S5 E16 | Soundbites of Love

In this episode, you're going to learn what love is and what love is not. These are really important foundational truths so that you can filter the words that people who are saying they love you through the filter of truth. And this is really imperative as you take the next step on your journey in going deeper in these relationships. Make sure you're not stuck in an abusive one. You'll find out how to know in this next episode.

So, Britt, to continue with that discussion about love, love and how women truly want to be cared for.

What we see online is absolutely not the case. Let's talk a little bit about more what love is.

Well, one of the top things that groomers and traffickers and abusers, even just other abusers do is they love people into it. And many times they, you know, make them their girlfriend, they cherish them, they celebrate them, and they start the abuse pattern. But I'll just speak for women specifically. They feel like they owe them something. They have to be there for them. They really are the only ones that love them. And especially if they've got a void in their life because they don't love themselves, then we tolerate things that we shouldn't be tolerating. And so in my experience, I have been in an abusive relationship and this person would look me in my eyes and say, I love you. And that's why I have to do these things. Now I'm a smart girl that was a multimillionaire when it happened and I still freaking fell prey for it to it. And the point is, it's not a matter of intelligence. It's a matter of trust and heart connection. And there's so many ways that people have plans to do this and literally train other people to do it down to they might have had a jacked up childhood themself and this is what love is to them. And they really do think women should be a blah, blah, blah, blah and treated certain terrible ways. So you never know. But you do need to know what love really is and what love is not. And my insides were so twisted, I'd say my belief system became so jacked up after having this person over and over again tell me they loved me and then do these terrible things.

Of course, yeah.

Had to break it back down into the basics. And before I do that, like I said, there's a spectrum of abuse. There's a girl who is an amazing woman who leads an aftercare facility for women who have been rescued out of trafficking in Las Vegas. And she comes online. This is crazy. She comes Online and has to make videos for these girls.

Explaining how these different types of. If somebody's doing these different things to you, it's not love. And one of the more recent examples was if he is burning you with a curling iron or sticking a curling iron, a hot curling iron inside you.

That'S not love. And again, that seems mind blowing to us, but that's how far the manipulation can be. He really is doing this because I did something wrong and he loves me and he's punishing me because I must be punished. I believed that myself, which is ridiculous. But that's again, it could seem this small or it could be that outlandish, but that's how bad it can be. And so.

To start rebuilding truth in your life, you have to understand.

What is love. And this person specifically used a lot of the Bible against me, which was a clever move. Freaking clever move. You manipulated the Bible, twisted scriptures just enough to be believable because my foundation is based on my relationship with God. And so it was a really smart move on a particular attack on me in my life. And so I had to get back and say, okay, okay.

The only thing the Bible ever says that God is, is that God is love. And so let me just get to the basics of what love is and what love is not. And I've, I've written this down because I've had to keep it in front of me so I don't fall prey to the lies and I don't let that soundtrack that I allowed him to put inside of my mind to stay on repeat. And so I've written it out. What is love? So love is patient, love is kind, love is gentle, love is faithful, love always tells the truth, love always perseveres. Love doesn't leave or forsake. Love is a protector, a pursuer. Love is empowering. Love puts others first. So if that's what love is, then what is love not? Love is not a blamer, a liar, guilt driven, lacking manipulative, envious, boastful, proud, rude, self seeking, easily angered, fear based, controlling. Love is not the silent treatment. Love is not a one way street relationship. It is not confusing or belittling.

And so I'd have to go back and ask myself if that's what love is. I'm so into like definitions.

Sure, me too.

If this is what love is, if this is what love is not, then what are the kinds of things that love would actually say to me because this person called me the names of Satan five times a day, all the names of Satan and really dove into my character and used everything I was ever vulnerable with him against me. I mean, he said really horrible soundbites like, this person who is pretty close to you never loved you. This happened. Like, look at all these godly people leaving you. Like isolation. It's really clever move. A lot of times these abusers are going to try to make themselves bigger than they really are. And it could be insecurity. I don't give a crap what their reason is. It's still not right why they're doing it.

Sure.

And the best way to do that is to isolate you so we can go into tactics of abusers all day. And it's something I would probably love to share. But let's start with what does love sound like? What are the kinds of things that love would say to you? And I'd love to hear in the comments what you believe love would say to you and what love would not say to you. But we're going to start with, you are cherished. Love would say that you are wanted. Love would say that you're adored, you are worthy, you're enough. You're fearfully and wonderfully made. You are intelligent. The list goes on and on. It's going to always sound safe and encouraging. Love would not say, you blew it again, you ruin everything. You're useless, you are so ugly. No one will ever love you. I heard that one a lot. It was really hard to get over. Everyone is leaving you. You are not capable of blah, blah, blah, you will always. You're a failure, you're dumb.

