S3 E04 - We both got married

Gentlemen, if you are looking to attract and keep a queen, listen to what J. Money Newsome. That's my new name for you. J Money Newsome talks about how to go from broke to woke in relationships.

Jeremy Alexander Newsom, you and I have both gotten married since last season.

Crazy.

You've got a kid, you're part of five new companies that you weren't part of before, and you do these freaking insane ultra athlete competitions. I mean, you're on 2,600 pushups yesterday.

Yeah.

I don't know why you're doing this stuff. I really don't know why you do this stuff, but we'll talk about that. Anyway, what are you doing to keep, maintain and scale a successful relationship with your wife while doing all these things and scaling your impact?

That's the question, right? That's it. I get that one a lot. And I love that question because it makes me think about how perfect and beautiful my wife is.

She is. She's way amazing.

She's so far out of my life.

The thing is, if that part of your life's not in order, it sucks on the rest of everything.

Yeah. So Solana actually told me a week or so ago, when your relationship is good, that's fantastic because you do have the ability to work on other things.

That's a big, big key to get correct is the relationship. And for some people, it could be relationship with wife, husband. It could be a relationship with parents or business partner. Right. One of my best friends, Matt DeLonge, I love that guy so much. Right. Business partner of mine. But we have a very healthy relationship as well, along with many other individuals and other businesses I'm a part of. So the key, I think, is.

Figuring out a way. This is my answer. Right. My opinion. Figuring out a way to ask unique and different questions daily and be there to really listen to those answers. Essentially, have a podcast like this with your partner once a day where we sit down. An example of one of our family rituals is we have a family gratitude breakfast every Saturday morning.

That's cute.

And we sit down. Does it happen every single Saturday? No. But the majority of Saturdays, the vast majority of Saturdays, we will sit down and we ask ourselves, what were three moments where you were most grateful this past week?

Wow.

And we go around the table, talk about it. Gabe does it. Jason, he's been slacking recently.

Six months old yet.

Yeah, he can't speak yet. So there's a challenge there. But we go around the table, whoever's there, because I have a lot of friends, clients, Guests, people over for coaching, whatever, and so they'll do that with us. Interviewing, asking, pouring in, and having admiration for. For your partner is huge. So for me, I truly do admire my wife's work and ability and skill set. And so when she does or performs or works on a person or has a healing, I ask her about that, and I'm really caring. Most spouses, when they get into a transactional relationship where, hey, we're making money, you're here to help me. I'm growing. I hope you're there to support me. Right. It's all about, I want this person to transact for me so I can do things. And, oh, when I need someone to cuddle with, you're there. It needs to be the other person is the best version of you. You are the second place. It's them. And she feels the exact same way about me.

That's nice.

Which is nice. Exactly. It's a big deal because let's not harp over and gloss over a lot of guys like, oh, I married up. She's out of my league. Yes, all those things are true. But she says the exact same thing about me.

Right. So it's not that mutual respect, mutual admiration, mutual love.

It's a massive, massive piece.

Yeah. Nobody's taking advantage.

Correct.

The system.

Correct. And so every day, sitting down and really, really asking truly honorably deep questions of what dreams did you have last night that scared you the most about your future? Right. What impact are you not making today, and how can I help you make that impact? What do you need help with that I haven't helped you with recently? I mean, just whatever these. Find questions, Google them if you need to. Google is our best friend. Right, Brittany? Yes. Go in. If you need a list of questions to ask your partner, Google them. But then ready. We talked about this earlier. Most people do not actually take action. They don't. We'll say, okay, friend, business partner, person that we're working with, spouse, whatever. Can we do these things together? And guess what? They don't. Those actions were never taken. Those are huge. And if those actions aren't taken, call them out. So not to belabor this point, day 23 of this current challenge that I'm doing, I was done. I was 100% going to quit. Because first of all, this was my own challenge. No one gave this one to me. It's 100 pushups times of the day. So, yeah, yesterday was 2600, but on day 23, I was absolutely done. I had just done a trading conference in Atlanta. I'm pulling 19 hour days doing these stupid push ups. And I got home after, you know, a long drive, spending tons of time, energy, really being present with as many people as possible at 7pm I hadn't done any push ups yet. Right. And so I had 2300 to do before midnight. And as soon as I got home, that's the first question that my wife asked me. Like, how many push ups you have left? Yeah, first. First question. So she knows these, these ridiculous things I'm doing, but she's a champion and she told me, she's like, well, that's cool and all. I'm glad that you're tired. And it's amazing. I know you poured in tons of your energy, but you're not going to sleep until you see.

