The Truth about Turning 42 | Why We Fought

I'm 42 today. Still excited about growing up. Why is that? I think, I think maybe I have a good guess. Let's talk about that one second. Before I get into deep thoughts with Justin Rhodes, a little kick and a giggle.

We were supposed to have a Disney-themed Halloween this year, and my wife wanted me to be Prince Charming.

Aww.

But I decided I decided this thing needed some pizzazz this year. We needed to spice it up, not just another common Disney character. So I'm going as Justin Rhodes. Barn in the background for effect.

I told the beautiful one I did something right. It's my branded look, you know, the apron and the hat, the collared shirt, even the handkerchief on good days in the back pocket. You know your branded look. Is good if somebody can dress up as you for Halloween.

Come on, come on, come on.

I forgot the alfalfa. I gotta go get the alfalfa. Well, I got the alfalfa. Look who put herself down. Just like that.

Good girl.

Oh, that's not— that's not the alfalfa, that's the pig scraps. Well, this time I looked. This time it's alfalfa. Ah, are you kidding me? I'm just off this morning. We forgot our cloth, Lily. I'm absent-minded because normally I'm animal-based diet, mostly carnivore. I love it, love it. So satisfied on it. I think I'm on it for life. It feels so good. I like the way it makes me feel. I could the way it makes me look and think. But for some reason, this swill, which is basically just chicken bones, broth, smells like biscuits and gravy. I guess that's one thing that's really good— that's why I'm so excited about my birthday is we really just have a lot of fun. And that includes a special meal for me, a cheat meal. Biscuits and gravy. I've forgotten to fill this up too, so we'll do this one here. Apple cider vinegar, half a cup. And then half a tablespoon of RC Gold. If I were sentenced to lifelong— to death in prison, and you know how you can get one of those last meals, I very seriously think my last meal would be biscuits and gravy. See, I am a true Southern boy, in and out, no denying. Proud to call North Carolina home. Proud to have a hair of a southern accent. Watch this. That's right, that's right, that's right, you got a southern accent.

Did you get the claw?

Yes. So Lily, I figured out why I can't concentrate. I got biscuits and gravy brain.

You got alfalfa brain.

We'll give you the rest of that in a second. We really celebrate on our birthdays. We get each other stuff, we have a special meal, and for me it gets to be a cheat meal, a heart and soul meal. Lucky thing. And what's really getting me excited about these biscuits and gravy— what I like equally as much is creamy dreamy grits. Grits! It's at the— here, put it on me, honey. It's, it's at the soul of who I am as a Southerner. I'm giddy, I'm giddy because I'm gonna get some grits. Some meat-based guys never cheat. And yeah, I'll probably feel— I know, I know, I'm gonna feel worse. I'll probably gain 2 pounds in one day. I mean, hey, hey. This is no good.

Is it ready to milk, Papa?

Yeah, you could start milking actually. Corn, a grain, probably never good for me. Turns into sugar in the system, uh, even though we get the best we can. But look, I'm just not there yet. I may never be there yet. I'm, I'm losing my brain. I'm so excited about— whoops. Okay, we've got another one. I'll help you. What we got to do, honey, let's get her 4 scoops of alfalfa. Let's get her her— it's her, it's her, um, you got to give her that too. Once you put that in there, give her this. All right, besides just celebrating and having a good time— well, already hinted to it already, you know, eating an animal-based diet. Doing a lot of self-care. Feeling good. Like, feeling like I'm in the best shape of my life. I've lived a lot of life, so I still feel very fulfilled. I was a professional mountain boarder. Had businesses before that. We fostered 34 kids. I've spent 3 months in Honduras working at an orphanage. Many trips there. Now growing most of our own food. I've had 4 kids, 1 on the way. To have you guys, I have a sense of community with the audience we've created. We have a successful business, very successful business. So that's a fulfilled life. And so maybe I would be satisfied and fulfilled. I don't need a midlife crisis because I feel like I've lived a lot of life. Like I could die now and somebody would say, "He lived a lot of life." But why am I excited about getting older? Well, I have more friends. I have more wisdom. I have more experience. But I still have plenty of ideas. Just this morning I sat with the beautiful one Talking about all kinds of content creation ideas and business ideas, and we're always talking about what we can do with the farm, and we're always doing something different.

