Episode 027 - No Crystal Balls Here

This is In Brief. Let's get to it. Hey there, and welcome back to the In Brief podcast. Each week we take a few minutes to dive into a topic that hopefully makes your post-military transition a little bit easier. And if not, maybe it just gives you a new perspective to take into this new week. I'm Jordana. I'm CEO of the Recon Network. And this week we're talking about worry. There are a lot of times when I wish I just had a crystal ball or really anything that could help me look into the future and plan for whatever was there waiting for me. And I'm sure a lot of you are the same. You guys who are the planners or the worriers, or really even those of you who are just looking into the unknown and trying to figure out your next best steps. Now, this is incredibly true for those of you in transition process. And yeah, I'm talking to military spouses and families too. When you're leaving something as sure as military service, and I don't mean it sure in that you always know what's going on, but it's pretty reliable in terms of pay and stability and even the transition schedules. But when you're leaving something as sure as that and you're headed into a new space with new location or a new home, a new career, it can be really overwhelming. You're trying to figure out the best moves to make now. that will pay off later. But unfortunately, there aren't any crystal balls here. You have to make decisions not knowing what the future holds or even what it looks like, and that can cause a lot of anxiety. Really, although some of us wear anxiety a bit heavier than others, none of us know what the next 10 years or the next year or even the next 10 minutes looks like. But worry is a natural human response. We are naturally predisposed to continuously scan for and avoid threats. And when we perceive one, or even something that might be one, our limbic system kicks in and we revert back to that fight, flight, fawn, or freeze response. The problem is it's even harder to make clear decisions for the future us when the present-day us is drowning in anxiety or stressing about what might happen. We begin living in a world of scarcity rather than abundance, and we may stop taking care of ourselves or even start to spiral into depression. Fortunately, while we don't have any crystal balls or magic mirrors, there are ways to shift your perspective and embrace the uncertainty that we feel clouded by. Then we can learn to live with it rather than overthinking each decision or worrying about the what-ifs. So here are a few tips that I want to give you if you feel that worry is kind of creeping in, or you feel that more often than not you are worried about or thinking about The future and what you can do now, maybe even overthinking it. Okay, so number one, focus on the present. Corrie ten Boom, whose book recounts the stories of their family's work to save Jewish people during during World War II, wrote one of my favorite mantras for life. She said, "Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength. You're carrying two days at once." It's moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worry doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength. Similar to this, one of the best ways to stop worrying about the future is to focus on the present moment. When you're present, you're not thinking about the past or the future. You're just living in the here and now with some semblance of control. Number 2, shift from worry to anticipation. Now, when we think of those 2 words, worry is often focused on negative outcomes, and when we worry, we tend to think about all of the things that could go wrong. We also feel like we have no control over the situation, which just helps that stress grow. Anticipation, on the other hand, can be focused on both positive and negative outcomes. So when we anticipate something, we may feel like we have some control over the outcome and may feel more excited and hopeful. Number 3, challenge your thoughts. When you start to worry, ask yourself if your thoughts are really true. This is a standard practice in modern psychology, but a great practice for any time that you feel your mind is running away from you. Are you really not going to find a job? Are you really going to go broke and lose everything? Chances are your thoughts are not based in reality, so change them by breaking it down to what is true. And repeating that to yourself. Number 4, and this is the best thing that you can learn how to do, accept uncertainty. If you've ever studied Stoicism, you may be familiar with the idea that we only have 2 options when dealing with anything that happens to us in this world. One, either accept it and move on, or 2, resist it. Our human brain will want to resist. But it's just unnecessary suffering that keeps us standing still. Meanwhile, accepting that life is uncertain with no guarantee and accepting the things that come your way as they are will help you evade that struggle of what-ifs that keep you stagnant. So when it comes to the future, none of us have control over it regardless of what we do or how much we worry. And while planning is great, life has its own twists and turns. So learning how to accept uncertainty and let go of worry can be a really valuable skill. And keep in mind, nothing in life is permanent, not even our current circumstances. So keep your head up. There may not be a crystal ball in your hands, but uncertainty gives you the opportunity to see the adventure along the way in life's journey.