EP21 Rob Schremp Part II - Hockey - NHL

The same kind of thing like we did before. We'll pause for 10 seconds.

Google, turn the music off, please.

Thank you. Who's Google?

Do you ever swear at Google?

Yeah. Oh, it's back on. Google, please turn the music off. Hey, Google, turn the music off.

Can I put that in the opening of the show?

So awesome. Hey, Google, come on. I'm talking to you. Google, I know you can hear me.

This is the Empowered athlete podcast, episode 21.

We are really happy to have Rob Schremp back with us for another interview because now he's decided to hang him up, he's retiring and moving on, and now he's got a whole lot to say about what he went through as an athlete and the lows he reached that he wasn't really willing to talk about before. So now it's time to really unpack the stuff that comes with being a high performance, high level hockey player. Welcome to the Empowered Athlete podcast, created to support athletes in their pursuit of excellence and inspire others toward their best lives. Hosted by Kari Schneider, coach to top performers in sport and life, and Paul Durden, former national and professional volleyball player. It's frisky.

February 1230 challenge is going on all year, and February is frisky.

When we made this challenge, I had no idea we'd be going public with this. I swear, we just wanted to have our own personal growth.

It was. It started as a conversation on the couch of how we could challenge ourselves for a month with no meat. And then we thought, let's go all year. And eventually it grew into, let's invite everybody after we had already decided what this challenge might be. So, Kari.

Yeah, I think this is the absolute hardest challenge to talk about, and we really want to respect everyone's life situation. So here it is. Frisky. February is a little love action, nookie, shebang, shebang. Getting it on, whatever you want to call it. It's sex daily.

Daily.

Mm.

Best month ever. But seriously, here's the reality. Many of us have never had healthy, open, frank discussions about sex. And therefore it becomes that taboo topic. I definitely didn't chat about these things with my parents, that's for sure.

Or your kids.

I had to working on it. Here's what Paul and I know. If it isn't happening, then we're not even close to being really healthy and connected in our marriage. And it's a very healthy and important part of every relationship.

We realize and acknowledge that everyone is different and in a different situation. So you could be single, could. It could be long distance, et cetera. So make this challenge work for what's going on in your life.

Have fun with it. Get creative, keep the spark, try something new and be brave. This is all about love and connection. If you think we've lost our marbles, then you know you don't have to listen to our challenge this month. We still love you, but we hope you'll consider consider what we're doing.

So get in the game. If you're not already the 12:30 challenge, you just subscribe via the link in the show notes. And we're doing this all year long, so February is a little crazy. If you want to skip this month, join us for March. It's going to be great all year.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out the Empowered Top Performers Group Coaching Call. It's my monthly coaching program where we take health and mindset topics and break them down to action steps that can then be applied applied to your sport, career or life. If you want to try this coaching call out, it's the second Tuesday of each month at 8pm Eastern. Pop me an email and I'll get you on there. Give it a try. Ksempowerconditioning.com.

Hello everyone, Empowered Athlete Podcast Paul Durden with you here again alongside Kari Schneider. And we are thrilled to have Rob Schremp back on the show. And the reason for it is that we want to dive deeper into Rob's story. He alluded to a few things that were happening at the end of his career. The last time we chatted, we've chatted offline. Kari's talked with him and there's so much more there that we felt we all, all three of us wanted to share with you, the listeners to help you in your journey that we just had to get Rob back on as soon as we could. And I also want to congratulate Rob. The London Knights were named the Team of the Century by the chl. They were recognized in London over the weekend for their Memorial cup winning team as being the team of the century. Rob a part of that squad. Welcome back to the show and congratulations.

Thanks a lot, Paul. I appreciate it.

That's an incredible accomplishment too, alongside right at the same time of you announcing your retirement. So tell us a little more about that and how that feels, stepping into this phase of your life.

Yeah, it was kind of. Excuse me. Yeah, a little unique timing with that kind of chapter closing and at the same time kind of remembering a great part of that book. So I didn't get a chance to get up there, unfortunately. But, you know, the honor is still there, and those memories will always be there, and that group of guys is something special, always will be special.

I can just imagine the reunions you guys will have.

Yeah, that. Yeah. I mean, those guys were what a crew we had. So we had some great characters and great personalities and really good guys. So we. We always have a blast when we get back together. It seems like we never, you know.

Never grew up or. Never grew up. I don't know.

That's what I was thinking. Well, you know, I was trying to go the more mature way about it, but you got to throw me under the bus. Yeah. We're stuck in Junior.