Like milking out in the field.

Yeah, like milking out in the field, like the chickens in the greenhouse for the first year, like building the pole barn coming up. So perfecting these systems. What do you think, Lily? You think time for the calf? Just a little bit more. Come on, honey, let's go. She got— she got— okay. Hey, hey there. Hey, we're coming for some with some alfalfa real soon. Deep bedding those sheep this winter and getting them crazy tame. The fence got failed to put on, these cows broke out. We're herding them in the moonlight last night. They went pretty smooth, so it was actually kind of fun. Hey, you were honking your shoes, girl. You were asleep. And we were herding by the moon. They were up behind the barn and we got them back in here. That's why we're not gonna get much milk, because you got out too. And then they asked me if the sheep got out. Despite this one getting out of the sheep, knocking over the fence, the sheep— thank you, thank you, Greg. Thank you, uh, Greg Judy, who am I bought this sheep from. Who didn't put up with any escapee sheep. So now it's not— it's just not in their genetics. The big takeaway is to live a lot of life, even if you got to start today, and then have a lot of hope in the future. I think it was John Maxwell that said, uh, when you have hope in the future, you have power in the present. We didn't cream separate yesterday because quite frankly we didn't have enough cream. Kind of need 5 gallons to make it worth it. We do need some cream for creamy dreamy grits because this calls for half and half actually, which is half cream, half milk. But I'm just going to harvest the cream off the top. Time out. I interrupt this vlog, a little bit of real talk, because we shot this yesterday. Well, we're shooting this today, Sunday. We shot the vlog Saturday, it was my birthday. We had a shot of biscuits being done, put on the table, and then no lie, the next shot is the pizza. Which we had pizza that evening. So I'm gonna tie some— I'm gonna— a little real talk with Rebecca and I. What happened between breakfast and supper? Lest you guys be discouraged and you watch our show and think we never have any social problems.

Social. Any disagreement.

Oh. We do. You know, the, the breakfast took longer, chores took longer, everything took longer. It was like noon before I got that breakfast ready. Yeah. And we didn't even think we were gonna get that breakfast. We just found grits and we're just like, oh, should we do this? Oh yeah. And what ended up happening was— help me with this, Victor.

There was—

oh, miscommunication between you and I.

Yes. And I was hangry.

Okay. Yeah.

And not, and not expressing myself well because that, and you—

I was, uh, irritable Justin.

He was a little bit—

so maybe I had a shorter fuse because maybe, uh, he was being—

he was having—

well, we were both upset that it was 12 before we were eating.

Yeah. And then I think also that, um, it being your first birthday without your dad—

yeah, you know—

was maybe making you a little bit sensitive.

I'll speak to that in a second. So it's like I didn't even feel like eating it, guys, because it was a cheat meal for me. It was my soul. I was giddy that morning. I was just watching— I was just editing this, and, uh, it was—

and then nothing that couldn't be worked through.

I just couldn't do it. I can't eat upset. I can't eat without my shirt on either, like at the pool or something. I gotta put on a shirt. Yeah, I don't know. And I mean, you get upset, and seeing especially a cheat meal, I don't enjoy it.

Seeing Justin be so giddy about it makes me feel even worse than I was feeling.

Yeah, I don't think you knew how excited I was about it. So really, we made a deal. We should have fed you at 8 o'clock. We learned a lot.

We learned a lot from yesterday.

And I shouldn't have been so sensitive. I shouldn't have took it so personal. And yeah, and now, so, so, I didn't eat.

It was a little hard yesterday.

So we're just sharing this just to let you know that.

