How to find connection in isolation - LIVE

Hi there, happy Off-Trail Training Tuesday everybody. Good evening, my name is Jo Smith for those that may have not met me yet. I'm a health coach for trail runners, I'm also a nurse and a health visitor from background. I worked in the NHS for 25 years, so I I did start at a young age. It does show my age slightly too. And once again, football is on. So if you're here, please say hi. And I really value the fact that you're here watching me and not football. I think France are playing against Spain. You can tell that I'm not really into football. But I do know that it started because I've just heard them all shouting, come on, the game's starting downstairs. So if you hear cheers, then somebody scored. I don't even know who. Who we want to win, but today I really wanted to talk to you about a subject which I think is actually, it's been game-changing for me since I started running, and especially in the world of trail running, because a lot of the local running clubs that I have run with over the years, not that many people did trail running, and for me that was my biggest interest, so I didn't have as many connections in the world of trail running as what I did in the world of road running in the beginning, so, and I think for a lot of people isolation is actually quite a big issue, like a lot of people are quite isolated. I think they did a study, I've forgotten the research, but the research was saying on this particular group of people who they did the research on, there were 49% of people were suffering from isolation and loneliness. So I actually was inspired by this recent session that I did as part of my group coaching, Marathon Minds it's called, I do a group coaching session and we talked about social connection and relationships, and so as always I'm always inspired by whatever's gone on the week before as to what to talk about in our Tuesday session, so I put it out there on the poll so you guys could vote for what you wanted me to talk about, which was more interesting because it's always me deciding, and so I loved the fact that I put it over to you guys and that you voted, so thank you for those votes. So that's why today we're going to talk about this, connections and how trail running can, can be a really great reason to overcome some of those challenges that we may be having, and particularly in trail running because it's not the kind of thing that a lot of people can comfortably go away and do on their own. I know I put this out there recently to find out what other people did for safety when, if did they go out there on their own, what kind of things did they do for safety, because I'm not, well, I used to go off on adventures without really saying, telling anyone where I was going, and I often did put myself in danger, and it was a bit scary. Silly, and it wasn't as much fun as when I'm with good company. So yeah, the objective for today's session is that I just really want to share some strategies. I really want to just encourage you to overcome any fears that you might be having about getting out there and making new connections, because you're missing out on such a massive world of opportunity. There are some such great people that I have met along my journey, and more and more people joining every day, and just welcome to all the new people that have joined us recently this week. We will be greeting you and we'll be saying hi to lots more new people in the future, so I'm hoping that as this group grows— grow up, I don't know where that came from, ignore me— as the group grows, we're gonna be making connections within the group too. So yeah, thank you for being part of it. So let's think about the benefits really of finding new connections and how it's gonna benefit you in your journeys. 100 million percent is always going to be more enhanced the motivation. Without my running buddies, without all the people that I've met along the way, I'm not sure I'd even be motivated to go out and go running ever again. Definitely more motivation. Definitely a lot of support, a lot of encouragement. I get a lot of enjoyment when I'm around other people. Like they say, we are not designed to do tough journeys on our own, we are designed to be in tribes and be together. So yeah, you know, we're not, we're just not, it's not really our nature, it's not the way that it's So it's no wonder that people can feel quite lonely or suffer if they don't have that support network, because I think it's not our natural state that we're designed to be in. So I would honestly— I know it can be really overwhelming, and I'm going to talk about overcoming fear in the second half of today, so don't worry if this just seems absolutely crazy suggestion. And you'd be like, no way I'm ever, ever going to do that, but I really would recommend looking, just search up to see what local clubs there are in your area, what groups there are, if you've not already joined a group, or if you've not considered joining a group, or even if you just weren't aware that there were groups, because I know when I first started out I had absolutely no idea, I didn't even know there was such a thing as running clubs, and if it hadn't have been for a colleague who I was working with who had just done a beginner's course at a local running club. I would have never ever known that even these clubs existed, so I would say do a search, go online, Google local running clubs. Run England is the, the place that I found out about the course that they were doing. It was so only about 15 minutes from where I live. I never knew that I'd ever end up joining a running club. So yeah, definitely have a look into that. It's such a good place to get connections, and what a shock when you find out that there's people that have been your neighbour for 20 years that are also a part of that club, and but yet you've been living so close by for so long and you didn't even know that these people existed. So I mean, that happened to me. There's so many people that live near me that I did not even know about. And