The Power of Self-Love: Building Confidence from the Outside In with Kimmy Seltzer

I call it my black period because it was a dark period in my life and the clothes that I wore reflected that. I considered myself a very confident woman. I believed that you had to work from the inside out to better yourself, to have the confidence that you need to achieve whatever it is you want. But in that dark period, in that moment, I realized that that wasn't true.

Hey, I'm Joe Fear and welcome to the Hustle and Flowchart podcast. This is where we talk all about building businesses, so give you the freedom and fuel for your life. I'm not here to help you build a billion dollar business, but I am here to help you create a business with systems that work for you so you can make more money than you need just by working part time. You know, I was a chronic hustle mode kind of guy and I want to share my experiences and mentors I've met along the way to help you reframe things to be the most effective as an entrepreneur. I wish I had this guidance and insight when I was younger, so that's what I'm doing here for you. Please share and enj.

Hey, today we have my friend Kimmy Seltzer on the podcast and she is a confidence and dating coach. And yes, this relates to you even if you are happily paired up with someone in life and for every entrepreneur on here, because Kimmy, it's everything she does is rooted in confidence and building your own confidence. And she has this outside in approach and it's unique and, and she tells her story and how that applies to business. And also if you are single, I mean, she's the one that I would go to if I was in that situation. And she just has a really cool approach. She's awesome. She's big into media. She's been podcasting for I think six or seven years. She said she has a new show out, she's doing a bunch of workshops. So she, she is in it. So in terms of like a media approach and what she's done and her stories around all that, you're gonna learn a ton of and why she does what she does. And also you're going to walk away from this episode with a different way to approach yourself when it comes to confidence, when it comes to style and the way that you're putting yourself out there to the world, especially with all of us on these zoom calls and might not be meeting face to face with people all the time, but there's a first impression being made at all times and that matters because people make impressions within Seven seconds is what Kimmy says. I mean, we're all goldfish at the end of the day anyway. So what Kimmy's doing is giving you the tactics to show up best, but also, at the end of the day, feel your best when you get into life, business dating, if that's your thing too. I mean, all this stuff, it shows up, and it's all working together. So allow Kimmy to share some really cool stories with you and then check out her resources in her podcast. Charisma Quotient is the name of her podcast. She has a new show called Dating irl and. And she also has a series of workshops over@kimmyselter.com Stop hating dating. And those are for, you know, it's dating focused. But I would definitely check out her style guide. Everything is linked up. It's Kimmyselter.com style. We'll get you to that. There's a men and women's style guide. So, I mean, go down the rabbit hole. Kimmy's awesome, and there's a lot of cool resources for everyone here. So let's get into the show and hope you enjoy. All right, Kimmy, we're rolling. It's great to have you here, and thanks for joining me.

Oh, my gosh, thanks for having me. I'm super excited about this combo, for sure.

Well, we've been chatting a while. We reconnected recently, thanks to our mutual buddy Rich Sheffrin. Shout out, of course. And you and I go back to marketing conferences, even. It's like meetup groups in San Diego. I mean, I don't even know when, but feels like a long time ago, but not that long ago. At the same time.

I know. I don't care when and how. I just. No, a connection is a connection, which is part of what we're talking about today. Right. But, like, and how, like, you and I just connected, and it was awesome that we got reconnected. So, yeah, sure.

Yes. Your background has been in podcasting and media for. I mean, ever since I've known you. And so it's very relevant here, but also you. So we're doing some work together, and it. It made it. I mean, even before that, there was a lot of reasons to bring you on here, but then you started telling me about, you know, styles and all the work that you do in the D space. But really, it comes down to confidence and really knowing about us. You know, it's kind of creating our own confidence. I mean, the way that we show up is how we're perceived and that's why I'm super curious of your thoughts around that. But, you know, I don't know if you have some initial thoughts on that to lead it up. And then I want to get in your background a little bit.

Yeah, no, I mean, obviously this topic is near and dear to me because it is my story. It is the foundation in which I help people both in business and love. And I think it's something also that's often missed when it comes to, you know, success and. And abundance and all the things we think about. Usually we think about in terms of how much knowledge someone has or how long you've been in business for or, you know, whatever empire you're building, whether that's relationships or in business. But at the end of the day, it is about how we feel about ourselves and what we portray to the world. So, yeah, I like. Let's get into it for sure.

