EP 589: Conditional Commitments

The purpose of this show the purpose of this show is to guide you to realign with habits that get you to live the life you've always dreamed of. This, this is the Habit Based Lifestyle podcast with Jesse Jewel. This is the habit based lifestyle where you can access your full potential right now. Finally break free from destructive habits that dream life. If you want it, you can. Heaven. This is where you transform your health, mind, business and relationships or do nothing and keep your life the way it is. But if you're ready for change, you're in the right place. This is where you're going to learn how to live a habit based lifestyle. You are tuning in to the habit based lifestyle podcast with your host, Jesse. You. This is the habit based lifestyle. Let's go.

All right, all right, all right. Welcome to the Habit Based Lifestyle Podcast. I'm your host, Jesse Yule. And today we're going to be talking about conditional commitments. And what kind of brought on this episode was just being on a coaching call this week. I had one of the clients that I coach, we were speaking specifically about just some things going on with him and his wife. And you know, he, he was kind of like, hey, I was really checking, you know, with my wife to see if she was all in or not on, on this specific thing before I kind of decided, you know, whether or not I was going to be all in. And I was like, okay, so basically, you know, what you're saying is your commitment is conditional based off of whether or not your wife is committed to that same thing. And he's like, well, I didn't really think of it that way, but I guess, yeah, that's how I was doing it. So as we get into this episode and kind of unpack this, I want you to kind of think about it this way. Is your commitments conditional or are they, you know, full commitments? And what I mean by that is, is typically a conditional equipment or I'm sorry, a conditional commitment is going to be based off of whether or not someone else something else is, is committed. That dictates whether or not we are committed first or we're committed second. So it's basing it off of someone else, something else before we actually decide to do this. Now, I want to kind of preface this because I'm going to go through a couple different ways that we do this. Number one, probably the biggest way we do it is in our marriage, we, you know, only show enough commitment oftentimes to where our, our spouse does. So whether it's a female or male, it's Kind of like, well, hey, if they're not going to be committed, like, why should I? And the problem with that way of thinking is in marriage, that just doesn't work either way. If the other person doesn't, it's not going to work. And specifically, you know, with that is that we can't commit. We can't say we're committed to something and then have it decided by whether or not the other person is. Because it's all based off the condition that, hey, as long as my wife, as long as my spouse is committed, then I'll be committed to. But that's a condition. And conditions don't work. Conditional commitments do not work. And so oftentimes people do this in the business world, like, hey, they say they're committed. You know, they do all those things until it's time to actually pay. Then, you know, they'll say things like, hey, I can't afford it. It's too expensive. So really, it's not about the commitment. It's about the money, and it's about the condition you put in front of that. And guess what? Our life is filled with conditional commitments that are all based off cost, that are all based off those things. And what happens a lot of times is that we base the commitment off cost, not off the actual commitment. And think of it this way is like, so many times in life, we do things because we truly are committed to doing them. We don't think about the cost, we don't think about any of those things, but we're committed. We just move forward and do them. So imagine, you know, your marriage, imagine your business was just based off of the commitment you made. Hey, I don't care the cost. I don't care what it takes. This is what I'm committed to doing. And I'm. I'm not going to let any of that take away from my commitment because we all know if we want things bad enough, you know, we'll follow through with our commitment. And so a lot of times that condition just tells us how truly committed we are. You know, commitment has no conditions. That's kind of the main point of all of this, is like, if we have to have a condition in front of our commitment, it's not really a commitment, it's a condition. And so instead of saying, like, hey, I'm truly committed, just say, no, I have a condition. Conditional commitment. And it's going to be based off of, you know, the cost. It's going to be based off the investment, and it's going to be based off of the other person, because that's really, truly what we're saying in the moment. And if the cost is too high, then the commitment's going to be low. And the cost usually comes in. In work and effort and so many other things. And. And you can't. You can't buy your marriage. I mean, I guess you can, but there's a greater cost to be paid by not committing in your marriage, by having it be conditional, it means it gets harder and harder to invest in that area in your marriage. Each and every time you have a conditional commitment because it's always based off of the other. He's calculating whether or not you want to put all the effort in or not. And that's just a recipe for disaster in marriage, no different than it's a recipe for disaster in business. And here's the thing