Expectation Vs Entitlement

Welcome to Million Dollar Grit, the podcast that dives deep into the world of entrepreneurship, where tenacity meets strategy and dreams meet reality. My name is Julie and I explore the raw, often overlooked truths of what it takes to succeed in business and in life. It's not just about the glossy success stories. It's about the grit it takes to get there.

Hey everyone. Welcome back to Million Dollar Grit. Today I want to talk about the difference between expectation and entitlement. And one for the coaches, the service providers and the consultants who listen to this podcast because it can be really difficult to tell the difference between an expectation and entitlement. And when you are working, you know, a fair amount of time, if you're a service provider, you're putting in hours. If you're a coach or consultant, especially in a one to one capacity, you are putting in hours. And how do you avoid that resentment that can build up when people push on your boundaries? And the reason why I feel qualified to talk, talk about this is because I have been coaching one on one since, well, since 2016, but I'm gonna say since 2017 when digital insiders began. And so I have maintained a client roster of anywhere from 30 to 100 clients for seven years straight. So if there is anyone that would be resentful or burned out, that would be me.

Right?

Because that's a lot of people and a lot of energy expended. And I have had seasons for sure, of feeling really tapped out, but that has largely gone away as I've gotten healthier and healthier and more regulated and better able to support people without, you know, the over responsibility that can come when you are the type of person that likes to solve problems. And so I feel like I'm speaking about this from a place of real health and like a healthy level of detachment. But also I maintain close relationships with a lot of clients. So let's first identify the difference between an expectation and entitlement. So an expectation is grounded in what was promised. So this is where the coach, client, I mean service provider, consultant, needs to get really clear on what problem you are solving.

Right.

And what you are promising. And I've done other podcast episodes talking about how important understanding the problem is. This is another reason why it's so important. So I'm going to give you a really tangible example. I offered a free class called the second brain, which I think 550 people have taken now. It's totally unexpected and I was talking about using AI as a second brain and I made it very, very clear what I was going to discuss and what I wasn't going to discuss.

Right?

So I said, I'm going to discuss how to use chat GPT as a second brain. I am not going to discuss AI and privacy. I'm not going to discuss other language models. I'm not, you know, and I, I, I said multiple things that I to do. What did this do? It set a reasonable expectation of what I was going to do and what I was going to bring to the table. Now, when that call started, some people didn't read the email or the sales page. And this is going to happen. People aren't going to read, Right? That is not your responsibility if people don't pay attention.

Right.

But what it does is because you were so clear and clean, you now have very like strong, easy ways to just hold that boundary. And so what happened was in the call, someone started asking about ethics and transparency and privacy and all this kind of stuff. And I just said, you know what? I, I already explained that I'm not going to be discussing that. That is not my area of expertise. And a couple of people in the call actually pasted the email right there where I had already said it. And the person was like, okay, cool. Like they weren't, they weren't trying to like push my boundaries. They just didn't know.

Right.

But it was an, an ability for me to just keep moving.

Right?

So a reasonable expectation is grounded in what was promised. That's in your contract, that's in your scope of work, that's in your program delivery. And that is your responsibility as an agency owner, a coach or consultant. It does not mean that your client will automatically match that expectation. So I want you to hear me and we ex, we expect that once we're clear, everyone else will be clear. So you gotta change that expectation because that is not true. But what having clear expectations does for you or reasonable ones is it gives you a strong, easy, polite, respectful way to hold the line. And that is incredibly critical. Okay? Now entitlement is when someone expects something that was not promised and gets annoyed when it doesn't happen.

Right?

So entitlement, you're going to, it may not be super obvious, but there's going to have a level of urgency to it. Like it has to happen right now. You might hear some emotional charge in the language or in the expectation. There may be assumptions, there may be some guilt subtext going on. And so energetically, an entitlement from a client is going to be different in the way you feel it and in the way you receive it unless you're, unless you're super sensitive, in which case you gotta, you gotta work with that. Whereas an expectation is going to feel respectful. There's not going to really be a lot of urgency. There might not be a weird, you know, there won't be a weird power dynamic. It'll be super clear. So let's give you an, let's do an example, right? So an expectation would be a client saying, hey, I thought this program included one on one calls. Can we schedule one?

Right?

There's no disrespect, there's no character assassination. It's basically saying, hey, this is my expectation. And then the question is, can, can we schedule it?

Right?