It's okay.

It's okay.

We are, too.

Like, we're.

Yeah. Who wants to grow up?

No.

No, we don't really. But on a more serious note, you.

You have been a little more open.

About some of the things you've struggled.

With throughout your career, including some depression, some anxiety. And we're in a day and age where so many people are dealing with these types of things in sport or outside of sport and at the same time need support. So, what. What was there for you?

Yeah, you know, I kind of. It was a. It was a struggle for me. I kind of held my stuff into my. Into myself and never really talked about it. And kind of really. My masking was definitely more, you know, taking the booze and, you know, kind of trying to drown it. So that was never positive. And I. In the beginning, it was. It worked. And you thought you were having a great time drinking. Then you wind up, you know, a few years later down the road, you realize what you're really trying to cover up, and it's scary in some sense. It's. It's not the way to deal with it. You think you're happy, but you're really. You know, obviously I had some experiences when I had some alcohol, and it's like bad thoughts would come in and bad actions would come in really bad. So that's kind of scary. It's just. That's not the method. I learned that, and it's kind of moving forward, so I didn't talk about it. You know, it's embarrassing, and it's always makes people feel really scared to speak. I'm not too scared of my feelings is. I don't know. They are what they are. I can't. I didn't pick them, so I shouldn't be scared of them, and I'm not scared of them. So now I've kind of come to that term and realization that, I mean, it doesn't make me a bad person or any less than anybody else. I mean, who cares? I have issues that I deal with on a daily basis. That doesn't affect anybody else really. I mean, it does my wife, it does my kid. That, that's why I have to find a way to find a solution and be positive for them. But I mean, in the grand scheme of things, of other people's opinions and thoughts, if they, unless they plan on paying my bills for me or living my life for me, then I don't really care what they have to say about my issues. Now that's.

I'm gonna hold you up there for just one second because. So there's a couple of things that you've pointed to. So one of the things is alcohol. Another thing is what I'm going to call this is fopo. FOPO stands for. And that's fopo, that's fear of other people's opinions. But first off, I grew up in a culture of small town heavy drinking. Like heavy drinking. And I'm talking, and I'm going to share something personal here just to, to partner with your story here. But by the time I was in grade 10, I was at the point where I was drinking every weekend, at least twice a weekend. But also, and most people know how small I am. I'm not, you know, I'm no more than £110 and I was drinking a 12 of beer in order to get drunk because my alcohol tolerance has gotten so high because I drank so frequently. Like, that's a lot of beer for a wee little person. Right. But that speaks to exactly what you're pointing to in that there was a lot, a lot of, you know, I was dealing with suicidal thoughts, I was dealing with suicide attempt, I was dealing with depression. I was dealing what I thought was the happy part of my life, which was being with my friends and partying hard. And. But what I didn't know then, and that was as a, you know, anywhere between the ages of 14 or 15 to 18, let's say. But what I didn't know then was that those were all the symptoms of needing to numb, like needing to numb the pain is. Is that some of what it was like for you when you would dive into heavier drinking?

Absolutely. I think always like just chased it. And then when you have booze, it's like right away you're happy and you're like, oh, you know, if you've ever had to drink from Me, it's like I can now step outside the situation of me as a drinker and see it from what my parents saw and what other people that are close to me have said, been trying to help me realize is like, you know, you're not having fun, dude. Like, you're, you're actually not. You think you are. And like, the first couple hours of me drinking is a blast and I make everybody laugh and I'm laughing and then there comes like a really fricking dark side that's like I then want to somehow take my own life is. It's so powerful. It's like you wake up the next morning, like, what the like is wrong with you? And then there comes more depression. I can't believe you'd go that low. You keep beating yourself up. It's like a little bit of a vicious cycle. So then you take, you know, you got to realize some of the problems, I think look deeper into yourself for one and two is the booze is.

