Should you REALLY wait for marriage?

Hi, my name is John Humenik. Welcome to my channel. I'm so excited you're here today. I got an amazing topic for the women and men of God, and that is, should you really wait for marriage? And this is talking about sexual purity and all kinds of other things, including living with them. So if you have not been to my channel before, I want you to subscribe right now and listen to this entire video because there's so many powerful aspects that are gonna be unlocked here. And also, I encourage you, That if you feel someone that could need this video, please share it with them and just enjoy every aspect that's going to come out of this beautiful video, because this is not about condemnation. It's about setting you free. And when you understand, when you're on the path of God, it is all about love, joy, and peace. And so I pray that you really enjoy this and have an amazing opportunity to look at yourself and say, hey, this is an area for improvement, or say, you know what? This is a great litmus test. I'm doing all the things God wants me to do. So let's hop right into it. One of the biggest things about culture, especially hookup culture, is that the devil truly wants to destroy the Christian. Now, you may not necessarily be a religious person or even spiritual, but I want to tell you that just because you don't believe an enemy is not there doesn't mean that they're not there. And I have seen firsthand some of the craziest and wildest things that maybe are very difficult to explain, but I want to encourage you today that through Jesus Christ that you have power to overcome things. Now, God is going to bless you in many different ways in your life. He's going to bless you with finances. He's going to bless you with just good looks. He's going to bless you with opportunity and relationships. But one of the things that all of these things come into being is, is that God wants to be the center of your life, and that the moment he shifts off the center and you replace it with something, that's when you're starting to move outside of the will of God. And one of the biggest things that the world will push you into is the opportunity of hookup culture or being in a position where you're like, hey, let's go live with someone. Let's try out, let's pretend we're married and see if these things will work out. And studies have shown definitively that the vast majority of people that end up hooking up before marriage and/or living together ultimately either have a really rough marriage or end up divorced. And so what I want to unlock today is The path that you should walk to allow you to be a part of the kingdom of God in fullness and in both peace, love, and joy. Now, I have been heavily blessed to only have ever spent time with my wife, and I have never been caught in these situations where I got pulled into adulterous situations with other people. Now, I can tell you that I have seen and actually mentored a lot of people who have, and the biggest challenge that people don't realize is, is that the moment you When you end up sleeping with a person, what happens is, is you're joined with them. So you're joined with them in the flesh. Now, you'll hear people talk about this as soul ties, but that is actually not an accurate description of what's going on because you really can't be bound at the soul level, but you can be bound at the flesh because that's what the Bible says. It says that they'll become one flesh. A man and a woman will leave their parents and become one flesh. So what does that really mean? In the context of hookup culture, in a context with a person who you may be, you know, sleeping with, but that may not be your spouse. And again, this is not about condemnation. This is about education and awareness to bring you into a light so you can move forward in purity with the Lord. So what it really means is one flesh means is that whenever you start sleeping with someone, you are physically now become— you can't differentiate you from them. Meaning the aspects of that they carry become a part of you, and the aspects you carry become a part of them. And this became prevalent. I actually didn't even understand this concept, but let me give you a couple examples that make sense. I remember when my wife was pregnant with our first daughter, and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, she just started having hot flashes. It's something that's never happened before, and even afterwards has never happened since. But out of the blue, I started getting hot flashes within like a few days later. I was like, what is going on here? The very thing that was ailing her started to ail me. This was really weird, and I didn't understand it. And eventually it passed, but I didn't recognize it as a part of the one flesh. But then I started noticing that her tendencies in which she operated in, I started operating in. And it wasn't a habit; it was like tendencies, like a lifestyle. And the things that she was doing, I was doing, and the things I was doing, she was doing. And it became this like tug of war between us. And I was like, what is going on here? She's independent person, I'm an independent person. Why are we blending together like this? It's almost like we're in this mixer and, you know, we go in separately, we come out together. And so that's the essence of what one flesh means. It means is that the moment you start sleeping with other people, the very things that they're blessed with and the very things that they're wrestling with are going to end up on you, and the things that you're blessed with and wrestling with are going