Dad’s Final Feat of Strength

So Ginger just called.

Mm-hmm.

And the doctor came out, I guess the hospice doctor.

Okay.

And—

For my dad.

For your dad, and they, the doctor basically said he has 1 to 2 months to live.

I guess that doesn't surprise me. Just the way it's been going.

Yeah.

I mean, it's getting, it seems like it's getting worse every day. I'm surprised it's 1 to 2 months and not— 1 to 2 weeks.

Yeah.

So, we're gonna keep doing what we're doing. We're gonna keep going over there every day.

Mm-hmm.

So, really, how does that make me feel? I wonder how many times I'm gonna cry. I don't cry much. We've already had one scare where the doctor called us in and we thought it was over and had a good cry. So Ken Randall sent me a birthday blessing yesterday.

It's gonna take me a second.

It says, "Happy birthday, my friend." So already I'm identified as a friend. "Hope you have a blessed and wonderful day." My birthday blessing to you is that you are a kind and generous man. Thank you, Ken. You're a man who loves his children. I'm crying because I know what's next. This is— this is the intro. This is not what's touching me yet. I mean, it's touching me, but this is not what is bringing the tears. Here it comes. You're a kind and generous man, a man who loves his children and teaches them how to live a fruitful and considerate life. See, we're getting I've read this text multiple times, and I know we're about to get to the punchline. You love his— he— you're a man who loves his children and teaches them how to live a fruitful and considerate life, a loving and compassionate husband, and an attentive and thoughtful son. So thanks, Kent, for recognizing the sonship here, and thanks for pointing it out. I am a son, but that's about to be taken away from me. So I'm gonna take it like a man and bawl my eyes out. You are an inspiration to thousands, yet humble, and you are passionate about helping others live better lives while living that life yourself to the fullest of the benefit of you and your family. It was the sun part that got me, that's for sure. Because that's what I am, and very few recognize that. Maybe I didn't even recognize it in myself. We are all sons or daughters of someone, whether they were good or bad. I was fortunate to have a good one. So now part of who I am So part of who I am is, is gone. So who I once was is no longer. I'm a new I am a new man, and I'm sure in the end I'll be a better man.

Hello?

Hey Ginger.

Uh, Crystal's coming over to set up this tree in a few minutes.

Okay.

And he asked Greg and Jason— Justin would bring the tractor down to help move that stump.

Okay, we are— when we come at 3, we'll bring it.

You can poke it. There, he's there.

He's there.

Come on, go in.

Hey, Pop. Hey, how's everybody? Good, good. I'm here. Yeah, you're here. You still got a strong handshake. Oh yeah. Oh boy. Hello, Chandler.

Hey, come on.

How's my boys and girls?

You guys going to give him a hug? All right, good.

Oh, I love it, boy. Oh, I got my shoes. Good girl.

I had to wear bedroom shoes today. Normally I'm— did you bring your shoes?

Hey, how are you?

And I love the butter of a ball.

I brought you some chocolate cake.

Pretty good, good, good. Well, Justin, how was your birthday?

It was good.

It was the best birthday ever. Are you the type of human? Are you the type of human to keep up? How about time you have to order so Daddy will pay you right? You're my favorite girl.

Now all these kids are the favorite girl.

What do you think about that? Oh, here's something. Here. You're going to grow up being a beautiful young lady, breaking all the boys' hearts. Yeah, you're going to break all the boys' hearts, he said.

Yes.

Thank you for coming. Yeah, I appreciate it. Okay.

Yeah, show them your shark necklace. Grandma got you.

There you go. I've got a real wonder. That's not bad. Hey.

Daddy's sitting.

Is he still asleep? Okay. You've been sleeping all day?

No, because he— Ginger, don't do that. How much was he awake this morning for a while?

A little while.

And he woke up a little bit with Kelly and I and talked.

Oh my word. You two were here though. No, they weren't here. No, that was Kelly and Clint. I look— I appreciate it. Excuse you. Mm-hmm. Sure did. It's— it all started her understanding of my children. But it's been okay. And I know we'll work through it all. Even though there'll be some disagreements. But we'll get it all worked through. Oh, absolutely.

So what'd he say, Ginger?

What did he say?

Yeah, just to make sure we got it right.

Oh, he just said that he told whoever was here earlier how much he appreciated me, but he also said how much he appreciated them.

Did he?

Children? Yeah, kids.