So if those are the things that you have heard from someone whose words are telling you that they love you, you have to remember, we do not believe.

There's a scripture that says you will always know them by their fruits. And we've talked about before, you will know them by their fruits, not the fruits they talk about. So if they're talking about loving you, but their actions are not actually loving you, then start understanding this is not truth and you gotta cut it out of your life. And I wouldn't count on them to change.

Right.

I wouldn't. You can leave them alone. They can go have their own change. But you, you are worthy of love. You are enough. You do deserve someone to treat you well. I don't give a crap what you've done in the past or what your childhood was like. Every single human is worthy of love. And you will continue to attract abuse if you do not understand how worthy you are and put your foot down and say no more.

How do you put your foot down?

You exit the situation. You don't keep giving them chances. You don't leave their phone number in your phone. You don't leave your find my friends on and they keep showing up. You don't magically, you know, end up where they are because you want their attention. There are so many people in the world. And the only way I was able to get out of my situation was my men mentor told me, what does it mean to gain this relationship but lose your soul, right? And this person wasn't like a. An anybody. He wasn't like some famous big person. I super respected their opinion, but I wanted to be loved by him so bad. And it actually came into my head like, if this person doesn't love me, no one will. That sounds really stupid and mean. But if this person doesn't love me, then no one will. So I needed him to love me, to prove that I was enough or that any guy would ever care about me at all. And so there's a lot of poison that I had to eliminate out of my life. And you can only do that by replacing those thoughts, like we've talked about before with truth, with love, and with something empowering versus degrading. Because I really believed what he said about me. And one of those lies was, I'm the closest person to you. Everybody else in your life is making money on you or using you in some way that they can't tell you what they really feel. But I can't. So this is the truth. This is who you are. And if you are listening to this right now, maybe write this down that you'll always be the person you believe you really are, you'll always become the person you believe you really are. And so if you really do believe that everyone will leave you and that no one will ever love you and that everybody's using you. And you start taking these sound bites and applying them to your life, that will become your reality. And so that's how I met Billy Alsbrooks was listening to him on YouTube. I just had to find something more positive than my negative thoughts and listen to it every single chance I was alone at all. I didn't want to be alone with my own thoughts. This was a positive escapism. This was positive. If your thoughts are that negative, jump into something really positive.

Jump into a pool of positivity and.

YouTube compilation videos is the best way to do it. And that's actually something I'm really proud of, is not only did I get to be encouraged and change my whole life. Meeting Billy Alsbrooks. Shout out you, Billy, thank you for doing what you do. But I had him on my vision board to meet and then I met him and then we became friends. And then in the last year, one of my most proud accomplishments was I recorded motivational tracks with him. And we took all these truths that I've learned about what love is, what love is not, and a whole lot more, and we turned it into motivational audio tracks because that's what saved my life. And it was almost like my give back to be able to empower other people with things I wish I knew. And it's not just focused on love. It's all kind of truths, but it's all the things I wish I knew. And it's summarized into this. And so I want to encourage you, if you've gone through a situation like this, remember you've gone through the fire, which means you have the path. You understand what it takes to get out of the fire. And it is your gift and responsibility to start sharing those secrets with other people so they can get out of the fire faster. Whatever you've overcome, you again, you have a strategy for. And if you knew that, then you would have been able to be better off. And so, last thing I want to share on this because I know you've got so many good things to share on. This is.

Being really careful of what you speak over yourself. You know, you said in the last episode or two, I never say, I am so tired, you know, because that I am of who you really believe you are, you've got to start controlling the narrative from the inside out. So if you are saying things like, I am so tired, I am worthless, I am unlovable, everyone is always going to leave me. I am so, so ugly. I am less than. I am a failure. You got to start pulling yourself out of that situation and being intentional on the things you do want to become true. And you got to speak them until they are. Yep. Speak them and mean them until you are. I know we've talked about this in past episodes because this is critical, guys. I'm not one of those, like.

Look in the mirror and say this over and over again. But it does work. It really does work. And it does work. So again, if you're having a hard time saying it, then say, why am I so? That's the trick. Which is amazing. Noah St. John taught me that. So I am an overcomer. I am fiercely blessed. I am loved, I am beautiful, I am enough. I am a warrior. And I can get through anything. Everything is happening for me. Just start speaking these truths until they are your reality. And then close your eyes and imagine that. Because when you can envision it in your heart and in your mind, then you're already there. Now you just have to start taking those steps. Feeling is the secret, Right? How many books are there on that? So I want you to talk a little bit more about how can you feel your way into a new reality?