to end up on them. But that, you know, if that is something that if you've only ever been with one person, And ultimately, that's no big deal because you two can work out all those things, whether that's premarital sex or even after marriage, which again, you can work through with the Lord. But this is where the problem gets ugly, and that happens whenever you're in hookup culture where you have people having what, what many people call a high body count. And so all of a sudden, you have maybe a man who's promiscuous, and so now he sleeps with 5 women or 10 women. And guess what? Some of those women sleep with a man who may also have slept with 10 women or 20 women. And so what happens is, is this one flesh concept, which is why people call soul ties, is what happens is, is there you're bound with the person. So what happens is, is the problems that occurs within the group of people start to spread through all these people. And you'll see this, it happens all the time when people start to have premarital sex in college, which is a very common place. And what happens is, is all of a sudden they start They're developing things like anxiety, depression, they're lonely, they have all these problems, maybe some physical anomalies that just start to pop up. And they're like, I've never had this happen before. But oh, by the way, I had this really wild weekend before where I was able to hook up with 3 people. What you're actually doing is you're tying yourself to the problems that these other people have. And what it does is it starts to ripple. So now think about this from, you know, we talked about this almost from like a surface level. So now imagine, go up a little bit and just picture yourself. in a helicopter hovering over a city. And I know this is gonna be weird, but it'll make sense. So imagine you're able to look down into this city that you're in, and imagine if God could highlight by color the people that are joined together. And you can start to see the colors, you know, basically lighting up almost like a Christmas tree where you can see this person, maybe this color of red, these people have joined, and then maybe a purple color of these people joined. What the devil is doing in this instance, which is why it's so important to wait for marriage, is what he's doing is, is he's Linking the problems and even the generational curses of people that are wrapped around sexual impurity together to basically bring them upon a people group across a region or even a country. Think about that. So what you're actually exposing yourself to is not just the problems of one person, but the potential of whatever that person does downstream. And imagine that. So this isn't about someone who you may have been with in high school. This is Someone who you're now permanently joined to for the rest of your life, unless God— unless you and God break that later. And we'll talk about how that can work. So you— if you have a premarital affair with someone, and then 30 years later they start having a high body count, 30 years later you're now joined to that extended group of people. And you may not realize it. You may be having a midlife crisis right now. And it's not because of what you're doing, but because you slept with a person 20 years ago and now they're off and doing all kinds of bad things. This is the power of the one flesh. This is why it's so dangerous to have premarital sex or just have sex that's outside of the marriage at any point in time, because the one flesh aspect of this union ripples in such negative ways that the world doesn't want to talk to you about this because the world is doing Everything to undermine your identity, who you are, what God wants you to be, where God wants you to go, and all of those things. And this is one of the most effective ways to do it, because what they'll do is it talks about gratifying the flesh. Because what you're doing is you're taking God, who's supposed to be your focus, who you're supposed to be intimate with through prayer, through reading the word, and through relationship, and you're replacing that with a fleshly object that then becomes the center of your attention. And the reality is, is we know that this affects both men and women. Far more so with men, but women do have to struggle with this, and they unfortunately they have to deal with it again. It's not as prevalent, but it does become a big ramification for them when they're involved because they're now joined to a larger group of people that they would otherwise not be able to be joined with. Think about this from a mental perspective because there's all these emotions and other things that come into play. So now you have people who God did not want you to be joined with. That are now joined with you. And so you can literally have all kinds of differing opinions and thoughts and perspectives bombarding your mind through these connections that would otherwise not supposed to be there. So for example, let's say you have— let's say you're a high-octane Type A personality, and God wants you to marry someone who is more relaxed, maybe introverted, introverted, to balance you out. Very, very common. You have one talkative spouse and one not talkative, but at home it's flipped, right? So you get this balance where the high-octane person who's driven by engagement can fill up the, the introvert, but then the introvert is full, but then engagements then drive them to basically get tired and it pulls them back down. So there's a balance there. There's, there's a lot of science there. And if you hadn't recognized it, just look at your friends that are married, whether it's