Saying Goodbye To Grandma

What? I just got a text from Grandma. Says, thank you for loving my daughter. See you on the other side. You did a fan— you did a fantastic job raising her. I'm blessed to have her in your— and your family. Yep, see you later. After nearly 3 years epic battle With ALS, Grandma sensed it was time and invited us all up to say goodbye.

I'm gonna hug Grandma.

You want me to hug her? She wants a hug from Henry.

You want to hug her?

Yeah.

Yeah. I'll give her a kiss. Come on. You're feeling shy. He's feeling shy. There you go.

You want to say something nice?

She took us to the park a lot.

Yeah.

Did you spend the night at her house? Yeah. And what would she give you in the mornings? Toast.

Toast.

Toast. The kids were— they were deprived from me. It's ma. Um, I always, um, remembered— I'll always remember— it's okay. I'll always remember going to your house and And you, and you could play toys at your house and watch, and you let us all watch movies. And she was also your horse advocate.

So we'll send Big Daddy the bill for that one.

Big guy.

Oh, remember when you take us to the park?

Token.

You're a big boy, isn't he?

Get in her lap like you used to.

All the time, so we came to your house and we played toys. Yeah. She fed you gluten.

Is that what he said?

No, that's what I said. And we would go to the train station.

Oh, you remember that.

You were a really involved grandma. You were a good grandma. Gideon said, Grandma, when you die, could I have your toys?

Who asked for the toys? He's claimed them. And I always will remember that you took me in as a son.

Mom loves you more than she does me.

We got it on record. She nodded her head. She would take my side. She'd take my side in every argument.

Yes, even then when you were wrong.

I always knew that if I ever was in a pinch, that you would be there for us. You were. That you would be somebody good to be in a pinch with. And that came to be true. And it was especially important when my dad died. He was my number one fan. And you stepped into that role. And you also adopted this farm. You didn't just adopt me, you would come and help with the chickens. And this is a generational farm, and it didn't matter that y'all were in-laws because y'all were part of the family, despite what Jonah has to say. Remember when you were little and you guys took milk over, over to their house? Yeah. And Mom had always taught you that our milk is for family.

Yeah.

Well, Big Daddy started getting a glass And what'd you tell him? I told him it was for the family. He's defending the homestead.

He said, who do you think I am?

I love you. What a privilege it was to give someone blessings before they die, not just at their funeral, to their place. That was an honor. Not long after that, she stopped eating and drinking and we transferred her to a hospice end-of-life care.

So we have up here stuff to help people breathe. And here's a stethoscope. We've got lots of tape for different things. Some oxygen. So you've been in an ambulance before? He was a baby. You were a baby? Yeah. Were you a passenger? Were you just checking it out?

What's wrong with him?

He had that seizure. Oh! He had a febrile seizure. The EMS people are here to take you.

She's leaving her home. Collar, okay? Big Daddy's staying.

Okay, 1, 2, 3. It's okay, Mom, we're taking you to the Elizabeth House.

Yeah, remember? Okay, we talked about that.

All right, Miss Beth, we're gonna sit you up real quick, okay? All right, you ready? We're just gonna sit you up. I knew that it was coming. I'm crying, Mama. Yeah, I'm crying. I'm sad. Mama, be happy.

There goes Grandma, her body never to return to Broholler. She'll come back in ashes and we'll bury her in the family graveyard. She's in a very thoughtful, pensive position right now.

She needs time to think on that. So, be back in the morning.

I'm riding for you. You're gonna sleep good tonight.

I'm happy for you to have any discomfort.

And at hospice, Rebecca was there with her day after day after day.

Mom, everyone's here. All the grandkids and just Rachel. Rachel and Dad. We're all here. Aw, she moved.

Until on October 17th she passed. Now let's back up a little bit and look at Grandma in a different light. First, you know, my dad had a final, final feat of strength before he passed. You know, his was waiting till everybody got there— my sister traveling in from DC until he passed. Everybody was in the room. Grandma's final feat of strength for our family was, I believe, Grandma coming— she was not going anywhere at this time, but she came down and saw our house after we had rebuilt it. And I know that meant the world to Rebecca. So here's Grandma several months earlier. Now I get to see the house.

This is the first time you've seen it in a long time, hasn't it? Yep.

