think you should do. I think you absolutely should start on the spiritual side, be okay with your emotions. Be totally fine being in grief. A lot of people don't want to, Bernie. They don't want to sit in that world where they're sad. They just want to. They do want to shove it down and go, let me just go back into it. It's like, talk to people, share stories, get a counselor, go to therapy. Those are all things I did not do that I eventually had to because I did break down. I ended up going in the hospital like two years later. So you have to start figuring out those mental things and being okay. Because mental.

Illness or mental sickness or depression or these massive anxieties and these fears that can happen, those are real. And they're going to attack you. They're going to put on, you know, put on your shoulders and push you down and really scare you in the night. And that's where you have to be okay to solve that. Problem number one, it's okay to live in grief and fear and agony, and it's okay to share that with people and tell people that you're in pain.

So that was your experience that it's okay?

That's my experience that I learned. It's absolutely okay to feel that way. It's okay to feel. You're supposed to be sad. You're not supposed to go, nope, let me just keep moving on.

I'm jumping in. Because no one let me be that way on mine. Like, I wasn't. I tried to share with a couple people, but even those people got so freaked out, they couldn't handle it. So the only. My lesson was that only God can handle it and a paid counselor, because the regular untrained people were just like, you're messed up. You're messed up. Get away from this messed up person.

Yeah.

And it was so intense. Yeah. That. So that's my experience. I want to know, were you able to share freely with just friends?

I was able to, but I didn't. I didn't totally share freely. I really did depress it and keep it quiet and keep it internal. And like I said, it came out and reared his ugly head and always does. So you want to, like you said, the paid counselor.

If you go back four years and told me that I would pay a counselor to hear my problems, I would go, you're insane. I'm way too strong for that. I'm way too mentally powerful for that. I already know all the problems I already have. I know how to fix it. Boom, boom, boom. Prayer, spirituality, workout, gym, money. We're good.

Check, check, check.

Boom, boom, boom, boom.

Oh, my Gosh. Your approach is the same as mine.

I know. Not the case, though. Not the case because it did not work.

It worked for a little while. It got you back to a spot where you can recover, but internally you're crumbling.

Right, right.

And the internal pressures are building. And I did go seek a therapist, multiple therapists, and I got. That was great. So I went down the spiritual healing route. I went down the mental healing route, I went down EMDR route. I went down psychotherapy, death therapy, all kinds of other traumatic experiences. Different therapist. And initially, the funny part is I was scared to pay money for them. I was scared to actually tell them what happened. I was afraid that they would judge me. I was afraid that if people found out that I went to therapy, they go, oh, you're a weak person. You're not a real man. No real man does this. All those insecurities and fears were in there somewhere.

I totally thought the therapists would tell people.

Someday. They're gonna tell people.

Yeah.

You can't trust them.

Yeah.

It's like they're recording it.

Oh, that's funny.

Oh, my God.

I didn't have that fear specifically, but, I mean, it's a very valid fear to have, because I understand why you would.

Yeah.

Because, like, oh, they're holding it against me.

Yeah.

I'm famous.

Yeah.

And they're going to go tell someone that knows me, and then I'm going to ruin my career.

Exactly. Somebody always tells the famous person's story.

Yeah.

We've seen too much. So love you, love all this advice, but you're skimming over way too much. I need to hear the real down and dirty.

All right.

You just had a horrific life experience, and I'm sorry to bring it up. I know you're healed enough to be able to share. I want to know exactly what you did.

Yeah.

Next steps, you said, you know, get this. Check, check, check. But what does it actually mean to start spiritual?

Perfect.

You're going to have to dive deep.

