I Bought a New Milk Cow & Her Gigantic Calf

Are the wall guys coming today? I hope so. We got to keep this project moving. I guarantee you though that calf is not with Flossie because that thing is hitting that 5K.

It's not in there. It's not?

Okay, good.

Can I have the Leatherman?

Sure. What are you fixing?

I'm taking the basket off and putting it on the back.

That basket's handy though.

I'm putting it on the back.

Oh, okay. You said the Leatherman's got stuff. I think the, uh, oh yeah, these are jacked up. There you go. When you're trying to do the pliers, it does like that. Thankfully Leatherman has a lifetime warranty, but my spare is with them right now. We'll wait for that to get back.

What are those?

Not bolt cutters.

Give me this.

Tin snips. Where are they? Well, it happens to be in my secret toolbox— tool area.

I know where that is.

Closet. How do you go put my tools away? It's no longer a secret anymore. They found it. What? Call the Inquirer. He's putting tools away. Tom, where are you at? Do you see that? If you're watching this, do you see that? He's putting his tools away. Are you getting it with that? Yeah. Henry, come back, come back! You guys still struggling? Oh, you got it off, put it on the back now. Okay. Tom, the electrician that was so orderly, I guess he's now my hero. Yeah, Tom tidies at the end of the day. Tom's habit at the end of the day kind of goes along with my Don't leave a room or an area without it being clean. Let's pick it up now and start up fresh. I feel a little crazy, like Newman feels about the post office. Because the mail never stops. Yeah, it never ends. I clean it up and it just stacks back up. Every day it piles up more and more and more.

You gotta get it out, but the more you get out, the more it keeps coming in.

Hey, you want to pull that with the four-wheeler today, Jonah? Try. Sally struggled yesterday because it just It sinks. It's a hair downhill. I think we should try it. New cow coming today. I'm both excited and anxious. A couple big struggles with getting a new cow: training them to our system. She's used to getting in a line, going through a barn. Different than this. Second thing to be anxious about— Flossie, where's she at? Well, Stud, he's the boss. Rebecca's telling me to look. As if I don't see him.

No.

Stand up and poop every single day.

That's not what I'm telling you to look at. I think he has a hemorrhoid.

Oh yeah, he's something like that. I think it's a skin tag.

That's a real big skin tag right on the butthole.

Because wouldn't that be inside his intestinal tract? It's some type of tag. See it? The second thing to be anxious about is the pecking order. Stud is clearly the boss. She won't even attempt to dominate him, but you know who's gonna have it out? Could have it out. Flossie. Flossie's second in charge, and this cow's gonna try to figure out where she's at in the order, and Flossie's certainly gonna try to put her in it. But this new cow— that's a calf— this new cow may be stronger than Flossie, so could have a rumble on our hands. How is it, Beck? How's what? Moving them.

Great. Oh, sorry, Rory, he's got a hemorrhoid. It's sad. I want to just—

It looks benign.

It's benign.

Doesn't look inflamed.

What is that then?

It's a wart. Oh.

You got a butthole wart?

He's got a butthole—

I don't know which one's worse.

I say skin tag, you say hemorrhoid.

I don't know which one's worse, a wart on the butthole or hemorrhoid.

What is it?

It's a post. Zipline.

Is it metal?

Yeah, I mean, it's a zipline cord.

Do I need to get gloves or not?

You'll get like small cuts.

Okay, Jonah, take the motorcycle and get me some gloves, please. We shouldn't be having to deal with this. We need to mow for our fence so we can get it hot. So we can get it hot like yesterday.

Papa.

What?

You might be having to take off the blades. It's bad. It's all wrapped up in it.

See all that wire? Yeah, get the wire cutters while you're there. All right, you get that side, I'll get this side. Is that it? I think so. We got it! I'm hoping, I'm hoping that's all of it. Calf is still in the other paddock. Let's milk. The other thing I'd be anxious about is the cows— the cow we're getting is used to being milked by machine. How's she gonna do by hand? Is she gonna just let me walk right up to here without kicking? Is she gonna let me milk without kicking? So those are my 3 big anxieties, and my big excitement is lots of milk from one cow. 4 teats. Floss, you ready for a new partner?

We're gonna have it out.

Yeah, you ready for a rumble, Floss? It did bust through over there, but the fence was off because we have to get in here. So next time we're gonna bring the calves over and tie them up. Both calves are on her. Well, I see that's pretty nice of you. This is Phyllis's calf, Buffalo. That won't hurt anything. Be better meat for us. And then what's this other little one's name? We gotta name our cows. Pretty sure it's Moo. We could call it Moo. Moo? I don't know, what are we gonna name it?

