Episode 78: The Reckoning for White People Who Don't Realize Dismantling Racism Is Going To Mean Giving Something Up

Hey, everyone, this is Julie. I wanted to talk to you today. I actually wrote a blog post, and I'm gonna just sort of summarize what it said, because this is a hard podcast, and I really don't want to shoot off the hip. And I wrote a blog post today called the Reckoning. For white people who don't realize dismantling racism is going to mean giving something up. And this is my personal opinion response. And I know that it's impossible to say anything on social media and not get hit back, so I'm willing to take the heat in either direction. But this is my experience, and it is authentically what's happening in my heart and in my head right now. And so I'm just gonna own it. So my dear friend and bookkeeper, Emily Voles, who is actually getting her master's in environmental and social psychology, wrote something on her Facebook profile the other day which really just cut me like a knife. And she said, our racially violent patterns will not break if white people do not give something up. And I'm gonna explain sort of what that did to me as I read it. But, you know, as I watch white people fumble around trying to grapple with the depth of institutionalized racism in this country, and I am including myself in that category of fumbling people, I'm. I'm really feeling a lot of emotions. I'm feeling grief, shame, guilt, outrage, anger, frustration, fear, overwhelm, paralysis. And honestly, I'm asking myself this question. This is a hard question to ask, which is, why did it take such a horrifying murder to rip the scales off of my eyes, to see this level of injustice in this way? And I can sit here and defend myself and say that I've been studying, or I've been waking up and doing the work, and there are ways in which I have, and then there are hella ways in which I haven't. And I have to ask myself that question. Why did it take this to get to that. Like, why did it take this to get the scales really ripped off my eyes in a way where I feel like I'm having this moment of just reckoning with myself? And so as I scour looking for books and blogs and people to read and learn from, and I keep looking at the date on the post, on the Instagram post, or the blog, and it's 2017, 2018, 2019. And all I keep thinking is these people have been laboring for this cause way before the world was paying this level of attention. I know Black Lives Matter and The term white privilege and all this stuff has been going on, but now the entire world is paying attention. But these people have been doing the labor for years. And how must it feel like a slap in the face that now all of a sudden when the country is faced with a cold blooded caught on tape murder by a police officer, George Floyd, when the country is doing everything it can right in this moment to prove that it's not racist or anti racist, it's almost becoming trendy to be anti racist. That's what my sister said to me the other day. She said it's trendy. And this is horrifying in and of itself. She's right. You know, and that's probably igniting more anger and more outrage and more trauma among black people because it feels like when, oh all of a sudden your business brand, your reputation is at stake now everyone cares, you know, F off is what I would say if I were them, you know, and, and when I see anger, I'm like, that is a hundred percent justified right now, 100%. So it's really hard, you know, if you're a white person trying to navigate who's just trying to save face and who's really waking up. And I imagine if you're a black person watching, you might, you might be like, you know what, I'm just gonna let all these white people gonna white, courtesy of Rachel Rogers, and I'm gonna wait and see what happens after all the dust settles, you know. But if you're a white person and you're just like, well, wait a second, is this gonna look like I'm trying to save face face if I say something or am I, you know, am I really waking up? I don't know. I think I'd make the argument that you're not going to be able to tell right now. Looking out, looking from the out in, only you and God and your own self will be able to reckon whether or not you're doing it for the right reasons or not. Emotions are so hot on social media, it's not going to be obvious until the news cycle passes, right? And the people that are doing the work that really want to change, they want to do better, they're going to continue to do that even when it no longer is trendy to do so. And the ones who are, who are just trying to save face and run with the crowd, they're going to go back to being comfortable and you're going to be able to see that too. There's just no way to know right now. And so, anyway, that's just a point I wanted to make. But back to the first quote. Our racially violent patterns will not break if white people do not give something up. The big sort of epiphany that I am grappling with right now is that the recognition that dismantling racism is going to come at a high cost, and it should. And it's a cost of power and of wealth and of opportunity. Because as long as there's a hierarchy designed to keep white people at the top, there will be a fight to redistribute that equity. It almost demands it. And the ones who are going to fight the hardest to stay at the top are white people. Right? Which means the only way that it's going to change is if enough white people get disgusted enough at the injustice and are aware enough to even begin to dismantle it. And the realization that I'm having is that in order to move against that tide, it's got to be individual work, like the individual work each of us must do should be costly, uncomfortable, and I would argue, probably will rattle and change your world forever. And I think, for me, I remember. For me, I remember when the coronavirus hit, and I would start to, like, go down these patterns of thinking, and I'd be like, oh, shoot, that's