And that's the broke to woke aspect. Right. That's the part of the podcast where it's like, okay, we don't want to gloss over. We're going to find out those tactical things. Like, what exactly did you do? Tell me. So step one, when I got a counselor, I also got a therapist, and I got a performance coach. And I told her what I was dealing with and some of the struggles I was dealing with and some of the fears I was dealing with. And she was like, okay, we need to figure out and do things that you've never done before ever, to get your mind out of a place and start healing your mind and heal you. Because you, Jeremy, have been someone in your entire life where you fix other people's problems. You either take your money or your knowledge or your love and go. You're broken. You're broken. You're broken. Let me be with you. Let me date you. Let me help you with this. Let me donate my money for this. I was giving and giving and giving, and I was running out of all the things that I had.

So one of the best advice that I got was go to a park with no phone.

With a notebook and a pen and sit there and write until you start crying. And then keep writing and stay there all day. Keep your phone in your car, you know, for emergency purposes or whatever. But take a day off of work, but don't go anywhere. Go to a park near your house or somewhere that's near you and just do you time.

I had never in my life, Brittany, done me time.

Wow.

Never. I'd never done that. Like, I'd always have someone there, an assistant, a friend, a girlfriend, a best friend.

You are so extrovert, entrepreneur. You're like the most classic of classics.

Classic of classics. I'm a 100% extrovert.

So am I.

And so just being by myself was terrifying.

The worst.

Internally, I didn't know that consciously, but subconsciously I'm like, well, being by myself. Like, I can't share this. Yeah. And so the whole loving yourself approach and taking that time and just being internal, number one, I didn't even think about doing it. But number two, I didn't think it would be benefiting because I was like, no, if I'm an extrovert, I need to share. I need to tell everyone.

I need to give all my, you know. Yeah, no, you need to do this. Like, you need to go in here, man. And so I went to a meditation retreat. I also did that. Yeah, meditation retreat. Which. So I had never meditated up until this point. That was terrifying.

Yeah, right.

I had done some drugs, which was not my. The advice that anyone gave me. I was like, this will work. No, it did not. Do not do that. Psychedelics do not work. No, don't do it. It's not good. Drugs are bad. My teacher was right. So I'm going down these other avenues and I'm finding out what's working, what's not working, and it's really the internal, holistic approach. I still give people that advice that that therapist gave me. Where it's like, go to a park out in nature and just be.

What's the result of doing that?

Though you cried, I did also. Sheer terror because you're just sitting there and you have to fight the boredom, right? You have to fight the, what am I doing here? Why am I doing this? Sounds dumb. This is a waste of time. You know how many times my brain said, this is a waste of time? I'm making no money. I'm not helping anyone. That's what's in your brain right now. Your brain's like, this moron is not making any money out there by himself or helping anybody. He's not helping one single person.

He's not even. Remember this.

I don't have to.

There's no one to share it with.

Who's gonna know he was there. I didn't post on Instagram or Twitter.

The funny, crazy part is, you're absolutely right. It was helping no one else. Wow. It was helping me. And again, that's something I've never done before. I started finding ways to pour into this guy, and I had to find ways to start loving myself, as myself, by myself. And that was something I had never done before. And if you want real healing, that's where it occurs. That's how you start rebuilding. And that was the spiritual rebuilding. There's a financial rebuilding. We could talk about later, podcasts. But there was absolutely parts where I need to figure this part out, because I had already lost everything three or four times. I was like, whatever. This is not as important to me because I've done it once. I guess I can do it again if I really want to. I'm over here, scared, mad, upset, terrified, frustrated upset. I need to heal me, and I didn't know how. And I'd never been given guidance. Most people never figure out how to heal themselves.

Yeah.

They always want to figure out how they can heal other people.

What did you do?

Oh, my gosh.

Well, I will go into my story, but it will take up an entire podcast.

Okay, so we're going to have to hear that next.

I like it, but I want to hear. All right, you keep glossing over some things.

What am I glossing over?

Tell me this horrible thing happened. Yeah, I don't want to hear anything fancy. I want to hear legitimately, exactly what did you run to? You get this call. You realize everything you've just been building just crumbled. Did you first run to alcohol? Did you? You're trying to figure it out. Like, I want to actually hear what'd you do, and then you realize this is the solution.