now we can run together, so it's absolutely brilliant. So I can't really go on about that enough, the events, the local parkruns. Parkrun is worldwide, and again, I'd never heard of parkrun until I joined the local running group and did the course, and then at the end of it, they encouraged us all to get online and sign up for our own barcode, And yeah, who would have thought that after all these years, I mean, I don't do a lot of parkruns, but I have done over 100, so that was such a big, a big part of my journey in the very first 5 years of running. I've got a lot to thank for parkrun, so much so that on the end of this month, I'm going to be doing some, we're going to be doing our celebration there, Marathon Minds Graduate for the first group of Marathon Minds, we're going to celebrate having 12 weeks together and we're going to meet at the parkrun and we're going to do hula hoops and picnics and run the parkrun, so definitely that's going to be encouraging like local events because there are a lot, a lot of things that go on in communities where they do meet up and often there are specific for trail runners too, so Just do a search, keep your eyes out, find out through the look, even if you're not keen on joining the running clubs, a good idea is to just join them online and then you can get a feel for the people in the group and you can see what they do, they share the posts regular, so even if you've never actually made it down to one of the running sessions like a club run night that might be like on a Monday at half past 6 or Whenever it is, you can follow it for a little while before you go along, and you can ask questions and see, you get answers from other people in the group. So again, I do that. I'm in quite a few because I like to have the options of different days and for convenience and everything, and lots more people. So yeah, I've gone on about groups for long enough, I think. But entering races and events, there are all— I mean, you could spend a fortune, it can get really expensive if you're doing this regularly, but there are a lot of lower cost options, and often when you're in the clubs, they have different types of leagues and they're really like maybe only £5, quite a lot cheaper than some of the big, especially the road races, they can be really expensive, but Trail events tend to be a little bit more good value, I'd say. I think this is probably why I ended up doing more trail runs. I felt like I got good, more good value for money, and I think that's why I ended up doing like the long distance, like the 50 miles or the 100 miles, because I always felt like I got a good deal, because it seemed like quite a lot of money for some of the road events and some of the half marathons. I'd be paying a lot less money to do the trail ultramarathon than I would to be doing the road events, and they were really busy and overcrowded, so it's actually less likely to meet new le— oh, I can't speak! It's actually more difficult to find the connections and develop those new networks when you're at a really, really packed out, mega busy event, that I always found that the trail running events were more sociable and they were a bit more low-key, so you were more likely to actually meet people, and the longer distance ones, again, you're spending so much more time together that again, I always found that that was such a great way to get these, just to spend more time with the other people and more likely to make good friends. So when I talk about participating in races and events, the first ever event that I, the first ever ultra event that I signed up for was the 50-mile Pennine Barrier, and I met my best ever running friend, my best buddy Gary Smith. He is in this group, and we're not married, we're not a married couple, because it was quite funny because at the time it looked like Mr. and Mrs. Smith were running together, and I think maybe a lot of people might have thought that we were a couple, but we actually just met on that day and became really best running buddy friends, so. Again, I never actually knew that that was the kind of thing that happens on these runs, but actually since then I've met so many other lots of people that I've met loads and loads of good friends on these journeys, so I would really encourage that. Just choose an event. A lot of them have got their own special Facebook pages as well where you can get to know the people in advance. You can do meeting for training runs together. There's so many groups, but I will probably talk about that next, the social media aspect, because there is endless, endless groups online. There is just so many, and they have private chats that are attached to the groups, thousands and thousands of people in there. You tend to find that in the private groups you get the same sort of people that are more chatty in there, so you tend to recognise and get to know each other. Which is really good because often people will put it in there and say, oh, hi, I'm Jo, I live in Leeds and I'm planning to do a trainee recce run of this, and then if anyone's interested. And there's so many opportunities just from being in those groups, so I definitely use the power of social media. And it's just a great way to connect with other people, and even if you're a bit shy, And it's not really for you, I'd say just do it anyway. If you feel out of your depth, then it's a sign that you should be doing it, because nobody wants to play it small in this life, and nothing's going to change if you don't just get brave and go for it. Obviously there's help out there if you do need help with that side of it and confidence, but I'll talk about that a little bit more towards the end, but yeah, get involved, join these groups. Strava is— wow, I'm missing out not being on Strava. I need to get in there. I can't believe I'm not on Strava. I mean, this is where it's all happening. At the last event that I did, there were so many people that were talking about Strava and how they've met friends, made good networks. Some people have met lovers on there. Honestly, they've