Ep 102 - When More is Just More

Have you ever found yourself staring at a problem, a mounting to-do list, a strained relationship, or just a general sense of burnout, and decided that the only solution was to simply do more? Hi, this is Jordana. I'm the CEO of the Recon Network and host of the InBrief podcast. And today we're talking about the trap of more. We'll explore why adding volume can't fix a lack of depth, why hustling harder just creates a louder version of the same chaos, And how a famous piece of wisdom from Dr. King holds the psychological key to finding actual balance. This is In Brief. Let's get to it. If you're anything like me, or honestly like most people, you've been conditioned to believe that the answer to a problem of lack Is to add something. If you're missing something in life, you just add more, right? Add more effort, more hours, more hustle, more stuff. But here's the kicker. Sometimes more is just more, and it isn't always better. Sometimes it's the very thing tipping you out of balance. Now, in the military, more is often a metric of pending success. If you think about it, more training means more readiness, more firepower means more security, more rank means more responsibility, and over Over time, we are conditioned to believe that if a mission isn't quite succeeding, we may just need more resources, more hours, or more grit to push it over the line. And while that may work in a lot of cases, when you take a more-is-better operating system into your day-to-day civilian life, you may quickly run into a structural error and discover that sometimes adding more is just adding more, and that that's not always a good thing. So play it out. You feel stressed at work because you don't feel like anyone sees how hard you are working, so you take on more projects to prove your worth. You feel disconnected at home, so to fill that void, you buy more things or schedule more activities with the family. And then when you feel out of balance, you add more habits to your self-care routine in order to make sure you're doing the right things to take care of yourself. And over time, you keep adding in, looking for the magic piece of the puzzle that will make everything balance out. And then suddenly you realize that you're just deep. You took on more projects at work so people would see your worth. But now you're overwhelmed and not doing anything well. You tried to cover the disconnected home with things to do, and now you feel even more drained and disconnected. Or you've added so many things to your self-care roster that it no longer feels like care. It's just another chore. And at the end, everything just feels heavier and nothing feels actually better. There's a psychological principle called the Law of Diminishing Returns that suggests that after a certain point, adding more of something doesn't just stop helping. It actually starts to hurt you. In philosophy, this is the struggle for homeostasis, the idea that a system only functions when it's in balance, not when it's maxed out. Have you ever heard the concept that we only appreciate the sun because of the rain, or that the struggles in life are what teach us to embrace those moments of joy? That's because the reality is that everything lives and thrives in balance. Down to how we interact with the people around us. Now, in the profound words of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., although I will be the first to agree that this is probably not how he meant it, but it still works, right? He said, darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that. Now, what he meant obviously was that we can't answer darkness with darkness. We have to bring the the balance back into situations in order for us to find peace among each other. But while those words are profound enough in Dr. King's activism and leadership, they also work in far broader context. If we apply the same logic to your transition in your daily life, it looks something like this: stress can't drive out stress. More doing can't drive out the exhaustion of doing, right? And this is absolutely not to bastardize his words, but There is a context and a calling for balance. Just like you don't fix a dark room by turning off more lights, you don't fix overwhelm and stress by adding in more things that will eventually make you more overwhelmed and therefore more stressed. When you try to fix an unbalanced life by adding more, more weight to the scale, perhaps you aren't solving the problem. You're just increasing the total load that you are bearing. Uh, but you might say there's a difference. Maybe you're adding more right now to be more productive and work your way out of this stressful situation, right? This is a season, a moment of more so that you can peter off later and have a more balanced life. And I understand that reasoning, but it's wrong. And I won't argue with you about it. I'm just going to point you toward your own nervous system. See, physiologically, your nervous system doesn't see a productive more and a stressful more as 2 different things. It just sees a system that is overcapacity. And if you're already redlining, adding more effort, even with good intentions, is just more friction. And regardless of the intention you're bringing with you when you overload, whether that is to get more done or to be a better dad or a better husband or friend or whatever reason, whatever that intention is, you're going to shut down. You have to remember, in the military, your value was often measured by your output. But in this new context outside of that service, Your value is measured by your sustainability. Your career, your emotional regulation, your relationships— they all measure up better when seen through a lens of longevity, not initial impact. And that longevity comes from finding balance in every avenue that you can so that it is sustainable. No matter what anyone tells you, you're not going to lose your edge because you aren't grinding 24/7. You also don't become less capable because you chose to subtract a task instead of adding one. You are simply learning that in a world without someone to tell you when duty is over, you have to be the one to define when more stops. So as you reflect on balance and what it means to actually have more, here are a few things that you can do to adjust that operating system. 1, identify the same source trap. Look at where you're trying to fix a problem with more of the same. If you're tired, stop adding more sleep hacks And actually subtract a commitment that allows you to get the sleep that you need. 2, audit your volume. Ask yourself, am I doing this because it's necessary or because I'm afraid that doing less makes you less? Stop tying what you do to how valuable you think others see you. The 2 are not connected anywhere except your mind. And 3, practice strategic subtraction. Find one thing this week that is just more, something that adds volume or time but no value, and remove it. And this could be anything depending on what your life looks like. Could be an appointment at work, it could be a chore at the house. Whatever that is, make sure you are being conscious and strategic and remove it for the week. See how you feel and then do another one next week. But above all, remember Balance isn't something that you achieve by adding more things to the pile. It's something that you create by knowing what to leave out and when. You don't need more to be whole. Sometimes you just need enough light to see that you already are.

Leaving the military can feel chaotic, especially when you feel you should have a plan right away. But not knowing what's next doesn't mean you're failing. It means you're in transition. At the Recon Network, we help veterans and military Military spouses navigate transition by focusing on stability, direction, and alignment before outcomes are expected, so you can map your future without rushing the wrong move or spending years building a life out of sync with your purpose. Don't rush your next step. Navigate it with intention with Recon. Learn more about our programs and services at recon.vet.