This Info Could Save Your Life (Or a Loved One's)

This is an intro. Intro, intro, intro. Hustle and Float, Shark with your boy, my boy, Matt Wolf and Joe Fear. Hey, what's going on, Joe Fear here? This is gonna be my little solo episode for the week. And this one I'm gonna kind of just riff from the heart. And this isn't like a woo woo thing or anything. I just want to be real with you because I think a lot of, a lot of you entrepreneurs, digital marketers, people who work behind a screen are, you know, we deal with some different social aspects than people who actually go out there and, you know, doing stuff in the real world, quote, unquote, real world. Like seeing people communicating with clients, you know, face to face and all that stuff. You know, the last two years, you know, with the state of the world that we're in.

It'S had us in kind of our bubbles. And I want to tell a story from my side of things and how it's affected me and what I've learned, especially through the last two years. So this episode is going to dive into kind of where my head has been in the last two years and why these last two years have been the most pivotal for me and also for Matt and I's business, you know, with. In terms of clarity, focus, finding out who we are, who I am. I'm going to speak from my perspective, of course. And you've heard on the podcast that we've chatted a lot about mental health. We've had behavioral scientists like BJ Fogg, Robert Cialdini, Dr. Robert Cialdini and Dr. BJ Fogg, of course. And we've had folks like Marshall Silver on who are big into reprogramming your brain. And I'll just say the last two years have been tough for a lot of us in terms of the lack of connection to a human. There's some times where we feel like we're just so disconnected and.

It'S kind of the result of so many different things. But I want to tell you exactly what I learned and if this episode gets some love from you and we get some feedback, if you're writing in or talking to us in the group or on YouTube with the comments. Actually, this one doesn't have a video, so it probably won't be on YouTube. But if you're giving us feedback, I wanna share more with you. So the tools and maybe some specific resources. I'll mention some of this stuff here as more of a high level. But what I wanna do is just be real with you because I feel like this is A conversation that needs to happen for a lot of us, and not only entrepreneurs and people, but everyone on this planet. Because we're living in a world where things are just so damn fast, things are so quick. And the unfortunate consequence to that, it seems like, are, at least from my perspective, is that the connection is lost, you know, between people and between loved ones, between team members. You know, there's. There's just a lot happening. And we're living in a world where we're just ultra connected, but at the same time, we're not really totally connected. Like empathically, where it actually matters, where you feel it, where you feel emotion, you feel the connection to someone else, and you reach out for support or you ask for support, you know. So let me. Let me go back because I want to set this scene about almost two years ago in my life was super pivotal. It changed my life. And it was the start of the most difficult time period in my Life. So on October 8th of 2019, it was actually. Sorry, October 9th. So it was the day after the 8th. I got a call, or actually I didn't get a call. I got a big knock on the door about 6:30 in the morning.

I don't know if you heard that. That's me trying to replicate sound effects. It was a guy in a tie, in a suit, and he had some kind of badge on. And I was like, this is weird. I don't think I committed a crime. So I was kind of just like, what the hell? Like, is this guy like an imposter? He didn't really look legit. Totally. So then I got the courage to answer the door. And that was a deputy from the San Diego Sheriff telling me that. Well, he was asking me, you know, is Joseph Ear here? Me? I was like, yes. And he basically, long story short, told me, sat me down in my living room. My wife and I had my dogs there as well. And he told me that they got a notification from South Carolina, where my father was living, that he committed suicide the night before, the day before, the evening before.

So it's bringing back the visuals now and kind of the shakiness. Yeah. I learned right there in that moment, my life changed. Like, my life, my vision of who my dad is or what my life could be where I can share experiences with my daughter. Because, you know, so my daughter was born two and a half weeks right after this day. She was born on Halloween in 2019. And so here I was, I was getting the news that my father committed suicide that the night before. And I Have an extremely pregnant wife right next to me. And we've been nesting, getting ready for this most happy time in our life. We've been trying to have a kid for seven years at this point, maybe six and a half. The whole IVF thing, it's been tough. Infertility, that's a whole other topic that needs to be discussed in Community, but maybe not right here. But I'm just saying there's a lot of. A lot of these hidden things that are happening in all of our lives that if we're not talking about them, we feel super disconnected. So maybe there's a time for that. But this is what we're gonna stay on topic here is I had a baby two and a half weeks after I found out, my dad passed. And the last thing my dad said to me, which was a week prior to this time, he said, give me a hug. Hug me, give myself a hug, I guess, but give a hug to my wife and my daughter to come. And that was the very last thing that he. The conversation he had with me. And, you know, he sounded happy as far as I can tell. But, you know, there have always been red flags for me. So now I'm gonna kinda. I'm not gonna dwell in the story right here, but as time progressed, you know, I was shocked, of course. And this is also to say that, like, this was this moment of him choosing, this action is not unique. There are so many people right now, and even more so with, you know, the state of the world pandemic, Covid, all this stuff, people being locked down. There's a lot of folks feeling alone. And I know now in my heart, like almost two years later, I've been able to really empathize with my father and why he chose what he's doing. He never left a note, he never left anything. I have no evidence to say specifically why he did what he did. And I think that's the case for a lot of folks. It's likely a rap thing decision, but there's been accumulation of things that brings people to that point or even with the thoughts going in the mind. And I genuinely think I'm looking back at all the different patterns and things, and there's a lot of that that shows myself. Obviously, we're programmed from our parents, we're conditioned. You've heard a lot of folks on our podcast talk about that. It's true. And the last two years, I've been on a mission to discover not really why he did what he did. That's his choice. And I Don't I? You know, I don't hold anything against him at all. There was, there was some resistance to that for a long time, but I moved past that fairly quick, actually. And. But through that I've been on a mission to discover what's holding me back or what. What patterns do. Do I have from him and my mom, of course, but what patterns do I not want to carry on in the future? And really, over the last two years, I've been just self development work. I've been doing things like different movement patterns, working out, that's a key thing. Breath work, meditation, chatting with Matt as a pseudo therapist in a way, sometimes, and walking, connecting with my family more. All this stuff helps. And I think it's just communicating and talking freely about our feelings. And that's where looking back at my dad, but I've also had a lot of other folks that have been very kind of depressed or feeling like maybe you don't have a voice. And that's the last two years I've genuinely felt like my voice was kind of taken away from me.

