Badass Softie: Owning Your Traits Is The Secret To Becoming A Powerful Leader! - Dr. J.J. Peterson

You ever feel like you're shutting down the most human parts of yourself just to fit into a mold? Maybe it's as a leader in your business or putting content out there or just connecting with people in general. And you've never really paused enough to understand what are your traits? Like, how do you really want to show up as that person? So I have Dr. J.J. peterson back on the podcast for the second time. He has a wild background. He'll break down and he'll take talk about how doing that has held him back in the past and how when you start to own these traits, it's the key to what he calls becoming a true badass. Softy, I think you're going to enjoy this one. Let's dive in. Jj, we are back for round two, man. It's an honor to have you back and we had a blast last time. Your episode also was really engaging. I had a lot of people reaching out to me about it. Simple marketing and messaging frameworks, everything, all the story brand stuff and things we've done for what, a decade plus in a ton of different Hollywood, even all these corporations. As a professor as well, Dean, I believe. Right. So you got a crazy background, man.

Yeah, it's kind of been. It's. I've lived a wild life in some really fun ways. Yeah. It's like. And what's funny is until I do what I do now, it felt like it was all over the place. Cause I actually, like, right out of college, I did marketing and PR communications, and then I spent a little bit of time in Hollywood doing screenwriting and then acting. And then I also spent time doing comedy. And then I was a professor. I was also a pastor for a while, missionary, lived in Mexico and like all these things and then marketing consultant. And it all kind of felt like it was all in these different spheres. But once I started actually, like, helping people clarify their message and communicate more clearly with a very specific story framework, it all kind of came together. So it was kind of wild and. And you would have thought before I was all over the place, but it all made sense. About 10 years later, it's like, that's.

Life in a nutshell right there. It's like a mixing pot of something and we're just brewing right. Until something clicks. You mentioned comedy, and that just stuck out to me. Like, what. What type of comedy? Was it like improv or like. I don't know. Yeah, curious.

It was. It was improv. So we. I was in a group called 3, 2, 1 improv, and we toured around the country and did clean comedy. And so we did a lot of stuff, which is. It's kind of interesting. So I'm in this. A little bit of a transition in my career right now. I've. I was working for storybrand for a long time. Still am with storybrand still. My title there is professor in residence. So still working story brand. But I've started kind of branching out and doing some more messaging, helping thought leaders kind of create messaging and products based on their, you know, like create courses and certification based on their thought leadership. And that involves marketing and all the stuff. So there's kind of a lot in that space. But what I. As part of that, I've launched a new podcast called Badass Softy. It's awesome, and it's really. It's for leaders who are unapologetically driven but lead with their heart. And the reason I bring that up is not to just kind of, you know, pitch something right here. It actually has to do with the question you asked about comedy.

Yeah, I believe it. We're going to get that as softy anyways.

Yeah, well, so I. So I. For a couple of years, my comedy career kind of started. I went to this comedy club and saw these people on stage and they had you sign up for, like, get a free ticket for your birthday on their email list. And so I did, and a couple of weeks later, they sent out this thing that said, we're, for the first time ever, we're holding open auditions. And I was like, I just want to try this. It was more like just stepping out of my comfort zone. And a bunch of people auditioned and I made the main stage, which they didn't do at that time. If you've ever been in comedy clubs, you have to work your way up through the different systems. And I actually auditioned, put right on the main stage. And that was kind of my start with comedy career.

That was the very first time ever doing any kind of comedy.

