Why Valentine’s Day Feels Bigger in the Philippines

Filipino love and courtship traditions. It's Valentine's Day, and I've already said multiple times, I'm not a holiday guy or a celebration guy. Halloween is my least favorite day of the year. If I had to rank them, Valentine's Day would be up there with it. I know a lot of people don't feel that way, but I do. However, this email isn't really about Valentine's Day, even though I'm recording it on Valentine's Day and it's probably also out of order. Actually, I'm not recording this on Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day is on Monday. Today's Friday. I've already scheduled next week's podcasts. Recorded them ahead of time and they're numbered. But we inserted one for Valentine's Day because one of my ofs wrote one towards it. This one's out of order. This is episode 78, but it's probably going to be inserted at like episode 74 or something like that. So sometimes how it goes when you do your stuff ahead of time and I'm not willing to go back and change episodes. Episodes. Here's the interesting thing about today. So today is what Julia wrote. I'm just gonna. I'm gonna basically read this because it's interesting what she wrote, and it's not from me. So here's what Julia writes about Filipino courtship traditions. So Valentine's Day is a celebration that they got from us. So, and I'm just quoting paraphrasing this right now, because of that, they celebrate the same way with, like, flowers and hearts and cupids and couples go out and they go to go to eat or they go on dates. And love songs are playing everywhere, probably more so in the Philippines than in the U.S. here's what she says. The jaded part of my brain thinks Valentine's is just a marketing campaign designed to sell more flowers and chocolate. But the romantic in me appreciates the love and courtship traditions that come out in full force on this day. Here are some of those. 1. Harana. It's the serenade tradition where young men sing to single women as a form of courtship. Traditionally, it's done at night outside a girl's home. Sometimes accompanied by his friends. The man would sing ballads while playing a guitar. Nowadays, it's not safe or practical to do that. The modern harana would have the man serenading the girl on their break in school or at work. If you can't sing or play the guitar, you can hire a harana service where professionals can sing for you. Cool number Two. I'm gonna butcher this. Uma kiat n ligao. No idea what that means. It means to court someone romantically, but it's more complicated than that. Here's what she writes. When a man woos a woman directly, this is traditionally considered disrespectful. Direct courtship implies that your intentions are not honorable. The proper way to do it is to court a woman and her family. You visit the girl at her home, usually at night or on the weekends when everybody is at home, and bring gifts for everyone. You have to try to win the girl's affections while winning her family's approval. Yes, it's as uncomfortable as it sounds. There's nothing more romantic than being interrogated by the parents of the person you want to date. Date. Remember, you're not dating yet. You're just hoping to be able to date this person by wooing the parents. Continuing. That's why we in the Philippines find Meet the Parents movies so amusing. We can relate, but we're also relieved that we're done with that meeting early. Now, most Filipinos date, but a modern adaptation of this is still practiced by some. The guy goes to the girl's house and vice versa, is introduced to the family and announces their intentions to date. You can still date even if you're not introduced to the family, but it's polite to do the introductions first before you start dating. She says. I like this adaptation. As a parent, I can't stop my daughter from dating. When she comes of age, I would want to know who my daughter is dating. So number three, this is an interesting one for me. Number three levels of in laws, she says. That's the name I made up for the unspoken rule of what to call your parents. The what to call the parents of your partner at different stages of the relationship. I included this on the list because many people change their relationship status after Valentine's Day. You're never supposed to call the parents of your partner by their first name. It's considered rude. Instead, you use honorifics, depending on where you are in the relationship. So for casual dating, you use the formal Mr. And Mrs. Last name or the more informal aling and the mom's first name, or manong or mang and the dad's first name, depending on their preference. I don't know what aling or manong or mang means. In a serious relationship, you call them tito, uncle, or tita aunt. Why use tita? Tito and Tita? It signals the level of closeness. You're not really family, but you're always welcome in their home. If you're married, you call your in laws mom and dad or Mama and Papa. Depending on their preference, they'd be in the same level of importance or closeness as your parents. What happens if the relationship ends? Etiquette says that you can keep using the last honorific. Suppose the relationship was serious, but you broke off before getting married. In that case, you may continue calling your ex's parents Tito and Tita when you see them socially. It's different than the way we do relationship in the U.S. usually, meeting the parents only happens once you're serious in dating. There, you meet the parents and try and win them over before you date. I call my in laws mom and dad. At first it was weird. For me, it was awkward. But they're so dang good that it became so easy really quick.