Hey, I want to pause this and give a quick thanks to Greg Merrilies and his team at Studio One Design. They're the ones that built my website over@hustleandflowchart.com I couldn't be happier. They nailed it. It looks so professional. They basically read my mind on the vision and they executed it beautifully. I now have a perfect offer to display. It looks super clean. I've already been getting a lot of people asking all about it, and I've been referring everybody to Studio One. So they actually put together a quiz for if you're looking to optimize your current website or build a new one as a full quiz that gives you a ton of results on how to improve and optimize what you're doing. So go complete that quiz@studio1design.com Joe. That is studio the number one design.com, joe. It'll give you a free report after you finish that quiz. He's also given away some cool bonuses, so go check it out at studio1design.com/joe. Well, what's the. Give us some context. So how would you present yourself to knowing this is more of an entrepreneurship community, But I'm sure there's a lot of singles out there. But also, I don't want to discount the ones that are happily coupled up somehow. Yeah. Tell me a little bit about yourself, and then we'll get into kind of what's going down.

Well, first of all, whether you're married or single, everyone should always feel sexy and confident. So. And actually, when you're married and you're in a couplehood, that sometimes gets lost. And know this to be true. And I'll throw myself under the bus to start with my story, with it all.

Go for it.

Yeah. Because, you know, look, I mean, people often hear my bio and, yeah, I could start out with my professional experiences, but that's not why I'm so passionate about doing what I do. It really has to do with my own story. And, you know, in a traditional sense, I am trained as a therapist. And that's what I did for many, many years back in Chicago. I lived this very traditional life with the husband and the picket fen, the kids and the dog. I still have the kids, by the way, but you see where the story's going. Yeah. So I. I really thought that that was going to be my life. And by the way, back then, I was not an entrepreneur. You know, I collected my. My paycheck and my value and my worth was embedded within, you know, how I help people. And the paycheck was just kind of, I guess, to support that. And what happened to me completely flipped the script on not only in the way that I work, but also how I saw my important part of the transition that I went through. What was interesting is that what we. Well, as a family, we all picked up when we moved to LA LA Land, we land here in la, and I always joke, we. We did what all the other LA people do. We get a divorce. We joke.

I mean, like, yeah, right.

I like to blame la, you know.

Like, are you going to get into show biz or something? What'd you do?

Yeah. The truth is, we would have been here anyway. Right. So LA was easy scapegoat. And really, what it. For me, what it meant was that I was faced with our relationship. You know, sometimes you're just kind of going through the motions and you're in your life and your cushion and your cocoon and you're insulated from maybe things that aren't working. And so that's what happened. And here I was, all alone in my new castle, so to speak, not knowing what to do with my new life. And I call it my black period, because it was a dark period in my life. And the clothes that I wore reflected that. So, mind you, up until this point, this is really important to this story, what we're going to talk about today. I considered myself a very confident woman. I believed that you had to work from the inside out to better yourself, to have the confidence that you need to achieve whatever it is you want. But in that dark period, in that moment, I realized that that wasn't true. And so I thought, here I am, therapist. In that moment, I should know better. Right?

Right.

And I still couldn't get out of my own way, and I still couldn't get out of these horrible clothes that I was in. So if you saw me back then, I would not be wearing this bright pink shirt. I was wearing these ginormous black clothes that were probably three sizes too big. I was still wearing the nursing bras. Like, it shows you. Like. And I wasn't nursing any longer, so I was really stuck in flip flops. And, oh, yeah, it was really hot. So I did all this traditional work. I went to counseling myself. I'm a therapist. I studied it. I had a support system. But yet nothing. Nothing was working. So just as I was about to go back to bed under the covers and hide again, I woke up one day and I looked in the mirror, and I just was horrified at what I saw. And, you know, like, there's a moment in your life where it just like, kind of like, kicks you in the butt and says, I gotta do something. That was my fed up moment. And, like, no one's gonna date me looking like this. But more importantly, nobody's going to date me. Opportunity's not gonna happen because of how I feel about me. And that was really kind of that defining moment. So I did something really untraditional. I went shopping. This is shopping therapy. This is.

Put it on the card. Yeah.

