S2 E29 - Attracting the RIGHT people

There's a chance, very small chance, you might be a little bit rusty in your networking and you're meeting people in person. So in this episode, I'm going to teach you how to connect with people immediately so that you are aligned and on a focused path to complete your mission in life.

That is a very cool story, Brittany. That. The big takeaway for me on that one was this gentleman said that there's so many people on this planet. I mean, 7 billion ish. That you were not with someone coincidentally or accidentally ever. So he wants to pour value and find out, what is that magical moment? Why are we here? And that was so cool. And that's an amazing opportunity and. And just a beautiful way to think about networking.

It is. It makes you actually pay attention to. Why am I in the room with them versus hiding behind your phone.

Yeah, exactly. It was a big one for me.

And instead of just being introduced and be like, okay, I'm never gonna remember this person's name. You understand? Like we said earlier, they are a beautiful universe wrapped in skin that I need to understand why we're in this room together. What is our common ground? What are we supposed to do? What am I supposed to learn? What am I supposed to. When you approach another human being with those thoughts, what do you think happens in that conversation?

Something gets created.

Something always gets created.

You bring an energy that's unmatched, I'm telling you.

And this is so key, as we get out of pandemics or whatever reason humanity gets disconnected. It could be social media, it could be things going more virtual. It could be the lack of an office anymore, could be people not able to meet anymore. Whatever. The thing is, if you're getting disconnected, you're gonna be a little rusty. But if you really want to scale your life, you're gonna have to do it with other people.

Yes.

Hermits that live alone in basements all by themselves and never talk to anyone are not that influential amongst the world. And the world needs good people to rise up and take some ground for good.

So.

So teach me, sahib, how do you personally connect with people and build the incredible relationships that I've seen you have in every area of your life?

Thank you. And I'll definitely share my tips. And this tip, the one that you just kind of gave me in the previous episode, in this episode, is gonna really help reduce my anxiety. Or anytime I'm in a room and I'm like, oh, my gosh, I feel.

No, hold on. You do not get anxious.

I do.

No, you do not no, Right.

Cause again, when you're there, you're like.

Oh, I thought that was just.

Yeah, right, of course.

But we're extroverts of extroverts.

Sure.

We still get anxious.

We do.

Oh my gosh. I thought it was just me.

No, we still get anxious. And having that, like, why am I here? That that alone, I think will be a fun, super exciting takeaway for me. When I'm in that room, I'm like, I'm here for a reason. I'm in this room.

I get to figure it out with.

These people for a reason. Boop. This is a puzzle piece. Here we go.

What's fun about that question? And that approach is again, you kind of view every life situation as a fun adventure. You know, you are writing your story every day. What do I get? You know, what's the one person I'm gonna meet today that's gonna change everything? I mean, you met your beautiful wife one day.

Yep.

That changed everything. It changed the course of your life. It changed the future babies you're gonna have. It changes the decisions you make because of one day you weren't looking at your phone, you looked up and you saw her beautiful face.

Yes.

And one day you made a crazy video and you sent it to me and asked me to be a speaker at one of your conferences. And one day, you know, it's that connection that changes everything.

Yes. So the way that connection begins is the icebreaker. Right. What is your name? That's a great way, great place to start.

Profound.

Yeah. Profound, right?

Yeah.

You start there, obviously, Basic. But usually one of my go to questions, the one that I ask that a lot of people don't ask. Right. A lot of people go, what do you do now? How do you change the world?

That's a good question.