Like, well, it's like, it's like you say the beginning of the experience is fun because you're with people and it is fun and all that, but the alcohol itself is a depressant. So this. And everybody responds to alcohol a little bit differently. But after, whether it's that same night or the next day, you're still dealing with this. It brings you to such a low place. That's why some people who are hard, hard partiers, they're doing alcohol, but then they're trying to get. They're trying to pick themselves up from the depressant state that alcohol elicits on people. And then going to do something that's more of an upper, like cocaine or who knows what, you know what I mean? So it's, it's a very, very, you know, scary place to be because then you don't really have any sort of connection to where your feelings are. Where are they coming from? Because now it's all messed up even further from the alcohol or drugs or whatever it happens to be. And then you're dealing with the days after. Because one of the things we knew years ago, working with high performance sports, we used to plan for when the men's national team would be drinking. If there was somebody's wedding or something like that, we'd be planning for that with their training because we knew it would cost two days of training after that event. So we'd be trying to plan recovery when we knew so and so's wedding was going to be there. Right? Because we knew all Everybody would just be a mess, and then any technical aspect would be sluggish and, you know, all of that. So imagine what that's like for your psyche, never mind your. Your physical body. What. You know, it's easy for someone to point from the outside and go, okay, like, you're. You think you're having fun, you're not having fun. When was the time that came that you kind of realized that, holy crap, like, now there's more of me not having fun with this? Maybe. Maybe there's. Maybe I need to do something or maybe I. Maybe there's an issue or. What is it? What was it for you? Was there a specific event that kind of opened your eyes? Was it more people talking to you? What was it for you that made you more aware?

Yeah, no, it's more people constantly reminding me it's not the right. You know, you need support and it's easy to get lost. And I think to your point about alcohol and doing other drugs, it's like if you have a depression issue and you're, you know, you fight your own self. You. You constantly pick at yourself. You constantly trip yourself. You constantly, you know, you suck. You're the worst. Then you start doing that other shit and you start going down past it and making decisions. So now not only do you start off by not liking yourself, but now your morale is off, your compass morale is off. And you're doing things you know, you don't like, you don't even want to do. You don't know why you're doing it. It all goes into a whole different. That's what they say. You can take a left turn and it can go wrong really quick. So you don't. You already don't like yourself. Then you start doing things you don't like. I mean, it's just a vicious cycle. So I think it's the point of math. Do you have masking things that you can kind of like, I already. I just touched on it. But that's the scary part is because you. You just start doing stuff you don't. You're like, why?

Yeah, who am I? Who have I become? And this isn't the.

I don't believe in this. Like, what am I? Yeah, so that's kind of a tough path, and you gotta someday step off it. And I have. And I don't know, it just kind of. Things got more clear. Pick it up. Get your stuff together. And then at that time, it was also, like, okay, well, you know, I think there's time to make changes here. And walking away from hockey was one of them. Is mental health was a part of it, helping me walk away, I guess. But it all seems to be going better now. I'm very happy and I'm very. Feel so, like, very balanced in my life and. And kind of have more of a clear head, and I don't have all that other distraction that's. And those are, like. It's hard to talk about because it sounds very dramatic. And when you say that to other people, I. I would never tell that to anybody and ask and genuinely want them to feel something of that. I don't want sympathy. I don't want anything. It's just like, sometimes it's like. It's hard to have that thought process in your head and have to hold it and be like, what the fuck is wrong with me? Because if I say something to somebody, I'm opening up a door here. And that's a pretty. I don't know, because what kind of way does it go? Does then that person start pampering you? Are you okay? You okay? Like, I don't want that either. I don't. I don't want someone to come.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I just kind of would just like you to know that I'm battling something right now and need a minute. But also, this is what I'm thinking. I don't know what you want out of it. It's just hard to talk about it. That's why nobody does. Yeah.

Do you?

Well, it's.

I just wanted to ask, Rob, you've mentioned a couple of times that now that you've stepped away from the rink a little bit and you're getting a little more clear, have you gotten more clarity as obviously, the drinking was there to protect yourself, you know, to get away, to have a buffer from pain. And have you had any clarity as to what the real driver of the pain that you felt was? Has it become more. Have you been able to look back a bit and see I was feeling this because of X, Y and Z.

Excuse me? No, not really. I had, you know, the first bit of it, I was like. I was 12 years old. I. I don't know what happened. I actually. Yeah, I had an incident then when I. I don't know, had like a. Whatever. I don't know. It wasn't anxiety. It was just like a suicide attack. I wanted. I didn't want to be. I didn't want to be around, and I tried to do that. So that was up. And then that's when I started. Obviously, I realized that's pretty bizarre. It was really bizarre. I don't know what it was. I was on top of the world and. Sorry, it's hockey. I'm one of the best players in the world at my age. A lot of people watching my games and stuff, like really good parents and supportive family and lot of love around. There's. I have no excuse and there's nothing to throw a dart at it. There really isn't. And it's, it'll probably be hard for the parents to hear this, but that's, that's the thing, right? Like there's nothing they could do either. I hid it for a long time. It's the first time I ever talked about. It was about eight, nine months ago when I finally had those anxiety attacks and was like freaking out. And I figured, you know what, shit, maybe this depression is playing part of it. And sure enough, they played a part in it.

