Episode 032- Communication Received

This is InBrief. Let's get to it. Hey there, and welcome back to the InBrief podcast, where each week we take a few minutes to dive into a topic that hopefully makes your transition a little bit easier, or just gives you a new perspective to take into a new week. I'm Jordana. I'm the CEO of the Recon Network. And this week we're talking about communication. Now think back to the last time you had a disagreement with a friend, family member, or coworker. In fact, think back to the last few times that you can remember. After you've got that in mind, think back to the origins of that disagreement, where it all went south. Where did the problem start? Now, 9 times out of 10, I'd put money on the guess that the disagreement boiled down to a lack of communication. Whether the fight itself centered around time or money or responsibilities or whatever, at its core, I'd bet that you can find a place where there was a breakdown of communication and understanding. How can I make such a bet? Well, because it's actually really, really common. And regardless of what some will tell you, that's not a modern trend rooted in the fact that our society has become more comfortable behind screens than in person. It's been an issue throughout history. Think about it. What if Marie Antoinette's statement, let them eat cake, was actually something misconstrued by someone who overheard a conversation and then spread that to others? Now, regardless of the true meaning or intent that she originally had, before you know it, Marie and a lot of other French elites lost their heads over it. But there's actual historical precedent and fact too showing how critical non-communication can be. In the Battle of Trenton, for example, the famous Revolutionary battle where George Washington crossed the Delaware River— you know, that thing— there was a note handed to Johann Rall, a British loyalist, that tipped him off to the close whereabouts of the revolutionaries. Rall then put the note in his pocket, undoubtedly to pass it on at a later point, but that's exactly where it was found on his body when the battle was over. Now, playwright George Bernard Shaw once wrote, The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it's taken place. Shaw recognized the problem that we have communication and the ensuing probability of conflict when we assume that something has been communicated well, or even at all. Now, obviously, the fix to this is to make sure that we all communicate well and effectively with everyone we come in contact with. But honestly, if it were that easy to do, we would have already done it. To add to the challenge, there are a few levels of miscommunication that we should examine to find out where the breakdown is likely to occur. The first is a difference in communication styles. Now, the way I personally communicate is very verbose, with large hand gestures to reaffirm what I'm saying. I like words, and I like to illustrate my point with personal stories or anecdotes. But if I'm speaking to someone who doesn't have the same background as I do, or the same vocabulary, it can create some problems. To put this in a situation that might be closer to you right now, in the military, you have a large arsenal of acronyms that mean something to you. But in an HR conference room during a job interview, they may not mean anything at all to the person sitting across from you. And if you continually use them, it may be setting you up for a communication breakdown. In short, communication styles can differ based on personality, learning style, experience, and background. And if we just expect the person across from us to fully understand everything we're saying, just because we're saying it out loud, we may be expecting too much. Now, the other challenge is non-communication. This is more like Shaw noted, where sometimes there's an illusion that communication even took place. For an example of this, let's ask a husband. When their wife says, oh, that trash can is really full, and he acknowledges that it is, there may be an assumption that an actual conversation has taken place and that one of them will be taking out the trash. Then when no one actually takes out the trash, there's conflict. This happens quite often in corporate environments too, where the executive team makes a decision based on some specific criteria, and only the decision or the end result is passed down to the rest of the team. So all the team gets is what is happening without the full story of why. Or even worse, they get no info at all and aren't told of the change until they make a decision or a presentation based on old information. And then they're left looking like a deer in headlights when corrected. And I know somewhere out there, some of you are laughing along with me because that's happened to you. So you can see there are reasons why communication causes such issues, and as we've noticed, they have some pretty extraordinary consequences too. And sadly, the hardest part of fixing this communication issue is that we can only control how we approach every conversation, not the person across the table from us. So in light of that, I want to put out a few things that you can do to ensure that you're making the best effort in communication possible to avoid the natural pitfalls with communication errors or oversights. First, clarify. Speak clearly and plainly and try to adopt the same type of language that the other person uses. If they speak informally, you should try to too. Second, Confirm. If there's any doubt that your speech has been misunderstood, confirm that it was received and ask if there are any questions or if you have been clear. Keep in mind, sometimes misunderstandings aren't about what was heard or not. It's about how it was said in the first place. So until you can gain some consensus on the conversation at hand, don't assume that just because it came out of your mouth, it was clear and understood. Finally, Cover yourself. If you can get to a point of consensus, do what you can to cover yourself from future miscommunication on the point. This is even more important in corporate or business situations where a number of people might be involved, or where miscommunications can be blown up into larger-than-life scenarios. So where you can, send an email or a message reiterating the understanding and once again clarifying your position. Then, if anything does come up later down the road, you have a record of what you understood to be agreed upon. Now, whether it's personal relationships with friends and family or business connections among peers, communication is one of the most important tools you can utilize to understand, encourage, inspire, and lead others. Relationships are made or broken based on how well or how badly you communicate with each other, so it's nothing to take lightly. But with just a few shifts on how you approach each conversation, you can make sure that every message is received in the way you intend and not setting you up for a problem down the road.