is, a lot of times people will say things like, well, I just can't afford it. It's just too expensive. The cost is just too high. Which just means you're not willing to pay the price that it's going to take to get the results that you actually want. And what a lot of people don't understand is they can't get out of that mindset in that way of thinking, because it's. It's been programmed in them for so long. They've based everything that they do off of a condition forever that they just can't see anything beyond that. And they kind of play that what if game well, what if it doesn't work out? It's kind of like they have a plan A and a plan B, and they expect plan A to actually work for them, but it never actually works because they never actually truly commit. So they're always falling back to the easier commitment, which is plan B, and they can't ever figure out why they can't grow. They can't get out of the same place. It's kind of like seeing that person, you know, at the gym every week, you know, who's there almost every day, but you never actually see them change. It's not because they're not going to the war. It's not because they're not showing up. It's because their commitment is conditional, and it's based off of them not wanting to pay the cost that it truly takes to change. And think about it, we can show up in our marriage, we can show up in our business, we can show up at the gym, but if we don't chain to pay the cost, then that it's going to take to actually change. It means we're not actually committed to the cost and to making that change. And it's truly coming back to, hey, I can't afford to put myself out there to change. I can't afford to put myself out there and look like a dumbass if I'm the only one trying in my marriage. I can't afford to put myself out there and basically put everything I have on the line because I'm truly committed to this. And this was the exact conversation that we had. But I thought about, man, how often do we have these conditional commitments in our marriage, in our body, in our business, and all of these areas? And it's always based off of, you know, the other person. It's always based off of, hey, I'm going to give some effort for three, four weeks, and then I'm going to quit. These are the people that are the resolutions people. And you know what it is? A lot of times it's a protective mechanism from keeping ourselves from getting hurt. And the problem with this is we never actually move, we never actually change. And it becomes something we become blind to more and more. And so the more I thought about this, the more I wanted to share this, because I see this, you know, so often I can fall into the trap of doing it, where if I'm not paying attention, all of a sudden, you know, my commitments become conditional and I start wavering in things based off of, you know, someone else, something else. And it really, truly pulls me out of the commitment that I know that I truly want. So I have to go back through and say, okay, like, are you really, truly committed to this, or is this just a conditional commitment based off of the investment, based off the price I have to pay, and based off of the cost I'm willing to pay to do this? And, you know, that's what commitment truly comes down to is it doesn't matter the cost, it doesn't matter anything. The investment. You're going to figure out a way to make this happen. And this is truly the mindset that it's going to take to break free of making change, break free of transformation and getting out of this normal, perpetuating cycle that it's so easy to get stuck in as a husband, as a father, as a leader, as a businessman, Unless you have other people calling you out, calling you higher, and making sure that the commitments you're making, making sure the commitments that you're saying are real commitments that you are held accountable, you are held to a higher standard. So that you can actually get the results that you're looking for. So guys, here's the one question, man. Are your commitments conditional or are your commitments real commitments where you're willing to pay the cost, you're willing to invest, and you're willing to pay the price? Because you know, this game of conditional commitments is really not a game of commitments. So evaluate your commitments, sit down and just say, hey, am I really truly committed in this area? Maybe you're not liking the results you're getting in your business. Maybe you don't like the results you got in your marriage. Maybe you don't even like the results you have in your body. But look at your commitments. Have they been conditional or are they truly commitments that you've made? Because I can guarantee you if you don't like your results, there's a conditional commitment in there somewhere and you just haven't been willing to pay the price and pay the cost on this. So if you guys have any questions on this, you have any topics you want to cover inside the Habit Based Lifestyle program, feel free to reach out to me. Jesse Habibase lifestyle.com if you, you know, want to be part of our private Facebook community, you can go into the show notes and you can simply click on the link. Join our community where we talk about, you know, so many things, life and business habits. If you're just looking to upgrade your life or business habits, just simply send me a dm, send me a message and I'll help you with whatever you want. Until next episode. Have a great day.

The purpose of this show is to guide you to realign with habits that get you to live the life, live the life you've always dreamed of. This this is the Habit Based Lifestyle podcast with Jesse.