Breaking Free From the Achievement Trap

This is episode 298 of the Empowered Team Podcast. Welcome to the Empowered Team Podcast, where we explore how to optimize your performance in career, sport and life. And now your host, executive coach and life strategist, Kari Schneider. Hello. Hello, welcome. Welcome to the Empowered Team Podcast and happy Monday. I release these on Mondays. I often record these on Mondays, but you may not be listening to it on a Monday. So I don't know if it's a Monday for you. So happy Monday for your next Monday, if that's the case. Today we are talking about the achievement fallacy. This is a thing. It's also called the impact bias. And really what we want to do is avoid the trap of the achievement fallacy. Avoid this trap of falling into thinking that getting to the gold medal, making the X amount of dollars, feeling, or getting a certain anniversary in your relationship, it's getting there, winning the race, doing the things. It's all of that. It's believing that that place is so much better than it is here. I did some research on this and I really dove deep when we did our topics in our Empowered Team coaching group, we did the topic of decision making and I did a lot of research on biases at that time. And this is one of those biases that is sneaky because we want to achieve a goal, we want to keep going forward, and yet we believe that it's going to be better in that place and that helps us propel, we think, it helps us go forward. However, it actually costs us the quality of our life in our moment. So I'm going to tell you a little bit about what this achievement fallacy is, what this impact bias is. It sounds like this. It's the tendency for people to overestimate the intensity and duration of their emotional reactions to future events, particularly achieving certain goals or milestones. It's the belief that achieving a certain goal will create greater emotional impact than it actually does. So you can see this. Imagine that you've worked really hard to train for a race, and in your mind, when you cross that finish line, you're a different human. When you cross that finish line, you're going to feel amazing for months after because you did that thing. And the reality is, you cross that finish line, you feel like a million bucks because you did it. You might even feel like 2 bucks because you're so exhausted. However, you feel pretty good that you did it. But how long does it last? That's the question I have for you. How long does it last? Does it last for 30 seconds? Does it last for the day? How long does it last for you? If you think of the last major achievement that you've accomplished and you got there, did it feel amazing when you got there, how long was that feeling? So it has an impact on things like decision making. It can lead to over prioritizing certain goals or decisions based on an inflated expectation of the emotional payoff. When I make a million dollars, I'm gonna feel so confident, I'm gonna feel so good. Really. I don't know. Potentially neglecting other important areas because there's so much focus and emphasis on how the person thinks themselves going to feel when they achieve the thing. There's a mitigation strategy here and it's encouraging realistic goal setting, reflecting on past achievements, to ground your expectations. So we want to be mindful, we want to be present, we want to understand these things. However, I want to make sure that you've got three steps. I've created three steps for you like I do with many, many of our concepts. Three steps so that if you're in this boat of really believing that it's so amazing in your life in that spot, if you're in that boat, really to understand what that's costing you now, it's costing you in decision making. It's costing you in how you're enjoying your present moment. It's costing you really some of the emotions that you think you're going to get there. And it shows you that you may not be ready for that achievement if you can't allow yourself to feel some of those feelings right now. So I'm going to give you an example of this. I've worked with a number of Olympians, gold medal winning teams. I've worked with individual athletes who have been Olympians. I've. I've recorded interviews with many different Olympians and professional athletes. And I can think of the ones who have achieved a medal, maybe even a gold medal, and they've been striving for that, typically, some of them for a minimum of four years, most of them for something like eight to 16 years, they've been striving for that one thing. So we've recorded a podcast on the one thing, and that might have been their one thing. For most Olympians, it's been their one thing. That's all they've focused on. However, they've fallen into the trap. And, and if you listen to the previous podcast on the one thing, this is what I don't want to happen with. The one thing is the achievement fallacy. We don't want this trap, we don't want this impact bias. And the reason is, is because this is where we believe that the grass is greener on the other side. This is where we believe that the gold medal or the thing that we have ends up being where we're going to feel successful. Because when you look at what that thing is that you really want, there's something about that that has you believe that you are going to feel a certain way, you are going to be a certain way, you are going to accomplish the thing that you've always wanted for