Yeah, I'd never. I mean, I grew up, you know, being kind of a theater kid, but nothing like official and hadn't been done anything in Hollywood yet at this point. No acting. I just like, I'm gonna try it, did it, made it, and started performing on the main stage at Comedy Sports in San Diego and so started doing that for a while and. And then some friends of mine who had a group that. It was called CPR at the time reached out to me and said, we're doing some changeups. We'd love for you to join our group and tour full Time. And this was a few years later. And so that's kind of how that progression happened. And when you're doing comedy, you know, you travel around, and what a lot of people don't understand is if you. At the level that we were at, if you're doing comedy clubs, you're losing money because you basically, like, you get paid, like, you do a full weekend at a club. If you're an opener, middle act, and you're getting paid, like, maybe 200 to 500 bucks, and then. But you're also paying your own transportation, your own food and your own hotel for that weekend. So if we're going to Omaha, we're losing money if we're playing clubs only. And that's out there. Yeah. Oh, exactly. So if. Just like, everybody have some compassion. If you go to a comedy club and they're like. Because the people who are openers and middle acts, they're losing money by being there, really. And so on. So what you do to supplement that is you either have another job or you do, like, private events and conferences or corporate kind of things. So that's really what we did most of the time. It was traveling around and doing, you know, the Christmas party for the farm that provides eggs for McDonald'. That was a real show we did. Or, you know, this. Yeah. Or this, like, nonprofit that supports adoption from kids from Ukraine. Like, those kind of things, you know, we do. Or just, like, this. The latest music conference or youth camp or whatever. So I did that for about four years, and you get into it for a while, and it's. It was so fun. I loved it so much. But also, you're on the road all the time. You're exhausted. You know, you finish shows at, like, 10, 11, 12 at night. Then everybody wants to go out for pizza afterwards. So you're getting to bed at, like, 2, and then you're getting up at 4 to catch the next flight to the next town. So that's just kind of like every day. So. And you're flying.

So that's. That's.

Yeah, yeah. Flying. Or renting a van and driving around with two other stinky dudes for a few months, you know, and it was obviously one of the funnest things I ever did and also one of the hardest things I ever did. And I remember when I was in. I was probably about three years into it, and I'm like, this is not. You can't have relationship doing this. Like, I'm not dating anybody. Like, I'm never going to own a home. I'm just I'm going to be sick and I've gained a bunch of weight. And so I was like, this isn't sustainable. Love it. Not sustainable. And I remember talking to my friend. I actually remember where I was. We were in Washington D.C. and we were just like walking down these railroad tracks. And he was asking me. I was feeling this kind of what I would call holy dissatisfaction. Like, I'm. Like I'm. Something is moving in me to say, like, it's time for something different.

Yeah.

And. And he said, you know, what do you think that is? And I said, you know, the thing that actually bothers me the most when I'm on the road is I go to these conferences and these corporate events and I see all of these leaders who are up there and they are like, strong on stage, they're funny on stage, they're leading their teams. And then I'd watch the. Their teams actually were around them. And a lot of these leaders were leaving behind a wake of destruction and trauma. So, you know, you. They'd be on stage and even if it was say, a religious environment, they were up on stage kind of like preaching and loving. And then they'd get off stage and they would just treat people like crap or they were like in the corporate event. And then I'd realize people around them were like, terrified of them. Like, they just couldn't even like, function or make decisions without them. Because you get to hang out with people before and after the show and they want to be with the funny guys. So you get to kind of see around the. Around the bend of a lot of these places now obviously also amazing people that were unbelievable leaders. And you know, like, I learned a lot from that. But I remember telling my friend, I said, I'm tired of leaders who get into positions of power and then just create paths of destruction as they go. And I said, I want to go back to school and be a part of raising up the next generation of leaders who are going to be different. And that actually was what shifted my path away from entertainment and Hollywood and comedy to go back and get my master's degree and eventually my PhD and start teaching in higher education. And that's. So I was a professor for a little bit and then moved into dean of students, where I actually got to work with student leaders. So the RAs and student council and all the people who kind of were running the kids, students who were running the schools, like the people actually leaders and saying, like, I just want to of show them a different way of what leadership looks like, and, you know, that was now 20 years ago that I did that move. And then, you know, I've had a couple different careers since then, but it's always kind of been a passion of mine to really ideally forge a new way of leading. That doesn't look like a lot of the options that are out there right now. And that kind of is what ultimately even led me to what I'm doing with Badass Softy.

It sounds like it. Like it connects perfectly with badass softy 20 years in the making.

I mean, that's exactly, exactly.

Yeah, I can relate. I mean, I haven't done comedy, but, you know, I've been in bands. It kind of sounds similar to improv. We didn't go crazy on the tours, but I did a couple some tours around and. Yeah, I know what you mean. But it's interesting, like, what you say, like, in business. I've seen it, you know, when you see people on stage and as you get to know people, sometimes they have a whole different personality when they walk off that stage or, you know, if they're presenting themselves even on a podcast or whatever marketing they're doing. But you meet them in person and it just might be a whole different face that you're encountering. Not always. And most of them, I would say not. But there is that perception, right, of, like, this. I don't know what it is, I guess, like, how would you define it? Because I want to get to Badass Softy.

