S2 E14 - Whatever you focus on expands

All right. Personally, for an introduction, this is the best I got. This episode, in my opinion, is the cornerstone of the entire season for me. It's emotional, it's incredible, and Brittany gives me tidbits that will forever change my life. Sincerely, and I hope you listen to this one episode ten times in your entire life, because it will change your life every single time you listen to it. So thanks for being here.

Stop giving it energy. I won't say that very frequently because I love energy. Energy is life. But what should we stop giving energy towards? That's what you were talking about just in the last episode.

Whatever you focus on expands, right?

Yeah.

So if you're starting to feel that fear of failure or while you're experiencing, you know, failure, what you're calling failure, and you're just completely consumed with this weirdness, or it could be guilt. I'm giving into guilt. Whatever you're giving into, if that doesn't serve your greater purpose, you gotta drop it. So what will serve my greater purpose? What will get me through this situation faster? If I just responded to the emails with that really confrontational situation, I could just be done with it, and then it's off my plate. I could just be done with it. Or if I could just handle that situation and have that conversation, whatever the thing is, just do it and be done versus, like, circling of avoidance and fear and guilt. I had one situation. I was dating somebody who I really cared about, and I couldn't break up with them. And I was just talking to this guy. He was actually a pastor. I was like, I can't break up with him. I can't break up with him. His life depends on me. Like, all these things. It's just so important. He has nothing without me. I thought. And he said, is guilt a fruit of the spirit? And I was like, no, that's love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, good. You know, self control. And I was like, no. He said, then it's not from God. Stop living in this bubble of guilt thinking that it's a good thing. Well, why did I feel bad? Because I care about that person. So this is one of the best tricks.

Oh, my gosh, I'm so ready.

Are you ready for the best piece of advice ever?

Hold on, let me kind of pick up my pen real quick.

You must.

Okay. Pen is picked up.

But all the greats do.

Pen is ready.

All the greats take notes, people. I don't know if you're ready.

I'm ready.

Ask yourself, what is the most loving thing I can do for that person long term.

So when you're starting to give in to the emotion of guilt and you're like giving somebody money or taking care of something for them, blah, blah, blah. If you're doing it out of guilt, it may not be something that actually helps them. This is especially good for parents.

Yes.

Your kid runs out of money because they were an idiot and spent it all on blah, blah, blah, mom, I'm out of money. Dad, I'm out of money. Whatever. Are you helping them by giving them more money? They're out of money.

Yeah.

They need it.

Sure.

They're your kid.

Yeah. Hello.

What's the most loving thing you can do for them? Long term? Kid goes to jail for something. Is it more loving to let them sit there than to bail them out? You decide.

Yep.

You decide. So that is some of the best advice I've ever been given, and I have used it so long. And I've become an empowerer versus an.

Enabler in a crazy way. Brittany, I could almost sum up the whole season one and season two of Broke to woke with that question. Because if you want to go from being broken to being truly awakened in all aspects of your life, just heightened at your most incredible apex of who you are.

What is the most loving thing I can do with this person? Long term could be a primary question that you ask in your business relationships, personal relationships, relationship with God, relationship with your wife, your husband, whoever. Because that question will raise some very, very specific answers. And those answers, some of them won't always be kind and easy.

Yeah, the key words there, guys, do not lose. That is the words. Long term.

Yeah, that's the key word. It's not short term.

Absolutely.

Yeah. Because long term, that will be that fear that will be that you're going to have to do something initially that is painful sometimes. And just like when I remember you telling me a story that your parents spanked you every now and then when you were a kid.

Once every blue moon.

And she laughed because she was spanked every day. Yeah, but I mean, when that happens, they don't enjoy that. They. They're saddened by that. It's one of those things where, like, man, I have to do this thing, but it's gonna be better, right, to discipline my child with the rod, so to speak. And that action is never comfortable at the moment. I remember my dad saying that to me a few times, like, trust me, son, I dislike this a lot worse than you do. At the time, I was like, yeah, right, bro. You sure?

Then let's Switch places.