yourself. And typically, here's the eye opener. It's not a piece of metal for those Olympians. It's not a piece of paper or a number in your bank account. That that's not what you're actually looking for. You're looking for how you believe you're going to feel when that is there. That's what you're looking for. You're looking for a feeling. It's kind of mind blowing when you think about it. The only reason any of us want to achieve certain things is because we want to feel a certain way. Even if it's a very altruistic thing. Let's say that you want to. Your mission is to bring fresh, clean drinking water to a million people in a particular country. You are helping other people. That's a wonderful thing. That's why you're doing it. You're doing it to help other people. But for you, what does it do for you? Why do you want to help them? Well, it helps those people have safe drinking water. Why does that matter to you, though? Because it doesn't matter to all people. Why does it matter to you? It matters to me because I want to help people. Why do you want to help people? Well, it feels good to help people. It comes back to a feeling almost all the time. It's a gift. When we get to give to other people and contribute, we get to feel amazing. It's a gift to us, too. So whatever you're looking to do, whether we want to make the next level in our business, whether we want to have healthy, happy kids, it still comes back to a feeling that we want to have. I want to feel successful. I want to feel confident. I want to feel healthy. I want to feel respected. I want to feel generous. I want to feel that warm, fuzzy, fulfilled feeling when we've done something together as a team, when we did that race together. So anything you're looking to achieve, there's a feeling behind it that you want and somewhere You've made a rule in your brain that says, I'm not going to feel that thing until I accomplish that thing. And that's where I want to blow it out of the water for you and say, guess what? In order for you not to fall into that trap. Because here's where the trap comes in. You get there and you realize what? How come I don't feel the way I thought I would? How come I don't feel fulfilled? How come I don't feel successful? How come I felt good for 30 seconds and now I feel like the same human as I did a week ago, a day ago, an hour ago? What's going on? Because the feeling you were looking for, that's an inside job. The gold medal. Can't give it to you. The piece of paper called A Hundred Bucks. The. The zeros behind your dollars in your bank account. Can't give it to you. Only you can give it to you on a consistent basis. You may have a fleeting feeling of pleasure when you see those zeros, when you see that metal. And maybe it's even ecstatic. It is wonderful. It is beyond what you even hope for, or all that you hope for. But then you realize the next day you're still the same human. It's who you've become along the way that makes the difference. It's being able to feel those things for whenever you want. Only you can create that. So in order to avoid falling into a trap, that's this achievement fallacy. There's a couple of things I'm going to point to three in particular. Number one, I'd like you to visualize this achievement. See it happening. See it as though you can. You can visualize it, but you can do more than that. You can see yourself moving. You can feel your body moving. You can feel what your body feels like in that moment. You can see the people around you. You. You can feel the emotions that you're. Is it joy? Is it accomplishment? Is it this elation? Is it empowerment? What is it that you feel when you visualize accomplishing this thing? Achieving the thing you really want? That's the first step I want you to look at. Visualize exactly what it's like to do it. Feel what. Exactly what it's like to do it. Get visceral with it, get clear with it. See it over and over again. Not only will that help you get there, but it's also going to help you get really clear on the next thing. Number two is the feeling. The feeling that you're looking to get what's the feeling that you want from having that next level? Because if you think that you can only have that feeling by going to the next level, that's where you're mistaken. So what is the feeling that you want? Is it confidence? Is it success? Is it. Is it a title? An identity? What is it that you really want and why do you want it? Because there's going to be a feeling behind that. So identify the feeling. Get really clear on it. Is it recognition? Is it status? Is it fulfillment? Is it contribution? Is it generosity? What is the feeling that you really want? Is it. Is it worthy? Maybe zeros behind your bank account balance is what helps you feel worthy in the world. Or so you think. But they're just zeros, digital zeros, paper money. Because what really is there has always been there. It's always within you and within your power. So number two is identify the feeling. Number three, this is what I love. I love this so much and it's so elusive for me and so many people. Give it to yourself. Give yourself. Allow yourself to feel that feeling now. Allow yourself to feel. It's like, you know what it feels like to me, it feels like having dessert before you've had dinner. Like you're not allowed to eat that dessert before you've had dinner. Or having like a really good brunch, breakfast y thing for dinner instead of for breakfast or