One of my go to questions, how do you change the world? Or what's your number one skill set in life if we're not at that, like those levels? So how do you change the world? What impact do you want to leave? I'm asking a big question. My very first question is a big question. I want to know am I going to be talking to this person or how long am I gonna talk to this person or are they gonna be there for how long? I'm just trying to get some intel on how we're gonna be connecting. And once they start going through and they have to look at me really weird, they look at me like, ah, you're a strange person. Right. Then I can know that, alright, well, this person might not be the absolute most impactful person that I need to connect with. So thank you so much. Let me move on. Point two is towards the end, one of the questions I ask for someone is let's exchange information. Right. So it doesn't sound like I'm actually asking you for anything. We're actually exchanging things. So I'm not asking for a phone number, I'm not asking an energy piece from you. I'm exchanging something with you. So it feels like this. I'm getting something and receiving something. When realistically I'm probably getting your phone number, your email, your contact info, social media. Yeah, I'm getting dem digits so I can keep connecting with you in the future. I have the ability to voice message you, send you a message and if I can get that person's birth date, especially if they're very, you know, something I want to connect with and stay in touch with, get as much information as I can and try to remember right as I'm listening and I get their contact information, I will do whatever I can. For example, I met someone on a private island recently who I think is an amazing human being. And he has an eight year old daughter. I took a note of that in his contact information. 8 year old daughter, I don't know her name yet. I should have asked at some point, but it's Alex. Okay, thank you. Right. But you obviously remember that you asked that, you took note of that. And that is something that is going to be a compelling thing to know because that makes you a real connection, that makes you a real human. Like hey, I care. I want to know this information. I want to know who you are as a person.

That's good.

And then we'll kind of go from there and to fill in those blanks right from the beginning, you know, what's your name, what impact you're gonna leave on this world to let's exchange information in the middle again. Love language. I want to know what this person is, who they operate through, why they operate that way.

That's a very good question for you.

Okay, go for it.

So you were just telling me a story in the last episode about this person who I just met. Their love languages, clearly, yes. Physical touch. I was around this person for four days longer than you. I didn't.

Get to pick up on it. I just didn't think to notice it. What is your best advice on how to notice what love language is? What? I mean, how did you even know mine was Acts of Service?

That's fair. That's very fair.

In essence, it's how they compose themselves and the things that they talk about.

Oh, yeah, that's a good one.

How they compose themselves and things they talk about. So in general, this particular gentleman that we're both discussing, when I met him, I shook his hand. And when I shook his hand, he took a second hand. He had two. He took a second hand and put his hand on top of mine. That, my friends, is a clear signal. Generally, I do that too. When I meet someone, I'm either shaking your hand with two hands or I'm hugging you.

That's a pageant handshake, by the way.

Yeah, and a pageant hand. I did not.

Double hand.

It is.

Well, when you do it.

Sincerely, Covid. Friendly, but, you know, true sanitize.

So that's one. The second one. When I see someone offering to do things for people, that's a way. So when we met in person for the very first time, right? It was.

At the Pinnacle building in Nashville, and I was coming in, and you were working with something. And when I was waiting, do you remember what you said?

No.

Hey, I'm gonna be a few more minutes. Do you need anything?

Oh, that was nice, right? Look how nice I am. So thoughtful.

Yeah, you were nice.

Constant thoughtful. No, I'm just kidding.

But think about that, because, again, I listened, and that is a telltale sign. Do you need anything? This person loves to serve.

So what Jeremy is describing is called Level 5 listening. And this is something I recently learned from a guy named Sean Callagy. He runs an organization called Unblinded. And one of the coolest things he said because he, like, ninja listens, he's blind.

Oh, my gosh.

And so he's obviously really enhanced his listening ability, but he listens to listen, to listen. Oh, my gosh, all the way. So best thing ever. He was, like, saying all this stuff about somebody after they told him a story. And I was like, how the freak did he know that? And he said, brittany, no one ever shares a piece of information they don't want to talk about. So if they're telling me their story and they mention their father, even if it was briefly, they want to talk about their dad. They want to say what he did or what he meant to them or why that piece of the story mattered so much. So when people bring up something.

They'Re really, really interested in it. So people don't say something for no reason. I was like, wow. So if I said, do you need something? He picked up. I'm thoughtful. I'm considering his needs. And if I can go get him something, I must like serving, which means acts of service. Yeah, that's deep.

People piece all that together.

That is deep.

Yeah.

What's another one? I love this.

Having fun?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's really cool. So this is one of my small skill sets, and I didn't realize it for a very long time, but I generally care about people.

Oh, that's probably helpful.

