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You're listening to Shorts and Suits conversations about business, leadership, culture and families through the eyes of two entrepreneurs in the small business community. With Ben Kaulfman and J.W. rayhans.

Here we go, another round. Today we're gonna talk about self care. So this one, this is near and dear to both of us, I think, because this is something that we wouldn't. We would not be able to be where we are. We hadn't been taking at least a little bit of self care.

Absolutely.

And I say a little bit because I go off the horse all the time.

Hey, you know what? I think everybody does. And you know, even as we were as, even as we were preparing for this, Ben, we were thinking about just, you know, what is the responsibility of a leader? Why is it even important to take care of yourself? So let me pose that over to you first. Why is it important to take care of yourself?

You are only as good as you take care of yourself in many ways, in the sense that, you know, if you are neglecting your own self, that's going to trickle down on others, that's going to trickle down. How you operate your business can trickle down so many things because you can't be your best self if you're not taking care of yourself. I know that sounds weird and cliche, but it's so true.

It is. It is absolutely true. And you know, when you think about there's responsibilities that, that we have as leaders. Right. So any of you that are listening, my guess is you're in some sort of leadership role. You're a business owner, you're a business leader, maybe you're a community leader, education leader, but you probably have some form of leadership, which means you sense and get a feel for this great responsibility that you have as well. Because there's so many other people involved, there's people relying on you. And in just what you're talking about, Ben, of, you know, this importance of taking care of ourselves, you're right. We, you know, I think of a glass of water, right. If I have a glass of water and it's a. And it's a full glass of water, then every drop of that water can be poured out. But when the glass is empty, there's no more water to pour out. There's no more to hydrate, you know, others. And so what is it that refills that glass? What is it that pours more water into you as a leader so that you have more to pour into others? Yeah, let's dive into the specifics of that. Like what are some of the things that you do to really take care of yourself, to be at your best, to know that you've got the energy it's going to require to navigate the challenges that can come up on any given day. What. What do you. What works for you?

Yeah, first thing comes to my mind, I'm a walker. I like to. I do my best thinking when I'm walking, moving, you know, and so I could be running, too, although I should run more, but it could just be any kind of movement for that matter. But I'm a walker, so in the mornings, I love to start my day with that. You know, spirituality is important to me too. So I like to pray and I like to meditate in that regard. You know, health. I would like to say that I go to the gym more regularly than I really do. Again, I kid off that horse often and my trainer that I use would attest to that for sure. But those are the kind of the main things. Now, there's one piece of the puzzle that I don't do that I need to do, and that's the mental health side. And I've been learning a little bit more and more about that. How I really need to. I probably should have somebody. My wife is a good sounding board, but somebody that I can speak to to let some things out. Because I think as an owner, I tend to guard a lot of my thoughts and different perspectives because I don't want to put the burden on anybody else. I'm going to just keep that to myself and carry that. And I often don't want to take that home, that whole house and state model. I kind of want to make sure that there's separation there and so that my children and my wife don't have to see that. But it's hard. Right. We talked about this in the past, where it's really hard to separate that and not bring. You bring work home and you bring home to work. Right. That's just how it works. So you have to do that. So my point is having somebody to talk to, whether that be psychologist, a counselor, coach, or even just a buddy.

That's right.

We're fortunate we get to do Jack and Jim's every once in a while. And those are super healthy and important for us. But that's where I am. How about you? What are you thinking?

Yeah. And I'm glad that you shared some of those things because even just mentioning the mental aspect of it, you share that and I share that with most other owners, CEOs out there of sometimes you don't know and don't necessarily have somebody that you can just go to with all the stuff that goes on. Right. Because you're. Right. You don't want to take it home necessarily. And you can't share some of that stuff with your team. And there's just some of that that you hang on to. And like you mentioned, you guard. And I think a lot of owners relate to that. A lot of CEOs and executives relate to that. And so what is that release, you know, what are those release points is another way to think about this and really how you re energize. So for me, I share some similarities with you, especially when it comes to the spirituality part of it and the importance of that prayer and that time at church and really being able to just kind of focus and zone focus and take that in. Yeah. And just have that pause. Right. And so I found that that's very important for me. It is working out whether it's walking, playing basketball. I've sometimes been known to get lost on the basketball court, literally lose track of time where I could be out there for two, three, sometimes as much as four hours without even realizing it.

You've also been known to actually make a shot once in a while.

I know. Yeah. Yeah. I've had to practice a lot. So. But. So that has been important to me, getting to the gym and actually training, physically training. And for me, I usually would try to combine these moments. Right. Because we don't have a lot of extra time. I know you don't. I don't. We have families that need our attention and our time as well.

Yeah, we do.

And so I tend to combine these. So for example, if I'm at the gym, working out, physically training, I might use that as spiritual time also where I might not be listening to music, I might be listening to some teaching, or I might be listening to certain podcasts and learning at the same time. Because I've noticed another one for me is reading and writing. Oh, yeah, that's so reading and studying from others that have done things in their lives that maybe I'd like to do. Right. Learning from other great leaders, but studying that. Not just reading the books, but actually studying it and capturing notes and learning from that. And so I've noticed that's another one for me now with this, though, when you think about how much you take on, is it possible to just always stay on the horses you mentioned, or is it normal to kind of have these cycles where you just don't take care of yourself? The way that you should.