Just so you. I'm not sure if you know this or not, but Paul's brother has suffered with depression for a very long time and just a couple years ago took his life. And so we're very, very aware and very sensitive. And I've had my own suicide attempts that I've never spoken about publicly and mine was when I was young as well, not quite as young as you, but I think it's so, so important and what you're. The fact that you're able to be as vulnerable as you are right now and sharing is such an incredibly courageous thing to share and it's also shedding light on what people don't realize looks so good on the outside or everything's fine or whatever and it's, it's not. And the other thing I think that's so important is that I think that everybody goes through their own versions of ups and downs and valley peaks and valleys and that some people are much lower than others and some people have support systems and some people have tools and other people don't. And I can't even even imagine how you as a 12 year old with that much pressure on you could possibly have had the tools to help deal with such a broad range of feelings and issues at such a young age.

Yeah, it was a lot when. Yeah. Growing up. Yeah. I mean there's a lot of pressure. I think a lot of pressure. I didn't, you know, self. Maybe I put a lot of pressure on myself.

Would you describe yourself as an achiever?

In what sense?

And overall in life, in that you, you want to achieve things like it feels good and you're you're usually going after something, there's something that you're going after.

Yeah, definitely. That was, I don't know, but going up and yeah, achievement was just being like really good at hockey was my achievement and I just would like work at it every day and I kept getting real and better and better and better. So there was no, like, I didn't really sit there as like an 8 year old, go, I'm gonna play in NHL. I never ever even throw thought about the NHL until I was like 14. Then I was like, got really good at hockey and people were talking about kind of skills I had and that I had like NHL level skills at this age and blah, blah, blah. So that was then when it became more of like, man, I can get out, I can get out and go to NHL.

Maybe one, one of the things that, that I've learned, I'm, I'm a achiever through and through. And one thing, one of the things I've learned about being an achiever and most of the athletes, like, I can't even think of one who's not at this point. But most of the athletes that I work with have the same type of mindset. They want to achieve, they want to keep pushing themselves. But then there's this fatal flaw of achievers. And I don't even want to call it a flaw really, but that fatal flaw would be that we tend to beat ourselves up a fair bit if we, if anything goes wrong. So say we don't meet the goal or say we don't, you know, maybe it was we disappointed ourselves or disappointed somebody else and then we beat ourselves up so badly. And one of the things I've learned along the way, and I just want to see what your thoughts are on this and also share this with you. But one of the things along the way that I've learned is that, is that it's not about, you know, just loving the good sides of you, like say the achiever part of you and then demonizing the parts that might be low or have anxiety or that you don't like about yourself. It's about understanding that everything has a flip side. So if you're a high achiever, you work really hard, there's always an underside to that or the other side of the hand or whatever you want to call, or shadow side some people call it. And, and that's often the side that we're so hard on ourselves or we have low points or things like that. But learning to embrace all of that and loving all of that and seeing it, that it's just a part of it and having the tools to work through the tougher times ends up being such a freeing position or a freeing way, I guess, to look at. At the harder parts of it. What is that? How does that sit with you? Or what does that sound like to you?

Yeah, I think that's a very good statement. It's. You don't get to pick and choose. I don't think what you want out of. Yeah, like you said, it's. Accepting the whole is important and understanding people as a whole is a big part of it. I don't think in sport, people know the people. The actual person. I don't know, it sounds crazy.

The people, they know the. The icon. They know the. They know the icon. The image. Yeah.

That goes as far as fans, and it goes as well as sometimes some places where you play. I mean, they don't even know what's in the locker room or what's on the field or whatever sport you want to insert. But I think that goes a long way, understanding what people are thinking. If you want to work together in any capacity, especially sport where it's about chemistry and team, unless you play golf or an individual sport, then it's, you know, there's also, there's. That's a different dynamic. But on a sport, I mean, you should probably know each other pretty well as you are on the ice or on the field, doing things at a fast pace, guessing what each other are doing, or would you rather know what each other are thinking and talking or getting Know each other? You know what I mean? You have to. To be able to do that, you have to know. I think you have to know the people. So I think it's important.

But I think, though, that in male sport, we've said this so many times before, that it's just a culture that isn't there, though. I mean, I've spent my whole life thinking that vulnerability is weakness.

Yeah.

Not realizing that it's strength. If I want to connect with anyone and have a real relationship with anyone, I have to be vulnerable for that to happen.