See, I thought he was talking about the kids, and he informed me, no, it's you, team.

Well, but I appreciate that you did that.

I know.

Think about it.

I absolutely loved it. I just have to pick on you, that's all.

Okay.

You're fun. You're an easy target.

Target, honey.

We appreciate you too, and we appreciate you too. Wherever was y'all? Where did they go? Is that where they just go?

Now, Clint and Kelly went to wherever they're staying. I don't even know where they are. Are they at Stephanie's? Okay, they've gone to Stephanie's, and, um, not too much company at one time, so we got these two next, and then Sarah and Tyler are coming.

Thank you all for everything. The good spirit. They even brought the good spirit out of Sidney.

She's behaving herself these last days.

She's been behaving herself.

She and Jason have been awesome at doing it.

She's been a good girl.

She has. You're right. I don't know what I'd do without her. I'm gonna tell you what.

Me either.

Huh? Me either. I know you either. You're right.

What would we do without her?

Well, we're gonna go and let you rest.

I love you. Love you too. Don't breathe. You're still strong. You don't breathe your butt off.

The little guy that's coming on Tuesday said he could not believe that grip.

I know.

He said that grip is so strong.

I said that was from milking cows and chopping wood. What else is it from?

Typing on a manual typewriter. Oh, okay. Oh my goodness, typing on a manual typewriter. Boy, that hurts. It does.

It'll give you carpal tunnel.

Stress does that, Bart. Yeah. Well, I've never had it. You ever get it?

Yes. Splitting wood.

Splitting wood, milking cows, typing.

Spanking sissy.

Spanking sissy. Trying to lift cars off yourself. Yes, spanking me a bit.

Apparently.

Hey, apparently you got softer as you got older.

Oh yeah.

On the kids?

I thought it didn't work.

He thought it didn't work.

I think I told you.

What's Izzy saying?

So he just gave up. He had some perspective. So, uh, so we will grow one more stick and fire. Yeah.

You said throw one more stick in the fire with any animosity.

You said, yeah, he was telling us earlier how intelligent you were, how smart you were, and I said, well, duh.

Give it up. Thanks. Trust in the Lord. Yeah. Okay. Well, you gotta get out of here because I gotta pee.

Okay.

All right, bye-bye. Bye-bye. Get out of here, I gotta pee. Bye, friends.

Bye.

Have fun.

Thanks.

I document this stuff, and I hesitate to put a vlog like this up, uh, not necessarily because I'm vulnerable, certainly not for the tears. You guys are like our family, and this is our story, and we're telling it. But because my dad watches the vlog, and I wanted to— so I knew he would see this, and I don't want— so this, now I'm turning it to you, Pop. This is for you. I don't want you to feel bad for dying. I don't want you to have any guilt. So when I went to visit you, I did ask, are you still watching the vlogs? Because you do seem to be getting declining every day. And I was just— are you still able to actually see them, pay attention, stay awake through them? And you said, I'll never forget it. You kind of piped up and you said yes. And you said, I'll have your vlogs piped up into heaven.

Yeah. Oh, it's been fun. It's a nice thing is I get to see these children.

Yeah.

Grow up, and as they grow up, mature, yeah, they are very much more chill.