But, like, you know, I think so here's going back to some of the narrative stuff, right? So my PhD is in narrative. Like, I help companies with marketing. And when you look at story, there really are four different types of characters in every story. And the reason those exist in stories, because they exist in us. So the four types are hero, villain, victim, and guide. Those four, like, those are the main kind of characters. Character types we see show up in movies, stories. So it. There often is. So just to define those a little bit. A victim is somebody who. Something happens to them that's outside of their control. Now, they may have caused part of it themselves, but something happened to them that is outside of their control. Now when that happens, if the person just stays a victim and plays the victim in the story the whole time, the there will not be a good story written about a victim.

Right.

It's just not. Stories are not about victims. They exist in the story to make the villain look bad and the hero look good. Then what happens is if the. The victim actually to make the story go move Forward is the victim has to want to move forward. They get come to a crossroads where they get to decide if they are going to become a villain or a hero. Villains will revenge the pain that was caused on them as victims and heroes work to redeem it. So you will often see in movies, the hero and the villain have these kind of backstory of pain that are similar. Like you'll even see the. The villain have a scar on their face to show like they went through some crap. Right? You just kind of know that Joker and Batman, right? Like Joker and Batman, same. You know, there's abandonment issues or like, you'll see, you know, like a movie where one hero's. The hero's daughter got killed in an accident, but so did the villain's daughter. Like, you know, and then this. The villain tries to revenge the pain and the hero tries to redeem it. And the hero ultimately kind of continues to move forward to redeem that pain. They overcome what they went through. The villain sadly usually is destroyed. Right? The villain looks bad, isn't a good person, gets destroyed. Everybody hates the villain. Everybody loves the hero. Then if the hero, let's say we go into a sequel, the hero then will often transform into kind of the highest level of character, which is called a guide. The guide is really the strongest character in the story. The story is not about the guide, but the guide exists to help the hero win. The guide in stories is like Yoda. So Luke Skywalker is the hero. Obi Wan Kenobi and Yoda are the guides. You know, Frodo is the hero. Gandalf is the guide. You can see it in everything. You know, Aslan's a guide. Dumbledore is a guide. Haymitch in Hunger Games is a guide. They are actually, for the purpose of that story, the strongest character in the story. So now let me go back and actually answer your initial question about where does this come from? Yeah, I feel like what happens is one, a lot of people who are leaders, they. Hard things happen when you put yourself in positions of leadership. It just does. And making your way to becoming a leader. I think for many of them, they get stuck in a victim mentality and they, they. And when you're a victim in those situations, all you're doing really is making people feel sorry for you. The heroes kind of feel sorry for you to rescue you, or the villains like are mean to you. That's all you exist to be the foil for other people. So you begin to act out of that pain. And then I think what happens is in order to overcome that pain, a lot of them become villains. They like have to like, they were pushed down, they were hurt. They have insecurities of as from their childhood or from previous work experiences. And now they have to prove they're stronger than that. And the way that they do that is by actually acting out on that pain and causing more pain for others. The good leaders, the ones who have experienced it and move forward, overcoming it by being their own hero and then ultimately the guide. So I think where a lot of that comes this is like a lot of the grace. I used to be incredibly judgmental about the people who did those things and be like those assholes. Like, you know, it's like, how could they do this? But what I've come to learn is that most of those actions come out of an unresolved trauma. I mean, not to get too, you know, therapeutic, but come out of an unresolved trauma that either they're still in or they're actually now acting out of. They're causing more pain because of that pain. And I think that's when people get into trouble in leadership spaces.

That makes perfect sense. And I've talked a lot about self development trauma on, on this show, so happy to go there. Yeah, absolutely. But it makes perfect sense because it seems like as a victim and of course there's true victims and trauma that.

Happen that percent yes.

Don't want to discount that one bit.

No, no, no.