And I don't know, it's weird because I've been on kind of this mission to figure out, like, okay, so who am I understanding from my dad and my mom? Who am I? I could see the worst of how I could potentially become through suicide. And that's not ever a thing that's crossed my mind. But my mission now is to never have those patterns creep into my life. The ones that can lead me to very dark places. And this is the stuff I want to share with you is, you know, there's specific things that I've noticed with, I guess, quote unquote, the downfall of my dad or his happiness is that he broke a lot of these patterns and these happy things in his life, these behaviors that made him him, things like running, you know, that was his mental release. He was very routine based. So like for you think, what are the movements and the actions? Even if it's just like walking around the neighborhood or whatever, getting outside, sitting in the sun, like what are these daily routines that you just love and you feel like it's like an escape, not like an escape from reality, but more meditative release. You know, movement's a big thing for him. Music was also big. So that was like another form of meditation for him. It was using patterns. He was a songwriter, he loved to sing and play music in front of people and, you know, engage with people. So, you know, think about how do you do that? Like, he loved to share his Work with others. So there was sharing, there was, there was like this meditative, this action, this activity that was with people, a group of people. He stopped doing that too. So he stopped running, he stopped doing music. Also cooking. Cooking was a passion that was his creative outlet. He loved to imagine, you know, dreams of cooking this amazing meal and then sharing it with the people he loves. He did that all the time with his friends, family, girlfriend, all over the place. But he didn't do that. He stopped doing that. He fell out of that thing. And I'm not gonna go into his circumstances, but the point being here is that I quickly realized, oh, he was not doing these patterns and I saw this even prior to him committing suicide is that I'm like, this doesn't look right. But I didn't know how to communicate with him. And he definitely did not know how to communicate outwardly even to his kids who were closest to him. And you know, I actually want to shout out a book. There's one called Non Violent Communication. It's by Marshall Rosenberg. Nonviolent Communication. I recommend everyone to pick up that book. And the premise there is essentially it's going to help you and others increase the empathy and basically improve the quality of the lives that use this method. And it's going to spread to others around them and create this big ripple effect. So this book, Nonviolent Communication. I honestly think if I read this prior to my dad committing suicide that he would be alive right now, or at least that he would be in a better place. And I just think that I would have been able to communicate with him in different ways and he would have also been able to tell what his needs are and figure out what needs are not being met. And I think that's the big takeaway here, is that we all have these needs that are kind of hidden inside of us and we're not really aware of these things unless some like crazy freaking nuts react or thing happens in our lives. You know, the rug gets pulled from us. You know, your father dies, your, your daughter, you know, gets super sick in the hospital or something, or you're. You lose an animal, a pet, you know, like it doesn't really matter what it is specifically. It could just be, you know, that you're business tank for some reason, but like you're. There's a lot of stuff that, that will internalize. And if we're not connecting with the people around us and actually expressing how we feel and the needs that we have, then our minds can quickly spiral into a de dark deep Deep, dark place. And I was noticing my own brain do that in the last two years. And I felt like for a lot of these years, even though this is ironic, because I'm. I have a podcast, I felt like I actually didn't really have a voice, though. So, like, if you go back to some previous episodes, because I know I have and listen to myself, there's some certain conversations where I just. I think my brain just wasn't there. You know, I was probably learning, but also thinking of my own relationship with my thoughts and what happens, you know, has happened in my life. And then I'm trying to kind of put the piece together in the same time. And, you know, I really genuinely feel like I'm actually recording this on October 1st. But it's September. I believe that was suicide prevention month or week. It doesn't really matter. Suicide prevention. Like, thoughts and conversations like this and depression and like that. That should always be the case and happening. But, you know, in the last two years, I feel like I've. Sorry, in September. That is. That's been the month of breakthroughs for me and also for Matt and our business. I know that for sure. Like, things have just been pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, coming together. And it's really been. Because I think of a lot of this learning that's happened over the years for me and even before, but now really integrating things like movement. So, like, for me, I know moving my body is gonna help my mind. I'm going to think differently. I go on walks all the time. You know, movement. In terms of weightlifting, running is a big thing. I learned that from my dad. Breath work, things like Wim HOF method and some different types of meditations I can share later on. And again, I'm happy to go deeper into tools and all these things. If we get a lot of feedback here, I'd love to share