And so I. I went to the store, and I think I'm up leveling myself. I'm like, I'm going to, you know, get a new career, and I'm going to start dating. But here I am piling in all the black clothes again. In my arms, I'm doing the same thing. Yep. And so this personal shopper, she's now. I now refer her as my guardian angel because she's really. She saw me and she said, ma', am, I've been watching you, and I really think you should try this on. And she holds up a red dress that looked, like three sizes too small. And I said, that's very sweet of you, but that really isn't my size. And that's really red. And she said, honey, that is your color. That is your size. Try it on. Oh, it was powerful. It was almost as if she hit me over the head with that red dress. I call it my red dress moment. And when I came to, I said, you know, she's right. I need to feel different. I need see myself different. And so I grabbed the dress and I squeeze into it, and I twirl. Around like Cinderella and bam. There I was.

Nice. You felt it?

I felt it. Really. It was like I saw a princess before me. It was really that kind of fairy tale moment. And it almost jolted me. I'm like, wow. I just hadn't seen myself like that in a really long time, if ever. And first time really just seeing myself. So I said, all right, I'm gonna buy the dress. I'm gonna buy it as a costume. I called it a costume because I didn't totally buy it yet. That. That was me.

Yeah.

But I'm gonna do an experiment. I'm just gonna walk out into the world in this red dress. And Joe, I did like, I. I went to the grocery store, there's the coffee shops in that red dress. I went to network. I did everything in that red dress. And here is where everything started happening to me. I. That I started being noticed by you alien men. Yeah. And I didn't like it. I was petrified. Like, here I thought, okay, now I'm getting attention. But this is. This is the moment I realized I was scared. I was scared of being seen. And that there really was a symbiotic relationship between the outer and the inner when it comes to confidence. Like how we market ourselves often is how we're portraying ourselves to the world and the story that we're telling. And it may be incongruent with who we are inside, or it could be exactly telling the story of what's going inside. You know, it tells a story. So that was kind of my first stab at this whole notion of working from the outside in. And now I flip the script. And when I work with people both in business and love, I work with people on the outside first because I realized it was a direct hit into my inner confidence. When I started looking and feeling better, I saw myself differently. So I moved differently. And that's what caused other people to see me different.

Yeah, I guess I can relate to that. When for some God awful reason, you know, a few times I've tried to grow up my hair. I'm like, this looks horrible and I feel dirty and I don't feel like me, you know? And yeah, that thing chops off and I'm like, oh, I love the feeling of me now. And I just move differently. Like, I totally get it. Actually, just a couple months ago, I was like, growing up the. I was trying the beer thing. Yeah, yeah, it wasn't that long ago. And you're the one. You're like, do a little, you know, go to that. That Kind of not clean shaven, but just take it down a notch, you know, five o' clock shadow thing. My wife's been telling me that forever and I did it and I was like, oh, what do you know? My face feels better, I feel better. I. It's less distractions, like better. And it was the outward in. Now my question, Kimmy, though, is how do you like, if you do feel this kind of mix of like this battle of outside and internal thing going on, like in your case, maybe speak to that red dress moment. Like, was it just because you were forcing it to happen? Repetitive practice with this costume or what happened there with the inside?

Yeah, I mean, that's, that's a good question. And look, I should back up by saying, you know, I can safely talk about this stuff being a therapist, because I do believe the insight is super important. But often I think people fall in analysis paralysis where they're doing all this work, but yet there's a piece missing and the outer piece is so important. And we'll get into that in a bit. But your question is really valid because nowadays I honestly refer to myself as a strategist, like a dating strategist, a confidence strategist, because I just believe we develop habits over time for whatever reason, and it just takes certain strategies to override those old habits. Like my habit was hiding and using those black clothes as a cloak to keep me invisible. Now, at the time, I didn't realize that that's what I was doing. It was just a habit. So I had to create a new habit, to your point, by wearing that red dress over and over and over again until I became it. Now that was just the catapult that thrusted me into all these other changes and transformations that I did on the inside and all these other things that I had to do with my dating life and my work life. But sometimes it takes just one thing that's like a domino effect that spirals into the other areas. And that's why I love clothes so much by starting there. Like, to your point, even with the grooming, like the outside appearance, there's not too many things in life that you get an instant result from. Think about it. It takes a long time to do the inner work or even put up a website or all these other things that we learn in business. But yeah, shaving a beard and walking out with a red dress, instant you.