But it is easy, I feel like, to kind of stay in that mentality, right, that victim mentality. Because yeah, you kind of feel like you're alone in it. Even though we all deal with it with our own form, you know, like as we're going through life. But I'm imagining, and this is where maybe badass softy kind of comes in is you're looking at the people that, the big names, let's say like in business, the ones that are popular, they have popular shows. They have, they're on stages, they're commanding respect or attention and maybe there is kind of like a label put on them or like, oh, I need to emulate that. But they haven't quite worked through their own stuff, right?

Yes, exactly. That's a huge piece of it in my opinion. Is they, they look at other people which, and I'll say this, I wouldn't even say they. I, I often looked to other people and I said, oh, I need to be more aggressive like that or even in some ways I need to be more soft like that, you know, and, and I have learned this is the thing about with Badass Softy for me is I have learned so much from both types of leaders. People who are just like driven and badass. And if it caused me to lead and dream bigger than I ever thought I could. I remember Donna Miller, when I first came and worked with Donna Miller at StoryBrand, who was a, you know, New York Times bestselling author, had influenced, you know, a generation of people with his books and, you know, had spoke into some of the biggest companies in the world. So I come and I start working with him and one of the things he asked me when we first started working was, so what's your big dream? Like, what would life look like for you? And I remember telling him, you know, I like, I really want to own a home. I want to be able to take like a month off in the summer and maybe do a movie. I'd love to be able to teach at a university again and just be able to have enough money to travel. And he goes, you're going to do that? I want to be president. That's my big dream. What's your big dream? And he doesn't really want to be president, but that was what he was putting out there. It's like, no, no, no, we're not. He's like, you're going to own a home, you're going to make good money, you're going to do this. It's not. We're talking about, I want you to dream bigger because I want your influence and your impact to be bigger. Not just that I would have a bigger home or own a boat, something, but that like, my influence needed to be broader than just like the little pond that I was pretending to play in. Yeah. And so he pushed me to like dream big and be more aggressive. But I'm also not Donald Miller. And if I try to model my life after his and my leadership after his, I'm going to fail because we don't have the same gifts, we don't have the same why we don't have the same values. And so the first thing, like what I. When people always ask me, you know, like, so what does it truly mean to be a badass softie? It's some of this stuff that we're talking about. The first thing I think you want to do as a leader is develop your own point of view. You can borrow from other people, you can even steal from other people, but you have to come at it. And in this requires a lot of self awareness of like, who am I and what are my Values. And why am I doing this? Because for somebody else, becoming a billionaire may really work for them, and for you it may not. Right? Like, so just saying, like, oh, I can look at. And I don't even mean this in a derogatory run, but I can look at the crypto bros and say, that's not me. I've learned a ton from crypto bros. I am not a crypto bro. And if I try to build my life like that, I'm going to be miserable and I'm going to hurt people in the process. So asking the kind of questions of, like, what are my values? You know, what type of leader do I want to be? Rewriting your own narratives about what it looks like to lead. Developing language around those values and, you know, claiming that if you're sensitive, that that's actually an advantage, then shrinking because of that, you know, building those clear internal narratives about who you are, why you're doing what you're doing and where you want to go is so important. And most of us don't pause long enough to ask those questions. And I think. So the way that I kind of put it is, you. There's only one you. There can only be one you. Don't shy away. If a guide in a story does not shy away, the strongest character in the story does not shy. They're not arrogant, they're not rude, they're not proud, but they're confident. Gandalf never backs down from if Frodo was like, I can't do this. Gandalf doesn't go, you're probably right. No. And Yoda doesn't go. If Luke's like, are you sure we should trust the force? Yoda doesn't go, you know, sometimes it lets me down. No, the guide stays confident in who they are. So I know this is easier said than done because all of us fail in this, but taking enough time to pause and go, what is my point of view on leadership? What is my perspective? Allow that to shift and even borrow. Like I said, like, when you start in comedy, like, when I started in improv comedy, I didn't have a lot of experience, so I borrowed styles from Chris Farley, from Dan Aykroyd, from Tim Conway. Like, these were all people who, like, my parents loved and I loved, and I borrowed their voice until I developed my own. And I think that's even in the beginning. Okay. But then what happens is we. We stop and still try to be like, you know, Gary Vee and Patrick Lencioni and all these people who've put in the work and done this, and they're a different person, but we're not them. Pause long enough to develop your own point of view on leadership, and that, I think will set you up for success.

