My (other) Dad Died

My other dad died. You wouldn't know me. I wouldn't be here, so to speak, had not Stephen Meeks taken me under his wing as a spiritual son. I looked at him like he was my spiritual daddy. He is— was my children's godfather. First, he was my very first farm mentor. He gave me the book by Joel Salatin, Salad Bar Beef, for crying out loud. That was my introduction to Joel, introduction to regenerative farming. I could have picked up any kind of farming book. He could have given me anything, I would have followed it. Thank God it was then. It, it, that it introduced me to regenerative grazing, proper animal husbandry, healing and improving of the land. And eventually led to my relationship with Joel, who is now my farm mentor and friend. Got me on that right path that then led me to permaculture and then this permaculture homesteading. It's why this land will be a better place for my grandchildren. It eventually led to career in this content creation— more on that in a second— another book he gave me that enabled this lifestyle and have it impacted So many of you all. But with Steve, it became more than just a farming mentorship. He started investing in me personally and spiritually. And during one of our most darkest seasons personally, and then me going through Lyme and the disease and this transition, and we were hurting. And when other friends and family ignored it or even corrected or rebuked or— I wouldn't say rebuked, I'd say criticized. Steve Meeks drove, he's 3 hours away from here, in our deepest, darkest moment, drove and just sat with us. I can remember sitting on the couch, nothing to say, and we just sat there. We could just cry, and just be. And then he'd go out on the farm with me and ask me about the farm and ask me about any of my business ideas and things like that and excite me. There was no kicking me while I was down. Then he gave me a second book. We're in the pit of that despair, and it changed everything. Probably the biggest change in our life that converted our career, that made it so that you guys would know exactly who I am, this content creation book, this content creation business. It was the book 4-Hour Workweek. Flash that up, Austin. I couldn't find it. And in that book, the whole concept is you build an audience by creating content and then you teach on something that you know, and you create a video and booklet companion. Long story short, I came up with the concept of permaculture chickens. Not just a— well, remember DVDs? It was a DVD at the time. I, um, made a DVD and a book that people could order, and I had found out this thing called Kickstarter. So having no money, I got a book from the library and a couple of websites and came up with my own plan. And in 30 days, despite— and Mr. Meat cheering me on the whole time— despite my own dad saying and hearing of this idea, you'll never sell 5 copies. That's my own flesh and blood father, rest in peace. He loved me, I appreciated him, don't get me wrong here, but when others are looking at me like I'm crazy when I have this idea to get us out of debt and get us financially stable with a chicken movie. And not just a chicken movie, a permaculture chicken movie. But nobody was laughing after that 30-day Kickstarter campaign. $35,000 in 3 days. Nobody knew who I was. Some people did, and Joel Salatin was going to soon know who I was because I was going to put him in my film no matter what it took. And that led to a thriving content creation business, first with blogs and then stumbling up across vlogs, and it just hitting right at the right time. People resonating with just the reality TV show of homesteading. There's still one more book, as if that wasn't enough. And he loved me beyond books, guys, and his life guidance was coming along right beside that. But there's one more, has to be the most important for revolutionizing things. I don't even give this one away because it's so precious. I don't want to throw pearls to swine. Like, if you're going to change, you're going to at least buy this yourself based on my recommendation and put some skin in the game. And it's out of nowhere, The Garden of Peace. You'll hear me reference this sometimes, you know, with my wife. Gentlemen, we're first cultivating the garden of peace. Yes, dear. That is a man. That is a servant's attitude. Meeks has changed my— he and I both come from an evangelical background, and this is way out of the box for that. This is actually by a rabbi. I'm not Jewish. This is by an Orthodox person. Practicing Jew, but it has some amazing insight in it that just— I needed, and it blew my mind. This is my third reading. I'm refreshing, and when I live it, it absolutely changes my perspective on my wife, my role, God. It will totally flip the man's perspective and put you in the right place of what a real man is. Later in the video, Meeks is going to explain. It's such a simple concept, a little harder to digest, but some— such a simple concept. And once we do, we find true fulfillment and joy, and those around us all benefit from it. But more than just a giver of books, he was a man, a true man, and a discipler of me and many, many of his 5 children that turned out wonderfully, and many countless others. Hold on, I'm coming down. I hear trouble downstairs on evening chores. All right, where's the cream? Okay, we'll give you some milk for that. All right, where's the scrap milk? All in here. One second, let me tell them something about Meeks. Do you remember that? Well, you don't, you weren't even here. He goes that far back, all the way to 2008. But he would cheer us along on the Great American Farm Tour. Okay, here, let's pour some of that in this for him. Are you saving 2D milks for y'all?