Happen.

But in my mind and on a team, around the guys, I got to be a guy. You know, I. I can't say I'm nervous, I can't say I'm anxious or I'm depressed or have bad thoughts. I mean, there's just. You have the feeling that there's no place for it. But when the reality is if one guy was able to say it and had the guts to say it, that the other people, you know, if they could take. Take off that mask, you know, I just think Lewis House here, they'd be able to share it. But because everybody's feeling it, everyone's feeling it, but everyone is scared shitless to show it.

Yeah, I think it's. I think it goes back to the character that's in the room or wherever sport. I see, because I'm a hockey guy. But if I. Paul, if you came to me, told me that you were anxious or depressed, my feeling would. I would be like, hey, what do you need, buddy? Or, you all right? If you came to me and I was immediately like, this pigeon or this pansy or whatever, you gotta. You should question the character that's in the room.

Yeah. And that's. And that's who you are. But.

But here's the thing for those.

Those people who are. Are immediately cutting somebody else down if they made a share like that. Those are the people that are the most insecure. Those are the people who are struggling the most. It's. You know, I've seen this over and over. The person who's going to attack somebody else, they're attacking because they're so insecure themselves, you know, and that's just. That's how it goes. But the person who's going to automatically help, it's because they really care. It's because they are concerned about the other person, because they can see themselves in that person. They understand what they're going through. You know, so, you know, you've. You've had a few struggles here and there. Have. Are you starting to feel or learn some of the tools that really help you? Like, you've mentioned CBD oil before. You've measured. What are some of the tools that are serving you really well at this point?

Obviously not playing and not training to be an athlete, to take time and think. Think things through and. And slow down. Really. That's. It was. I haven't done anything else much more than I said cbd. I started taking CBD oil, and that gave me, like, a lot of balance because I was like, the anxious stuff was killing. Like, I would wait all day for those things to come. So I would be sitting there waiting like a. Is this gonna trigger me? Is it? Oh, can I have a coffee? I'm like, that. Nope, that's a trigger. Oh, that was, like, all over the place. Couldn't have candy because I had. Can you start getting, like. It was so bizarre. So it really put a dent. And the funny thing is, in the middle of all That I went out and played like really good hockey. I mean, it's not, you know, this is what probably people like, oh, you said I don't even care.

But, but it's your, it's your thing, it's your, you know, that's your, it's your outlet in some ways. Like for instance, as a coach and having worked with you and knowing you somewhat, if I were to advise and knowing myself in terms of what I've dealt with, with depression or what Paul's dealt with depression, I'd give you a list and go, okay, Rob, every single day you need to tick off these five things, guaranteed. Like for instance, you get up at almost the same time every day. You have physical activity every single day, almost right off the hop. You're eating these specific foods that include fish oil, avocados. Like there are key things that will help your brain function its best. You use some things like meditation and you use your CBD oil or for some people it's essential oils. You make sure you're out in sunlight and make sure you're interacting with other people. And so like, like lists like that and ticking them off. And when you look at it and you go, oh my gosh, I'm feeling low. And then you look at your, your thing, your list of what you know you need to do in order to feel your best. And maybe there's like only two of them are happening. And then you're like, okay, wait, I've got to like come back to what I know is going to serve my best mental health. And it always will come back to those things. We know now with research that they did this study, they called it the Smile study, and eating good foods, healthy foods, like lots of fruits and vegetables, lots of healthy fats like nuts and avocados and things like that. They overhauled people's diets that had a greater beneficial effect on depression than antidepressants did.

That's interesting. Yeah, it's very.

So between that and exercise, those two things make a massive difference. The things that are gonna, you know, put a nosedive in it are gonna be things like alcohol will for sure. Like I've, I've, I. Paul will tell you I barely ever drink. Like I barely ever drink. And it's because of what I know about my past and you know, where just I've learned more about myself. Right. It's that same same kind of thing. But it's. Yeah, as a coach, if I were to give a list, it would be things like I mentioned that will make A massive difference. But we.