That's great. And, and that pause, I guess it happens, has to happen probably after you get some momentum, right? So you, you kind of have a, a guide, even if you don't know the guide. Like Chris Farley, great example, lovely guy, but he obviously passed away a long time ago. But you can model a lot of things and you don't even probably know him and. Yeah, but, but then there's a point where I'm assuming, you know, that's where you, you find, oh, I'm starting to get this traction under my feet now. I'm moving, I'm getting some momentum. Now I can pause and get in my quiet space and know a little bit more of who I am, what people see me as. A little bit.

Yeah, exactly. And then after that, I mean, I think that's an ongoing thing. Like, I think for myself, it's something I'm always asking myself. And then after that, I, I believe, like, then really as a leader, show up as a guide. Guides show up in stories with really two characteristics, empathy and authority. So they, that's what makes them a good guide for the hero, is they have empathy for what the hero is going through and they have authority or competency that they show up to help the hero win. So showing up as a guide really, like, you start with empathy. And the research shows that empathy is actually a tool that is used to create momentum in teams, that it actually builds trust, it lowers defenses, it creates a sense of where people are actually more effective in the long run. Like, so, yeah, you can get up and yell at people and tell people to do things, but if you want to be truthfully long term badass, start with empathy. Don't start with authority. Start with empathy. Authority then comes after that, because once people actually can trust you, then you can actually lean into your competency. And that's where you can create an environment where people feel both challenged and cared for. And I think that's the dance that has to happen is it's not like, well, let's lean into being challenging all the time or lean into caring all the time, or like, try to find this equal balance of both. I think as a leader, there are times you need to lean into the challenge a little bit more, and there are times you need to lean into the caring a little bit more. They're not mutually exclusive. And they work together in a dance to actually create productivity, create healthy environments, all of that. And so once you kind of pause and establish your own point of view, then coming in and saying, how do I show up? So the first one is kind of how you understand yourself, and the second is how you show up to lead others with empathy and authority. And to me, those two things have to go together in order for you to continue to grow as a leader and grow your team.

That's good. And just on that note there, I know you talked about this in your podcast, but it's also something I've been kind of looping in as a mantra to myself is leading with heart. And it grounds me. I mean, I have two little kids too, two and six. So it's like, like, if I lead them as a parent as, like, I gotta get stuff done, you know, like a checklist, you know, it's not gonna work. There's no connection there. And I'm reminded, like, it's so fast with kids. Young kids are, you know, they'll definitely give me feedback in real time. You know, that. So that was that, that shift. For me, it was. First, it started off like, oh, I gotta be, you know, I should be more like the teddy bear. But it's like, okay, Teddy bear is cool, but I think it's more connection at heart. And then, and then you can go and do the thing, whatever the, the action.