Yep, there you go.

Even went on our family camping trip and tubed. I say it like that because apparently his family was shocked because They would never see him doing that. He was a good sport. You add water to that from the dehumidifier? Go ahead and do that. We visited in his little cabin in Tennessee and he had the stud muffin shirt on. I think only 2 people have the stud muffin shirt. That's my adopted college dropout and then Steve. I'm painting my boots. Okay, you got them? Yeah. Okay, okay, while we mix our evening feed. Let's do this. Let's go to Meeks' farm. I did a brief little tour at his place. It's great to have a mentor that's wise but also has calloused hands. That's a requirement for me. I've got some spiritual people in my life, some smart people, and Rebecca will be like— now that I have this missing spot— why? No, damn. And I'll say, I kind of need a man with me. I need somebody who's been through it. There's something about— he was a man's man. Here's his farm. Farm tour. It's your ram over here, separated.

He separated. I actually had 4 rams and 3 of them have gone to the coyotes. Oh, and he was the worst, the skinniest, the least, and he's the only survivor.

Well, that is saying something.

Nice guy, but party guy. He looked— but the other one didn't.

He's a survivor, dude. I don't know how we're gonna get our blueberries to go this good back. I don't know. What did you do? He looked like he did nothing.

Raw sawdust. I did. I put raw sawdust on top of them. They like acid.

You haven't even pruned these?

Look at nothing.

Whoa.

But some of these— oh, there's one.

Look how many blueberries you're gonna have. Amazing. Why did you plant so many blueberry plants?

I don't know. Well, Hannah— I wanted Hannah to have an income for the summer so she could pay for college. I thought she'll pick blueberries and she'll sell blueberries and make some money. Well, she could do that, but she didn't do that. It takes time.

I didn't want to do it either. All right.

I love these cattle, man. I do.

Hey, Mom, you've got some registered South Poles.

Yeah, and a little heifer calf. Come on, Mom.

And why do you like this breed?

Ah, all those reasons that Greg Judy says. Okay, you've been watching him, you know, it's all that stuff.

Here she comes. She thinks I have a snack. You have an affection for this, this color.

It looks like it. Everything I have here is red, didn't it?

Yeah. Thanks for the visit. Yeah, thanks for the potty break. All right, you got the feed in, now let's put the milk in it. I need, I need something. You need some more? That That was a lot more than 4 feet. That was not, it was 4 pounds. Okay, get the pig feet going, buddy. Steve was just 67 years old. No one saw this coming. He was in good health. This is what happened. He went to the outskirts of his property. Some people were on his property, uh, looking for ginseng or something like that. He's a peaceful guy. This was not going to be a heavy confrontation. He told his wife, I'm gonna go talk to these people, ask them to leave. He went down there. We're getting the story from them. They— he came to them and he said, hey, this is private property. And it was very peaceful. They were like, okay, I'm sorry. They were very apologetic, moved off, and he walked his own way. There's some railroad tracks nearby. He didn't get far from them, sat down and started to say— well, he said I don't feel well. I'm not feeling well. Something along those lines. And said it a couple of times. And I imagine they came over and checked on him. He fell over. They either caught him or were there with him certainly when it happened. And I imagine called the police. That was his last words to Donna, his wife, his late wife. It's so hard when somebody goes suddenly. My physical father gave us time. We had 2 or 3 weeks, we got to say goodbye. Rebecca's mom went on the other torturous extreme and suffered for 2 or 3 years, and everybody witnessed that. But Steve went suddenly. And I'll be honest, one of the very first things I thought of— I don't know if this is the right thing to think in that moment or what, you know, besides I am thinking, well, how's the family? I mean, Benjamin the son seems to be holding up well. More on that in a second. I thought Crap. I raised my voice at the children. I yelled at the children this morning, each and every one of them. I was irritable. They deserved it, but they didn't deserve it, you know what I mean? They had been acting up. I shouldn't yell that because suppose that were me, or that afternoon it was my time. You just never know. I went right there, apologized to every single one of them. Right then and there. And hopefully from then on, I've been— I've been more aware. I've caught myself. I'm not tooting my horn. I'm not tooting my horn. I'm saying— I'm actually leveling with you more than I ever have and confessing. I, like anybody, loses their patience and raise their voice. Okay, we'll get you some milk in your bucket, but this is what matters because It could be a car accident. It could be a sudden health issue out of nowhere. That's why I hug my kids before they leave. Could be the last time. And Rebecca will say, "Oh no, but it's not." No, it's okay to embrace that. It's okay to be aware of that. The family of Meeks mourns well. They spent a lot of time with him after, and they buried him on his favorite thinking and praying spot on his property. He died well. They, they are grieving well.