got into relationships with other people. Through being on Strava. I think Strava's like the new, what would you call it, I'm not sure what it might be, but it's like the new Match.com. Strava is like the new Match.com, and I've heard so many amazing stories actually. So yeah, get yourself on Strava too, I'll join you, I need to get on there. So So yeah, running apps, there's all kinds of apps as well, there's loads of, it's endless, but I don't want you to be overwhelmed, so pick one and go for it, that's the easiest way to get started. These are the fun ones and I keep looking at these, that in fact, at some point in my future when the kids don't want to come on holiday with me anymore, I'm going, I cannot wait, I'm going to go on these retreats. Trail running weekends away, there's some in this country, there's loads, there's ones in Wales, they're everywhere. They're abroad, the ones abroad look brilliant, I've seen a really good one in Lanzarote, I've seen ones in Iceland that I almost booked on and then I thought I can't justify going without my kids. You can, I mean, there are trail, there are running coaches specifically, I'm not a running coach as in a technical running coach, I work more on the health and the mind and the mental health and the confidence and everything else to do with health and wellness and innate wellbeing, that's the type of coaching that I do, so lots of people get me a little bit confused with being a trail, with being a running, ultra running, trail running coach, which I'm not. I do those runs for fun, that's just what I do because I love it, But I'm not no technical kind of coach, I don't tell people how to run and where to put their feet and where to wave their arms and stuff, I'm there more for the health and well-being in general, which again, trust me, gets you your goals in running, it really does. I've never needed to delve into the technical, all of those aspects of running. I've kind of devised my own way of achieving things through my style of coaching, which is a lot different to the traditional style of coaching. So yeah, you can always join in these retreats, you can always consider hiring a coach, you could team up and do it as a group. There's so many millions of ways of doing this. But yeah, I've seen a lot, I've signed up to a lot of mailing lists, I'm so tempted to do some of these adventures. Oh, there's some brilliant ones, and not just running, there's hiking ones, there's ones that are like Everest Base Camp that I keep getting an email about and I keep looking at, so when I'm, when I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm gonna go for it. But yeah, you can also do like little community a lot of local communities do like days where they might team up and, and do some like cleaning up of local, you know, like the areas, and just work together on tidying up certain spaces that are quite cluttered or overgrown kind of thing. I know where I live there's a local group that do a lot of litter picking and you can team up and they have a certain time and place that everybody meets, but again it's such a good way to meet new connections and a lot of the local shops, outdoor stores and running shops and things like that, it's worth just asking, going and finding out what's happening in there because it's well worth finding a buddy, well worth buddying up with other people, it's have got similar goals, similar interests, because you can feel very isolated even if you've got a really massive network of friends. I have lots and lots of friends, like loads of connections, but they're not like me, they're different, they'd rather sit and not move all afternoon and just sit and drink coffee in a shop, in a coffee shop, and not go for a walk and not go out, you know, and actually They're lovely friends and I love to spend time with them, but again, if I surround myself by people like who are, who do that, who don't want to get out and get active and go climb a mountain with me, then I'm going to become like that, you know, those that you spend the most time with, they say the 5 people that you spend the most time with you're going to become potentially, and So you've got to be careful and choose your support network wisely, because I'm not just— when I talk about isolation, you could have the biggest, loveliest family and support network, but you can still feel quite isolated if they don't understand your passion. So it's so good to be with those that do, because it just really motivates you and makes you feel good and ready, and you're gonna achieve more. So yeah, I hope it makes sense because I'm not just talking about those that, that, that are really like limited to the amount of people that they're able to meet up with or chat with. It's just more of if you've got a passion that others don't understand. Like for me, in my NHS job, I work 15 hours a week in the NHS, And I cannot chat, really, I don't really share my— I just don't go too much into detail about my passion and what I do because people just say to me that it's easy for me and that I'm crazy, and I'm just like, well, if that's the response that I'm going to get, I'm not going to be really keen to talk much about it or share it, so I can feel quite isolated. In that, so it's just an example more than anything, but don't even just think about the running part of it, think about the hiking groups, think about the yoga groups, cross-training, Body Pump, boot campy stuff, all brilliant, all really good complement for trail running, hiking, climbing, and I've got to get this one in there because it's my passion, is the hula hooping, and that's why my hair is completely wet and Shove back on my head because we have just been hula hooping under a tree in a thunderstorm and it was so good, we had such a good session, we got drenched, we got drip wet through, I literally have had to fully get changed because I was so wet through, my music speaker was dripping, luckily it's waterproof, but wow, we always come back with massive smiles. We even did the circle, we did the Lion King tonight, we had Lion King music playing, the Circle of Life, is it Circle of Life or Circle of Love? But it was just really nice, it was such a good session. So, and again, that is basically an example of building those connections and inviting people on that journey. So this is leading me lovely onto this next part about sharing your own journey, like don't be shy, I was too shy for too many years. How many years? 