Yeah, let's switch places, Pops, you know, let me spank you.

That's what I said.

Did you?

Oh, yeah. They didn't say that again after that.

That's awesome.

I'm the one that needs the punishment.

That is very funny. That is very funny. But Brene Brown once said, it's not always nice, but it's necessary. So in that aspect, I think that's a beautiful takeaway. It's an incredibly powerful question that we can ask. And generally, when you're dealing with that pain, instead of giving it some of giving that fear, giving that anxiety, that energy.

You can ask yourself. Ready for this?

Oh, yeah. Picking up what you're putting down.

Here we go. You can ask yourself the same question.

What can I do to myself for this to be a better progression long term? Like, what do I need to do for me?

What is the most loving thing I can do for myself long term? You freaking guy. I have been living by this for, like, seven years. I have never even thought one time to ask myself that. How ridiculous is that?

So ridiculous.

Oh, my gosh. But no, that's the power of.

Yes.

A powerful circle.

Yes. I was just about to say that when our brain. When our brain waves link, it's almost visual. You can almost see it going in the studio. Because you're right. That's a thing that we can always do. And the answer, like she said, might not always be nice, but it's gonna be needed. And sometimes for ourselves. Like, you need to go meditate or go pray for a while, or you need to make a phone call because you made a few phone calls that you didn't wanna make before.

Oh, all the time.

Once or twice.

Just avoiding that call. Avoiding that.

Yeah. So when you're in that situation, you're avoiding that call. What is it physically, Brittany, that you do to, like, prepare for that?

When I'm avoiding it or when I'm preparing to actually answer it?

No, both. I think they're both kind of the same. Like, when you're avoiding it, you avoid it for, like, what, 10 seconds? And then you do something and then you go make that phone call.

Got it?

Yeah. What is that?

I think it depends on the situation.

Sure.

Every single one of them is different. But I start with, I tell myself all this stuff. How can I extend grace? First.

I just remind myself, if I release anger, then I'm giving them my power. And if I actually am angry at someone, I don't want to give them my power anyway. The most powerful thing I can do Is remain calm and to always come from a spirit of love.

My brain literally hurts. What? I didn't even think about that.

You rocked me. You don't get the satisfaction of knowing you rocked me.

Oh, my gosh.

Emotionally, I'm stable, calm, collected, loving. I'll never raise my tone. I'll never call you a name. Never.

Ever.

That is legendary advice. This is the best episode of all time anywhere. Because when you mention the word power, think about how good it can feel to be really angry at someone and how energized you feel. Not necessarily positive energy, but you're like. Like you're just jacked up, right? You can go do anything you want to call this person and just cuss them out for hours and yell at the top of your lungs and tell them all the things that are on your mind, all the things they deserve to hear, all the pain they put you through. But when you do that, I've never, until this exact moment, thought about this way. You are literally transferring some of your energy and some of your power and giving it to them, because there's no way you can be a heightened state like that and them not receive some of that from you. Holy smokes.

That's amazing.

I'm gonna tell you a story I have never told before. I actually caught a guy cheating on me as a guy I just was dating. Not that I've dated many people. Guys sound like I have. No, caught him cheating on me. Felt all the feelings, anger, wanted to go punch him in the face. Like, what an idiot. First of all, like, so dumb.

You messed up.

And I.

What are you doing?

I thought to myself, what is the worst thing I could do to him? I'm like, well, his car doors, he, you know, left in my. My house. Like, I could go key them. Like, all these. He had a jeep. And I was like, I could just wreck this person. And I was like, what's the worst thing I could do to him? Worst thing I can ever do to this person is not give him a future with me. Because I was kind, I was loving, I was thoughtful, I was a dang good girlfriend. And if he's willing to throw that away, he just doesn't get any future with me. That's the worst thing. And then I actually asked myself, because I loved him. And love doesn't just go away in a second. It doesn't go away when somebody hurts your feelings. And I ask myself, what is the most loving thing I can do for them? And it was to just tell him, I know and just to let him know I know he's better than that, and I hope he steps up someday. And it's crazy, you know, that person's not my significant other. But they did. They. Instead of just riling out and, like, you know, it being this dramatic thing and ever calling me crazy because I keyed his doors, which I didn't do.