Um, the chickens were going through the fence to get grass.

Oh wow, all right. Yeah, get them some greens, bro. Let's get them some greens. Henry, what do you need? We got one more thing to do out here. We're gonna collect eggs. We got some more amazing stories and footage to show and tell. Grand finale, Mr. Meeks. In his best way, his best teaching way, we're camping. We're on a camping trip, just casual, informal storytelling, just around the fire. He has a word on self-control.

Here's what moves from boy to man, okay?

Getting the toy out.

Self-control. A boy is kind of like, yo, whatever I want to do, I do, and I don't even think about it, and I'm just bouncing off the walls. And that's okay, that's a boy. You're made for that. You're wired to just be— this is not sit still, hold your hands, be quiet. That's kind of like torture. But when you move into being a man, you learn to control those energies that you have and those thoughts, and you do them at the right time and the right rates. That's self-control.

And then my most favorite and biggest, longest-lasting, most solid truth— I alluded to it earlier—

is this first rule of manhood: a man is a giver, a boy is a taker. Boys are about me, me, me, me.

I, I, I.

All about me.

He could be 50 years old and he's all about me as a boy.

He can be 12 and he's thinking about other people.

Yep. And he's a giver. A man serves and a boy gives. And you know you've become a man when you serve more than you give. Sure, you can be a man, and I still take— sometimes I fall into boyhood, but mostly I'm a man. And sure, Gideon is mostly boy, but he has many manly moments, especially as of late. Little Mr. Henry being a man even right now. It's not that a woman can't serve. Don't do that to me. Don't go there with me. I'm not saying that. But a man is a giver, a woman is a receiver. The lover and the beloved. And when the man finds his proper role and he steps up When he puts aside all the social pressures of being whipped or whatever you want to call it, or oh my God, the woman's got to cook, or this nonsense, and he puts that aside and says there's work to be done and I'm gonna do it and I'm the server and people need me and I want to be needed. That's when a man becomes a man. Oh, you think you're tough because you're gonna lay down your life for a brother? Oh, I'm gonna— I'd die for you, honey. I'd die for you. Well, then start now. Start while you're alive. Give yourself to your bride and your children and everyone around you. Serve them. Die to them. You will find You will find out who you really are. You will find joy and contentment and satisfaction and your true role in your life. And women, let the man serve. He can be stronger and better at some things. That's okay. Women, let us have something. You can give birth to the world, the ultimate superpower, and then nurse that baby and sustain that baby. You win. You're the ultimate superhero, heroess. Let us drive. Let— just let us drive better. Let us carry and provide the firewood better. Let us shoot and hunt and do construction better. Just give us something. It's okay. We want to serve. We want to be needed. We need to be needed. Whew, that wasn't in the notes. That's a bonus. And just fun stuff. We were on that weekend and most of it was just fishing and having fun. And I've learned it's quantity time together, that's when the quality happens. You can't fabricate— fab— fab— fab— it's in the evening, I get brain fog. You can't stage it, it happens. And it's gonna just happen in quantity time. Put that quantity time in. And of course, you know, just silly stuff like teaching us how to Cook an egg in a brown paper bag. Steve is teaching them to cook in a paper bag just in case you're alone in the wilderness and all you've got is a stick, an egg, some grease, and a paper towel. Hey, are you ready? Are you guys done teasing the pig? Okay, and I'm sure, I'm sure it's Mr. Meeks. There's many other reasons why I'm intentional with these boys. We do a once a year Mighty Man Camp. He was big on taking the boy— it's why I did took the boys on a big trip. When they turn 13. He did that with his boys. He calls those the Man Abouts. More on that in a second. Um, I think we're gonna go bigger than we have in the past, and I think I'm gonna take you with me. Hey, Henry, you guys ready?