your parents or otherwise, and you'll see generally this balance there across almost all of them. Very rarely will you see two Type A personalities get married because what ends up happening is they can literally run themselves into the ground because they feed off each other and then their body just runs out of gas. And vice versa, you very rarely, although that happens probably more prevalently, is where you have two basically Type B personalities, more introverted, where they basically, they're always, they're just lumbering about and they're not doing anything because there's no one motivating them. them to do things. Take this as an example. So now you have this situation where you are maybe a Type A personality, and guess what happens? You then sleep with someone who may be just an introvert. Maybe it's someone that you liked, but then eventually you broke up and they've moved on, but they decided to sleep with another Type A, and then they sleep with another Type A and another Type A because they're— that's, that's who they're attracted to. And guess what happens now in, in the basically this one flesh rule that God has established, you're now joined to a bunch of Type A's, which you're not physically designed for. And so now all of a sudden you could have— this is where anxiety and stress and pressure and depression can manifest from, because all of a sudden you're being pushed and pushed and pushed by all of these people, and you don't even know them. You only— they could be all the way around the world, and yet they're negatively affecting you, driving you to a place of exhaustion. day after day after day. Vice versa can happen. It could go the exact opposite when you can say, well, you're joined to too many people that are introverted and ultimately turn into laziness and slothness and overeating. This is a real problem. It's almost a pandemic that people don't realize it's going happening. But this is what happens with the fact that should you wait for a message of your marriage? And that's so important. Abstinence is key because there's no way outside of breaking the bond with God's power that you get yourself free. And this is the thing, again, this is not to be a condemning video, but this is a video to bring awareness to a real spiritual law that's going about in the world, to educate people so that they understand how to operate in a kingdom principle. Because God wants you to be pure to him first, and then he wants you to be ready for your future spouse. And we talk about this in another video or how you search for your future spouse. Because the reality is, is that you're not searching for your spouse if you're a woman. Your future husband is searching for you. And if you're a man, the way it works is God is going to continue to refine you to the point where you're ready, and then you look for a godly woman. That's how it's supposed to work. So the aspect of how these things do— it operates the way Jesus and the church— he's representing that with the wedding supper of the Christ, is, is that he wants the bride To be sanctified and purified before him, to present holy, when— so that when that matrimony occurs, they're ready to rock and roll. And that's the essence of what this is all about. So let's say, for example, you're caught up— maybe you're not a virgin and you have had these situations. You're like, oh man, this is resonating with me. I'm experiencing problems, or I know someone who has these problems who may have never exhibited this before. So what I encourage you to do is go into your prayer closets and repent of those sins, assuming you haven't done that already. Go ahead and do it again. It's not going to be a big deal if you do it, but because you can do a fast follow-on where you can then add on this aspect where you can say, God, break me free. I, I understand that I'm now one flesh with so-and-so, and they potentially have been with other people, and now all of a sudden I'm caught in this chain of people and I'm now stuck. I know you have the power to break me free, separate this one flesh, consecrate me unto you so that I am ready to be holy unto you. And so that if I have a future spouse that's coming, maybe you are engaged or maybe you are already married, I want to be holy unto them. And what you want to do is you want to pray that prayer for yourself and for others, because if you are married and you want to break the your chain of people off of you. Guess what happens? That's gonna also apply to your spouse. So you're gonna wanna pray that over them. Now, you may not wanna have the conversation that you were sexually impure before, and that's perfectly fine. We're not here to have you expose all the sins of the past because they are the past. And especially if you ask for forgiveness, they're already forgiven. So God's already forgotten about them, and so should you. But you should understand that certain choices do have ramifications that require additional steps. To fully reconcile in the kingdom of God. And so I hope this video encourages you, because the important aspect is, is that when you're waiting for marriage, you are waiting for a situation that is pure, you're holy, and it allows you to experience all the things God wants you to experience. It allows you to experience all the things God wants you to see and do and have. And it's really important for you to just receive all the things God wants you to receive. Because in this life, it's all about the purity of your life, the righteousness of your life, and moving forward. And when you're in that spot, when you're receiving properly all the things God has for