I think that's individual. I know some people, I know other business owners that prioritize health over everything and that is their prerogative. And I kind of am envious of that in some ways because I think if I had stronger, better health that I would be a better person in general for everybody around me. But you're right, the cycle is definitely a hills and valleys type of thing with regards to that. It also has to do, I guess, with your capacity because if business was consistently always the same, then perhaps you could be consistent with all your health. That's just not the reality. So I guess the answer is no.

So let's expose this a little bit and see what happens. Okay, so what is it when you think back over times where you've noticed you either do a great job of focusing on your self care and other times where maybe you haven't done a great job of that, what has caused you to not focus on it the way that you should? What usually leads to that? In other words, can we give our listeners some signs that, that if they start to see these signs showing up more frequently, it might be, you know, like a red flag to say, okay, maybe I need to put some more attention on my self care. What, what leads up to it?

All right, I'm going to give you the Ben Kaufman version, but then we're going to have the JW version. All right, let's go. So for Ben, I am one that's horrible at delegation. So I will take on things and say, oh, I got that, I'll do that, I can do this. As opposed to saying, hey, that sounds great, but how about you take this part of it and I'll take that part of it? Or maybe just giving somebody all of it. I tend to take on more than I should. And so that adds up. And you know, I'm not one to miss deadlines. When I do, I feel horrible about it and I'm just like, oh, just eats me alive at times because I'm. I like to practice what I preach. Right. And so. But delegation will suck the energy right out of your availability to do anything, whether it be physically or self care in general. And so I think that's what I find for Ben is that I don't delegate enough and that therefore allows me to. Requires me to take on more than I should. Right. And again, that's the ebbs and flows of business.

You got it, that's me.

What is the JW story?

Yeah, well, and I certainly relate to that. You Know, because I have a tendency to say yes a lot more times than I probably should. And, you know, fortunately, I've got a great wife that will help me understand if I've said yes a few too many times. Because quite honestly, she's the one that helped me realize that every time you say yes to something, you're also saying no to some things. We don't always think about what we're saying no to when we do say yes. So I can completely relate to what you're talking about and feel a lot of those. I'm gonna maybe give some additions that are also signs that we may not always think of, especially as business owners. So I'm gonna give a little more personal side to it that I think will also help everybody. So here's one. Most of the time, I feel like I can be a fairly patient person. In other words, it takes a lot to get me kind of riled up. Most of the time, I keep a cool, calm demeanor. But if I notice internally, like inside me, if I notice that patience is starting to get shorter or that things that normally wouldn't upset me are starting to upset me, to me, those are early signs. To me, those are signs that I'm getting close to the edge of what I have available to give.

Almost like exhaustion.

Yeah, exhaustion. Or higher stress levels. Or maybe, you know, in fact, you know, recently I had multiple challenges that kind of hit me all at the same time. And like you kind of mentioned, I want to dive into. I want to start to solve them right away, and I want to jump in full on. Right. And just fix it all. And by doing that, all of a sudden I realize, wait a second, I haven't been to the gym in three days or. Yeah, right, yeah. All of a sudden I'm like, wait a second, I haven't even sat down to read in a week. You know, and so it's some of those that I notice if the stress level gets up or my patience gets shorter or things that normally don't upset me start to upset me, or if too many times when I'm at home, like, if. You know, right now, we're fortunate. We've got two kids that are already out of the house, and then we got two that are still at the house. So SJ in Montana, if they ever have to come up to me and be like, dad, like, look at me, you know, pay attention to me, you know, and they say it in all their unique ways, but that's essentially what they're saying is, hey, look at me. Paying attention to me. But I in that moment recognize that my mind is somewhere else. These are signs for me. And so these are signs to go. You know what? I need to make the commitment to get up and get up early in the morning and get to the gym. I need to make the commitment to get out and play ball every once in a while. I need to make the commitment to read. I need to make the commitment to just have some time in silence. So those are some signs for me.

And you have to understand yourself too. Like, self awareness is huge in this process because again, going back to myself, I know that after lunch, probably one o' clock or so, I'm pretty worthless at getting things done. Like my thinking cap has been spent and I need to do busy work at that point. So you'll find if you ever watch me working, you'll see I'm like head down pretty much until lunchtime when the stomach says I need to do something about that. And then, and then a little bit after. But then I'm doing busy work because I just can't focus very well after that until around the time I'm supposed to leave. Because then magically my mind says, oh, you gotta leave in like five minutes. And suddenly I'm able to focus again. And of course then I have to leave.

