3 Tips for Working Less and Living More: Managing a Packed Life

Hey. Hey. This episode, I have brought my wife onto the podcast. First time in almost 500 episodes. She's a little angry. I'm sorry, Heather. She's bringing us some really good tips on how to manage a packed life for entrepreneurs, for couples, for single folks. Doesn't matter who you are. We're gonna break down three tips on how we have been managing our crazy packed life. And also this life full of different business changes, business growth, a toddler in the house. There's been a death in the family, there's been sickness in the family. There's been a lot of stuff. So we're breaking down how we've been managing this and how you can kind of use these actionable tools to form it to however it fits in your life. So let's get into it and chat with my wife, Heather. Hey, I'm Joe Fear, and welcome to the Hustle and Flowchart podcast. This is where we talk all about building businesses so they give you the freedom and fuel for your life. I'm not here to help you build a billion dollar business, but I am here to help you create a business with systems that work for you so you can make more money than you need just by working part time. You know, I was a chronic Hustle mode kind of guy, and I want to share my experiences and mentors I've met along the way to help you reframe things to be the most effective as an entrepreneur. I wish I had this guidance and insight when I was younger. So that's what I'm doing here for you. Please share and enjoy. Hello there. I am back with Episode with my best friend. Hey, her name is Heather Fear. How are you doing today?

I'm doing well and I'm very excited to be here to chat with this amazing community that you have brought together. Joe.

So it's been far too long. You have never graced the airwaves of the Hustle and Flowchart podcast, and it's been nearly 500 episodes. How do you feel about that?

I'm not gonna lie, you guys. He's been hiding his treasure from you all. It's me. I'm the treasure. No, you are. Seriously though, it's been mixed emotions at times, so I'm like, come on, guys, I got some good tips. I'm an entrepreneur too. But fair. Fair enough that I wasn't on here because we've been pretty busy with our little lady and.

And other things too.

Yeah. In life and business and parents who've had some health issues, all sorts of fun things. You know, life is such a grab bag of everything and we've had a lot of that class craziness of life going on lately. So things have luckily slowed down for a minute and I get to hop on the mic with you today. So it's exciting.

It is exciting. And yeah, today we want to talk about a lot of things, but we're going to. You're going to be coming back for more episodes. So this is the first of many to come and we'll dive into who Heather is a little bit more in future episodes or maybe just through osmosis of these. But this one we're going to talk about tips that we have come up with three of them. Maybe some bonus ones in there for managing a, let's say a busy life, a packed life, a fulfilled life, hopefully, but one that there's just a lot of things going on. And like I've talked about a lot on here, us as entrepreneurs are very motivated, we're very driven and that can lead us to doing a lot of things, even if the doing is in our brains. So hopefully some of these tips and Heather has some prepared for us, which I'm excited to learn about. I did not review her notes yet. She is always the one that tames my hustle. I'll just say that. And over the last handful of months, even the handful of years, as you were saying, in business, there's been a lot of shifts, there's been a lot of growth, tons of growth. And there have been a lot of family things going on as well. Health, just different commitments needed. Raising a toddler, a three year old that is precocious, as we like to say. And yeah. So Heather, how do we lead off this conversation? Because I feel like you are the best at grounding me and you have some sage words of wisdom here you're going to share.

I will start by saying I am a mere mortal and I have these tips that I'm going to share with you guys and they do help a lot. But I also have had times where it is really hard to balance it all. Being in this era where we're like in that sandwich generation they call it, where we have kids or we have our foster daughter and we have our biological daughter who's with us. And both of them we invest in obviously quite a bit of time into and then we have parents who have had different health issues pop up and you know, family that just needs some support. Plus both of us have businesses plus you know, just normal life trying to have friendships Trying to be healthy, all those things, it's a lot. Being a human is a lot and being at this age is a lot. We're not always getting it right, but we have some ideas that might help. If you're someone who's like, life's kind of got me stressing right now. The very first thing I would say to those listening who feel this is give yourself time first. So that's so hard to do. And I struggle with this. I am definitely a person who. This is probably the most challenging advice for me to absorb and take in and apply is marking off time on my schedule and actually taking it for me. So whether that means going on a walk, going outside and doing a meditation, going and getting a coffee at a bougie coffee shop, just to savor it and enjoy by myself and read a little bit of a book that's not for work would be a real luxury that I would enjoy and that I'm going to put on my calendar and commit to doing. And I think you should too, because you, my friend, deserve that.