Yeah, that's the thing. I think more of anything. I never felt that structure. Right. Steve Ludzig was really good for me in that sense and guided me and helped me in structuring me. So a lot of time I just felt like I was always kind of like, defending myself and some bit my, like, personality. And that was always like a factor in everywhere I went. It was always like I had to, like, defend my personality is not being this arrogant, cocky fuck up in the middle of it. I just wanted to go play hockey. And like, yeah, sometimes I'm gonna get drunk. And I did. But I go with the team. I was always a team guy. And you can ask anybody that. I've always been, where we going, boys? It's the boys. It's not like I was sitting in a bar smashing drinks and like, ah, my life. It was never like that. It would be, you know, with the boys. And somehow that kind of gave me a bad red flag. And everybody. I was so. And like I said, on top of all the. I'm already battling and I'm like, battling. Like, I went to teams before Kargi, and they literally, like, the first weekend, the guys on the team's like, oh, you're not a bad guy. You're not an. You're just. You're just sarcastic. And I'm like, you know what I mean? Like, said I was an.

And the more you. The more you hear that, the more the chip on your shoulder keeps developing.

Back me into a corner. I don't know. What do you want me to do when people are saying things like this? Like, what am I supposed to. I don't know. It makes you feel really, like, whoa, I don't know. I don't do it. You've met me, Kari. I am who I am. And I come in and I'm like, whatever. Like, I know I got. Like I said, like, sometimes I'm loud, obnoxious because I have my own issues. I make. I'm trying to make myself and everybody else laugh around because it's like, this is way more fun than I want to drive my car to a fucking wall, you know?

Yeah. And. And the. The thing that comes from that, too, is that the more people attack, the more you feel like you have to defend. But who you become, who you become when you're defending isn't the real you.

That's the most vicious. You're gonna get me. And I'm not even a vicious person, so it's. It's kind of Weird. But when you get back into a corner, everybody fights. You're talking about.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah.

You don't back up. What do you think you're gonna like for? No reason. Okay, if I throw the first stove and I'm asking, but if I'm just standing here, you throw a stone at me. What do you want me to do? I don't know. It makes me feel like. I don't know. I'm gonna bark back or. I don't know how I react. I do. I react differently, but it's. It's always like. It felt like a long time. It felt like back into a corner. Like I had to, like, defend my honor in some sense of, like. I don't know where it went that way, but it definitely did. It went. The NHL draft. It carried with me my whole career. Everywhere I went, I was like, oh, here comes the. Like, what the. I didn't.

It's. It's an identity that was labeled onto you. That was. It was like an unwilling identity that you took with you and the pro.

The problem with it is that if somebody hears it, they're going to impose it on you when they meet you.

Right.

Because.

Well, that's what you're experiencing.

Yeah.

You're gonna. However you think about somebody, you're gonna see it and it's gonna come out. You're gonna misinterpret something they say because you're thinking they're an ass. Whereas if you think somebody's a saint, you won't misinterpret that same statement. You'll take it a completely different way and think, oh, that's so nice. And it's what people are looking for in you that they don't even realize they're looking for. And it's. That's a huge issue with the media and the way they portray people.

And, Paul, they did that.

You hear. You hear. You hear one side of something, and then those people. People think they have the right to take that comment or that statement or that half of an interview and apply this broad brush to who a person is without actually knowing them or hearing their side. And it's just really unfortunate. It taints everything. Right?

Well, it's a unique thing. Everything you're describing, it's. What it is, is our brains. Our brains are highly, highly aware of so many things that if we didn't filter things out, we would be, you know, overwhelmed with everything and headaches all the time. So we're filtering things constantly from what we see to what we Hear to what we expose ourselves to. So the example is that if I just bought a red car, red Toyota, let's say I just bought a red Toyota and then I go out on the streets, guess what I start to see a whole bunch of red Toyotas, right. I'm seeing what now I've become more aware of. So if one person suggests that Rob Shrimp's personality is this label, whatever it is, then that one suggestion, if they've heard that once, now when they go and meet you for the first time, they're looking at you through the filter that says, oh, Rob Shrimp is this. So they're looking for that thing instead of looking for, oh, I heard he was this, this or this, they're looking for that one thing. And if it was a negative thing, that's what they're seeing first. And that's what you've been living with from the beginning of your career. Because you started as, as you became so high profile at such a young age that your reputation started when you were younger than most athletes have that experience.

Most guys, before you can spell reputation, you know.

Yeah. Like most guys in professional sport have their reputation set when they've already been more established in their career. But for you, you know, you get this reputation set at a time that, you know, it's just, it's too, it's too early, it's too young, and then people are looking at you in a certain way that isn't. Isn't who you really are specific when.