Tell them what you cooked yesterday, Rebecca.

I made hamburgers, hot dogs, onion rings, french fries, funnel cakes.

Funnel cakes. We had fair food.

And then we had cotton candy.

And we had maple syrup cotton candy. You can see the sauna there on the right, the back, and then the cold plunge on the left. Back up a few years before that, even before she had symptoms of this illness. Y'all remember her? She was becoming a crazy chicken lady.

Look at this.

You ready to go?

I am.

Wait, we want to get a shot of you getting out. Jonas is going to be the sound guy and I'm the videographer.

And it's good that you can teach him.

That's right.

Okay, so I'm really fortunate to have this sink so that I can soak the grains. So I've got my grains ready, and they're always excited. Oh, oh, oh, that's my talky, talky chicken.

What's your name?

Well, the grandkids call me Grandma, but Beth.

Come on, come on. Come on, Chiquita.

Perfect for breakfast.

How old are you?

70 still. Uh, 71 next week. So it's really nice because you have eggs right here all the time.

Are they free right now, like every day, or just because we're about to move them?

Just when I work outside. I've been, you know, digging up the bulbs and I let them out. See, I threw dirt under there.

They like it. Do they tear anything up?

No, but they poop all over the sidewalk.

Do you think part of this project for you is something to do for you?

Yes, I think I like the fresh eggs and I like being outside. And oh, look there, I guess that's deer. Deer must have come by and had a little bit of the grass.

Are there any ways you're like a hen?

Probably pick at each— they pick at each other. I probably pick at Bruce. No, they're always—

I thought you're going to say they're hardworking.

They're always busy, and I'm pretty busy myself.

So what would your If your 10-year-old self came to visit you, would she be having the time of her life, or would she say, what are you doing? Any kid loves it.

I have a little basket to go collect the eggs.

So what advice would you have for me when the 70-year-old emails me and says, what should I do? Yeah, is it too late?

I'd get 2. I'd get 4. I get at least 2, if not 4. Okay, 6 is good. 3 whites and 3 colored. That's what I have. And that's how, that's how I check on them when I've got them out there. I count the colors to make sure that, you know, they're all here. I don't want one running away.

Well, thanks for feeding him, Grandma. You got a little bonus for this film shoot.

It must have been good.

I got—

I'm a member of the clean plate club.

Thank you, Grandma. Thank you, Big Daddy. I'll see you guys.

You know, everybody has to eat breakfast. You might as well grow your own eggs.

You nailed it right there. We got to bless Grandma in her end of days, but over the years she has blessed us at birthdays.

How old were y'all when you met?

16.

So you had a driver's license and he had a truck, and in the back of the truck was a cooler and a grill. Have steak, will travel. And he pulled up to our apartment that we were renting when we first moved here, came on in, and I wondered, who is this guy with this big diesel truck with a grill and a cooler?

Not much has changed. Now I just have a diesel side-by-side and I know, just still cranking the grill up.

We're just a blessing to have you.

40 years ago you were in a lot of pain.

No, not till 11 AM. Yeah, at church, 11 AM.

I know Lily asked me what time I was born. 11:40. It was, uh, I was like, uh, 8 o'clock. So we got 12 hours.

So you were born at 11:40 at church?

No, that's my first contraction, 11:20, and then 11:40, 12 o'clock, I said, oh no, this is it. Oh no! Was it Mother's Day? No, it was the week before Mother's Day.

And, um, you were born at 8:40.

8:40.

And I went to the hospital at 5:30.

And boy, I just made it.

She just made it.

And what was Bruce doing during all this?

Uh, I don't know, probably having a cup of coffee. How old's Grandma?

47.

47.

Maybe 49. She's 49.

One thing I think about is that she's a helper. She's ready to help all of you, but us too. I love it when Justin said that you grew up never getting your figures in the dirt, and now your fingers are in the dirt all the time, and I'm thankful for 5 grandbabies. I guess in about 4 years you're going to be an adult.

Crazy.

I just love it that you love tools and you like to build things, and you're just following in Grandpa's footsteps.

Yeah, he is.