Yeah. So book you time first. Is what you're saying that it sounds like. To prioritize you. I guess we could be selfish because it starts with us. It's like the airplane mask, oxygen mask concept. Fuel yourself or breathe first and then, like, figure out what you need and then you will show up better in the rest of the world. I mean, to other people. So, yeah, booking yourself on the count, I think that's smart. Time blocks some things have, you know, almost like create expectations for people like me or and around business, you know, other folks. So they're not gonna intrude on that time. I mean, it's the fact that you are booking it for yourself. Cause I could think of ways to book yourself in, like a way like exercise. The way that we do that every other day we have it on the calendar that you're working out in the morning, then I'm working out, and then you're working out. It's not always happening like that.

I was going to say we don't always do it. We have the space in the calendar. But some days it's a bit cold and I don't want to get up and do it then. But what I do commit to in my mind is on those days, I do try to get the workout in at some point. So there's some degree where I, I, again, I'm a mere mortal. I don't do this perfectly. I'm just saying these are things that can help. And for you the issue might not be getting the workout in, it might just be having space to like, take a bre and, and pause from thinking about all the things on that to do list. And I think that's really what the point is here, to give yourself that space and that time to be you and just to prioritize yourself. Because like Joe was saying, literally nothing else in your life is going to function without you. You need to be there for the business you're trying to build. You need to be there to support your family with the role that you're in. So if you burn yourself out, if you've got yourself going at a pace where you can't keep doing it, everything else is gonna in a bad way. So taking the time preventatively to give yourself space, to avoid hitting burnout and like desperately needing to take that space, that's really what the point is here. And I know for myself, often it's like squeezing this in, in, in little tiny moments where to other people it might not be that big of a deal, but to me it is. So some days if I have a doctor's appointment or something, or I have a meeting, I will go and do the meeting remotely at a coffee shop and stop at like a lake or by the bay and go on a little walk for 30 minutes, an hour, and then go in and do my call. Like, I just look at my calendar, I go, okay, here's a little opening of time. What could I do for myself that I will enjoy, that will give me energy and fuel me before jumping into other work or jumping into other activities that are to take care of other people and, and the family and friends around me.

I like that. So it doesn't have to be necessarily structured. It could be, look at what we have going on every day and fit some, some you time in there, some me time in there and, and actually do it. Because I think a lot of we have this time and if we're not disciplined enough with ourselves and looking at our calendar and looking at the time available, we can easily, you know, chop that away and look at some emails or just start mindlessly scrolling Facebook or Instagram or whatever. So I know you've been good at that, deleting those apps off your phone as well. So I like that book time for yourself, even if that's not something like every day at 7 o', clock, I'm working out some time that you're taking for yourself that might be combined with something else. So good one, I like that. So number two, let's Talk about the hell. Yes or no, right?

I think you, you all probably heard this before, it's not groundbreaking stuff, but just reminding yourself you're allowed to say no to things. First of all, you are not required to do everything and there are solutions out there to solve some of these things that maybe you have put on yourself. And I will raise my hand as very guilty of this that around the house I used to like zoom around like a wild woman just doing everything instead of asking Joe to help with something or deciding, you know what, maybe I'll just instacart groceries today. And I was very resistant to it and personally put it on myself as I was a failure for not achieving everything. But truly the modern world, running a business, having maybe a dual income household and kids and all these levels of things to do. I think if you added up all the things you are supposed to do in air quotes, it is more than a day of time or you are literally not sleeping. So you have to pick and choose and you have to offload some of those items. And so I think being able to look at what's on your list and deciding, especially when they're outside their other people's ideas, other people's plans that they came up with and they're inviting you to the party, so to speak, that you can say no to that and it, you know, and people can say no to your ideas too. You gotta be okay with this. It's a two way street that you should be feeling like if, if you're going to go out to dinner with your friends, that it's a hell yes. That you want to be there and you're pumped and it's going to energize you or it's a no. And there should be a level of understanding that we all need to give ourselves that love and care for ourselves, that we really tap into the energy we have at the time. Because I know for me there have been times where going out to a dinner party sounds like sheer torture because I'm just not mentally in the space. I have too much going on. I really just need to sleep or just take a bath or lounge on the couch. And that's just where I'm at right Then there are other times where going out to that sort of same event would be amazing and magical and feel like so much fun to chat with new people. So tapping into your own energy and actually really listening to your yourself on that. And if it's not a heck yes, like it's a no. And that's okay. And prioritize what feels good to you.