So whether on this side or the next, you're gonna see this. So my message is, don't feel bad, just let go. That's the quote of the year for me, Daniel Allen quote. Let go. And we're all gonna have to do the same. So I know that with nature Beautiful backdrop behind me. When something dies, this leaf here disconnected with its mother, it's gonna die. It's gonna fall down to this earth and it's gonna— it's already been degraded. It's already been food for fungus, for insects, but it's going to continue to be that. Eventually it's going to feed the microbes in the soil. It's going to give life to so many different things. And eventually, you know, grass— the soil is then going to feed a grass or another tree, and it's going to grow. I mean, look at this. Look at this dead stump. I mean, it's got moss growing on it. It's got this beautiful little— I don't know if that's fungus or— I guess that is. I remember Anyway, this dies and life comes of it. With nature, life comes from death. It's a wonderful miracle. Something good comes from death. Now, that's not always the case. There doesn't always have to be death to have life, as in the case of mating. That's a lot of fun. And there's no death involved. But I guess that's what makes nature so miraculous, is because it makes life out of life and it makes life out of death. And so we don't know, though. We don't know the full extent of what life will become of your death, but There will be. I know for one, relationships have been mended. Two, people have gained new perspective on life, a new appreciation for life, a new awareness of death. And three, well, these tears. I think it was A brother that told me when we were very young, moisture doesn't go away. Liquid, liquid doesn't go away. I imagine even if I wipe it on my pants, eventually it's going to be evaporated. And look at the steam coming off the lake. It's gonna be evaporated and go into the sky, and eventually it's gonna be turned into a cloud. You know where I'm going with this yet? Well, that cloud, it's gonna rain. When it rains, it's sometimes dark. Well, now it's like all the time. It's like all the time it's darker. It's dark. It can be cold. It can be damaging. But what does rain do? It brings life. So right now, Pop— so right now, Pop, you're making a lot of So I'll let you guys see this because nobody needs to be ashamed of this. Tears. As men, we don't want to cry much, and we don't, and that's okay. But it's also okay to be sad. It's okay to cry. So, Papa, what I was saying is don't be sad. Let go. You're making a lot of rain. You're creating a lot of clouds, at the very least, because many people will cry over you, but there will be life and goodness come from it. And I don't say that in a cheesy, cliché way. I say it in a very natural— this is how life works. These are things I'm learning. There's no denying it. Nobody's gonna deny it. Religious or not, this is how life works. Life comes from death, and we may not see it. We may not see it all. It's okay to be sad. So I'll just continue to look for what life is going to come from this. Yeah, yeah, I know. Good job. We camped out this weekend with the boys. I've been crying my eyes out doing some video journaling over there, taking you guys along on this journey, my dad's last last days. It's been a very, very— I've had a lot of time to think this weekend camping out with the boys. Had a lot of good time to think. Mr. Brown's still in there sleeping, or else we'd go down and make breakfast because we're gonna have an early breakfast today because we have Friendsgiving. The Holler Boys are here. Gave their parents a date night. A date night, yes! Happy to do that for them. They haven't had that in a long time, as you can imagine. They're living in a, a trailer as they prepare their house, and they've been living in their trailer for 2 years. Anyway, our friends are coming. Friends are coming. We're having a Friendsgiving. That's the thing, that's where friends get together for the holidays, and we're gonna have a feast.

Somebody's gonna die stuffing today.

Who's that gonna be? You forecasting the future now? Hey, you warming up your feet, Josiah? Yeah, you're getting them feet warm and Huh?

Huh? Ow!

What about that head? You're gonna keep that head warm? Hey, are you waking? Hey, are you waking up? Hey, sleepyhead. Hey, this kid, he hadn't slept through the night since he was born. Well, he has, but I could probably count it on two hands. But when we go camping, you sleep through the night. It's 8:15. Huh, you didn't wake up one time, huh? Huh, do we need to make you camping more often? Huh, are you sleeping good in the tent? Huh, huh, this double tent? We had 3 kids slept in mine and Mama's sleeping bag, this double. Huh, did me and Mama need to sleep in this with you to get you to sleep? You warm it up a little bit? You want me to warm it up? Okay. I thought you'd wake up in a good mood as long as you slept, huh? 10 hours. Hey, are you cold? Okay, ready? I'll carry you. Okay, come on. Thank you. Let's sit you by the fire for a second, okay? It's warm over here. He said you could sit on his lap.

That's very nice of him. Thanks.

Rebecca came out to get me. I knew it was not good. And yeah, she said we gotta go. My dad's dying.

What's going on?

And she just said you guys might want to come down right now, and she was like, coughing, like, just crying. She could barely get it out.

Okay.

I think we need to be there more for Ginger than for us and him, you know? This is not about us.

Yeah.

Hold on. She thinks he's dying?

Yeah.

Like, this is the moment?

I guess.

I don't know.

She was like, she was, she could barely talk. Like, when I answered the phone I knew because she was just bawling her eyes out and I just got a sweater and my jacket and came and got you. I just want the kids to see Pap on the lake.

Yeah.

This drive's not supposed to be.

Right?

It's a 3-mile drive. Breathing a little bit better than— Lily hugs again. Oh, thank you.

Jonah's gonna hug you. He says he loves you.

All right, Papa's trying to tell you he loves you too, Mr.

Turner. He loves those babies.

That's just sad.

All right, Gideon, you want to come with me? I'm going to get you. Oh, that's nice.

I bet.

I'm glad you guys got to all come and see Papaw. He probably didn't have much longer, you know, a day or two.

I don't feel like it's gonna be today, but I feel like he's gonna hold on at least till your sister comes.