gonna affect this and that's gonna affect this. And then what about this and this? And you started to think about schools and travel and, you know, visiting your family, and all of a sudden, like, my God, the entire world's gonna change. When you begin to understand the institutionalized racism, you might feel that way. I'm telling you, that's my experience. I'm thinking, oh, my God, that means this has to change. Wait, but this has to change. This has. And it's just like a layered onion. And then, honestly, sometimes I get overwhelmed, and I feel like crying. And then I feel like, well, that's not helpful. That's not gonna change anything. And then I'm like, oh, my God, this is a huge problem. I don't even know where to begin. And then I think, well, gosh, welcome to the fight, Julie. Because that's what other people have been fighting for for years. They must be tired. They must be tired of fighting. You're just over here waking up. You got fresh energy. Anyway, for those of you who are paralyzed and you're not quite sure what to say or what to do, I'm going to offer you my. My realization again, my personal realization that fear is paralyzing you because you're Afraid of being wrong, you're afraid of being racist. You're afraid of appearing racist, you're afraid of hurting people unintentionally. And that fear is driving you to have fear responses, right? Hurry up, add black people to your lineup. On your stomach, quick, before anyone notices how racist you are. Hurry up, make a statement before your silence is seen as complicit. Hurry up, attack other white people for getting it wrong. Because isn't that what you're supposed to do now is attack other white people so you can dismantle racism by judging the whole damn Internet? Hurry up, do anything, everything, to avoid facing the truth that white people are born into a privileged society where white supremacy is at work and we are all a part of the institutionalized racist society that we live in anyway. No matter how you choose to respond, you're not going to get it right. And if you're okay with that, then facing that fear head on might actually bring you some freedom and some relief. And I've learned for myself that when I'm in pain, I have to be careful not to solve the problem too quickly just because I want the pain to go away. I need to sit with it and see what it teaches me. And that's what I'm doing. So I'm grieving my ignorance. I'm angry that it has taken so much for me to see it. And I realize white people are going to have to give something up. And the first thing that I think we need to give up is our moral high ground. And so when I've done this, I stopped fighting against the fear of being misunderstood or being labeled or the fear of being racist. Like you're actually able to then finally look at it and begin to look at what's in front of you. I gave up the fear of being racist and privileged because I am. I stood in my mirror and I said, what if I am racist? Then what? Because if I fight so hard to convince myself I'm not racist, all I'm doing is fighting for an exit ramp to get out of the conversation. But if I look at myself and say, no, you are privileged and you are in a white supremacist based society and you have racism in you, Julie, what does that then do? Then I own it. And then I'm like, okay, I can stop trying to avoid this. I can stop trying to be afraid of it. And now I can actually do the freaking thing I need to do to fix it. And this is the stuff that I feel like God's showing me right now. And he's so gracious. He's got so much grace and mercy and compassion for my weakness as a human. So. And you know who else who has grace and compassion? Black people. I have got to tell you that the amount of grace and compassion shown to me this week by my black friends can only be described as a God experience. And these people are not close friends. Some of them are acquaintances, some of them I've never met. They're customers. They're followers. And I have felt Jesus in their responses. They've been helpful. They have been generous, patient even in the midst of their own pain, their own trauma. And I just want to publicly thank you for showing me something that you did not have to show me, something that was not your responsibility to do, but you did anyway. And I'm just gonna name them all right now. I wanna. And I'm not even sure I'm gonna get their names all correct, but I want to thank Kevin Laylor, Michelle Hughes, Michelle Perry, My Own Holmes, Karen Clark, Latoya Russell, Erica Johnson Cheeto Samantha Titilayo, Tinubu Sharice, Floyd Thompson, Rose Guthrie, Tracy Green, Sue Dennis, Aurora Gregory Lakshmia. Oh, I'm not going to say your name right. Lakshmiya Marie Nicole Watson, Paulette Harper. And I'm not going to get these last ones right. I'm very sorry. EC Aladejobi and Shola Abadoy. I think I've not actually met you two, but you guys have responded to me personally and I'm just so grateful. And I'm sure, I'm sure I'm forgetting people, so I'm gonna certainly add to this list as time goes on. But every single one has either reached out to me privately or have taken. Has taken the time to share their perspective. And I'm very appreciative. So I just leave you all with this. There is freedom from fear when you stop running from the truth. So just give up the fear and the moral high ground and the worry that you'll get it wrong or the fear that you're racist. That's not the point. You will get it wrong. And when you're really free, you'll be okay, because you'll know that's part of the work. That's what enables you to do it. So grace and peace to everyone. I. I've just been playing this song on repeat called the Blessing. It's on repeat in my office as I pray for this very, very broken country. And I'm praying for righteous redemption, justice and healing. And I pray it over every single man, woman and child that is standing in the gap for justice today, so may his favor be upon you. Appreciate you guys. Talk to you soon.