Get, yeah, you get instant. Not only internal feedback yourself, but external everywh where, especially if it's that drastic of that contrast and, and that's the.

Symbiotic kind of nature of it. Right. Like the outside validation and the N word, you know, works together.

Yeah. Yeah. Because it does validate what we truly think we have or maybe have. But we're experimenting and, like, with any new habit or thing. Yeah. We need to train ourselves. Maybe micro actions, like keeping it kind of manageable, not overtake. Like, it's not like you bought, like, 10 dresses. You just bought one and you practiced with that one, called it a costume. So you kind of masked it in a way. It's not like you even owned it, like, personally. You're just like, I'm gonna throw this thing on and look around and see who's noticing me or not. Obviously, they were noticing you. So it's. It's interesting, the approach. I like it.

Yeah. It is almost like a little bit of an experimentation. I tell people, especially when they're not feeling good with their confidence, and I work with people in different areas of confidence. But, you know, I always say, gamify it. You know, if it's scary to make eye contact with somebody, then just count how many blue eyes you see, you know, and start with that, you know, and it's starting with little micro transactions kind of thing that will start building to the bigger wins and ultimately the success and whatever you're trying to. To get. And the charisma quotient, which is obviously the name of my podcast, and it's the formula that I use to help people with their confidence. I. That's where kind of work. Right. Like, I start from the outside, working with their style, intelligence, and that's what we're talking about now with wardrobe and body language and energy or first impressions. And then I go inward and work on emotional intelligence, and that's the way we express ourselves. So once we get that confidence, how do we. How do we own it? Right. Like, how do. How we feel that your authenticity, the vulnerability that you have when you have, like, relationships and connections. And then the third piece is social intelligence. And yes, that includes flirting. Flirting is a big part of my business, as you know, and is kind of that energy and the magnetism that just draws people to you, whether it's in networking, whether it's on a date. It is so powerful how you manage interpersonal communication.

Yeah. And there's so many things that relate to the. The business realm that we all find ourselves in. Entrepreneurs, listening. I mean, no matter what industry you're in, niche or whatever, it translates. It's. We're humans and we're connecting with other Humans and whatever the intention is, there's an el, obviously, there's confidence, there's eye contact. I mean that's where. Yeah, back in the day, like I didn't make a lot of eye contact, but for whatever reason and it was, I don't know, is it a practice, a dare to myself or whatever it is now it's just like I notice when other people kind of shift away or whatever, I'm like, right, yeah.

Now you can't not see it.

Right, exactly. I'm like, I know me. So but like on the business side, where do you see this? Because I know you coach a lot of different people and I mean this red dress moment has now translated into a whole on passion and deep dive, which is interesting. How do you see that relating with business, with the folks that you, you coach and maybe you should be coaching more of.

Well, yeah, it's, it's huge. And I always say what shows up in one area of your life leaks into. Right. And so no matter if we're talking about love or business, what we're really talking about are skills. And so I'm very skill based and results oriented. And so whatever challenges people are having, it's kind of looking at how that shows up. And so with entrepreneurs and business people, it is so powerful to really dial in that first impression piece and how people connect with each other because at the end of the day, people do business with people they like. I don't care how much knowledge you have, how great your website is and believe me, all that stuff is really important. But if somebody likes you and they feel you and you're making a great connection impression on them, you're in, you know, and so like for me, because I didn't have a business background, I have learned through building relationships and just like connecting with great people like you and learning and absorbing and you know, that is such a crucial part. You know what's interesting is that like if you're a speaker for instance, or you're in sales of some sort, which a lot of entrepreneurs have to be, the minute this is just research based, the minute that you are walking through that door, people are already making judgments and assumptions if they are going to buy from you, whether they trust you and whether they're listen to you when you speak, and that is based on two things. This is just two things. What you're wearing and the attitude that you have.

That's it? Yeah, that's it.

So everyone is so worried about like what to say and, and learning all these things. But Again, non verbal communication is 93%.

Yeah.

Can be a barrier. So if you could just get past that barrier and people like you, it's huge. So, like, I want to do more of that. Like, I want to go into more like, you know, businesses and speaking kind of engagements and arrangements where I can help people connect in that way, whether it' through their wardrobe, the way they're having conversations, the way they're telling stories or not telling stories. Yeah, they're all big.