And there's, there's, honestly, there's so much research behind that that really says, like, when you create safe and emotionally safe in particular environments, not where people, you know, there, there's a lot of talk about toxic empathy these days, and I think you can go too far. Like, you know, when it's talking like, hey, everybody, we're down this fourth quarter, we're probably going to lay half of you off, but let's have a pizza party. Like celebr. Let's know, like, when you don't speak truth, when you, when you try to have toxic empathy and toxic, like, positivity. That's not what we're talking about here. And even, you know, sometimes it's weird. I've actually tried to avoid in my conversations on podcasts and in the podcast the word sensitive. I think where a lot of this comes from me is like, I am a sensitive person and often felt like I had to push that sensitivity down in order to succeed. I actually don't think that that's true. I don't think you have to do that. But the reason I'VE even hesitated using the word sensitive is because it has such a bad connotation in leadership circles. It's like, oh, they're too sensitive, or you can't be too sensitive as a leader. And I'm like, I get where that comes from. I honestly do. But I think we swung the pen pendulum so far that we've forgotten what it's like to be human and care for people. And with being driven, like, that's the part. It's not one or the other. It's this. Like I said, it's kind of a dance. And I think one of the ways that then I think just very practically that then that can show up in being a badass softy. This is something that I've really been studying a lot lately and leaning into is this idea of practicing joy. Now when I talk about joy, so, you know, kind of when I talk about the badass softy side, it's like, understand your own point of view. Like, own it. Own who you are as a leader and why you're doing what you're doing. Then show up as a guide with both empathy and authority. And then just really practically. For me, the thing that has come to the surface is this idea of practicing joy. And what I mean by that is, joy is not happiness. Happiness is different. But I think we often look at joy as this thing that is the reward that happens after we've completed a project or the hard work. It's like, you know, we say, all right, everybody, all right, enough goofing around. Come on, get back to work. You know, hey, everybody, okay, we've laughed enough. Get back to work. You know, like, I don't know if you've said that or thought that or heard that. Like, even me get frustrated. It's like, you guys are just giggling over there. You guys get to work. Let's get serious. But what the research actually shows is that when people experience joy on a regular basis, on a daily basis, their productivity increases, their ability to bounce back from stressful situations increases, their physical health increases, and their immune system goes up, their inflammation goes down. Like, there is so much research around joy being the fuel for work instead of getting in the way of work, that if we can be people who tap into that joy, and what that looks like is really, in most practical ways is we find joy in relationships. So allowing space for people to connect beyond the project, it. Allow it, it means whimsy, Providing moments that are unexpected and light and delightful. It means pointing out things of beauty and celebrating success. Like those kind of things. It's. It's the relationship, it's the beauty, it's the whimsy, it's the, the celebration of accomplishment, those all contribute to joy. And if we as leaders can find, find moments to mark throughout the day or throughout a project and find a redemptive perspective on the suffering that often happens through projects and works and like, recognizing, hey, you guys, we got to put our heads down. This is hard work. But finding the redemptive piece to that and the joy in the midst of that, what we see then is joy becomes strategic as part of the leadership that's practiced and really rooted in science. It becomes the resistance against burnout and cynicism and the kind of, I would say, industrial age leadership models. It builds emotional endurance. And so if we establish who we are as a leader in our point of view and then show up to lead others as a guide, joy is the thing that actually allows the longevity and sustainability of leadership. And so that's really like. I think there's a lot more to being a badass softy than that. Like, there's, you know, we can talk about how to care for people and how to serve people well and how to provide excellence and how to show up, you know, like, promote yourself when you don't feel like it. Like, there's all of these things that I think go into it. But for me, that kind of space of like, understanding why and who you are and being okay with that as a leader, not that you're not willing to grow and learn, but understanding where, why you're doing what you're doing, and then showing up as a guide intentionally, you're there to help other people win with empathy and authority. And then infusing joy as a practice that actually fuels the work, I think that is what really, to me, kind of is what I'm learning about being.

A badass softy, that's an incredible framework too, that, that is, it's, it's. Anybody can apply that to where we're at, you know, where wherever someone's at. My question on the joy part, because I absolutely agree on that. And again, I always look at kids, obviously I got a couple little ones, but I learned so much is like, when you're early on, they got to learn to play. You know, play is more important than anything.

And oh yeah, there's so much about brain development and play and what it allows for, creativity and ingenuity. And also, again, what, what the thing that I'm learning, which is kind of crazy about this joy and play Thing is, it actually is recovery. It was interesting in these places of play that from a scientific perspective, play and joy actually act as a space of recovery for us. It's not sweeping under the rug, the stress, it's not ignoring it. It's not turning a blind eye. It's actually how we recover. So when we've gone through hard things, yes, you need to break and, you know, maybe a glass of wine and some complaining. But the reality is the best way to recover physically and emotionally is to lean into play and moments of joy. Your brain will change and your physiological, like your body, your makeup, your cells actually change. So play and joy are a form of recovery, not just escape, which I think a lot of. I, before I did this study, that's almost like where I realized, oh, I think I used to think of joy as an escape. It's not an escape. It's actually part of the work and it's actually necessary for recovery and ultimately longevity.