I'm ready.

You guys ready to go get eggs?

Yeah.

Austin, throw up some footage of our Mighty Men camps in the past, and then we'll go get some eggs.

You can gaze upon his history, see the victory in the ground. Every stone of his remembrance will let the record show. Just a boy with conviction is no match for—

And just like that, it's over. Hey, what did you learn, Josiah? What'd you learn? What does it mean to be a man?

Give and help, not be lazy.

Nice. And do what you're told. To work hard. Don't look at me like you're guessing. Whatever, pull it out of your soul. What does it mean to be a good man? To do the right thing. Okay. Hey, what was that? What was the height of this weekend? What will you remember forever? About the light.

Ah yes, and the fishing.

That we only caught one and we only ate one. Oh, actually, believe it or not, there's one more book that he's given me. And as powerful as those three books were, I haven't even read this book yet. You give me a book?

This is for you and your boy. This is for you to take your boys on there.

And this is by you? Yes.

So you enjoy those.

Good stuff.

They'll be good. You use them.

Good job. Congratulations on the book. All right, what do we got? Okay, mucho huevos, buddy. What's the detour, buddy? What are you doing? Really showing this? This is embarrassing. If a chicken finds its way over there, they've done good because we'll never find the eggs. Oh, you found some? All right, well, he's digging up the eggs. Why haven't I read his book? I haven't been ready to read that book. I was once ready. I'm no longer ready, for it's at a spiritual level I was not at, that I might not even want to be at, and that I might be coming around to. Hey, all right, you got it, you got it. Okay, the farming book, the business book, nothing really spiritual about it. The, the Garden of Peace It's just so out of the box and unique, it just blows your mind. It's not really— it's not a Christian book per se, and that's my background. And so I'm just exploring who I am with that now. I might be drawing some conclusions of who I am and what I am, but how do I— okay, no, let's not hatch chicks this time of year. It's a terrible time of the year. We need to break her of the brood, catch her and put her in a A rabbit pen. All right, did you get the eggs out of the pretty shaw? Yeah, where are they at? Let's see the score. Oh wow, so that's, that's all our eggs between both posses? Yeah. Okay, Henry found some eggs. Good job, Henry. Late godfather would be so proud. Here, take this. And your, and your grandfather. So I've dug up these old books and I'm gonna read you something that he said in here that struck me. I haven't read these, and this might be the first time ever I've recommended— I don't— am I recommending this? I don't know. I'm gonna read it. I'm gonna invite you guys to read this with me. I'm gonna put the link down in the description. I've asked the brothers, does, um, does Donna get proceeds? She gets half, and then Steve had a partner on this, they get the other half. And I think they're print on demand at Amazon. So I'll leave those. Okay, Guide for Leading Boys into Manhood. I haven't read that. I think I'm at a place to receive it. We'll see. I'll do it anyway for Mr. Meeks. One of the things we've got here: his heart is to destroy true manhood by bringing clarity and direction along with practical help and encouragement to men and boys living in this period of confusion, discouragement, and even disgust surrounding manhood. So in a way I feel like now Mr. Meeks has passed on the baton. I am so much more than a homesteader. I am a man, and I'm stepping into my— I have these noble roles, as Steve mentions. I'm a son, I'm a husband, and I'm a father. Those are extremely noble roles, and he's passing the baton on to us. So if you are interested in this kind of thing, And I'm going to leave the links for the books. Get the books. We'll read them. We'll be reading them at the same time. I'm interested in creating more for men and sharing my journey as a man through farming, providing for my family, entrepreneurship, uh, health, this man brand type of things. And I just want to know if you're interested in how it might serve you better there. Heck, maybe, maybe we all go on a Mighty Man Camp one day with our fathers and sons. So let me know. I've got a survey down below. You join my email list with a tag letting me know that, hey, this is a guy that's interested in man content. Let's do this. Let's do this for Steve. Thank you for watching. Happy day.