We—

you're not crazy. Everybody has problems. If you have disagreements and you become irritable, whoever you are, or angry. And so yeah, and she kept saying, well, maybe it's— she kept— she would tell the kids, oh, it's because it's dad day. That wasn't even crossing my mind. I was in a really good mood. I was looking forward to looking to an old message from him. But you know, I thought about it this morning when I was right— I was cooking right over there this morning, and I thought Well, because, you know, just because it wasn't on my mind doesn't necessarily mean it doesn't hurt. And I was thinking it's much bigger than what I thought it was going to be. I thought it was going to be, oh, I miss him, I wish I could hear him say I'm proud of you, I wish I could hear his laugh, I wish I could hear him sing happy birthday. But it's bigger than that because it's a part of me that's gone, is what it is. And so that's hard, whether I'm thinking about it or or not, I imagine. You cried more than me.

I'm so pregnant.

Just 'cause I'm pregnant. I just had a lot of hormones.

I had not tearing up this morning 'cause, you know, I didn't think I was gonna cry this hard. I didn't think I was gonna mourn this hard. You miss the good things, but then, but I guess what I didn't account for is the part of me that's gone. That's the best way I can describe it. And so I'm probably gonna be a little more irritable on birthdays, his birthday, Yeah, those kinds of things.

Well, I mean, it's just like even like wanting to ask him certain things.

Oh yeah, just today we asked property lines, like what, a septic tank drain too.

Yeah, I mean, just like very practical things.

Yeah, that's the stuff I thought I knew I would miss. Yeah, the what happened to the— why is the barn rubbed this way over there? That's the stuff I knew. I didn't realize how, how big of a chunk of me would be gone.

It took me a moment to realize that you like— because my thought was, why is he being so sensitive about this? Yeah, it was like, yeah, oh yeah, I mean, because your father passed away November 3rd, which is Tuesday. Yeah, your birthday was on Saturday, so literally he passed 4 days after your birthday last year, and you got to be with him on your birthday. Yeah, we went and saw him and he sang you happy birthday.

Yeah.

So somebody had said to us that the first, the first things would be hard. I kind of forgot about your birthday though, and I feel bad about that, that that was hard. We haven't, because we were kind of still so in mourning like during Thanksgiving, Christmas last year that it was the first, but it was also because it was so real like I feel like maybe these Christmases and Thanksgivings might be more difficult in general.

Yeah, I put too much expectation on cheat meals anyway because I am meat-based and this like, for me to be able to have biscuits and gravy and grits, that's like, that's like a really big deal. So, but I should, you know, I could just spread that out or whatever. Who knows?

Well, the whole point is, is That's right. At one point in between this, I was like, this is gonna be weird.

Either we're gonna tell y'all the truth in the vlog, or we're gonna just cut out the whole bit about me being giddy. No, I like the tough stuff. Me being giddy is just a lot of fun. And we only tell you this because we don't want you to be discouraged if you're having problems and you think we're just perfect.

Well, we want to be transparent. I mean, obviously during a disagreement is not the time to pull a camera out.

Nope. I can't even pull it out. Actually, you guys pulled it off. I was even making supper and it's like, I mean, you took over eventually. You had to. I don't know if I would have made it.

Well, you were, it was, it was, it was a while.

Jonah picked up the vlogger and now we'll see how he did. We're having problems with our mic and then Jonah picked up the vlogger, so we'll see how it is the rest of the vlog.

Well, yeah, so.

I took it back. Towards the evening.

Yeah, we were able to recover.

Yep.

At dinner. I sent him away. I said, just go do something that you want to do.

So.

Whatever that is. He ended up cleaning the porch, which I was like— You're supposed to like, go do something fun.

I can't have fun when I'm upset. So I say, I might as well do something productive. Clean the porch.

So.

Alright, let's see how Jonah did.

Papa has wanted pepperoni for his birthday meal. Here's Papa's chocolate cake. It's got peanut butter in it. What else does it have on the bottom part?