Uh, Nelly?

Nelly. It's a boy.

Oh, Papaw. No, Will.

We have Buffalo.

We have Buffalo and the other one's Moo.

What's the other one's name?

The other one's Moo.

The other one's Moo.

Moo?

Okay. It's baby Moo. Baby Moo. How you little guys doing? All right, tomorrow is a big day for the sheep. We're putting Nacho in, Rebecca, and these guys could go with the rest of the ewes up to Grandma's, I'm thinking, right, Rebecca? Keep them way away. But we gotta train them to have coffee first. I— yeah, they don't even like it at first, so we're just gonna leave it in in here. Let's get the water and leave, and we'll come back and see if they've even nailed it. Getting them trained alfalfa gives us some sense of control. They'd probably be fine just with everybody else because everybody else is trained. That'd probably be the quickest way to get them on alfalfa, huh? What is your reasoning for keeping them separate?

In case there's a possible disease or—

oh, okay.

The case since they basically are coming from the same flock. Yeah, but I think that it's just good to keep them separate. Well, they can't get bred. Nacho's about to go in.

Yeah, but we're gonna get the little girls out of there. There's little girls in with the big ewes. Tomorrow it's a big trailer shift. Well, I think we'll get all them in the trailer, then bring Nacho down, lead him down. Have they eaten it? They haven't even smelled it. What you doing in here?

Collecting tomatoes for lunch and assessing the damage.

What's the damage?

Well, the green beans are done.

Ah, as you can see, you got morning glories made it to the roof.

We got morning glories that made it to the roof.

Your tomatoes almost made it.

Well, yeah, let's just say this, this has been, um neglected severely in the last month. I've barely been out here except to just collect what's growing.

Yeah, I mean, you made it. Yeah, that's kind of what happens in August.

I think what I'm gonna just do is cut my losses, just keep just harvesting until we put the chickens in here, basically.

I think I heard Jacob just arrived. What'd you learn this year in the garden?

Um, well, I learned what varieties I don't want to grow.

Is this one of them? Do you need this?

Yeah, I might grow a couple of these. Yeah, that'd be great.

Thanks.

Um, I'll grow a couple of them. I want to grow some yellow tomatoes. I like those. Um, I like some of these, but just not to the extent that I grew. And I want to grow more Romas. That's the thing.

Grow what you love. We're gonna try one arm swing. My shoulder's been tweaked. I haven't done it in what, a week and a half? Yeah, we can have Jacob said weight training is the number one key to longevity. So right now what you're telling me is we're doing delayed gratification.

Yeah, just so that I can— so that we can live.

What, you leaving me behind?

No, I'm not leaving you behind.

So that we can— what, we're gonna be that couple that dies within 72 hours holding hands, 90 years old, right? My goal is 110.

To live to 110?

Yeah. Dang, homeboy's got a goal to live to 110. If you can make it to 110, they say the, uh, the deterioration process stops.

Really?

Oh wow. So in theory, you know, you wouldn't die of old age at that point, you'd die of something else.

Yeah.

Well, if Rebecca and I are going to go at the same time holding hands, we're probably going to be gassed. Carbon monoxide. Yeah.

And now we're going to sense each other's We're gonna sense one of us is dying.

And then we're gonna say let go. All right, 1, 2, 3, let go. Oh my, here she comes! How cool! Oh man, okay, she been milked this morning? Uh, no, but she's got that big old steer. Okay, so I mean, if you wanted to run her, run it through and try, you could, but he's gonna drink it off. Okay, that's good. Do you think she's gonna follow Alfalfa the other day? I go to feed her? Your cow? Oh, yeah. Okay, I didn't get a peek. She must be laying down. The old-time saying around here goes, the farmer has two happy days: one when you get the livestock and one when you get rid of them. I wouldn't say that was true about old Phyllis though. That was, that was not necessarily a happy day. What happens with her and Fluffy? Oh, look! Uh-oh, it's those two that are going to have the clash. Well, that was anticlimactic. We're about to have a lot of beef, Rebecca. We got 4 steers in there.

So many steers!

Look at that, 3, 4, 4, 7 cows out there. I like it. All of them living off this green stuff. After all, cows are pacifists, so it's gonna be just fine. Lunch with our father's farm. This time they're with us. This time we get to feed you. Taco Tuesday, a day late. Wednesday. You little carnivore, you got your little food? Mom's got a beautiful plate going. You got a beautiful plate going.

It's huge and I don't care, I didn't eat breakfast.

All right, no shame. The wall guy is here.