What I want to tell you guys about is a story that I made up that tells about love. Real, really about— it's a made-up story. First part is true, okay. So here's the true part. The true part is my wife is really careful and really wise and really good about eating good food. She makes sure that we eat good foods and that we don't eat bad stuff. And so she makes good food, it's wonderful, it's healthy. So she's really into that. Here's another truth. I didn't used to be. I was the sugar maniac. I was— ice cream was my best friend and soda was second to it. And if I could put them together, all the better. So I was really a sugar guy too much. So all of that said, yeah, all that said, she has changed me over the years and I'm happy for it. But, um, my story is going to start way back there. I'm also going to start back with 3 kids. I have 5, but I'm going to start back with 3. So Daniel, we're going to say he was 12, and Caleb, we're going to say he was 10 in the story, and Hannah, we're going to say she was, I don't know, 8. Okay, so we're just going to start there. The rest of it we're going to make up. So let's say that I come in and it's a weekend and, and my wife Miss Donna has gone and she's out of town and it's just me and the 3 kids. And so I think ice cream, soda pops, all the fun foods, we're going to have a party. So I come in with tubs of ice cream and syrup and sprinkles and candy crumbs of whatever they put this— the cookie crumb. I mean, everything. And I bring it in and I tell the kids, hey, guess what? Mom's out of town, party time! Dad is here. Come on in. So I call them in and they come in to have ice cream. And I'll call them in to have ice cream. Let's say it's around lunchtime, so we're gonna have ice cream and soda instead of lunch. So I said, come on in. So I call in and Daniel says, oh Dad, I'm on the phone, I'll be there in just a minute. So I said, okay, but hurry because we don't want it to melt. And then I call for Caleb and Caleb says, Dad, I'm on the video game, I'm on like whatever, level 9, I'm almost to level 10, I've never been this far before, so Dad, I need to— let me play the game. Well, hurry because it's a melt and it's a fun time together. And here comes Hannah and she comes running in. She's got blonde hair, kind of got a little bit of sunburn on her cheeks. She's a, you know, outdoor girl. And so she comes in, oh Daddy, you're wonderful! And she gives me a big hug and she's, Daddy, I love it when you have fun like this. You're so cool. And I'm thinking, yeah, good girl. And so I asked Do you want ice cream? Yeah. So I dip her some ice cream, and she comes in, uh, with the ice cream. You're gonna come through? Yeah, boy, be careful. So she comes in with the ice cream, or I comes in and I serve ice cream to her. Okay, so I give her everything she wants— sprinkles, whatever it is— and we're having a great time. Then after about 15 minutes or so, the boys have not come in. And so I asked the boys, I say, Daniel, where are you? And Daniel says, I'm on the phone, Dad. I want to be on the— I want— I don't want any ice cream. I'm going to be on the phone. And I think, oh, it's kind of a bad attitude, right? Talk to your dad that way, you shouldn't do that. So I think, hmm, I'm not so much worried about ice cream now. We're going to have a little talk about something else later about attitude. So I say, Caleb, come on in, hurry, we gotta go. And Caleb says, Dad, oh, I'm on level 9, I finished level 10, I'm on phase 3, or whatever, some new level I've never been to before. Dad, I was going to play this. Thanks for the ice cream, but I'm just going to play the game. And I think, well, that is a better attitude and everything, but it's a bad choice. And so we'll have a little talk later about making good choices, that's all, because he could have put it on pause and we get a good experience and then gone back and played his game. Okay. And then Hannah's there and she's talking away, Dad, this is so fun. And we're just chatting and having a great time. And she gives me another big hug and, Daddy, this is so great when you do stuff like this. So we have another bowl of whatever, of ice cream, and we've cleaned up. And she gives me another hug and she goes scooting down the hall back to the house. And I go have my talk with— after I clean up, I have my talk with Daniel and kind of say, you know, change your attitude. And I have my talk with Caleb and say, you