I think that's a great one. I think it was Derek Sivers that said that or popularized that. Hell yes or no? And the way as you were just talking there, Heather, I was thinking of in business and how I would get myself in trouble would be packing my calendar too tight with calls or with meetings. It could be meetups too. But whatever it is, I was taking on things, thinking that that was something that would further whatever agenda I was after. And like, with. Honestly, with the podcast, it invites a lot of that stuff. There's a lot of people that want to come onto the podcast or they want to talk or they want to, whatever it might be. And there's nothing wr with that, their agenda and them wanting to do that, but it's for me to filter out. Okay. What actually is a hell yes right now, and maybe it's just a maybe later kind of thing for. For most of these. And there's systems, which I've. And you've helped me kind of produce some intake forms and things that can make it more of a potential hell yes for me, but it doesn't mean it needs to be right now. I've been looking at this as being disciplined in controlling my time as much as possible and knowing that I have these constraints in my personal life and know that I value those more than hopping on a bunch of calls or going out to. To meet some person that I just connected with on Facebook for beers or whatever, because, like, that can fill all of our days so much. And me being the social butterfly I am, which Heather's always called me out lovingly, I would be fulfilled in the moment by doing those types of things and going on these calls and throwing around ideas. But then I start to look at, okay, how did I actually invest that time? Am I making a financial return from that? Am I feeling fulfilled from doing that in the long run and how it fits in with my life, you know, both business, personally, all that stuff. So hell yes or no is a filter I've used for a long time, and now more than ever. I know you have instilled a lot more of this discipline, and really, it's more like checking. Hold on. Is that really something that's necessary? Is it a hell yes? No. Oh, okay, then don't do it.

Yeah. And I think to take that even a step further is if you know what your hell yeses are, if you know for you, your health, which should be at the top of the list if you're not thinking it is. If you don't have your health, it's going to be real hard to do any of the other things you have planned. So health, family, friends, your business, your partner. Obviously these core things that really like if you look at the research on happiness and fulfillment, those are all key, critical things to bring a balance happy life. That if you figure out what those core things are for you that are your hell yeses and then you time block those into your calendar. Like put in the time to go get coffee with your partner. Put in time to go do something fun each week with your kids. May it doesn't have to cost money. Maybe it's something like just going to a new park or exploring a trail or whatever, but actually putting the time first because we tend to prioritize and slot time on our schedule for every little business opportunity, for every chat, for minutia of the that sometimes is beyond what we even need to be worried about. But we don't put time for those things. We often just like leave that for the blank space of the day. And so I think putting it on your calendar of I'm gonna go do something really freaking fun with my daughter today, and I don't know what it is, I'm gonna research that later, but I am blocking this day and three weeks off right now to do something really cool. And then you have one something to look forward to. Two, like intentional time set aside where you're gonna be without distraction to go and enjoy those really important things in your life. And I find for Joe and I, that really helps. I think if we don't do that, it's just time just slips away. All of a sudden you're like, whoa, where did the day go? Nothing was achieved, nothing was completed. Like, we didn't get anything. Like we had time together, but not like quality time. And I think that's the core thing we're really looking for is like those quality moments where we really focus on each other. We're not distracted phones, we're not having other side conversations and all that. It's like we're there. We're really intentional with each other and enjoying just being in the present moment.

I like that. And that's something also I'm thinking of before we move to the next thing is it helps set expectations up for not only the other people around you in your life, but I feel like for me, when I have these. These limits on myself, when I know what my hell yeses and hell no's are, and I'm slotting time on My calendar for the hell yeses. Even if it's just time for myself or time to work on something specific, like a project specific thing that's time blocked, where I know I'm not going to let other things in, like an email or someone asking about the podcast. For instance, when I'm working on some of this consulting stuff I'm doing, like, that's. It shouldn't be conflicting because my brain's going to. It's like the expectations just get all a little out of whack if I start to kind of spread things out again. That makes sense. But, yeah, setting. Managing my own expectations, but then having someone else like yourself see them help a lot. Your hand is raised.