Am I a version of that? Right. Feeling your way into reality. It starts with a lot of things that you're mentioning here. And I really hope that a few people take that barrage of positive words that you threw over in this table. Because I want to share something. Talking about feeling when you're doing the positive, like love is and what it should sound like. I was over here, like, feeling good because you're saying you are and I'm on the other side of the table. And so I'm just feeling like all this. And then when you went into what love is not, I was like, you literally. Shoulders were coming in. I know you weren't talking to me. I get that.

But you still feel it.

You still feel it. And there have been numerous scientific explorations of scientists either speaking or playing the vibration of certain words into water. You heard this, right? And then they'll take that water and they'll pour it into plants. Or they'll take that water and they'll freeze it.

And then.

And there are conclusive evidences that the words that have higher vibrations, higher positivity, that have more prosperity and abundance, those plants do better. The ice freezes differently. The water is more scientific.

Guys.

Really fascinating.

Scientific.

Really fascinating. And so the feeling part for me is having the ability to sit down and what you just did. Try to experience that with people close to you. Me and my wife, probably on a monthly basis, will sit down even if it's five to 10 minutes. We're not talking about a lot of time here. Face each other and just.

Say nice things over and over and over. And she cries 100% of the time.

So we do this every night. Every night we have to say three things we like about each other or we get to say we don't have to say. We say three things we really like about each other or love about each other. And it needs to be different every time.

Yeah.

And. And it's really nice to hear. I don't. I didn't realize he liked those things or noticed that I do those things. And it's really sweet because Then it kind of forces you to notice things and put on a filter of if I've got this question coming and I need to be looking for things I love about this person, which it's super important. If you're going to have a relationship that lasts and is joyful at all through the hardship of life, you've got to have a positive filter on about your significant other.

Right? Yeah. Svet says a lot. What she speaks about me makes me for her.

Right.

Or say to you, like, what I speak about you makes you for me. So the words I'm putting on you, those feelings, those. Right. That love is and what love is not, those sound bites of love are going to create an emotion. And to be able to pour that over the people in your life, a lot of people, ironically enough, will not have taken the time to just do that. We've had moments in the past where we've had the exercise where you just stare into the other person's eyes for 10 minutes. You can obviously blink, but like that's your job. You're just staring into that person's eyes. Say anything, can't say a word.

And you're just trying to window to the soul. Exercise.

Windows to the soul. Powerful, such a good one. But doing that with your partner, just sit down at dinner and just speak a continuous, rapid fire, positive words of affirmation over that person and they will have a feeling. It's impossible. Not for that feeling. Even if you're friends we're not even talking about it could be your mom. My mom is coming up to visit me in two days. I flew her up here. And so when she gets here, I'm going to do that. I'm going to pour love over her.

Might as well tell people what you really think. The nice things before their funeral.

Yeah, you might as well.

Yes, if you can put it on your list to every week, or at least every month, just write a letter and tell somebody how you really feel. Again, only positive letters tell somebody how you really feel about them. I've been doing voice notes lately just because my handwriting's so bad. I just sent a voice note. Hey, I just wanna let you know I'm super proud of you. I sent one to Jenna. Jenna, shout out to you. Jenna, Jenna. She wrote Service Soul. This is an amazing book on.

Are you saving lives?

Oh, my gosh, she is. She's really helping the significant others of our heroes across the planet, veterans specifically, understand they have purpose, they have meaning, they have a life. It's not just only about them. But how can they again support and yet still have their own truth and identity? Because they're forgotten a lot of times. So she's written this book, I mean, anyway, I could talk about forever. I just sent her a voicemail. I was like, just wanna let you know I'm really proud of you. I'm finished my dang book. And it's not about that. The point is you not only did it, you finished it, you're promoting it. You're an international bestseller. I'd love it even if you weren't, but the fact that you're activating into your purpose and you're doing the dang thing even when it's hard, even with the people who didn't believe in you, I just wanna let you know I'm proud of you. Whether or not that means anything to you, love your girl. And it can be something like that. Just tell people how you feel. Celebrate with them. If you want more abundance in your life, celebrate your friends wins.

And on that note, what an episode of Broke to Woke. We're going to continue celebrating your wins. We're going to continue celebrating my wins. And we're going to continue to give positive words of affirmation, positive words of hope, courage, joy and enlightenment to all of our listeners all across the world and most importantly, Lithuania. We love you so much.

Shout out. Shout out Lithuania.

Thanks for being in our life, people. You rock.

If you are somebody hungry like me that is looking to get involved in an organization that is making a meaningful difference, not just talking, but out there doing stuff that matters, out there saving lives, out there stopping evil, then we would love to have you join the force for Good. Go to Broketoook.com and learn how to get involved in aerial recovery today.