How To Find Self-Validation and Become Clear, Driven, and Unstoppable with Laura Catella - Genius Network Episode #193

It's impossible for you to have clarity on what you really want while you're in judgment of it. It's impossible for you to have breakthroughs when you're in judgment of your situations. Huh. Go figure. So we will suspend judgment and in its place, accept complexity, especially when you have emotions that seem to be contradicting one another.

If you'd like to join world renowned entrepreneurs at the next Genius Network event or want to learn more about Genius Network, go to www.gienstruusnetwork.com. laura Katella is a revered veteran copywriter, direct to consumer e Commerce founder and an inspiring leader who has scaled three brands thanks largely due to her prowess at writing, which is responsible for nine figures in sales between her own brands and her clients. She leads a community of writers and entrepreneurs who gather for her Diamond Day experience and mastermind where men and attendees come together to ascend the levels of greatness without hindrance and where the pressure of business and life get alchemized into forces that propel participants forward to create diamonds, also known as glorious outcomes. Today she's going to share how to powerfully remove what may be your greatest limitations and get clear, driven and unstoppable in your business life and pursuit of what you truly most want.

I am honored to talk with you today about scissors in every room. How to find self validation and become clear, driven and unstoppable. Now, in order for you to get maximum gains out of this, I do have to ask for a commitment. Are you willing to get a little bit deep, a little bit vulnerable, and a little bit honest with me and yourselves today? Are you willing? Yes. Awesome. Because what you have to gain from doing so can be more powerful than you could ever imagine. How many of you have wanted to learn a marketing strategy before? Yeah, to grow your business. That makes sense. That's what a lot of my first coaching clients sought me out for and that's what I thought I was going to give them. But I quickly discovered that it wasn't always a lack of marketing skills that was holding them back. It was other stuff behaviors like under promising and over delivering. Not just to customers, but to yourself. So every time you say something like I'm going to start going to the gym five days a week from zero and then you don't. You have just over promised and under delivered to yourself. How often might you do this without even consciously realizing it? We also tend to normalize overwhelm. We get so accustomed to the chaos and vacuuming fires and the busyness of busyness that we fall into the trap of thinking it's par for the course. And we'll also tend to hit the same ceilings and return to the same floors. The patterns and cycles that you just can't seem to break. Why, of course, is the overarching question here. Why do we do this? Here are three reasons why. The first is you don't claim what you really want. You either have no idea what that is, and when you do get a glimmer of it, you may begin to negotiate with yourself. Can I do that? Should I want that? What would they say if I went for that? We also love the familiar. We love the familiar so much we will choose it, even if it sucks because it feels safe. At least we know it. It's not killing us quickly, maybe only slowly. And we will especially choose the familiar if it is decent. So if there is tension between where you are right now and where you want to go, that may be your biggest enemy right there. Your decent, familiar and variable self worth. Right variable at best. Often fledgling. Faked. Non existent. And if there's even a moment before your head hits the pillow at night that anywhere in here you feel unworthy or undestined or unable to receive what you want, is it any wonder you don't have it? You're going to see one simple tool that you can use now and forever to begin to fix all of this. Do you want to know what it is? It's being a bloodhound to your bullshit. By which I mean deeply analyzing your language. When I did this in my own life, I sniffed something out about a line that I would say fairly regularly. I used to think this was a useful thing to say. But as I became a bloodhound to it, I realized their very extreme implications. Because if my mom is, and I hate her, and I'm her daughter and I share her genetic and environmental code, then in some way I am also saying I hate myself. I have dirty DNA. Not just the pain of what I went through, but the shame of being born of it, of it being encoded in me. I can think of no closer root cause to low self worth than this. They're practically synonymous. Low self worth, dirty DNA. And no matter what your journey is, it's probably fair to say that you think about yourself a lot. You are in your own head and body pretty much all of the time. So it's fair to say you are the object of your own thoughts quite often. And yet you may often feel cosmically meaningless, limited and insignificant when compared with all of space and time. So here's the first key for you to begin to resolve all of this. It's reasonable for you to have some kinks, those dark murky corners. And the more time, space and grace you give yourself to understand and accept those kinks and murky corners, the way better off you have the potential to be. Why? Because it's how you find self validation. It's easy to validate the good stuff, but when we validate the bad stuff is when we can become really, really powerful. Now notice I said it's reasonable for you to have some kinks, not necessarily rational. But when we try to rationalize them, we fall into judgment. So when I say, Laura, you shouldn't feel like you have dirty DNA. You've got a pretty good life. What am I doing? I'm invalidating myself. We're after the opposite here. When you use language like that, you're saying what your invalidators would say to you. And for the love of God, in a world where we seek validation so badly, can we not take the low hanging fruits of giving a little bit of it to ourselves? Plus, guess what? It's impossible for you to have clarity on what you really want while you're in judgment of it. Huh? It's impossible for you to have breakthroughs when you're in judgment of your situations. Huh? Go figure. So we will suspend judgment and in its place accept complexity. Especially when you have emotions that seem to be contradicting one another. In my example, I'm still in relationship with my mom. I am working to forgive her. I accept the complexity of all of that as its own emotional system. This one shift in personal regulation and emotion management, taking the whole gamut of it as one system, is a shift you can adapt today to change your life forever. So we will accept complexity. All of this has very tactical applications too, by the way, for your business and life. One of which being that you'll be able to create accommodations for yourself. Things that fulfill a particular need of yours. In my case, I keep scissors in every single room in my house because when I need scissors, the thought of having to leave a room to get scissors drives me completely nuts. Now if I were to say, Laura, you weirdo, you shouldn't be like that. What am I doing? I'm invalidating it. It's the opposite of what we want. I don't even know why I want scissors in every room. To create the accommodation. I don't need to know why, right? I don't need to know why to create the commendation. I can just create the accommodation and yes, I'm using scissors as a metaphor. If you suspended judgment and accepted complexity, what accommodations could you create for your business and for your life to make your operations so much more fluid, impactful, productive and fun? And this sentiment that I'm about to share is something that I want you to think of often in relation to yourselves. It's true. You were the mission assigned to me, and as I got to know you, I understood why. You are the mission. You are the mission assigned to you. And as you get to know yourselves, you'll understand why. You are your mission. So picture yourself 60 days from now. You're suspending some judgment, accepting some complexity, creating some accommodations. And you feel more clear, confident, able, productive, and even happy. All because you put scissors in every room.

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Sam.