I couldn't agree more. I'm going to loop it back to the whole crypto bro statement you made, because I appreciate. I said. And I was. I wouldn't say I was one of them, but I had a business where. That's where we're at. We're in crypto. But it was media and sports and all this. But about a year I was feeling very burnt out because I knew that was not my space. Even though I was working with my friends in a really cool office. We had a lot of fun, but for whatever reason, I could not connect the joy of what we were doing. So there was a disconnect there. And it finally took me a lot of. A lot of time and stress to finally pull myself out of that. And I immediately felt better. I'm like, oh, that was the issue. And it was so tough because. Or my friends. But finding joy in those moments in play, in when you're stressed out or in the wrong space, I think is one of the hardest things that we can deal with. You feel it everywhere.

That's when I start to realize, oh, I probably need to look at a change. It's when I'm not capable of doing that. That it's not. Has nothing to do with even with the other people or the environment. Often it's myself. It's that I'm not living out of my own true self. Because you're right. Like, I know I have been in rooms and I have had seasons in my life where I was operating outside side of who I really wanted to be. And I can play that game and I can win. Like you were winning in that game, right? Like, that's, that's the part. It's like it wasn't like that you weren't a badass. It's that you weren't your. You weren't the badass in the way that you needed to be in order for this to belong, have longevity and leadership. You know, I was just talking with some people who are really into biohacking and, you know, longevity with life. And what they were saying, they were showing me these studies and they were saying we are now living longer than we have in centuries and we are also sicker than we have in centuries. Have been in centuries. So when we're talking about expanding life, it's like, yeah, people are still working into their 90s and they're thriving from a physical side of things, a lot of them. And then a lot of them are also just living till they're 90, 100, and they're just sick and dying longer. It's not that we're living longer. We're dying longer, younger. And one of the things that they were tapping into is that there is, you know, obviously there's some, there's some how you eat and some of that stuff is there, but they're also talking about stress and joy and longevity and connection and how it does this. And I think as I am getting to, you know, I'm 50 now, so I'm not like old old, but I'm getting what I used to be think was old. And like I have a set number of years left before at least I want to retire, let alone, you know, and this. I don't want to get dark before I die. But we'll just say before I die, but there's at least a few. A bit of time that, that I'm going to be still working until I retire. I want that time. I don't want to slowly lean into retirement. I don't want it to be what they would term is a long dying. I want it.

It's a very accurate, the way you say that.

Yeah, it's like I want to be a better. I want the next next 10 years to be better than they were when I was 30 in my. And they are like, that's the fun part is like, I think when you get to 40, 50, every decade actually has the potential to be better than the last. I'm having more fun now than I did in my 30s, but I don't want to do this slow dying of like living in a space that's not fully me. Not bringing me joy, not allowing me to do make the impact I want to make. I want to lean into the things that help me live longer with a healthy, like, with more happiness, more joy, and more health.

It's great, man. And you're doing it. And with badass Softy, you know, like, I love the brand name. I urge everyone to go watch you on YouTube, follow the podcast. Wherever you get your. Your media, that's where you're posting it. And it connected with me immediately, you know, because it's. It's a newer podcast for you and you're putting yourself out there. But I think you'll realize a lot of people will connect with that message. It's not the common narrative. It seems like, you know, to. To really lean into who we are, but then own it. Yeah. Because I think that unlocks everything. And then we just feel more flow and feel great.

And I think if there was a fourth thing that I would add is have a lot of grace for yourself. Like, that's, I think, the biggest thing in all of this, especially as you're learning. Like, there's so many things, you know, that I look at myself and go, I should have done this different, and I could have done this different. And, man, I screwed up that a lot. And how, you know, if I'm putting out there that I'm supposed to be vulnerable and leading with heart and also being aggressive and all these things, there's going to be times where I fail in all of that in one day. And having grace for myself in that and going, all right, keep making steps forward. Keep inviting community in. Who speaks into this helps it. You know, that's the biggest thing is as you're growing, yeah, you're good. And. And as you're taking steps like, yeah, maybe you want to need to quit your job and get out of your environment, but it's not the time for your family. And so you wait a year to do it. You know, you probably like, the minute that you felt discontent in that job, you probably didn't quit. You probably, like, set it up and you're like, okay, how do I leave this? Well, how do I set my family up? Well, how do I have my next thing? And it probably took six months to a year before you, I would imagine, because. And why I say that out loud is because a lot of people think, oh, you just, like, left that and started your own new thing. And it got. It was great. But probably you were discontent and having a hard time for it slowly. And then it just kept building and building and you gave yourself the space to learn and dream and figure out what life you wanted to build and then made the move. So that's why I say grace in all of it. Give your grace. Give yourself space and grace to develop and become. And then even while you're becoming, understand the cliche of it all. But that it's a journey. It's not a destination that we get to. It's this. It's a path that we keep walking.