Well, so for the. Obviously, we have in person and virtual as well. A lot of us find ourselves on these zoom calls. So first impressions are. A website is probably a good online first impression, but if we're talking people to people. Right, like this. Yeah, there's just so many, like, I'm sure eye contact. Obviously, it's a little weird with zoom. Sometimes you're looking at the camera, sometimes the screen.

You're like, yeah, I'm looking at the dock a lot right now. That makes it look like I'm looking at you. But yeah, I noticed.

And I'm like, horrible at that too. But what are some things that you would recommend, folks, I guess, in the virtual space? Well, we find all of us now on zoom calls. So men and women. I know, I'm told by my wife all the time, you know, hey, camera ready. For women, it just takes a lot more effort. And I understand that now. I've seen that. And props to y' all women.

How do we approach this as men and women, but maybe, you know, tactics or strategies for each of us as well.

Yeah, I call it how to give good zoom. You know, this is something we all had to dial in, especially during the pandemic, and it's here to stay. And also getting used to being mindful of how you come across on camera is the same thing on how you come across in life. And I always tell people like, you are your walking brand everywhere and anywhere are chances to meet people, both in business and love. And so I think so many times people compartmentalize things, you know, and then like only when the camera goes on or only, you know, when they're intentional with meeting somebody for business. But it really is a lifestyle. So I will just say that is a mindset. And when you start getting into it, like, you can't not look great in front of the camera when you really see the value of it. I want to start out by saying, whether in person, on or in zoom, it only takes seven seconds now to make a first impression.

We're all goldfish.

Oh, my God used to be 30 seconds, I think, just a couple years ago. And so I think the dating apps probably have something to do with it, but the minute somebody walks into a zoom room, seven seconds, they already are reading you, so that's really important. So the number one thing that I would say is definitely be mindful of what you put on your body. And if you're in a business situation, think about your brand, your personal brand, and also who you're trying to attract. I have kind of the 3C rules when I'm helping people dress, and it's the cut of the clothes, it's the color you wear, and then what I call your confidence clothes. And your confidence clothes are like things that you put on over and over again that make you feel amazing. We'll just take a look at some of those elements and try to replicate that. Color is super important. As you notice, I'm wearing color. It's my brand. It's my red. Usually we're red or pink because it's my story, it's memorable. But I also know I happen to have the knowledge that red and pink attracts people.

Okay.

As women. If you're looking for love, it attracts love. It's also a power color in business, and so if you're trying to sell, it sells well. So is it blue?

Like a. Like a trusting kind of color? Okay.

Yeah. And blue. I was just gonna say blue. If you're a man, blue is awesome. Like, it attracts women, and it also is a powerful color. And most men look good in blue, you know, so it's just like a nice color that reads well on most skin tones. So just, you know, know kind of what suits you, your brand, the color, like, keeping those things in mind. The second thing is, I'm sure you talk about this in your podcasting world is good sound like, definitely. Because having conversation is one thing, but the tonality and how people sound is part what connects each other. And in fact, they say that tonality is considered a body signal or body language.

Now, definitely, I would agree with that. Especially in modalities where we can't even see the person podcast. You know, we're. We're both, I think, trained in intonation up and downs, emotions slowing the pace, things like that. It all connects.

Yeah, I mean, that would be super bright if somebody's act really fast and then, like, you don't like, it's weird.

Yeah, I've. I've been guilty, and I've actively consciously slow my pacing down because I think my brain maybe a lot of Us too think so fast. We have so many ideas, so great and excited. But that's okay. That can be conveyed a lot differently.

It's so true. And it can be actually like a dramatic pause. And being comfortable with silence sometimes is even more powerful and engaging than filling the space in. So it's like all these, like, fun tricks. And then, of course, lighting, super important. We're both well lit, which I think makes a difference. If you're like, someone who only are showing, like, your eyes and you're shadowed in the dark and it's like, how are you supposed to sell something or, you know, be a leader in a summit when you have bad lighting and people can't see you. And I would say the background, the background's super important. Like, we both have neutral background that's so that we're kind of more in focus than the background because the background could often be distracting depending on what's going on down there. There.