Yes. Hi, I have a question over here. I would say it's even beyond expectations, I think, when you try to bounce between tasks. Hi, it's me, Heather. I'm a recovering multitasker. Newly recovering. I'm not doing that great at it, I'll admit that, but I try, and I didn't before. I would literally. Joe would walk in, I'd be cooking food, like holding baby Kenna. I'd be writing an email on my phone. I'd be like, have another phone call going. And he's just like, seriously, what are you doing right now? This cannot be effective. You're burning the food. The baby is clearly not happy. You have 50 typos in that email. And the person on the phone is just like, hello, are you there? Yeah, that would be the situation that we are working from. So I've improved from that. And I'm at this point really trying to intentionally not bring my phone out around our daughter, because I noticed she is now, like, mimicking it, being like, oh, I need a phone. And I'm like, oh, my God. Gosh, I've. I've created this example. So I'm working back from that. And I see that it's something that I need to be intentional about, separating that and giving space to really fully focus on what I'm doing. And I think. I think with what you have set up right now where you have kind of a few different projects going and few different buckets that, you know, your work is split into that, really giving space for each of those, but not trying to do them all on one day or God forbid, within like, 30 minutes of each other, really help make things smoother in your brain and also for just how the projects go.

Agreed. All right. All right, so let's move on to the third item on this list, which is fair play. And These are cards that Heather and I have been using, and we were just starting things out, but we've been learning about this process and the benefits of it. And you can look up these Fair play cards. They're actually these physical cards that look like playing cards or something a little bigger. The whole idea is to. Well, it has different tasks that are common within a household, and these are great for your partner, for you and your partner to essentially review what are on these cards that align with your life. And, like, the ones that don't make sense obviously discard. Like, there's things about having kids, like a newborn and stuff. Well, if that's not the case for you, then toss them out. But the point is, you have these cards in front of you that show these responsibilities and what you can do with your partner. And this goes to expectations, even. It goes to hell. Yes or no. It goes to giving yourself freedom back to number one of booking your own time in between the. The expected task that you take on. The point is, with these Fair play cards is that you can actually then choose and agree with your partner. This is the task I'm going to fully own in the house. And this other task that I might have thought I should be helping with or supporting with or somehow getting involved with, you could just let that go, and that's okay because your partner agreed upon that task. And there's this committed thing. Thing between the cards, the cards, and us, I guess, together, the Fair Play cards. And again, we were brand new at this. But already with the cards, it's like this release of expectations of me and this pressure on certain things and a sense of freedom. That's been nice to kind of manage a lot of the. The craziness that goes on in life. Heather, I would like to hear your thoughts, your hands up.

Yes, I will say, y', all, here's the truth. Truth. Joe was not excited when I bought these. He seemed. He seemed a little afraid. Truly, he did. I made him watch the Fair Play documentary, which, if you guys have not seen this, if you have a partner, you should go watch this, because it is truly, like, an undertone of every relationship, especially in a household, I would say with kids, it, like, turns up the heat on the amount of crap there is to do in a day. And there can be a little resentment bubbling underneath for both partners. Sometimes both of you are looking and you're going, hey, you didn't dump the trash. And they're going, you didn't put away the laundry. And both of you have a little bit of resentment and frustration with each other over tasks. But you've never actually sat down and intentionally discussed, like, what are. What does it look like to successfully do the laundry in our house? Like, do you need to iron it? Do you fold it? Are you putting it away? Are you leaving it in the laundry room in a pile? Like, if you're like me, are you leaving it wet in the washer for two days and not moving it to the dryer until it's stinky? Yeah, that would be how I do it. So I'm not in charge of laundry now. Joe's in charge of that one, which is better for everyone. We all smell much fresher now.