brunch. That's what it seems like to me. It's like, wait a second. I'm not allowed to feel that way until I've tortured myself in order to complete the task, in order until I've. Until I've toiled and proven myself to get to that achievement. That's what it's like for me. I don't know about you, but I'm here to blow that out of your. Out of the water. Stop telling yourself the lie that you're not allowed to feel a certain way until you do a certain thing. In fact, that's just an indication that you're not quite ready for the next level. You're not quite ready for the achievement. Because you're going to get knocked down pretty fast when you don't feel the feeling all the time until. Except for that 30 seconds that you're holding the gold medal. So here's the thing. Stop telling yourself the lie that you can't feel good, that you can't feel accomplished, you can't feel generous unless you do all these things. This is part of self mastery. This is exactly what we're doing here. You mastering your ideas, your own thoughts. When you master these own thoughts and you understand that these thoughts are contributing to the emotional state you have and you don't have to actually achieve the thing in order to feel the way. You can feel fulfilled. You can feel happy simply by becoming aware of your moment. Simply by thinking thoughts that serve the creation of that feeling. You can get intentional about creating how you want to feel. Because you are not one that is just able to feel a certain way because of an accomplishment. That is the fleeting trap that you'll fall into with the achievement fallacy. That's the fleeting trap that you'll fall into this so called impact bias. So here's the gift. You get to feel however you want to feel now. You get to have the experience of what it feels like to win that medal. What it feels like to have that in the bank account now. You get to have that generous feeling of helping a million people. You get to have that feeling now. And guess what? Your life is going to have such a high quality experience experience. If you allow yourself to have that now versus deny yourself all the way through until that thing happens, give yourself a fleeting little taste of it and then beat yourself up to the next goal. We don't need to do that. If I look at some of the people I admire the most, they are happy, loving human beings who are not miserable because they haven't accomplished the thing. They're excited for what the journey is along the way because they are really immersed in embracing every moment while they're going for the goal. Embracing and loving every moment, having fun with it, being their best, doing their best while they are going for the achievement. Those are the people you love working with. Those are the people that are fun to be around. Those are the people who are embracing their life in the moment and realize that life can be taken from you in a hot spot. Second. So why deny yourself the ability to feel the best feelings all the way along that journey to get to that achievement? Don't deny it. Give it to yourself. And it sounds like this things like I have done so many things. I am confident that I can do this one too. Give yourself the confidence on the way. I love learning what it takes to get there. Huh? I can feel some enjoyment along the way. I am excited to show up as my best for myself and other people. I can feel like I'm being my best along the way. You don't have to just feel like your best when you get there. You don't have to just feel confident when you get there. You can do it along the way. I promise you, I've seen hundreds of people do it. I've been lucky enough to help so many people do it. And for me it's made a massive, massive difference in enjoying my life every single day. No matter what's going on and whether I've achieved the thing or not. I invite you to explore and allow to do the same. Give yourself permission to do the same. Because then you get to explore self mastery and actually experience your life on a moment to moment basis while you're going for that future amazing thing. And you deserve that experience and quality of life. Keep living an empowered life. Share this with someone if you think it will serve them and do it. You've got this. You've got those three things. Number one, visualize it. See it. See it happening so clearly. Number two, feel what it feels like to do it. And number three, give yourself that every single day. Allow yourself, give yourself permission to feel the most amazing feelings. Create it with help how you think about what's going on around you. You are not a victim of circumstance. You are not one that just gets to feel a certain way with the perfect accomplishment. You get to feel it every day. I invite you to do that. I'm with you. Have a wonderful rest of your day. Happy, happy Monday. Have a great week. If you enjoy listening to the Empowered Team Podcast you you'll love being on the Empowered Team. The Empowered Team is our group coaching and accountability program where we provide the tools, skills and community for you to grow your self mastery as a leader and optimize your results alongside other leaders. The Empowered Team runs year round to learn more about our leadership consultants consulting for Business and our Empowered Team group coaching. Head to www.thempowered.caempowered-learn-more. That's www.thempowered.ca empowered learn-more. We can't wait for you to join us. Let's go.