But what'd you do? Like, how'd you end it?

I said that. I call it. I. Tony Robbins broke up with him.

I call it that.

Oh, my gosh.

I was like, all right, Brittany, this is the ultimate test of remaining calm.

Yep.

Because I was near this person when I found out. I, like, happened to, like, be in another room, thankfully. But I took him aside and I said, hey, person, just want to let you know I went through your phone. I know I shouldn't have. Don't care at all.

Yeah.

Hey, I just want to let you know I did see all the people that you were texting, and I think you're better than that. We had something really special, and it is shocking that you were willing to throw it away over whatever or whoever. And I hope that you step it up, because obviously this is going to sound really cocky. I don't care. Obviously, you can attract greatness. You can attract somebody who really cares about you and wants the best for you. And I hope next time, you don't throw it away.

Bam.

And then that was it.

Bye, dude.

Yeah.

By no name. Don't even get a name on the pod.

No name.

Sorry, bro.

No name. No name.

Dang.

And I'm okay, you know? Cause I recognize my value, and I want to share that with other men and women listening to this.

Recording that you are valuable enough to not have to keep bad behavior, you know? And it was really important to me to redefine love, because I was in an abusive marriage. And he would say the worst things the world, do the worst things in the world, and also say he loved me.

And it took me crawling up to my whiteboard, shaking, and, you know, I just thrown up however many times from this stress of going through this to actually write down.

What is love? If you're gonna say it to me, I don't think that's what it is. Love is not a word. So I was asking myself, what is love? And then I remembered some scripture that says God is love. And I was like, okay, well, this person's actually using scripture against me and using God against me and using, like, all this stuff that's really important to me. Against me.

Yeah. Manipulation 101.

Yeah, it was smart, but I went up and I said, okay, God is, I wrote on the board, love. God is willing to lay himself down for you. So this is like the greatest example of love. God is full of grace, patient, kind, gentle with his words, faithful, truthful, will never leave you nor forsake you, a protector, a pursuer. God is not a blamer. So also love is not a blamer, a liar, someone who guilts, someone who says you're not enough, manipulative, fear based, controlling, he's never going to give you the silent treatment. God is not a one way street relationship. Love is not confusion, love is not belittling. And so if someone's saying they love you but they're doing anything on that list I just went through, that's not love. So this is one of the ways that people get trafficked and is they're loved into it, they're actually dated, they're adored. And then it just starts getting twisted just so, just starts being confused just so. So if it's, if it's words, if it's actions, if it's scriptures, doesn't matter if it starts being twisted just so it can be used as a weapon against you. And it's really important for you to take the time to define love, know what it is, know what it's not and ask yourself, are you doing that for people who even hurt you? You know? Yeah, some people may be the abuser listening to this. And it's time for you to check yourself. Am I being loving? And what does that mean? It does not mean we put up with bad behavior, but it still means you can kick them out the door. Yep, kick them out the door with kindness.

Yeah.

Bye. Loving yourself enough to not put up with bad behavior like that.

And in doing so you take away all of their power and you keep it for yourself. One of the beautiful, most selfish self expressions of internal love that you can have. Absolutely mind blowing. I can't wait to hear more.

Now did I go home and punch my punching bag and listen to some Beyonce and scream into a pillow and eat ice cream? Yeah, that's fine for one day. I totally did. But he didn't get to see it.

That's okay.

Don't give people your power.

Love it. I love it. So many more good stories coming your way in the next episode of Broke to Woke. Thanks for listening.

Like what you're hearing but want to take it to the next level. Come hang out with us in person. My life has been changed through summits. So Jeremy and I decided to. Let's host summits. Let's do these mastermind meetings for multiple days on end in the most beautiful locations in the whole world so our listeners can be inspired and elevate themselves to actually put all this information into application. Grow their wealth, grow their impact. Go to broketowoke.com, pick the summit that's right for you. We'll see you there.