them with more. This is a different kind of episode. And it's honestly me being the most real I can be because I genuinely think that we're all struggling with this at some level. I mean, I Even working moms. I mean, I know there's women listening to this podcast. I know it's a little bit more men, but, you know, the women out there, I know there's a lot of you who are working moms, you are running a business or you have a career, and you're also juggling the duties of a mom. And that's fricking hard, man. Like, no dude can relate to that. So, you know, it could just be as Much as that feeling like I'm so overwhelmed, I don't have time for myself. I have to watch these kids and do this business or keep my career money coming in. But those are the times where you really should be reaching out. You should be journaling, you should be moving, doing something for yourself. Because those are when the big pops, aha. Moments will come up in your mind. That's when the help will kind of just show up. If you put yourself out there. That's what we found is over the last few months, it's like. And for myself, I've put myself out there, more into my circles, more. So not yet posting this widely online, but really, honestly, this episode is kind of kicking it off for me. I feel like I found my voice again over two years here. And I want you to find yours too, because I genuinely think that everyone's voices have been a little bit muted or turned down on the volume knob. And I don't think it's your doing. I think it's just the state of the world. And what we've all been kind of conditioned to do is like, listen to the media, listen to, you know, it's like consume, consume. Be in your bubble. You know, there's a lot of. And this is not a political thing at all, but it's a mental health thing. And that's where I've become really passionate over the last two years, is I genuinely want to help and save thousands of lives. And I think a post or an episode like this could do that. And also I want to do some posts on social, so keep a lookout for that. We'll share them around. But at the end of the day, I want to share my message as true as I can be. And this is the start of it for you, and I hope it resonates. And maybe you're thinking of yourself or maybe your parents or your kids or your best friends, people in your family that you love. Share this around, share this episode with them. Because, you know, this is. It's crazy to go through. I mean, this is just my story. Yes, father killed himself two weeks before I had my first born biological kid that we've tried for freaking six years. So it should be the happiest time of my life, which it still was, but it was also the saddest time of my life. And then two years later, I finally feel like, oh, shit, I came out of this like crazy abyss thing, but now I have a bag of tools and things and I want to share it with the world. And this is where you now show up because I want you to analyze yourself and look at the patterns. Maybe you've slipped out of some things, some routines that make you genuinely happy and stoked on life. Or maybe there's people that you just haven't reached out to in forever and it could be just friends in your family, members that you should be chatting with. But go and text someone right now. Go call someone, maybe two or three people. Literally open your phone right now and maybe scroll to the very bottom of your text messages and see like, oh man, I haven't reached out to this person in six months or a year or two years. Or just type in a name of someone who comes to mind. I genuinely think that you're going to get some momentum started this way. If you feel like you've been stuck because you should not feel stuck. It's all our own doing. And just be aware of these outside influences because it's all about your true self and what you want to put out there. And you got it. You got it. I'm rooting for you. I want to hear your feedback. So go to, you know, Hustle and flowchart or sorry, flowchartgroup.com that's how you get into our group. But at the same time, you know, we took some notes on this as well. So we'll put some links in there, you know, to how to contact us. Of course we're pretty easy to find. But go to Flowchart. Sorry, my call to actions are all jacked up right now. Go to hustleandflowchart.com notes to get the action guide for this episode. You know, some takeaways here and genuinely think about this for yourself and for others and spread this message around to other folks. If you think it's going to help them, I would almost guarantee that it, it would at least get them thinking on something that they might have been ignoring for a while. And I hope this my goal is to save thousands of lives through this message and I'm going to do some stuff on social as well and I want to continue it up. So thank you for listening again. Hustlingflowchart.com notes and I want to give a shout out also. It's kind of random but easy webinar. It doesn't really flow perfectly here, but that's all good. Easy webinar is our go to as you know, go to webinar tool for everything. And we've been shouting it out from the mountaintops for a while now because it's amazing. The Hustle and flowchart listeners like yourself have been loving it. So if you're new to webinars or if you're experienced to webinars, this is going to be your number one asset. So go get that easywebinar.com hustle and they're hooking you up with a fat discount there. So thank you very much for listening. Again, share this around with someone you think that needs to hear it, and I appreciate you right back. Also at infoevergreenprofits.com that's our email infoevergreenprofits.com I'd love to hear your thoughts. Go leave a rating review shared around. Thank you. Peace, love and I'll see you later. Bye.