Yes. That should be in your repertoire, ladies and gentlemen. Just honestly, truly, truly care. One of the ones about quality of time. And you mentioned this one earlier, and that's why I was kind of smiling as I was like, that's. It is a challenging one. But when people specifically reference time. Okay, so for example, if someone says, oh, I'm so sorry to have you waiting, I insert X amount of time. I will be there in this amount. Like, I'll be there in five minutes because whatever. Or I'm so sorry that you were five minutes late. Or I'm so sorry that I'm keeping you. When people start really referencing their time, it's up there. So yours. Obviously, it's on the list. It has to be, because there's five love languages. But you do want people to be respectful of your time. Right. And you have very, very specific protocols and directions on how you want to interact with people and communicate with people. So in a situation where someone talks about time, they mention and they talk about, oh, there's this one time that me and my dad did this. Or there's this one time when you use the word time.

Wow.

Sounds wild. But it's very, very simple.

Cool.

Yep.

That's interesting.

Yeah. So gifts and words of affirmation. The gifts relatively obvious in a way. So if you go to someone's house and. Or let's say you're at someone's house and someone brings you a gift, but it wasn't just a random gift. It was something they thought about. So again, you mentioning that when you go to your sister's house, you bring some type of letter or a picture frame that you specifically thought about. Right. When you notice that because this one on my list is my very low. It's the smallest one. It doesn't mean that I don't appreciate it. Obviously you do. But it's not something that. If someone gives me a specific gift. Right. I love it, I appreciate it. But that is not going to be how I portray love initially. Now, if I know that's someone's top level, I will think through, okay, how can I provide something for them? And generally it is. They are thoughtful, they create, they give literally a gift, right. And it's an obvious one, but like if you go to a studio or a network or an interview or whatever and they give you a card, a candy, something to have, something to take, even if it's just simple and obvious, if they go, hey, would you like to have this thing? And they give it to you rather than asking you. Because if they ask you do you want it? That could be acts of service. If they literally give it to you, that could be that person really likes giving gifts.

Wow.

Yeah. And then the words of affirmation again, sounds obvious, but when they actually do it to you, so the people that go out of their way to leave you a compliment, those people love receiving compliments. That's how they act, man. Yeah. And so when you're talking about it seems so simple. It does, but it's how I've been networking for a very long time and how I can create an instant, immediate connection with someone that's genuine, that's heart centered, that's filled with integrity.

So in a non manipulative way. Do you use this for negotiation?

I do. I mean negotiation in an aspect of if I know how someone wants to receive something, how someone enjoys receiving something, what they truly care about. The negotiation style for me is if I am trying to now we're doing business and you need something, I need something. Both have things that we need to connect with initially. Absolutely. I will open up with some type of either a gift or you know, a hug or a high five or hey, man, you're looking amazing today, dude. Your suit is on point, your tie is phenomenal. Right? Really thinking through. And as we go through it, the negotiation tactics and tips, mirroring and matching, very, very simplistic. If you say something to me, I will repeat back to you what you just said to make sure that we're on the same page. So if someone says something to the extent of I would love to receive a 10% return on this thing, I would say, alright, so just to make sure I'm hearing you right, you want to receive a 10% return on XYZ. And then I pause. Super tiny tip. But that mirroring, that matching is massive in negotiation because it lets the person know subconsciously that I'm really listening to them. And when I truly do listen, when I truly do care, it opens up and it allows them to be more facilitable to me. Allows them to go, yeah, absolutely, let's flow, let's connect, let's make this deal happen. Because I care about you and you care about me, obviously.

And the nice thing about what he thinks, people can definitely go off the tracks with this. People can be shady, especially in real estate. You know, they're cutting people's legs off with NLP and like all this creepy stuff. He started with, I want a genuine connection if I'm looking to do a deal with you. He wants a genuine connection with people. He doesn't want to rip them off. So that's important. And when people understand that you are safe, they'll tell you what they really want. And if you can work with that, then you can strike a deal.

Because you're a negotiation queen.