When did I start drinking? So I got that phone call.

Friday afternoon. And I was about to go to an appointment. So I'm sitting there on my phone, got a phone call. Derek, which is Domin's brother, he called me. And I was like, why is Derek calling me? It was just a random time for him to call me. He normally calls me at night. So I picked up the phone and he was crying. And as soon as he was crying, I went, someone's dead. And he just said, hey, hey, man. Domin's lost. They don't know where he is. No, that's what he told me. So I drive down, like, immediately.

The girl I was with at the time, the one I was dating, I was like, hey, I don't know what's happening. I gotta go. I call my business partners. I gotta go down there. And I think I was up until that point, I think I was sober three or four days. Like, during that whole process, like really feeling it out. And at the funeral.

He was cremated and all the family was there. And it was again, a very emotional situation. But turning to alcohol is a depressant. And when you are depressed, it only makes it worse, but it makes you feel. And that's what I was after. I was after a feeling. Like I wanted to feel the pain. I wanted to know that everything I had lived was real and everything was tangible. And I wanted to know that this pain was actually inside of me and I wanted to be able to express it. And for a lot of guys, a lot of alpha males, especially a lot of southern alpha males, the only way to express real feelings is when you're a little drunk.

That was my. At least my subconscious belief. And so, yeah, I definitely drank a lot. I drank a lot. I went to the gym a lot. I traded a lot, really. I would pour a lot of my time into the stock market. I would pour my time into work. I would not pour time into relationships. I would not pour time into friends, family. I was a very surface, very like, high level person where I just didn't let anyone get to me. And I would just shut off relationships and start focusing on work. And I'm just like, I know I can make this work out. I know I can get this something you could control. Yeah, exactly, the control. I know I can control these things. And that was the challenge.

Thankfully, I didn't do anything overly terrible. I mean, I really did just focus a lot of time and a lot of energy on work, drinking, working out and the drug thing was kind of by accident in a way, but that was.

That was brutal. It was just a brutal season. And I did thankfully start reading some books, right? I started reading some books. I started watching some videos on YouTube. A lot of motivational videos. A lot of Earl Nightingale, a lot of Eckhart Tolle.

Oh, my gosh.

A lot of Alan Watts. And I went down that road for a long time. And I know mentally that I'm strong.

Yeah.

And I am confident in my own mental abilities. I'm like, I can figure this out. I know I can do this. I know I can work my way through this. I have to invest in myself. And I did reach out to a few people that were just very close to me. And I did talk. I did talk to them. I was like, hey, I need to open up. It's like, do you have an hour? Like, can we talk on an hour. For an hour on this phone call? And they would say, like, yeah, we don't talk about it. Like, I need just to talk about Donovan and how I'm feeling about the whole situation. And I would just tell them up front, I need to talk to someone about this. And I don't want you to say anything. I just want to just rant. And then again, getting those therapists and understanding that it's all an internal battle. If you want to become and create and craft and understand that this life journey that we have now, if you want to really figure out why you're here and what it's really about, strip everything away that you think that you know, take it all away, get it rock bottom.

And it can be through meditation, it can be through prayer, it can be through relationship, it can be through love, it can be through losing everything. But take everything away, where you're a baseless human being and you're just there and you're breathing and all you have is your breath.

And then find out what you really love. Wow. And then ask yourself what you care about and why you're here on Earth. And that's when I got my mission even stronger. And I really knew that Dalvin is going to leave a legacy. And he's always going to be talked about through the Newsom family. But I know that in sharing his story, he can live even longer. And I have the ability, and I know the things he did for me, the amount that he trusted me with and the abilities that he gave me, I was like, I am going to enrich lives, and I'm going to do it with my story. I'M going to do it with my words. I'm going to do it with my energy. I'm going to do it with my love and I and I'm gonna do it with my absolute fierce obsession for helping people unlock the mental barriers in their mind.

My gosh, that's so powerful.

I have a very important question I'm gonna ask you in the very next episode.

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