I like it. Yeah. No, these are great tips. And anything else on the. The style of clothing or the cut. Like, I'm curious of how. How you kind of just read people like that. I'm sure. Face shape, maybe haircut and all that stuff. Body shape as well. Any quick tips here?

Yeah, well, I happen to have a free style guide for your listeners. Shout it out.

What you got segue to. So if anyone's interested in understanding their body type, I'm very scientific in the way I approach cl. I don't like, I'm not this, like, blonde hair LA stylist. Say, oh, just wear this. You look fabulous. Like, I like being very intentional and what looks good on your body. And like, for men, there's not a lot of variation in body types. There are about three, and for women there are five body types. But once you know your body type, like, the guides that I will give you, they'll show you what cuts flatter your figure and what cut cuts to stay away from. And once you know that and you start wearing clothes, like, that really makes a difference in how confident you feel in your clothes. And I encourage people, like, if you download the style guide and then you start like, even just experimenting with some of the clothes and the cut, take a picture of yourself and then look at the picture like just outside yourself. Because what we see in the mirror is usually different than what we see in a picture. You ever notice that?

That is very true. Yes.

Right.

Like, especially if you, like, post that picture. Oh, fright.

Oh, my God. Well, and actually that's a good topic too, because if you're an entrepreneur, you might have to be very visible in ways of social media and your website. And, like, what are you advertising, what are you marketing? And you could be literally losing business or attracting customers who won't pay you as much simply because of the image you're putting out there. So, again, this is like, super easy, fun things that you can do that will get an instant result. And because of, like you said, the outside validation, whether someone's paying you more money or someone's complimenting you, you're going to want to, like, do more of it, you know.

Oh, yeah. Well, shout out that URL. How do we. How do we get this free guide here? Because I know there's men's and a women's guide, so two separate ones, right?

And whether you're a woman or man, you can still go to Kimmy Seltzer.com forward slash style. And you can pick and choose whether or not you want the woman, the man, or you may want both if you're a couple. And you can help, you know, your partner out too, too.

There you go. Yeah, no, it's a. It's an awesome guide. I have downloaded it and I'm taking notes and.

Is that why you shaved?

Well, that was you, Kimmy. That was a. That was so. Yeah. Quick little side note here. It was awesome. It was. Rich Sheffrin called me. It was like a random call, and I was like, oh, hi. And. But it was actually you. FaceTime, actually. Nonetheless. And I still feel so bad because you're wearing a hat. It's been in years, actually.

Meta to what we're talking about. Like, think about that. I was. I looked different.

You did. And you were in a different location, calling from Rich's phone. It was like confusion galore going on. You're in Florida. I knew you live in la, you know, West Coast. I'm like, she's very nice. But point is, I was in my car with, like this baseball hat, Padres hat on. And I don't know, probably nothing. It was T shirt or something. It was raining outside, so maybe jacket, but big old beard, you know, and. And everything wrong from what you were talking about. It was like, literally in my car with my phone, like, what's up?

What's going.

Okay, so, yeah, you definitely told me to take down the beard and rightly so, too. And like I said, you know, just made me feel great. But yeah, I forgot how we get to that point now.

I know. It doesn't matter. It's a good story.

Yeah, it was fun.

But that is true, too. And there's been studies done on that is sometimes if you too drastic of a look, people may not at first trust it, you know, so you have to look at also the reasons why you're changing your look, what you're trying to achieve with it, and then, you know, make sure that you're on brand with whatever you're doing. So there's so much psychology in it. Can I share a story, please? And that's because. Because I love stories.

Yeah.

This is the perfect example of something that happened to a client. She hired me, actually, because she wanted help in dialing in her first impression and her networking skills, because she just got hired to be, like, high up in some big organization. And she's like, kim, I don't know how to network. Like, I go to these meetings. I'm. I just kind of sit there, you know, and I never. And I want to be, like, seen as a leader. Like, I'm a leader. I said, yeah. So she happened to be single, too. So that's why I love this story.

Double whammy. Yeah.