10 years before I started to share my journey about where I came from in the beginning and the challenges, what I overcame and how— and all, I won't go on about it now, you're welcome to go onto my website and read all about it because it is on there, but long story short, the more that you share, the more that people join you on your journey and the more networks that you'll develop as a result of it. People love it, people really appreciate The honesty, and they connect to that, they feel attracted to that because they relate to it, it's relatable. If you can just be you, be honest— oh, I'm getting a bit into this now, whacking the keyboard— but if you could just be brave enough, you could do like a YouTube channel, you could just share on your social medias, You could do vlogging, there's all kinds of ways to do it. Podcasting, that's a big thing, and there's actually not as much competition in the world of podcasting, there's a bit of a niche market there, I'm convincing myself because I'm really desperately wanting to do a podcast at some point, and just share it, share your adventures, other people are going to enjoy it, they're going to get something from it, they're going to feel motivated, And yeah, go for it. Please share it in our group as well. Please share it in the Bend and Snappers because we love to see others, what they're getting up to, and you're gonna inspire other people. My aim is even if just one person gets something from it, I'm happy. It was worth it just to help one other person. You're always going to help more. So yeah, definitely go for that. Also, it's endless. I mean, if you look on SI entries, they have so many different workshops. They have how to use the hiking poles workshops, techniques, there's all kinds of things that you can join in and do. I have so many ideas that I just don't want to go on and on all day. I want it to be helpful, so I'm going to spend the last part of the session just talking about ideas really on overcoming the anxieties and potential fears that you might have and just how to actually move even despite being thinking, oh, I don't really feel comfortable with this, because it's natural to feel uncomfortable when we're doing something that we've not done before. I mean, some of us may have had previous experiences, this is how it kind of works. If you think of it like this, if you ask yourself, why am I not, like, taking action, even though I might really want to meet new people and build new connections and feel more as part of something, so I feel less isolated, feel like I'm not there on my own? And ask yourself, well, what's stopping me? And if it is genuinely the fear of, if what's coming to you is that you're feeling like you're worried that you're not going to fit in or that you're going to be rejected or you're worried that, you know, people are not going to like you or all those kind of fears that might be coming to mind, then be aware of that and realise that that is not the truth, like that is not, that's not you. You know, these, these things are coming from often either previous experiences or previous negative experiences where we may have felt rejected, but that's not you and it's not the truth, and it doesn't mean that you can't still move despite that. So don't let it be a reason to stop you. Ask for help if you're struggling. You can always message me. Any point, you can directly message me, email, Messenger, whatever it might be, because I can help you with that. I can send you some things to work through, and, but just know that often it's coming from either a memory, a previous experience, and your beliefs, you know, because I know I've had situations in the past with running, where I may have run with a specific person for so long and then things have changed and fizzled away, and, you know, and I might think, oh, that might not have worked out well, or that person didn't like me running with other people, you know, that person kind of got a little bit upset when I'd go with a different group or, you know, those kind of things, so I can't let that stop me from building new connections just because I've had an experience where I was potentially holding back on doing that to be loyal towards a different person, and I know probably those that have been involved in groups, whether it's clubs or even football teams, whatever kind of sport you do, there always tends to be some kind of, often situationships, is that a new word? My daughter uses that actually, I think that's when somebody likes each other and they're not in a relationship or anything, they call it a situationship, but so ignore that, it's not a situationship, it's me getting confused, but maybe some awkwardness you could say, so don't let it be a reason to stop you, you know, we don't know the future, it hasn't happened yet, The past is no longer here, we only have now, and if we want to do something and we've got some sort of anxiety or fear that's getting in the way, then we can work on that, we can overcome that, we can use, well, we can just basically know it's coming from our thought in the moment and we can, don't take it so seriously. But if you are feeling like quite stressed out and A bit low about it, then that's a good sign not to take your thoughts seriously, because with that kind of a mood comes that kind of a thought, like the unhelpful thinking. So if you can— I'll probably do some sessions actually in the future on this so that we can go in more deep detail, but a bit of visualization is always a good thing. Like Like imagining things turning out for the better, you know, imagining where you want to be, what feels good, rather than watching