Relationship Mastery: Communication, Excellence, and Emotional Intelligence for Entrepreneurs Featuring Dr. Patty Ann Tublin and Dean Jackson - I Love Marketing Episode #427

Most people really underestimate the value of a small group of relationships in their business, in their world. Like we talk about managing your relationship portfolio. That's how much value we put on that core group of people. Your top 150 there.

Joe Polish has been on sabbatical all year. He's coming out of Sabbatical February 11th, 20th, 12th and 13th at a live 100% live event in Scottsdale, Arizona. Can you imagine the awesomeness that Joe Polish is going to bring after being on sabbatical for a year? All the things that he's experienced, the things that he's thought and created. The first all in person meeting we've done in Genius Network for two years. So Genius Network members are going to be there, 100k group members are going to be there. You can come to the Genius Network annual event. There's an application, there's a website. I'm going to give it to you now. It is geniusnetwork.com big because this is big. Welcome everybody. I love marketing. On behalf of Joe Polish and Dean Jackson, they're co hosts of this thing. And everybody at Genius Network, we welcome you. And Joe Polish is still on sabbatical. He's going to come back February 11th, 12th and 13th of 2022. That's the big event. Live 120 in person. You can get more information by going to geniusnetwork.com big but let me go ahead and introduce Dr. Patty Ann Tublin. Now, she is an internationally recognized emotional intelligence, communications and relationship expert, speaker, author, executive coach and consultant. She enhances optimal individual and group performance that impacts the bottom line. Now, as a relationship expert, Dr. Patty Ann understands that a company's people are its most important asset. A two time bestselling author of Money can buy you happiness Secrets women need to know to get paid what they're worth. And number two, not tonight, dear. I've got a business to run. Both of which received five star reviews from Barbara Kukorin of Shark Tank.

Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here.

This has been kind of an interesting fall because we've really been, we've kind of had a relationship series kind of going here over the fall and I'm very excited to dig into emotional intelligence. One of those things that we hear those words all the time.

If you have a product or service to sell, you can't do it without people. So what I love, which I say all the time, is all success is predicated upon the ability to create, nurture and sustain healthy relationships.

We get to Use our business also to create this happy, successful. Whatever our definition, we get to define what that is. So a big piece of it is relationships.

It's the classic if you cannot cooperate, if you cannot collaborate, and companies that do that, well, we call that a high functioning team. No matter what your IQ is, no matter how many languages you can speak, no matter how many codes you can write, if you do not know how to control your emotions, all of the above is rendered useless. So what is your emotional intelligence? Your emotional intelligence is something that can be learned because it gets developed as we grow. As our brain grows, right? Because our brain isn't completely formed until like 25, which is why when teenagers do stupid things, we say, what were they thinking? Well, they weren't because their brain's not formed yet. It answers a lot of questions, right, about our teenagers.

I'm 55 and I'm still hoping that it'll fully.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and control our emotions in real time instead of having our emotions control us. That's the basis for self awareness. If you do not have self awareness, nothing else matters.

One of the things that we talk about in our after unit of our business, Joe and I talk about before unit, the during unit, and the after unit, the relationship side of your business, keeping in touch with them. So most people really underestimate the value of a small group of relationships in their business, in their world. Like we talk about managing your relationship portfolio, that's how much value we put on that core group of people. Your, your top 150 there we, we have a metric that we measure called return on relationship. And our goal is that you should be able to manage that relationship for a 20% annual yield. Meaning for our real estate agents, the gold standard is you have 150 people. We should be able to, just by nurturing your relationships with those people, be able to do 30 transactions over the next 12 months.

Here's what's fascinating about energy and emotional intelligence. And this connects to empathy. If I can go here, Dean.

Okay.

Of course, we now know that we can teach people empathy, which is an emotional intelligence skill. Right. What we have found, and we don't really understand it, is that emotional motor resonance creates emotional resonance. So when we watch somebody perform an act, or when we watch somebody experience an emotion, our brain gets activated as if we ourselves are performing the act or experiencing the.

I've heard about that. Mirror neurons. Right.

Okay. So for emotional intelligence the most. And if I'm talking too much, interrupt me. Not at all the most Important aspect, I believe, is self awareness. Okay, so that's all well and good, but I like to operationalize it as you said. Right. Give me something I can do with it. So how can you increase your emotional. Your self awareness? Right. Because many people are running around here having no clue how they impact others. Like, it is amazing. People are clueless, Right? So how can you increase your self awareness? The most important thing you can do is to. I think it's Socrates that said, know thyself, and that means know your triggers. Okay, so let me operate. Let me simplify what your trigger is. Okay, so a trigger is a reaction to any real or imagined threat. Now, the imagined threat is really important because we might say something to somebody and they get triggered. And it's not that we were really threatening them, but because of their past and unresolved stuff, they think we're threatening them. So that's a whole other conversation. So the trigger is a reaction to a real or imagined threat that creates a visceral reaction with us. How do you know you're being triggered? Because your body, and this is the mind connection, which is another fascinating thing. Your body tells you you have a reaction. You might get a feeling in your stomach, your back might hurt, your heart rate might go. You might. You might get clammy palms, you might get a tight sleep build.

You're getting sleep.

You know, your body doesn't lie. Your. Your body tells you what you're. Your body lets you know what your emotions. Your mind's repressing. Yeah. So it's a real or imagined threat, and you have a visceral reaction. So what happens during those moments is the amygdala, which is the most ancient part of the brain, which is. Which is what primitive man had, which people. You'll hear people call it the reptilian part of the brain. Right. And it's. It's responsible for controlling our emotions. Now, our emotions are actually not in just one place in the brain, but let's just say the amygdala controls our emotions. And when we get triggered, we act primitively because it hijacks the prefrontal cortex, which is the part of our brain that makes us rational, logical, thoughtful. And what happens? We're triggered. And now we act totally irrational, like a lunatic. And all we are doing is being emotional and we're not thoughtful. That's when people say, I don't know what happened to me. I just went off. I don't usually behave like that. Because they were acting primitively because of the brain. So how do you prevent having that happen? And know what your triggers are? So how do you know what your triggers are? Anything that causes a physical reaction. So think about it. And if you don't know, ask anybody that lives with you or works with you and they will tell you. They will know what triggers you.

They know. Okay.

And then what do you do? What do you do? Because forewarned is forearmed. So the more triggers that you have conscious awareness of, the better chances you have to control it. You do a deep breath. And why you do intent. It's a pause. You pause by breathing. Why? Because to increase your emotional intelligence, to not have your trigger control you. You want to put as much time between the stimulus, the trigger, and your response. And that gives you an opportunity to regroup. If you take the emotional intelligence perspective of meet the client where they are, give them what they want, not what you think they want. And know like and trust. The main goal of communication, first and foremost is to establish a connection followed by your message. Now why? Theodore Roosevelt said, nobody will care about how much you know until they know how much you care. And without a connection, how can you possibly know how much somebody cares? Now, to bring this full circle, Dean A connection is a prerequisite for establishing empathy, for establishing understanding. And without empathy, you can't have a healthy relationship. And you will never be able to. And very few absolutes in life, but you will never be able to resolve conflict.

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