It happened, which is the funny thing and kind of ironic because it was. I was 14 years old and the guy from called the Redline Report, it was a big article that went around to all the scouts and everybody who's who in that time, obviously before the Internet wave, and he wrote an article that said the disruption, the highly skilled, blah, blah, blah, and all this nice stuff. At the end, he's like, he's the problem. He's got an attitude problem and he's a coach killer. And you'll have beware for any coaches, essentially, is what he said. And at that time I was 14 years old, I played for John Walsh, who is still a very, very close family friend. And I promise you I didn't get him fired. So that would. I never got to set. My dad saw that guy at World Juniors, like two years down the road. I went and tried out for the World Juniors and that guy was there, my agent at the time, and my dad confronted him because that was like, my dad was really mad and obviously, why wouldn't he be. I would be pissed if I was him. And they caught him and they said, why, why did you write that? And they tried to corner me, wouldn't talk to my dad or my agent. And then he said, finally walking away goes. What do you want me to tell you? It's. It sells papers. Exactly.

And oh my gosh, that's.

It's heartbreaking.

So then I guess 14 year old, the next article that came out, guess what was at the end of it? Something about my attitude problem. Then I went to London in Mississauga, every single time someone wrote an article about me, they'll always be some in there about my attitude. What are you talking about? Yeah, I mean, anything you want to hear about my life story, go, I'll tell the story and you can tell me if you would have changed and made a different decision. And then you know what? I'll. If I'm totally wrong in such a bad of a kid, then I. I don't know what to do. But I don't think I've made. I reflected on a lot of times. Yes. Okay. I'm not saying I'm the perfect community. I make some stupid mistakes and I've acknowledged them and apologized if I was to an extreme of any sense. But it was never hurtful. I never heard anybody. But like, yes, I make mistakes but most of the time like these things say in my attitude. I don't. I never really understood it. I got benched in the most biggest year of my life, draft year. And I didn't say a word to the coach. I didn't say a peep to him. Yeah, say one word to him. Not fuck you, not you piece of shit, not you. I should be playing. I sat there like a humbled person that was getting, you know, a toddler lesson.

Yeah. That wanted your next chance, so whatever.

And then somehow that didn't cover up that whole, well, you know, then it turned into, well, he must have got benched because he's a bad kid.

Like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, you know, and then it just gets going worse and worse. I'm shit.

Okay, because that's. Because that's what people are looking for overall. You now are, you're settled with Marta. You have your little one who I'm sure is a handful at this age. Are you in the practice yet? Because this is such a powerful practice of looking for the joy in your life. It works the exact same way. The thing that I just described about the red Toyota. The same thing is true for when we look for the Things that we're grateful for. So, for instance, I know that that's been something that's worked for me and worked for Paul as well. If we start writing down at the end of the day, okay, what joy did I find this day? What am I grateful for on this day? Yeah. Yeah. We started our day now. Yeah.

I. I think that's. I didn't even realize. I mean, I don't realize I'm doing it, but it's now thinking of it over the last few months, I spent a lot of days waking up and just being like, this is such a good life. So it's. It started out that. And then I go about my day with that kind of first thought, which is. I mean, it's been so beneficial, and I've had a few bad days here and there, but they're really far. Few and far between. That's the right expression. I went in Rome, but, you know, my wife's noticed a big difference. And I don't know, it's just. Yeah. When you asked about earlier, about walking away from Hawk, I don't know if that was the right question, but it was such a relief. I'm happy now. I think I don't have to have that cloud. Really. I'm so sick of that cloud. That's why I walked away from the game. I'm just sick of it. I don't know why I have to keep defending myself. I feel like that, though. I really do. I have, like, all these situations.

You don't.

It's like, even, like, I don't. I don't. I already mentioned this. I don't want to throw anybody on the bus, but it happened last season. I. It ended up coming out. My mental health was a reason. One of the reasons why my. It didn't extend so that. That was the last kick in the nuts. And I'm like, that's enough. I can't. No, thanks, man. Like, come on. I don't get. I didn't do anything wrong. Whatever. I'll go do something.

Do you.

I have other. That's the thing, I think, for people with. Also with mental health is when you're trapped by your situation, that's the problem. And that was a huge problem for me. I always felt like I. I was just uneducated and just a hockey player, and that's what my life was. So that's kind of what I. How I positioned myself so I. You know, even when things were catastrophic to me in some sense, I just kind of let them go into the carpet. Because I felt like I can't let this thing go. I have to stay in this game. That drove me nuts. Now that I feel like I don't. That has no power in any sense to me anymore. I don't care. I don't care about pro hockey anymore. So I feel. At this moment, I can just feel relief. And I don't. I don't know. Nobody's pulling. I don't have to defend. I go in a different way. And the people that I meet in my new life, they gotten to know me, and they. That. We like each other's company. We have a great company going, and we're making lots of new friends, and everything's great. I don't know. It seems like that's so much more positive.