Yeah, it was a total double whammy. I came at her from both angles. And our first call. I'll never forget the. She was all business, like, I couldn't crack a joke. I was trying to. And she was like, no, I want this. I want this. I want this. Here's my credit card. I'm like, oh, boy, we got some work to do. So, okay. So. And she flew me up to the Bay Area is where she lived, and I met her, and she shows up, so classic in this, like, suit with no makeup on, in a bun tightly woven around her head. And she puts out her hand very stiffly, and she says, nice to meet you. And of course, I'm in a red dress, and I'm like, hi. And I throw up my arms, and I give her a big hug.

She's like.

Exactly. I'm like, so it's kind of like lesson number one. But from that point on, we just started working on her likability factor, like, just softening and not worrying about letting people know how knowledgeable she was. But it was more about who she was as a person and talking more in feeling rather than facts. That's something that I work with people all, whether it's through storytelling, you know, and other just, like, emotional intelligence type of, you know, skills and. And stuff that I work on. And by the end, she was kind of loosening up and she was getting into it. I was showing her how to navigate the room and we had these events that we were going to go to in the night, so I was prepping her. So I told her, first of all, go change and put on a dress, please. Can you. Do you have any kind of dress that you could wear?

It's hurting my eyes.

She's like, well, this is what I wear for business. I said, said, but you're trying to match too much of, like, being in the man world, you know. I said, embrace being a woman, because that's where your power is. I'm not saying wear like a slinky sequin dress, but wear something that makes you feel feminine and good and so powerful and. And I wanted her to wear color. So she went home, she changed, and she looked like a million bucks. She put her hair down. We went to a bar beforehand and.

Loosen up a little, practice.

A guy ended up picking her up. Now, she didn't hire me for that. She's like, kim, this never happens to me. I said, yeah, because you don't allow it. And so we then went to the networking event, and she started just chatting up a storm. And I was teaching her how to find the leaders in the room, and she was making connections and she did great. Like, after that, I got an email from her. It was like months later, how, how, how much her life has changed. Like, she started networking like crazy. And like, people really saw her as a leader in her organization. And it was just took that little kind of like that light bulb switch in those different areas to really see how important the connection was.

Well, see, that's a perfect example of you're changing the outward. You're. You're probably giving her information that she's never seen herself embracing in the business world, but also translates to. To life in general. Because you're right, everything permeates into the next thing. On or off camera, outside of the officer in it, whatever, it doesn't matter. But like. And plus, it's a lot easier to just live that way too, right? It's like, let's just, let's stop being so segmented and. Nah. Yeah, so true.

Yeah, I mean, it was. And you could see it in her face. Like, it's, it's tense, you know, like, if you're not having fun, even if you're in the business world, I always tell people, I think sometimes that's what I teach is just how to have fun, have fun.

For sure. Well, everybody's going to love you more. I feel like every first impression is going to be way better, even if you don't End up working. I don't know. We're just having fun. And do it to yourself. It's like, starts here first and then give it to others as well. Even if you're not going out to date someone.

Well, it's an energy, right?

It really is. So the style stuff is obviously extremely important. Permeates everywhere. I'm going to link everything in the resources, the links below, of course, but again, go to Kimmy Seltzer.com style. Literally, it's helped me do some aha moments. I should get the women's guide for my wife, too, but she's got his stuff figured out. Maybe not. I don't know. Kimmy, talk. Tell me about. Because the media, and this is what I always find so fascinating, is you will podcast first and you have such a background. Like, I know you did some shows. I think he did a show with Jordan Harbinger back in the day as well. Right. Like, yeah, he's been on the show here, but he's huge. Art of Charm, too. You're on there, there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's funny that you remember that.

Yeah, the little nuggets.

Jordan, if you're listening, I love you. I know it's been forever, but, yeah, I mean, I have to credit him for really kind of getting me into the podcast world. And, you know, I come from a theater background, so I was always, like, happy to be in front of a camera or speaking. But it was definitely a different format, you know, and also it's a different format doing webinars or workshops and that kind of thing. But all to say, they're all, like, beautiful platforms and helping just, like, reach more people. And that's why I love it so much.

Yeah.

And so, yeah, I mean, I. I started my podcast after I was going on the Art of Charm. For a long time, I was the female voice, and people kept saying, kimmy, where's your podcast? I'm like, oh, I don't have one. People would say, you should start one. I'm like, yeah, I should. I don't know where to start, you know, And I did have a media team eventually help me kickstart it, which helped give me the framework to do that. And, yeah. And then from that point on, just. I loved it. So it's been about six years for.