Chocolate, peanut butter, it's a peanut butter cheesecake type thing.

It's a peanut butter cheesecake type thing. Papa really likes pepperoni a lot.

He does, and I have found a place online to buy organic pepperonis because when we were on the tour we found some but We can't get them locally.

So Papa, what are you gonna do with your 43rd year?

A lot. We're gonna deep bed cows, we're gonna deep bed sheep, we're gonna celebrate all these lives, we're gonna have a baby. That's the big one. I'm gonna have another baby, 5th child. Yes.

Aw.

He said, 'cause you like peanut butter.

Arun got me a peanut butter and chocolate.

He knows you like peanut butter.

That's nice.

Pulling out the pizzas. Still caught her.

Did they turn out good?

Yeah, I think they turned out good, don't you think?

Yeah?

Everybody's now gonna get their pizza.

I'm gonna put you guys on a timer.

You pulled it off nice, Mom. Special ordered organic pepperoni. That's a treat. Grain-free mozzarella-based crust. It's good.

It's the best.

The best.

It's really good.

Thank you.

Put Parmesan on yours. Oh, a kombucha, a holiday. This is nice. You ready?

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, who's this from?

Lily.

Lily.

Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness.

A notebook.

A Moleskine. My favorite kind of notebook. Thank you so much, Lily. It's Lily's.

She picked out the color. She picked out the color. That's from Lily too.

This is a frame.

Stop it. Just open it. Why are you so into trying to open it?

I know.

Oh.

Oh. Oh, it's from you?

No, it's from Lily.

It's from Lily. It's a picture of—

She had a duckie.

Oh wow, you really worked hard. You taped that together. Oh, you worked hard on that. Those mean a lot. Those mean the most. Picture of Mom and I.

Now this one.

So that's from Gideon.

Can I stop guessing?

Yes.

Oh, no, it can't be.

It is!

It's not a lens. It's not a lens. Did I guess a lens?

Yeah, you did!

I guessed a lens earlier.

I did guess.

I told you that.

Okay, but it's not a lens. There's something in here.

Ah, that's a horror movie.

I guessed that too, didn't I?

Yeah, but—

I was like, just stop guessing.

Stop!

He feels the energy.

He feels the energy. Okay, okay, we're gonna pet you. We're gonna pet you. You feel the energy, you feel the excitement. Is this my gift?

Yes.

From you?

Yeah.

That I tried to guess? Yes. Okay, you guys remember this? Okay. I wrote this down the other day when you were shopping.

When I went on Thursday?

Come here. Yes. And I wrote this down, but then it took you so long and you said they made you wear a mask. I don't want to guess this anymore. My true love got me a gun. I don't think they're gonna make you wear a mask at a gun store.

Nope.

Oh! Yes! Okay, good. She got me some running shoes. Ah!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Here, I'll hold it. So this is a.22 Magnum. Now, why did they— Why did they make you take so long?

We tried to go to a shoe store to buy you shoes.

Oh, okay.

To go in it.

Come on, let's sit it down.

I want to show you.

Cool. It's not loaded or anything?

No, it's not.

I don't know how I figured this out, but somewhere in there I figured it out.

It's got a magazine. Look at this.

I got a.22. Let me explain why I got a.22 Magnum. I have a.22 Long Rifle. It's not as powerful. The ammo is like 2/3 the size of that.

Okay.

Okay, we'll do that in a second. Hold on, it's who's more excited, me or him.

This is why he was like, we have to do gifts soon, and I was like, stop talking.

So look, I'm gonna explain. We have 410 shotgun, right? We were using slugs to dispatch the animals. I like that. You cannot buy slugs right now, and you haven't been able to since January, and he did not have any slugs there. I asked him and he said he looked in his secret and he told me to go on the internet. And I said you can't get them on the internet. And he said we're out of luck. But I'm pretty sure you could probably get by. And we can get 22 Magnum, right? You can get lead-free.

You can get lead-free.

Wait, listen guys, this is cool.