Yeah, man, it's, it's. And like you said, it's easy to say and, and you know, folks listening and watching are probably feeling that too. But you, you nailed it on the head. Jj, is it? Yeah. It took me, I think, eight months to finally figure it out and then I had to write it out. When I actually wrote out all the very specifics and got logical with it because it was all very emotional, I felt it like almost panic attack in my chest. I'm sure it was. Never felt that before. But right when I wrote it out and ended up communicating that, then immediately it just went. I was like, whoa, all right, that's it. And I just remember feeling so great. I actually didn't have a great plan, but I needed that breakup. It just needed to happen. And that's healthy.

Exactly.

Yeah. I think the big thing takeaway here, grace is, at least for me, I think the grace given us ourselves, grace is. It's not woo woo, it's not religion, even though it's all wrapped in there. Make it for yourself, like however you can find that space. And because we all need to tap into it on the daily, especially as busy entrepreneurs in demand. And nothing's slowing down, so don't look in the rearview mirror. You know, it's like, just know like, you got it. You're in the right space and you're headed the right direction. Just know what you want. Right. Dream bigger too.

Exactly.

Man, this is. This is rad. What. What's something that you're looking forward to in the upcoming year or two. I know you have this new thing with badass Soft. You said you're, you know, you're transitioning in business. What comes to mind.

Yeah. Well, what's interesting is I haven't actually said this out loud on camera anywhere in, in interviews is that I'm looking forward to. I'm just going to kind of put out that to starting a kind of a mastermind community next year, some point, probably early next year, to get together people who have the same kind of mindset and to do some learning and like growing ourselves, like bringing in experts on hard conversations and how to promote yourself when you don't know how to do that. And then sales, you know, like just some, like, let's get some things that often are hard for people who have to try to balance this and just be around like minded people who frankly don't want to be assholes and like, you know, and do it together. And then also this is kind of the fun part of it is I studied a while back in part of my Ph.D. i went to Oxford and I did some study with CS on CS Lewis and Tolkien. And one of the things that they did is they would go on these pub walks like for their vacations. And in the mornings they could talk like theology, they could talk philosophy, they could talk education. In the afternoon it had to be all like whimsy and play. So they did. They challenged each other with riddles and they had fun, but you couldn't do the serious talk. And so part of like what I'm trying to kind of dreaming up in this is what does it look like to really lean into what I'm talking about, about joy being part of the recovery and the work is that in the mornings we're like getting down. We're doing hot seats, we're fixing websites, we're creating messaging campaigns, we're doing all that stuff. And then in the afternoon we're intentionally finding moments of whimsy and joy and connection that allow us to actually move into that recovery space even faster. So yeah, I haven't said that out loud yet, but this, that's awesome. I'm putting it out there. That's what I want to do next year.

Speaking into existence right there, man. And that sounds like a fun group to be a part of too.

So make sure. I think so. I want to be a part of it. Somebody else can lead it too if they want, but there you go.

I love it, man.

Well, cool.

Well, let me know when that, when that comes around.

Series.

Well, dude, this is great. Tell everybody where they can go find the show. I kind of already said it, but yeah, anywhere else they can go follow you as well.

Yeah. So you know, the show's badass softy and it's on, you know, YouTube and Apple and Spotify. And you can also find me at Dr. JJ Peterson on all the socials. So Dr. JJ Peterson on all the Socials and my marketing agency where I kind of help people walk through a lot of these different things like how to express and live as a guide in your marketing and in your thought leadership. That is@consciousbrandagency.com. so that's my, my marketing agency that I do consulting and product creation for people in this space. It's Conscious Brand agency dot com.

Right on. Well, this is awesome talk. I loved it. It went everywhere. I, I hoped it would go in way more. So keep at it with badass Softy man. I'm gonna follow along and rooting for you that way.

So take someone much. This has been fun.

Yeah, same. Thank you.