forwards, watching forwards, watching a movie in your mind where everything's worked out completely wrong and not how you wanted it, is not going to be good. So imagining that positive outcome of being part of that, that really fun supportive group network is always going to be more beneficial. And just start little, you know, bit by bit, getting yourself used to an unfamiliar environment. The more that you do it— this reminds me of when I first started to go on social media and I was so scared to press the post button to share even a little Facebook post because I, for years, hid, hid. I didn't like anything going on there. I was always a bit sceptical. And honestly, when I first started out, it felt so unfamiliar to actually write up a Facebook post and share a picture and a comment, and I'd be there for like 50, I'd be there for ages thinking, do I press go, do I press go, I don't want to do it, I don't want to do it. It was such a big deal because it was so unfamiliar, but the more that I did it, and then I set myself a goal, let's do it 3 times a week, built it up really slowly, and now I'm pretty much doing it every single day, and it I don't think twice, I just press go, go, and honestly I was so anxious and fearful about even doing that and sharing that, it really wasn't for me, and again it was because I had the worry, the fear about what will people think, will I get negative comments back, will people not like it, will I get, I don't even know what, because none of it was real, it was all Crazy imagined thoughts. And I'm really sorry if anyone's put any comments in the chat or any questions, because when I stream from my PC, it doesn't tell me who's here live, and it doesn't always share the comments. So I'm so sorry if you've been saying hi and I've not replied, but I really appreciate you for being here, and thank you for watching, and thanks for watching on replay also. But it's just that it doesn't let me know who's here unless I stream it from either a little tablet or an iPhone, and it's too difficult to do it on that small group, on that small screen. So, right, get familiar with being uncomfortable bit by bit, because I tell you what, it just becomes so easy, like anything in life. If you think about an example of something that you really held back on doing, And then you went and did it and realised that, oh, it wasn't that bad after all. A bit like diving in headfirst, like in the sea when you're on holiday, and then when you do it, you're like, oh, it wasn't even that bad. So yeah, look for like places that you are comfortable going, meeting people that you're comfortable to meet with, using your technology, you know, look for specific groups for those that might have some social anxiety. and other people that are similar if you are struggling with that, because there are, there's groups for everything, as I always keep saying, groups for everything. Groups for fibromyalgia, Run Away From Fibromyalgia, I found, and I was like so happy when I thought I was the only runner in the world and I wasn't. So, um, yeah, you can always, um, get professional help if you need it, do some— I find that I love like the hypnotherapy audios, they're really relaxing, and I really like the Headspace apps. If you've got someone that you do feel comfortable with, like a friend who's just willing to join you, just ask, because if you feel more comfortable in the beginning having that person who you know really well and you always feel like they bring out the best in you when you're together. You always feel like, when I'm with that person, I've got my confidence, you know. Invite them along, you know, encourage them to come along, and I'm sure they'll love to support you. So definitely do that if you've got a friend or a family who's willing to do that, because it won't be forever that you'll need that friend or family, and eventually you'll be brave enough to do it on your own. So yeah, just Find people that have a similar interest, get chatting, don't worry, don't be scared, nothing bad's gonna happen. Be kind to yourself, be patient, celebrate any little steps of success in the right direction, you know. For some people, they like the mindfulness and the relaxation, the breathing techniques. For me, it's hula hooping, always, always feels so good when I've been hula hooping. And yeah, just share in the group. The whole point of this group is so that we could feel safe together with other runners with similar interests and lots who have got health issues too. And just be brave, click the button, and the more that you do it, the easier it gets, trust me. So I'm so sorry I can't answer your questions today if there are any in the, in the chat. But please type them on and I'll look afterwards and I will reply. So do type away if you've got any questions. It's just a bit of a whistle whistle top. I think no, not a whistle. Is it a whistle stop? Sorry, I always get I always get expressions wrong. You'll get to know me really well and how crazy I am, but I never remember them the right. I always say them just slightly wrong. So yeah, follow if you follow. Some of the advice or some of the ideas and just pick one and go with it, whether it's going to be join a new group, have a look for a running club, join the Strava app. I recommend massively just choose one way out of all the millions of ways that I've chatted today, because I've talked quite a lot, and just pick one of those things and go for it. whether it's going to be starting your own YouTube channel or it could be joining a new group. So yeah, good luck with it and thanks for listening and I'll see you again next week. Have a brilliant week and please, as always, you're welcome to book in one of the complimentary sessions. If you just drop me a message, I can send you a link at any point and I'm happy just to chat through Any challenges that you're having at any point, get you started, get you on the right direction. I'm really happy to help, so please get in touch, and I'll see you all next week. Thank you and have a brilliant evening. Bye! Bye!