Really? Oh, man, she's way better than me.

Wouldn't even let me enter the bedroom. What? Yeah, she's like, you're doing them right here in the kitchen. Don't even go, like, don't even try to pretend you're tired.

You do 2,300 in a row.

Well, no, not like I'd spread out over five hours. Yeah, I'd spread out over five hours from seven to midnight.

What's. How many can you do in a row right now?

About 50, 55, 60. Yeah, but she was championing that vision.

And she needs attention. After that whole day, she's still pushing.

I wasn't even there for two days. Right. I wasn't. She didn't. What? Yeah, I wasn't with her for two days until I want to be her.

It's that commitment to what is the person trying to accomplish in that moment, in that season and championing that brand being. Oh, who's the book? It's marriages. 100.

100, right.

No longer. 50. 50.

I heard that. Yeah. Love it.

It's over. 100. 100. I am committed to her success.

Unequivocally, with resilience that no one would ever even imagine testing. If there is a wall in front of me between me and her and her success, fame and notoriety, I will break it down with my bones.

And people need to have that with their spouse.

What makes you want to do that? Because, you know, we've all been in previous relationships, like, what makes you want to do that for her?

She poured her gift into me and I feel almost as if I owe her in the most beautiful and truest form of gratitude, of ultimate respect. I think every single person listening has a spouse, a partner, a friend, someone who could pour more into them if we Allowed it. The challenge was I allowed it. I let her show me her grace and her power and her form and her energy. And I was open to receiving that. Because you mentioned it in the last episode and in previous episodes. That openness, that willingness to allow, to receive, to be good enough for someone to give you their gift or to give you their time, their energy, their money without asking anything in return. That's friendship. That's love, though you've done that for me so many times. And I try my best not to feel overwhelmed by that grace because I'm like, why? Why did she do it so nice. But that is what friendship is about. That's what. If you're in a relationship, you should probably be friends. The previous relationships that I was in, at least I wasn't friends. It was a transactional thing. I was in this relationship to get something. Wow. Right? Generally pleasure or note or.

Acceptance, you know, sure, let me date Miss North Carolina, whatever. Like that my friends will like me. Then that acceptance. Oh, yeah. I'll be with this model battle. Guys will like me more.

You're successful.

I'm successful because I'm dating someone who's really hot. That was why I was doing it.

Why the shift? And if I. If you don't want to share this part, we can cut it.

That's like we. And she says that although we've never edited anything out of these.

You've had a woman set all your clothes on fire before. So it's not like you've been perfect in relationships.

I failed.

What made you shift?

And to this one, like, I mean that I think these kind of things are important because we're. We are both not born this way. And that's the point of broke to woke is the journey of failure after failure, quote, unquote, lesson after lesson. Hard times, great highs, amazing things. But all of it, again, it's still you. But it's the. It's the mindset, it's the heart set. It's the love that comes through you. That goes from being a guy that has his clothes set on fire to a guy that gets to attract and keep the queen. That after not seeing you for two days, raising your baby and taking care of the household and all this stuff, still, instead of saying, please hold me, I need you, holds you to your goals. Like what?

Yeah.

You've done that. You have changed enough to be able to have that. So how does one go from. You're talking to men specifically.

Yeah.

Dating the model.

Yep.

And needing all that affirmation to Being able to have a Svetlana.