Ever since I've thought about. I mean, well, this podcast is about six years old as well, so, I.

Mean, we started that together.

Yeah, exactly. So charisma quotient. Go check her out. You've had so many awesome people on too. And you do bring on a slew of different characters. It's not just dating, dating, you know, it all permeates again and so true.

And I just want to mention that because, you know, a lot of times people think the dating coach lady or whatever it is, and that's why I always say I'm a confidence therapist as well, is that at the end of the day, whether you're looking to, you know, have better life in your love life or in your business life, at the end of the day, it's all about how you feel about you. So really I almost feel like I help people fall in love with themselves and like when you feel confident within, like, you know, this, the world's your oyster, everything starts happening. So.

Yeah, well, thanks for doing that and, and this is why I'm enjoying to work with you because like, full disclosure, we're working together and, and definitely the podcast thing was like, it's like the tip of the iceberg, I would say. And that's, I think most media businesses, or at least smart ones, as you have kind of a whole slew of fun stuff going on. So you have a new show. I want to shout out a couple things. Dating irl hell in real life, it's a quick little.

Oh, you might have to do the intro for that.

I like that movie Boys. I will.

So why should. Like, what's that? It's just a little quick blurb because I know it's a brand new thing. So I'm gonna give it first shout out here.

Yeah, I'm super excited about it. You know, it's gonna be shot in a studio with a production company called Sway tv and we are streaming it through all social media channels. So you'll be able to catch no matter where you are at. And I'm happy to put a link in the show notes where people can just go to one link and find it. And basically it's going to be very interactive. Yes, it's a show on dating, but it's also going to have a lot of information about confidence and, you know, social, you know, stuff and emotional intelligence, like all the things that I love doing, but I'm doing it interactively. So I'll be bringing like celebrities and people into the studio, real people. I'm going to be doing live coaching, ambushing people in the streets.

I'm pretty stoked on that one.

I know. I'm actually going to be filming one next week, so I'm really excited about that. I just want to really build a Community. I think that's what's, you know, kind of getting lost out there is that everybody is so fragmented with all these things that are out there. And by having, like, a podcast, like, even with your podcast, it builds community. And so the more chances I have to build community where we can help each other grow and meet each other, like, then I've done my job.

And yeah, yeah, I mean, that's. I definitely believe that media and like, I know you have a workshop as well coming up to go deeper on people, on the style stuff. You have a few other topics. I mean, that's. These are all things I feel like if you have media and the media person that's actually putting it together, realizing there's a massive ripple effect if you show up and you give a ton of value. This is why I love the podcast. Bunch of people start one after hearing the benefits of having a podcast is like, hey, yeah, it's community, but it also, it just, like, allows your thoughts to permeate, and then that goes further. It's a whole butterfly effect that happens.

Well, and that's why it's so important doing what you do, Joe, because there are. There's a lot of noise out there, and there are so many ways that people can get this information. And that's what you've been so great at, is just helping me put it all together in a way that makes sense, that people can hear, you know, and like, I just did that TEDx talk on how to market yourself for love. And that's right. You know, which is another medium. But that. Then where does that go? Right. And so the more ways people can engage, you know, the better. So I just want to thank you too, shout you out.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Well, I'm happy that we're both doing our thing. Let's keep jamming on the podcast and everything else and go check her out. So I'm going to link all the fun stuff in the show notes, of course. Go, go follow Kimmy if anything resonated with you, because she's fun. You're fun, Kimmy. Right.

Thank you. I like to have fun. I'll make you have fun. If you're not having fun.

I like it. My kind of people. All right, we'll catch you next time. And Jimmy, appreciate you.

Love ya.

All right. All right. That's what I got for you today. And remember, it's not all about living to work. It's all about working to live if you need to do the work. But, you know, work can be fun. And it should be fueling for your life. So if you enjoyed what you just heard, if you got some nuggets of wisdom that you want to share or you're just noodling on right now, please go tell others. The way that that people find this show and how you can help others get their aha moments is through word of mouth. So if it is telling your friend, telling your family, send an email to your list writing a review or whatever it might be. Everything helps. So thank you so much for listening to the Hustle and Flowchart podcast and I will see you next time.