you, you're going to receive it without any limit. You're going to receive all the love and the peace and joy God has for you. If you haven't been in that spot before where you can step into the presence of God and receive his love Without a filter. It just comes in and fills you up. I encourage you to take some time to go into your prayer closet and just cry out to God and just talk to him and just be quiet and listen to what he has to say. And you may not hear the things you expect to hear, but I assure you he's talking, and I know you can hear him, but you may not truly understand him. So give yourself some grace. But what happens is, is the more and more you do it, you start to recognize, oh, being in the presence of God is next level. It's incredible. In fact, there's nothing on this earth, no matter how awesome it is, that compares to that. And that's the essence of what this whole about is, is that you put God back at the center of your focus. You're putting Jesus Christ in front of you and allowing him to pour into you all the things he wants you to receive. He takes off all the burdens that you shouldn't be carrying anyway and puts it upon him. And guess what? He's super strong, so he can handle There's nothing in this universe that can even come close to touching him. So don't concern yourself with a thing, a single thing, because he's more than capable of addressing every single problem you have and every other problem everyone else has for the rest of their life, including the people that haven't been born. Trust me, he's that strong. So I just encourage you today to just take a heart posture of love. Love yourself, forgive yourself, move on, stay consecrated to God. And if you continue to slip up in this area, Give yourself grace, whether that's, whether that's through sexual impurity, whether you're sleeping with people or even online. Just consecrate yourself with God. Get yourself into a habit of purity that will then lead to lifestyle. And give yourself grace because this can, for some people, become an addiction. And when it becomes an addiction, it's no different than cigarettes, no different than alcohol or drugs or any other thing like that, even gambling. It becomes a part you. And you're, you're literally— your brain and body chemistry will change to orient itself to continue to seek those things out. And so unless God's going to radically heal you in a moment, in which he definitely can, but you may have to go through and reorient these things in your body and in your mind, literally the chemicals being rebalanced and focusing on God. So again, give yourself some grace. It takes time. I've seen people overcome it quickly I've seen people overcome it over a period of time, but again, it takes faith-stepped walks where you just continue trusting God, putting him in the forefront, and building week over week, month over month, just a lifestyle of purity for him. And that will establish greatness for you. And if you're in your marriage, stay pure to your spouse and just love them and make sure you're spending the requisite time that you're supposed to be spending with them. Because in one of our other videos we talked about this. It's really important because in Ephesians 5 it talks about how the wife needs to submit to the husband, and guess what? The husband needs to submit to the wife, and that you're supposed to take care of each other's needs. And so again, doesn't necessarily mean that you're balanced, but there is an aspect where there's going to be overlap and you should be able to meet in the middle. In the interim, pray to God and get in the presence of God because he will fill the gap of any physical desire that you have. This is key. God will fill that gap. He is more than capable of filling it. But what he wants to do is have this beautiful ministry between a husband and wife in marriage, and he wants to be pure. And for those people that are living with other people, those people that are still sleeping with other people, my recommendation is to separate yourself from those things, consecrate yourself, get yourself out of that house or out of that apartment Get yourself in a place where you can consecrate yourself, and and then eventually if that marriage is the thing for the person you are with, go ahead, do the thing, get married, enjoy an amazing honeymoon, and start the thing the way God wants you to do. Because when you do it God's way, it's easy, it's fun, and it's incredible. But when you do it your way, you're going to have excitement, you're going to have some fun. But guess what's going to happen? It's you're going to have struggle and the pain and the toil. comes with it, and it's really not worth it in the end. Because what happens— and you'll see this because I've experienced it too in different areas— is it'll never fulfill you. You'll always be wanting to go back to that situation, whatever that may be, and you're constantly trying to just get back to that point of happiness. And the reality is, is it never works out. And the only place you have joy and happiness, true joy and happiness, that doesn't pass is in the presence of God. I pray that this video was just amazing for you. If you find this content edifying, I want you to consider becoming a partner with this ministry. You can go to our Patreon site, which is in the description, or you can go to Patreon and search John Humenik on their website. There you can sign up. All Destiny Impact Partners receive a free book, and everyone enjoys all these beautiful benefits that are listed there because you're helping us spread the gospel to the entire world. God bless.