And so if you were clear and it was not a one on one call, you have an opportunity to say, no, the calls are not included. Here's, here's what is included. Or you could say, yes, calls are included and here we can schedule it. Entitlement might sound like, hey, can we hop on a call quick this week I really need help and this launch is, you know, stressing me out. Okay, so that has a little bit of urgency. They're not attacking, they're probably stressed, they're probably dysregulated. But that is an entitlement. Because if your program does include one on one calls, it probably assumes that there is some schedule or calendar. It's not just like they can pick up the phone and call you whenever they want. She's still, I'm using a she, could be a he. But there is still a little bit of like, hey, like, you know, I'm willing to do it this week, but the, I really need help and this launch isn't going well. There's a lot of what we would call guilt laced subtext here. And so you might feel put off by that. And so this is important. Another example would be, I know you respond to Voxers within 24 hours. I'm sending this for you to check in tomorrow.

Right?

That's an expectation versus someone who sent a message and then says, hey, I sent this a few hours ago. Did you see it?

Right.

When the Expectation is a 24 hour turnaround time. The biggest thing that you might be noticing here is that entitlements usually stem from people who are not able to handle, or they, they don't realize it, but they're, they're projecting their emotional discomfort onto you.

Right?

And that's why that entitlement has an energetic difference than an expectation. Another example would be, I have a launch coming up, can I bring the plan to our next coaching call. That would be a reasonable expectation. Entitlement would be, I just sent you my whole launch plan. Please look at it before our next call. Unless you said that you are reviewing work before calls. There is a level of, hey, you know, do this labor here so that, you know, I can get more out of you.

Right?

And so expectations versus entitlements is not always about what they ask. It's the energy behind it. So that is the difference between an expectation and entitlement. So you might be tired because, you know, maybe you're a service provider and you've not had good boundaries and you've let scope creep happen. You haven't been super clear. You're resentful, you're feeling manipulated, you're over delivering, delivering. You might be operating in this gray zone where generosity and like doing whatever people ask is like baseline. Which means you're going to be more sensitive to entitlements and expectations, right? So people might have reasonable expectations, but you're operating from such a level of depletion that you're not able to rise to those expectations because you've got, you are so burned out and you are so tired. And so one of the advantages to getting stronger boundaries is that it preserves your energy and it allows you to show up for those expectations in a different way. So I think that you may be listening to this and you may be feeling like, well, gosh, I wasn't super clear or my boundaries are really stinky or whatever, and you're, you're feeling like, I don't even know how to fix all of this. But what we have to do is get your cup full again because you operating out of a place of depletion is not going to work.

Right?

So it's about sitting with, what are your expectations for yourself? How do you show up for clients, for students, for people who you do work for? What are your expectations for yourself and for your offers and what feels good. And I would definitely run this by a coach or a mentor because if you are a classic over deliverer, your expectations might actually be a little too high. And I have found this to be an issue because my, my baseline is so high that I, I overextend myself not realizing it's an over, an extension. It's an overextension, right? So having someone who can mirror back to you really, really important. This is not a reasonable expectation for yourself. And so that's the first thing. And then the second thing is getting really clear on how you communicate it right. And it's never. Boundaries are not supposed to be walls and fences that keep people out. Boundaries are ways that you explain how you operate.

Right?

And that is a, a very big difference. And I actually, I had a, a vox exchange with a client and they were talking about how they had sent out a personalized introduction between two people and both people really did not handle the introduction well. The, the person who was looking for someone didn't respond in a timely manner. The person who was like the potential employee got frustrated and impatient. And so it would have been really easy for my client to go in and sort of scold both of them and just be like, hey, this isn't how you act. But instead the client went and said, hey, given how this unfolded, here's what I'm going to do in the future. And it lowers defensiveness because you're not telling other people what to do and you're not telling other people like that they're bad. You're just saying, hey, here's how I'm going to now operate. And so if you have sort of a negative association with boundaries, it's going to be hard for you to set these expectations. It's going to be hard for you to communicate these expectations. And it's also going to naturally attract people who tend towards entitlement, because people who have boundaries recognize boundaries in other people. And so this was a big realization for me that I struggled a lot with boundaries and I was naturally attracting people who were, you know, projecting their emotional issues onto me. And it wasn't until I got stronger and more clear on myself that I noticed that I started having. There was different energy between my interactions. And so if you are struggling between understanding an expectation or entitlement, I want you to just remember that it's not about what it's more about the energy. And the energy of an entitlement has emotional undertones, urgency, some tension, some guilt, subtext. Expectations are often rooted in questions, clarity, there's a sense of fairness. There's no urgency, there's no panic. It's clean communication. So I hope that helps. Talk to you soon.

And there you have it, folks, another dose of million dollar grit. I hope today's episode has left you feeling inspired, equipped, and ready to face your own entrepreneurial journey with resolve. Remember, until next time, embrace the struggle. Harness your grit and keep pushing forward. You're stronger than any challenge you face. I'm Julie, and this has been Million Dollar Grit.