I am making a Synergy Apple Product order, and I'm coming down here to the garage where we keep all our stuff, which I am about to do a major overhaul of how we have it organized. Um, but I wanted to see what we have on hand and what I need to buy. These are a lot of the things that we have. Okay, I think I know what I need.

The boy and I, the middle boy, going to check up on his foot. He broke his foot a while back and now it's the final checkup. You think you're gonna pass the test? Yeah. Any more foot pain? No. Okay. Look, dude, it's Back to the Future. No way! A DeLorean. I've never seen one of those in my life. I have high. I'll show you something. You get there, the heel gets there too, you get a better viral. Well, what do you think? You think you're clear? Yeah, I think you're so clear. What'd you say, bro?

Uh, I can't jump off anything really high.

You can't jump off anything high or jump on a trampoline, but otherwise you're good. Next up, we're going to get some big dog collars for our calves to use as collars tomorrow, cuz It could, it could be a zoo with all the new additions. Hey, we could get a horse brush while we're at it. Good deal. Collars. No, we need big, like, heavy-duty leather collars, not none of this cute stuff. Oh boy, maybe they have no leather collars. Okay, I'm a little surprised. No leather collars. We'll just order some of those online. Well, that's smart. You win some, you lose some, and some are rained out. They're making progress on this wall. Looks like they're gonna get done spraying it today. Let's get some more sun, check on the kids' fort, and let's test the cow fence. What? They really get some work done when they put their mind to it.

Come on in.

Okay. Oh my word. Wow, you guys got some candles for some light in here?

Yeah.

Digging more hole? No. What's this for?

It's just the countertop.

Good little breathing hole. Okay, your rafter's holding up good.

Yeah, it's all logs.

Looks like you hit some rock there, maybe.

Yeah, that's just like some sort of underground rocks.

Man, you guys did good. What next?

Uh, maybe dig another hole? Maybe dig another side?

Okay. Do you ever stop and just sit and relax and enjoy it?

Yeah.

Oh, you do?

I do.

How long?

10 seconds. 10 seconds?

Isn't the fun the building? Yeah, the fun is in the building. He is, he is so right. I like coming up here too because I think of, you know, hopefully one day Rebecca and I are gonna build a dream home up here to get away from down there. You know, maybe that turned that into more learning center type of stuff, more public farm. But we can get away up here and maybe have a house there, and then we could clear this and have a view. We're gonna actually clear this pretty soon, actually. Into September. That's our cow field right there. That's where the luchador pen is right now. And you can hear the creek. Listen, I hear nothing but nature out here. If everybody just be quiet, everybody be quiet for one second. Hear that? You can escape. Because in other places on this farm, you can hear a slight, slight roar. Of the town. You can hear planes going over. But when you're next to that creek, as nice as that creek sound is, you know, I'm like the kids. I don't think we ever grow up. I think that we enjoy the building, the growing, the getting better, don't we? Should I go check the fence? They haven't even touched it! Go crazy! I do think they'd learn to like this better if they were with the other sheep and seeing them gobble all over it. But Rebecca wants to keep them in here, and guys, that's the garden of peace. That's where we're poor as in around here. That's where we were. Just to give you perspective. Jonah! We're up in the woods. Wouldn't that be cool? Have a house up there one day. Test the fence where we're gonna hook up. Make sure we got power out here. We want to be good about this fence tonight because— why is it only hitting 6.5 right here? 7. That means we're losing 30% from here to the house. Something has got to be wrong. That's only 500, 600 feet. New cow fitting in nicely. Oh, by the way, her name is Honey. Honey, you fit in nicely. You're cute as a button. Jonah's saying we're gonna leave them right in the paddock next door. That is a lot easier. That will be a lot easier tomorrow as well because we're gonna let them over as soon as we get there and just tie them up. Oh, that's why I wanted the collars. Well, I'll have to have a kid fend them off while I milk. 4-2. What? Oh, it got me good, boy. It's good. I think we're all right. I don't care what the textbooks say or what I say in my head, 4K hurts.

Okay, like 10 or something.

Oh, it'd be insane. All right, yeah, they're not pressing through that. And if they do, they'll be sorry. Oh, it looks good! Our dreams came true. The water man came today. We're wrapping this up. You want to come back tomorrow to the next show. We're going to be managing and milking that cow, our brand new cow. It's the future for us. That's tomorrow. We need to get the Ram down here, the little ewes up there, and move. It's gonna be a big gigantic day tomorrow. You don't want to miss it. See you then.

Did they pressure wash the whole thing?

They sure did. What do you think of that moat?

Cool.