Episode 009 - I Don't Belong Here

This is InBrief. Let's get to it. Hey there, and welcome back to the InBrief podcast, where we take a few minutes each week to talk about a topic that hopefully makes your transition a little bit easier. And if not, maybe it just gives you a new perspective to take into a new week. I'm Jordana. I'm the CEO of the Recon Network. And this week in, in brief, we're talking about imposter syndrome. Years ago, a writer was invited to a large gathering of celebrities, including famous artists, scientists, and even other writers. Even as he was standing there, he was focused on the fact that at any moment, any of the people in that room would notice he was there and question his qualifications for being there. He was worried about people finding him out that he didn't quite belong there with the rest of them. And as he stood at the back of the room watching, he struck up a conversation with an older gentleman and realized that they had a lot to talk about, including the fact that they shared first names. And after a while, the older gentleman looked around the room and said, I just look at all these people and I think, what the heck am I doing here? They've all done amazing things. I just went where I was sent. It was that time that the writer, author Neil Gaiman, who happened to be one of the most popular writers of his generation, realized that the imposter syndrome he felt in that room was also shared by some of the most influential people there, including the astronaut Neil Armstrong. Later on, Gaiman wrote down how that instant made him feel. He said, I feel a bit better because if Neil Armstrong felt like an imposter, maybe everyone did. Maybe there weren't any grownups, only people who had worked hard and also got lucky and were slightly out of their depth. All of us doing the best job we could, which is all we can really hope for. I love this story because I've noticed as I talked to veterans through our work with the Recon Network, that imposter syndrome is quite possibly one of the largest, most widespread challenges for the post-military community. Meaning that I think that veterans respond to the feeling of imposter syndrome more than others might. And it often accompanies a period of perceived failure, like they failed to get a job quickly or as quickly as they thought they should, or they feel like they're failing in balancing their duties or roles in life. And other times imposter syndrome pops up when things are going really, really well for them, but there's this fear that creeps in to remind them that, hey, these things can't stay good forever. And here's some of the ways that I see it play out. Veterans often get out, get a job in the corporate world, and feel like they're outsiders. Look again, they don't speak the same language. They don't share the same experiences as the people they work with, and they don't feel like they fit in, but they're going through the motions so that no one figures out that they shouldn't be there. Military spouses often do the same thing. They might be going back into the workforce, Or they face challenges connecting with others after a PCS and think that maybe they don't belong there either. I've even met people in veteran service organizations, people who are spending every moment of their day helping others transition, find jobs, get benefits, and connect with others, and they're worried that someone will find out that they don't really have the qualifications that they should have to do the job they're already doing. The funny thing is, is if I ask them what qualifications they're missing, they can't answer because the truth is that they're not only qualified, but they're bringing their whole self into that job to help others. And I'll admit, while we're sharing examples, there are many, many days that I personally question where I am and why. Who actually let me do this unsupervised? Who is responsible for the impending tragedy when everyone finds out that I don't belong here? See, while imposter syndrome is one of the most significant challenges that we as humans face, and I promise you, we are all facing it at one time or another, it's also the largest pile of collective head trash that we just can't seem to give up. So the real challenge when it comes to feeling like a faker or an impersonator is not, not having imposter syndrome. That's pretty impossible. It's a thought pattern that we will all go through at one time or another. The challenge instead is to be able to find the truth. So for all of you who've ever dealt with imposter syndrome, I've got a quick challenge for the next time you feel it kind of rearing its ugly head. Remind yourself of the truth. Go back in your mind and recall how you got there. Think back to the positive things that you've been told over time and think about how those statements have shaped you to get you to where you are. After all, imposter syndrome isn't a reflection of who you actually are or what you're actually capable of. It's a doubt driven by fear and uncertainty of what others may think and of not being able to live up to whatever expectations you think someone holds. Reminding yourself of your past wins and recentering yourself in a realistic view of your accomplishments and successes can help ease some of that doubt and get you back on track to doing the thing that you're called to do. And if that doesn't work, just keep it in mind. If the guy who was the first one to ever set his feet on the moon can feel like he doesn't belong, don't judge yourself too harshly for feeling the same way. Like Neil Gaiman said, we're all doing the best we can, and that's all we can really hope for.