Basically, it's digging into all that, which I. I really think when we got this, Joe was scared and was seeing it as, like, somewhat of an attack for me, of, like, you aren't doing it enough. We're not doing this well, and we gotta work through it. But the thing is, it's just stuff we never talked about. And really, it opened that conversation in a very calm way and a very loving way where we can take ownership of things. And I do see what he's saying, that it took pressure off, because I think sometimes I would be doing things, I will also admit, with a little bit of a resentful vibe on the undertone sometimes. So he could be sometimes reading that, but other times, really not. I would be doing stuff and perfectly content just taking care of stuff around the house. And I'd see him, like, nervously be like, let me jump in here. And seeing it just made things uncomfortable sometimes for either of us because we hadn't discussed all this. And it covers everything from yard work to the house maintenance to the bills, to, you know, all these different things that are adulting. You know, it's like adulting across the board and making sure all that stuff is divided in a way where you're both comfortable, confident with it. And then what I really love about it is that it talks about how to do the entire process. So instead of it being like, oh, I'm in charge of going to run out to buy one thing of groceries here and there. But, like, you don't know what's in the pantry. Like, I can say if I sent Joe out, he'd be like, what do we need? And I'd be like, okay, well, see, this is the mental process of going shopping. You gotta do all this first, honey, and figure out what you need and then go to the store and buy it and then come back and put it away. So it's like outlining all of that so you don't have a partner jumping in and relying on the other person for bits and pieces of a process and just makes it easier and cleaner and, like, neither person has to be stressed. And I really like, too, that they noted, if you need help with one of your tasks, ask someone other than your partner. So if I'm in charge of grocery shopping, that is one of my things things, then I would not ask Joe to go get something. I would either instacart it. I would maybe ask my mom to run out and grab it if she's at the store, like, hit up any other person who could be a support to me other than Joe, because Joe has his cards, he has his things to do, and I have to get creative on how to fulfill on my things. And then the other thing I thought was really awesome, they put in there, there were a few cards that I for. They don't call them wild cards. They call them, like, life cards. They're basically like intense, extenuating circumstances. So, like, getting a new job, having a baby in the house, having a parent who's sick, like these kind of more intense life moments that happen. And if you're holding some of those cards, it basically the. The game tells you to give some of your cards to your partner, to. To take on a little bit of your responsibility because you're carrying something heavy in life. And I thought that was really beautiful and shows, you know, in a partnership how you can support each other and take care of each other. Even if you're going out of your comfort zone and taking on some tasks you wouldn't prefer, maybe you're not your best skill set or whatever. This has been huge for us, and I know Joe's audience is a lot of dudes for the most part. So, dudes, listen up. You buy this, you bring this home to a partner, they're gonna be real happy that you are stepping up and saying, hey, I want to make sure we're stepping up for each other and taking care of each other and approaching our life together and working on this smoothly and in. In tandem. So I would recommend that's going to get you some brownie points if you pick these up.

Confirmed. It will. It will. And my hesitancy to working with these cards doing this fair play thing was definitely like. It wasn't an attack, but it was almost like, am I not good enough to handle this? Or whatever it was. This just brought clarity and again, like, the expectations, they could just go away for things that were not needed of my time. So. So very good. Good find on the fair play cards, my dear. I think these are really good tips to at least start right now as. And I'm thinking as, like, entrepreneurs, because you can apply all this stuff to your business and even relationships you have within your business, it doesn't have to be with your romantic partner. This can apply across the board. So use these tips however you wish can be applied to your life. And we're gonna be doing more of these episodes together, you and I, because I love Heather's perspective on these things. And there's. It's the yin and yang. That's definitely what. What I feel like with you. And I. And I appreciate you.

Yeah, baby.

Yeah. We got this. So thank you for listening and thank you for joining me finally. Heather.

Yeah, I'm glad to be here. And hopefully some of these tips were helpful. Let us know if they were, and maybe Joe will let me come back.

Ooh. All right. Challenge, huh? All right. Thank you all. See ya. All right. All right. That's what I got for you today. And remember, it's not all about living to work. It's all about working to live if you need to do the work. But, you know, work can be fun, and it should be fueling for your life. So if you enjoyed what you just heard, if you got some nuggets of wisdom that you want to share or you're just noodling on right now, please go tell others. The way that people find this show and how you can help others get their aha moments is through word of mouth. So if it is telling your friend, telling your family, send an email to your list writing a review or whatever it might be, Everything helps. So thank you so much for listening to the Hustle and Flowchart podcast, and I will see you next time.