And you're a blessing to the family. I just remember that he loved stuffed animals when he was a little guy, and he'd line them all up, and it was so sweet. So we got him a bear once that was almost like full size. He loved it. Josiah is always, um, tenderhearted and caring and a blessing to have around. We're really thankful to have a little granddaughter in the family. And I like how she helps milk. That's really nice. And she helps Mama around the house, and she cleans the table so nice. You're a real blessing. When you came, you were so sweet, and we just loved having another boy in the family. And I like how you have started to do things with Papa around the farm, and I was going to say taking care of the chickens and milking the cows. So it's nice to see you.

I think it was a couple days after Grandma's passing, Rebecca was crying and she was upset because she said, you know, I just, I can't remember, you know, what it was like before the illness. Because, you know, that was the last year and a half, 2 years. And, um, I said, oh wait. And one of the things I brought, I brought up some of her strong moments in the past, and one of them was our trip to Alaska. How do you feel that you're gonna get to see your mom?

I'm excited.

Pretty soon.

I'm very excited to see Grandma and Grandpa.

How long has it been since we've seen them?

June.

It was June.

Would it be fair to say you're a mama's girl?

Yeah.

She's not letting on. She really misses her mom.

I do, I do.

Oh, there they are! Already! There they are!

They're excited too.

Go see them!

Go!

Don't be shy!

Hi guys!

So nice to see you! What you doing? Just standing there?

They gotta bring it in the back. Bring it in the rear. Grandma, how do you know when you're in Alaska?

Because you got to have a plane. It's called a float plane, so you can land on the water. And you got to have a four-wheeler, and we saw one yesterday with a moose on it.

What about a snowmobile?

And you gotta have a— yeah, I'll bet you have to have a snowmobile too. And a truck.

Everybody has a truck.

I guess that's what you'd have at the Alaska State Fair. Is that a reindeer?

How's it feel to be reunited with your folks?

Oh, it's fun. It's been a real fun afternoon.

Isn't it kind of weird to be with familiar people in a very unfamiliar place?

Yes, that's so strange to be in a very unfamiliar place with people that we know very well.

And to have some help with Mr. Bear.

It's been fun. Honestly, I think that Alaska is going to be saved by Grandma being here because Mr. Brown, like when we were in the airport, was like, I want to go back to Maple! We were kind of like, oh boy, it's gonna be a while till you go back. But since Grandma's been here, it's like he doesn't even like notice that we're in this crazy different place.

About to take Grandma and Big Daddy to the airport. We're gonna miss you guys.

Oh, we're gonna miss you too.

Yeah, we'll miss you. You're gonna miss your mom.

I am. So is Gideon. Alaska's gonna have to do better to keep Gideon's attention. He's, uh, he's already saying he wants to leave with Grandma.

All right, let's take him to the airport, wild man.

I'm not opening it. I am not.

You're not letting them out?

No.

Kids are having a hard See, when we go home, we go and visit Grandma and Big Daddy. We don't live with them for a week. We've been living with them for a week.

His herb won't let him out.

Bye.

Bye. You didn't hug me. Bye. Bye.

You want to walk in there?

Bye. You're going with them?

Yeah.

Let's go. Bye, Mom.

You gonna hug me?

No hugs for Grandpa.

No hugs for Grandpa.

I don't know how that happened.

Wait, wait, yeah.

All right.

Okay, you can hug me with Grandma.

Are you sad, Lily? Oh yeah.

Bye, honey.

Oh, we had so much fun. I hope you had fun.

We did, we will.

We will. All right.

Be safe, and if they for some reason say you can't go, you just call me. I'll be here.

That's right, you come right back.

We've been trying to get him to stay this whole time.

You gonna be okay, Rebecca? Yeah. It'll hit you tomorrow?

Well, more like I'm at the airport. Gives me bad memories of Tuesday. No, my mom wants to come and see us again, so.

Okay.

We'll see her again real soon and Maybe we'll see them both again. I don't know. It's kind of sad though. It's kind of like I want to leave now.

I know.

Like, I don't want to stay here anymore.

I know.

Because they're not here. They're the life of the party.

You know, the Cherokee, interesting enough, don't have a word for goodbye. It's not in their language. There's no such thing. They believe that if they make a friend in this life, if they don't see them again in this life, they will see them again in the next. So to Beth, to Grandma, to Mom, we want to say, "Dona de go ha-hee." We'll see you later.