But they didn't have any and I'm on the wait list.

If you could only have one homestead gun, this would be it.

The 22 Magnum. We got, we got the nice special. It has, um, has—

listen everybody—

nice designs. He had two different ones and I picked the nice one. And Jonah picked—

it's a little classier than a shotgun. Also, yeah, it's a little more stylish, goes with my—

yeah, your outfit. Hold on, I do— I— these are real shoes though. Yes, I did really get you—

that's a good—

I do need to get you to try them on because if they don't fit, then we need to get the right size.

Set that over there.

They will— they will like change it and everything.

All right, everybody stand behind me. Grab your ears. Ready? Oh yeah!

Take a picture.

Chocolate and peanut butter desserts.

Okay, we got to sing.

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Gabby. No, Papa!

To Papa.

Okay.

Blow it out, blow it out, blow it out, blow it out.

I'll wish for 50 more. 50 more years. Y'all know I'm crazy about chocolate and peanut butter. Pretty much the only thing I deeply, deeply miss.

A deep, deep.

So if I'm gonna cheat, I'm gonna have a chocolate peanut butter.

Guess what?

I'm 41.

That was good. We're all done, and we looked up to see if we had a birthday message from my dad. Do we actually have one? Because I've never erased any of his voicemails. We have one on October 31st.

Yep.

What year?

Uh, 2017.

I will say this, I intentionally wouldn't answer his calls because I knew he was getting older, and then I would have this pre— pre— pre— plethora of— plethora— yeah, that plethora of messages from him. You do have a plethora of messages, and there's some that I haven't even listened to yet, so I want it to be fresh. And I don't know if I've heard that one or not. Can you tell?

I don't know.

Okay, go.

All right.

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Justin. Happy birthday to you.

Was that live?

Yeah, we were on the tour.

I hope you have a great day today.

Listen.

And I know you're going to be viewing that Grand Canyon, what a magnificent spot. But still, I like Yosemite a little better.

Yeah.

Anyway, it's been a long time since you came into this world.

37 years ago.

Wow.

You're 42 now.

And what a massive undertaking you're under right now. We got our PB fish. A big, big fish. Anyway, take care.

That's nice.

Bye-bye, love you.

Love you too.

Let's listen to another one.

No, no, we save them.

Okay, save them for next birthday.

Go ahead.

Going.

Okay, birthday blessings. Okay, youngest to oldest.

What are you gonna say?

I hope you have a good birthday. I love you.

Oh, thank you.

I love you.

You too.

Do you want to say anything nice about Papa that he does for you?

You save me whatever I do.

Okay, thank you. You save me whatever I do. Yeah, I do. I save you. I just keep you alive.

Okay, Papa is good when he made his birthday meal, and I like him.

Oh, that's good. I like you too. I like you too.

He's a good dad. He works hard. He does fun stuff with me.

Okay, thank you.

Uh, he's a good dad. He helped me figure out all the editing things. He started my YouTube channel. He helped me on the farm.

Okay, he wants to tell me something. What?

You're a good dad.

Oh, thank you. He's really feeling huggy.

Really feeling the love tonight. Feeling the sensitiveness. When you were set— well, 16. We were both 16 when we met for the first time. And somehow after we started dating about a month, we said 26 years ago that we wanted to get married. When we were 17 and 16.

Real mature.

I know. And somehow we just knew that it was gonna work out when we met, and so then as we grew, we've matured together and found things that we like to do together. And so, appreciate you. For all the hard work that you do in our— with our family, with the business, on the homestead. Teddy, off!

Who do you think you are, buddy?

He's just trying to get it. Poor Teddy feels the energy of this. He wants to be a part of it. So I appreciate you, everything that you do in our family, in the business, and on the homestead. And I don't— I think I could have found a better man to be married to or to have children with.

Thank you.

And I don't know how I did that at such a young age. Thank you.

Teddy's turn. Okay, Teddy's like, I like when Papa pets me and I like him. I'm done.