I'm glad you bring it up, because it wasn't her. Right? It wasn't. It wasn't the models. It was me. Yes, it was. It was my. It was my issues. And I. I think for the men out there, the big takeaway is you have fears that you're not willing to openly discuss.

That's what it is.

Wait.

Yeah.

Now, what does that mean on a practical basis? I got chills, so we know this is gonna go somewhere good. But, like, what does that mean?

Oftentimes it's the fear of vulnerability. If we're with a woman who is fully open, transparent, emotionally connected, she is a vessel for downloads and for direct messages. She's going to be able to see through all of our weaknesses. She knows. She never sees the shield that we hide in front of her heart. There's no shield when you're with a woman like that. And for me, I had that shield up, and I didn't want anyone to see all the insecurities and pain and, oh, I'm terrified when I'm doing this, or I'm scared when I walk into a room and everyone's wearing a Rolex and driving a Bentley and I'm pulling up in my Toyota Corolla. Right. I don't want all these people to know that I don't know anything. I'm just showing up, and I'm just, as you say, pulling it out of my butt. I'm just making these things up as I go. I don't want them to know that.

Right.

And so you would hide that. And most men will create a shroud of insecurity around us to really mask all of our fears and emotions, because we don't want to cry in front of our female. We don't want to cry in front of our woman. We are so scared of doing that that we would rather lie to her. And those were the shifts I had to make realizing, honestly, the big one was realizing why I drank. That was the massive, massive shift for me. The actual. The thing, the tactical reason, because the reason I drank Brittany Turner was because I felt that subconsciously, this is all a deep, deep, deep thing. I needed to dampen my light and to make my injury less. I didn't want to be a peak performing alpha male, because if I was. If I was really full on 100% Jeremy, people would think I'm weird. People would ask me, oh, what are you on cocaine all the time? How do you have so much energy?

I actually want to challenge that.

Okay.

Because I don't think it was people potentially asking if you're on cocaine. I think that you love people so much you don't want to intimidate them.

Oh, yeah, 100%.

With your greatness.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

And of course they're probably going to ask you that. I asked you that earlier. I said I have so much energy. But that's it. It's so even the root of why you're playing small can be rooted in love.

Bingo.

But is it love.

To not give permission to the others around you to be great?

Is it love to hide? So the best question to ask is, what is the most loving thing I can do for them long term? So long term, you being in your greatness would have lit that, as Billy Osbrook said, would have set them on fire.

Yes. And it does. It does. And you're absolutely right. That was it. That was the shift. Realizing that having that massive awakening was monumental for me.

I love that there is going to be a testing period, though. So humans, when they observe a change in someone, it could be a release, but you're at least externalizing a change. And when they see that, they're going to test it because they don't know if you're a con artist. That's what their subconscious is saying. Is this a con? Is this a fake? Is this a dupe? Or is this authentic? So they test, test, test, which looks like mockery, poking fun, being mean, offering you more and more alcohol to try to see if that change is real or if you can relapse just like them because you're secretly weak. Like, right. Just be ready for them to not be supportive until later. Which is what we call the five year rule. On average, there's a five year change period to where the people closest to you will accept this change in which you are externalizing. And so I love. I've loved hearing your stories. I've loved seeing your journey. And I'm so grateful you shared that with men. Because to be with a queen, you have to be a king. And that king is not a real authentic king on the inside is somebody who knows who they are, know whose they are, and knows their own destiny. Without the external affirmations of the Rolex, the person that won't ask deep questions, the whatever. And so I'm just so proud of you.

Thank you.

And proud to be part of your family. I've self nominated myself as your son's.

Aunt and I'm sticking to it, of course. No, you are Aunt Brittany and the first trip that he ever made. This sunk into us recently. Well, 24 hours ago, the first trip he ever made outside the house, essentially, was to a private island.

I mean, he's starting it off Bougie.

He's doing okay.

And we'll talk more about that in the next episode.

I'll see you there.