I'm a negotiation queen because I don't have weird intentions. You know, I don't have gross intentions. People can sense my heart really fast. And all I do is, is find out what they're looking for and see if I can give it to them. If I can give it to them, then I have struck a deal.

Precisely.

If I can't give it to them, I let them know quickly and then I educate them so that they can work it out with somebody else on why what they're looking for might be insane, or how they can improve something so that it can be more valuable. Or if they need to go down and rezone the property themselves. You know, there's all kind of cool things and they can weigh, oh, you know what, I don't feel like rezoning that myself, but if I do, it will be worth more. They can choose if that makes sense for their life or not, for example.

Totally. And one of the ways that you're understanding and figuring out what they actually need is by listening. Yeah, you're probably listening. And try tuning in on, wait a minute. If this person's entire debt gets paid off right before this actual house transaction goes through, they'll probably be more at ease because they realize that that's the piece. So your negotiation tactic could be. How about. How about we pay off this line of credit or this debt, the thing that you have, and then we can do this deal. It could be something to that extent. I'm sure you've had examples.

I don't even know if I would call it a negotiation tactic or a deal making tool. You ready for my best one, number one in the world?

Yeah.

Jeremy Newsom, if we are sitting here one year from today and we are celebrating with our superfood mocktails. Yes, we just clinked glasses. We're looking out over the sunset saying, man, that's the best thing we ever did. What has to have happened over the last year for this transaction to be the best thing you ever did?

And what a great open ended question. Then you pause, then you pause and let the person speak. Let them tell you what their heart is like, oh, I would love for this and this and this to be completed.

It gives me. I take his order. So then I go back and see if I can make that work. And I'm like, I'm going back to my lair to see if I can make. But no. So for in real estate, if I'm sitting with Jane and I ask her that question, she'll say, I really need to be in this house for the next six months. I can't afford it. But I really need to live here. Because in six months I'm going to move in with my son, who then is going to blah, blah, blah, blah. He's moving out of his home and he's having a baby. So instead of me saying, jane, I'll give you this offer and I'm going to close in 10 days and boom, sale done closed. Boom, Fast cash. That's not what she wants, right? What does she want? Does she need me to pay some bills for her? Does she need me to catch her up so she don't lose the house? What is the most important thing to her? And can I fit her terms and her timeline, and if I can, she's gonna sell it to me instead of somebody else?

Yes.

I make the most sense. Why? Because it's what she needs.

Precisely.

So it's just listening. And again, we're not here to rip anybody's, you know, legs out because if I screw over Jane, but I sponsor an orphan in the name of the next home buyer. Am I in alignment?

No.

No. But can I find a way to create a win win with her? And I might still get a good price on it, but it was the best thing in the world for her. It just depends. So make sure you're staying pure all the way through in all your projects and all your negotiations and all your deals. And what's crazy is so much good will come into your life. I have had organizations come to me and say, you're the only one we want to work with. I'm like, why? We want to sell you this for $5 million. We know it's worth 7. I'm like, why? They said, because you'll do the right thing with the Property killer. It's crazy killer. But that's how your values open doors for you guys.

Yeah. And again, we've talked about it in immense detail. The circle, the tribe, the people you surround yourself with, the interactions that you have, the deals that you create and make, those are all part of your circle of influence. Those are all part of your network, and your network equals your net worth. So as you grow, as you build, as you inspire, as you create leaders, all of that has a point. And one of our points, truly, is to love and to serve. And I feel like we've done an extremely good job of that in season two. It's almost over.

It's almost over.

There's one more episode left, but are the people ready? No.

Should we give it to them anyway?

Yep.

Let's do it.

I'll see you there.

Like what you're hearing, but want to take it to the next level. Come hang out with us in person. My life has been changed through summits, so Jeremy and I decided let's host summits. Let's do these mastermind meetings for multiple days on end in the most beautiful locations in the whole world so our listeners can be inspired and elevate themselves to actually put all this information into application. Grow their wealth, grow their impact. Go to broketowoke.com, pick the summit that's right for you. We'll see you there.