So my sister Mary's the furthest away. She's about 5 hours now at this point. She was 6. She on her way. We left because we want other people to get their chance. Okay, so now I am gonna go back when my sister gets here so all the siblings can be in the same room with him.

Yes.

Mama, is Grandma coming for Friendsgiving?

She is. Grandma's coming for Friendsgiving. So I'll go back multiple trips. Let's pick up camp first, get the kayaks, and then we'll come back. So pick up multiple the. The fire pit type of stuff, the outside stuff. Okay.

trips.

Let's pick up camp first, get the kayaks, and then we'll come back. So pick up the, uh, the fire pit type of stuff, the outside stuff. All right, we're going. Lunch was amazing. I'm going over there. I'm going back now. My sister is going to be there, so I believe all 6 siblings will be there at once. That'd be a nice moment. You know, I know it's weird sometimes filming this stuff. Some of it's very intimate. It's hard. It's also, though, it's also therapy for me. I'm not gonna look at you guys anymore, I'm driving. It's therapy. But also now I'll have a new drive for making movies the rest of my life. I already liked the craft, already loved doing it. Love telling stories via video. But when I asked my dad, "Are you watching the vlogs?" And he said, "I'm gonna pipe it up to heaven." I got a new incentive to make a movie every day. And I— on this side of Earth, I don't think he's gonna see this one. He might could hear it. Uh, so either way, I'm making this because, uh, we'll hope and pray he sees it on this side or the other. Well, I had a good visit with my dad. All 6 of us made it. Shelby was the last one to arrive, was an hour and a half. She acknowledged— he acknowledged her with a nod. He couldn't grunt anymore, but he acknowledged her. Nice view. Um, we were talking about feats of strength. We were remembering the most memorable feats of strength of his. Um, I remembered that just yesterday he squeezed my hand like he was still ready to go milk a cow.

I could milk that cow, probably. Because here's the way I do it. Yeah, give it a real— see, you start, I think, I start right. Do you? As I go down.

Yeah, you're getting it out.

Yep.

Strong to the end. But somebody brought it up at the end, and maybe his greatest feat of strength was lasting 6 more hours. So his youngest daughter could get into the room and he could let go. He passed away at 4:45. I hope I have a little bit of light left here. Hospice has arrived. We got to spend about an hour with him. As Tipple and Granite would say, where'd he go? He's gone. He died peacefully. We were telling stories surrounding him, and my sister Kelly just noticed. She said he's gone. He just stopped breathing just like that. I don't think— I don't know if any of us saw the last breath, but it seemed like he took a couple of two breaths a little later. Maybe it was just nerves or automatic. Basically, he's— fluid's building up inside. I guess that's what got him here at the end, the congestive heart failure. It's a nice moon. I'm in the graveyard. I'm where his mom and his dad are buried, and I believe where he'll be buried. He's not here anymore. He's gone, so I just probably needed to go on a walk before I got home. Rebecca knows. I called her. There's somebody there with her. He went peacefully. I'm very happy about that.

Washing.

You know, talk to him. And like, like, if he's not watching this, he told me he's gonna watch it from heaven. So, Pop, we're just—

we're crying.

It's okay. And we're just making— we're just making rain clouds, but We're just growing things. Don't be upset to see us cry because we're just— as I would say, we're just planting. We're just watering in this case. That's his brother. His brother and his brother's wife. And that's my grandpa. This is the man who built the barn, who bought Burroughs for $500 in 1932. This is my granny. She had two prayers: Lord, help us, I pray, and thank you, thank you, thank you. And I guess both those are appropriate at this time. Two sisters are still going. Hey, come here, buddies. Everybody's sad.

Everybody's sad. Thank you.

We wanted to be here for you.

Thank you. You guys are—

What was Jason doing with the tractor?

I would Just going on a last drive.

Are you serious? Jonah goes, I think he must be just going on a joyride. I'm like, I don't think that's happening.

Somebody called it, another person called it a joyride. Did he make it all the way up here? Yeah, that's good because you know it reads full on the gauge. Oh no, so scared when he went to take the tractor because it reads full but it's not full. It's probably quite, it's quite near empty.

Oh no!

That was the freight we were running. And if you run out of gas on a diesel, it ain't easy to start. Yeah.

Come and talk to us. We want to know all about it.

Shelby made it about 3:15, and they let the siblings get there all by ourselves. We shared stories.