It's like there's a trigger that happens and you're ready to go again. You mentioned something very important here and that is self awareness. And that gets back to almost like that mental capacity that you were talking about before. And we call it mental coaching. I mean this starts to dig into what Joshua development does, especially for leaders and leadership teams. And so this mental coaching is something we've studied and human behavior that we've studied for a long time. So I can get jazzed about this stuff pretty quick. But some clues that you just gave there though is the self awareness. The reality is, is not everyone is designed to be a morning person. Not everyone is designed to be a night person. And so knowing when you're naturally at peak performance throughout the day makes a difference. So you and I, I couldn't, I couldn't sit here and say, Ben, you know what, you need to get up at 4:30 every morning and you're just gonna be on it. You may not be wired that way. And that's okay. It's understanding where are we at peak performance. I mean, this leads us into one of those other topics where, you know, where remote work can even have a benefit, right? Cause if you give people flexibility to work on Their terms, obviously within the construct of what they need to do in terms of results. But you might have someone that's working at 10:00pm well, are they any more or less important than the one that's working at 8:00am? Maybe not. Right. They have to know when they're productive. That also fits within the business construct. So I know that might be one of our other topics down the road. I think as we, as we kind of really understand the importance of self care from, you know, a leader's standpoint. What would be, what would be a thought? What would be something. Maybe it's a piece of advice. What would be something you would share with anyone listening to this particular episode on self care? What would you, what would you give to them? What advice would you give to them?

Well, okay, going back to the operational side. Higher. To your weaknesses, because those are the areas that you'll find that'll drain you the most.

Absolutely.

In your business when you can. So, you know, Ben's not a really strong financial planning kind of guy. And so I have a lot of financial people in my world.

That's right.

Right. And that's not by design. That's because intentionally I know that's where I need help. There's other areas. And so my point with that is when you fill those voids where your weaknesses are filled to some degree with people that are stronger than you and those that bring a lot, then that opens up the door for you to have those windows, opportunity to take care of yourself. And then I think you need to be intentional about your design for yourself. It's one thing to just have lip service and say, yeah, I'm going to go to the gym, I'm going to run. But actually putting that into your schedule and making it happen, you know, people on our side will see my calendar and they'll see like these blocks of time that says, you know, training.

Yeah.

And, and they're like, what is training? And you're gonna go to the gym at 3 o' clock in the afternoon? Like, yeah, that's what I'm going. And, and it's because of when I get back, I'll be much stronger and ready to roll and I'll be way more productive because I design that in my schedule. So, yep, be intentional about it. Plan, think through it, make it part of your, your plan, your overall plan.

That's right. And you know, quickly. That's one of the paradoxes right there. Right. We think, you know, we think, oh, if I go to the gym, it's going to Drain my energy. But for some people, it re energizes them.

It does.

Because what happens is you get. You get that blood and oxygen going and things like that. And so it does make a difference to be able to just be active throughout the day as well. Yeah, it does. Whether it's just a walk or whether it's going to the gym. So I guess here's what I would share from this standpoint of why this is important. And for anyone listening like you, I think it's extremely valuable to focus on your strengths. If you're working within what you do best, you're going to have more energy capacity to do it, which is right in line with what you share, which is higher to your weaknesses. Right. Higher to the things that other people can do really, really well, because if you have to spend too much time on those, they will drain you. And so the other thing that I would share with everyone is you have to determine what re energizes you and make it a priority. So it's not going to be the same for everyone listening. Theirs aren't going to be the same as yours or mine. Right. And so for each of you, I would encourage you to find out, pay attention to what re energizes you, what gives you more capacity, what lights you up, and make sure those things become a priority even when you don't feel like doing them.

Yeah. And be open to new ideas. I think that's one thing, because we started off a little bit in the beginning talking about mental health, and that's something that I've never really explored. The idea of talking to somebody about my personal problems, inherently, I feel that's a weakness of Ben. Like, I don't want to share what's going on. I don't know. That's just how my upbringing is or just how I've become over the years and being reserved in how I share those type of things. But be open to that. Like, yeah, it's okay. I mean, I've learned now, having done some of this, it's okay to have those kind of conversations. It's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to have that trusted source that you share those things with. So I want to make sure I throw that out there as well, because everything you've been saying has been awesome to hear, and I agree with you 100% on all these different pieces of advice that you've been sharing today, which has been great.

Yeah.

But being open is hard sometimes, and so I just want to put that out there.

That absolutely and for those of you that you want to see the research, there's more and more research coming out and some of the best professionals out there, when you look at one of the common things that they all have in common, it's a mental coach in some capacity. So, hey, thanks for exploring this topic on self care. This isn't always an easy one to talk about because it requires getting a little bit vulnerable. It requires talking about our personal lives a little bit. But we hope that all of you listening have found some value in this and again, just always feel comfortable reaching out to us. And we just appreciate the fact that you invest some time in yourselves and that we get to share a few ideas here and there. So thank you.

Yeah, now it's time to go to the gym.

That's right. Let's hit it.

All right, talk to you later.

Thank you for listening to Shorts and Suits. Your hosts are Ben Kaulman of Rocket Media, a digital marketing agency, and J.W. rahans of Rayhans Financial, a financial investment advisory firm. For more information, go to shortsandsuits.com if you find this podcast helpful, please help us by telling a friend and rating us on itunes. Subscribe to our tribe and learn more@shortsandsuits.com.