need to make better choices, put it on pause next time. And we end the day. So it goes on, and let's say in the evening now, dark outside, and I come in to the kids, I say, guess what, another surprise, movies, ice cream, I mean movies, soda, popcorn, I got it all. Chips and dip. So I bring in all the stuff— chips and dip and sodas and the whole thing— and they're like, wow, Dad, this is great! And we put on a movie. So we're all sitting there eating our stuff in the living room, watching the TV show. It's dark outside, and all of a sudden I hear this— I hear this knock, knock, knock, knock at my door. I look up, there's the door. I think, who could be here at 9 o'clock at night knocking on the door? But before I could even get up, I hear this bam, bam, bam hitting the door. What's going on there? Somebody is hitting on my door. And then all of a sudden, kick, kick, wham! Somebody kicks the door and the door flies open. And standing in the door is a guy in dark clothes with a gun, and he aims the gun over at my daughter. Now, all the dads at this point, I say, think about what would you do if this was your daughter and some stranger is at the door with a gun and he points the gun at your daughter, what would you do? We all know we would either jump in front of her to protect her, or we'd jump at the guy to get the guy and get the gun away from him, right? We would protect our daughter. Okay, now let's rewind our story just a little bit. Go back to before the gun and the knocking, and we're sitting there watching TV, videos going, watch TV, everybody having a good time, drinking sodas, having our chip and dip. Knock, knock, knock. We look at the door. Bam, bam, bam, kick. The door flies open. Guy standing there, dark clothes, with a gun, and he aims it at Daniel. Now Daniel's the one on the phone that was kind of rude to me today. He aims it at Daniel. Well, what am I going to do? I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to say, you know, he was rude today. Can you, like, you know, in the knee or something, kind of a graze, can you just kind of nick him a little bit? And everybody grins like you guys. Everybody laughs. It's like, that is laughable. Nobody's going to do that. You're not going to do that to your kid. You're going to jump in front of your kid, or you're going to jump at the bad guy, right? That's what you're going to do. And I tell people, that's the way love is, real love. It doesn't matter. It's silly to think that because my son was rude that I wouldn't jump and lay my life down to protect him. That's silly. He was rude to me, so kill him. This is how crazy you wouldn't do that. Love would say, I don't even think about— I don't even think about he was rude to me. Do you? That— it's just like, save it. Because that's where real, real love comes from. It's just from, I made him, he's mine. And so I love him the same way I don't— I don't jump fast in front of my daughter because she ate ice cream. That's silly too, because she did good, because she gave me a hug. Well, I'll save her. No, that's not why you do it. Because here's the point, guys: love comes from a different place. Love is not based on you did good, so you get it, or you did bad so you don't get it. Love is based on me, who it comes from. I made them, they're mine, and I love them. Now, they might get a scolding because they were rude, and they might get instruction because they didn't make a good choice, or they might get a hug because they did the right things. Those are rewards, but Salvation, rescue, is based on who I am, not on who you are. So there's a scripture that I tell people that says this same thing, and it says, neither height nor depth, nor angels nor demons, nor the present, the past, or anything in all of creation can separate you from the love that God has for you in Christ Jesus. God is saying it too. Love comes from a different place. You may get rewards, you may get some negative consequences based on your decisions, but love will not change. You can't undo it. So guys, a lot of people try to earn love by doing good, good, good, good. You can't earn love. It's a gift. And a lot of people think, well, I'm too bad, I've done too many bad things, so I'm not loved anymore. No, you might get some bad consequences, but it doesn't take away love, because love doesn't come from doing good or doing bad. Love comes from here, not you. And that's the truth about love, about real love.