Yeah.

It's not fighting 10 years. It's not about being 14, 15 years of. You're a shithead. You're a shithead. You're a shithead. I don't know. That's nice to not have. It really is.

Yeah. You're. It's about, you know, meeting someone new, and you're not the hockey player to them. You're just like, rob this awesome guy down the street, or Rob this guy that we, you know, play golf with, or rob the guy that we hang out at the barbecue or whatever, which is such an amazing thing because people appreciate you for who you are instead of as a commodity, which is what a pro athlete is.

Yeah, exactly. And if you treat it, you're very much treated that way. And people can say what they want, but, I mean, I played 14 years in pro. I can see the commodity side of it and how it feels to be, you know, in that sense, treated like an absolute commodity, especially when you have something. As if I like what I deal with as far as depression that's actually lingering inside of me. And these people are still treating a certain way like you're a piece of. Doesn't help your cause. And it doesn't. I mean, it makes you feel real uneasy. Like, it doesn't feel like your feet are ever on the ground flat. You're just always unbalanced. So it's. It's. It's really hard to cope and find out. And that's when you. Like I said, you start going in those other mechanisms, and, you know, I got to own up to it. I did it. There's times. Every time I grab a beer, it's my decision.

Yeah.

That I'm more. A little more clear in realization of what I've done to me, I Kind of like have to look at the situation like, okay, is this something you really want to do? Do you want to have drinks tonight? Do you want to feel what you're going to feel tomorrow? And if that experience is not in that category, then I just have to walk away from it. And that's. Or I just do the dumb thing and go back into stupid decisions. And that's what you have to do. You have to grow up and make the right decisions. And that's what I'm, you know, kind of, I guess maybe it took me longer than most, as you referred to earlier.

It's all good, though. But the thing is, is that now, now it's, you have the power back because you decide it's a different thing when you are behaving or making decisions that you feel like aren't your own. But when you, you have the power, when you decide, when you take control back and you decide that this is what your life is going to be, that's very powerful and so liberating and so much happier than feeling like you're controlled. So it's, it's a whole nother ball game.

Yeah. Yeah.

So what are you, what are you loving? Like, if you had to list a few things that you're loving about your life right now, like, is it, is it being in, in Florida, the palm trees, is it your baby? Like, what are the things that are your favorite things right now?

Absolutely. Yeah. The Stella is the highlight of everything. So obviously getting to spend every single morning with her and every day with her, really, it's so cool. It's such a great different level of emotion you don't even realize you have. And it really helps with the darker stuff as well to shine light in your life and have something really to pull for appreciation wise. And I don't have to beat myself up about her at all. I did everything I needed to do and it was, she came out as a really happy, healthy baby. So that's like an accomplishment that I will never have to defend or, you know, feel like I did with hockey. So that's something that gives me great happiness every single day. And there's, it's just going to be internal happiness until I'm around. So that's something that gives me joy. Also working with Zeta, the company I'm working with, we are helping people every day, whether it's surgical patients, people with arthritis, the testimonies that get to come back, they're all positive and they're all happy and they're saying how much we Help them. And so many thanks. And that's gratifying to be able to be involved in something that's as powerful as that and as positive makes me happy. Makes me feel, like I said, not just a hockey player. I can do other things in life, even though I'm not, you know, don't have a master's degree or college educated. If you. If you really want to do something, you can. You can do it. And people that feel like they're stuck in their situation or their sport, they need to realize that there's, like, a lot of great people outside of sport that are still good people and you can have good time with and also you can do business with. You can. Whatever it is you want out of life, you can do. It's not. The sport doesn't own anybody.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's incredible becoming a dad. I'm sure, like, as soon as you become a parent, you. You never knew how much you could really love, you know?

Yeah.

It's a whole nother. It's a whole nother realm of. Of feeling than you've ever felt in your life.

Yeah. Really is. When she came out, I cried. I was so joy. And it was amazing. And it was A1 experience. And then watch her crawl around. Now, nine months later, it's all. I mean, it's still as much joy as it was when she came out. So like I said that happiness is just so guaranteed every day. So it's nice to have.

Yeah. Kids and dogs and.

And I'll tell. I'll tell you something that's really important, Rob, that I'm learning, is that you feel that unconditional, overwhelming, incredible love. Love for your. Your wife, for your.

For your baby.

But you've got to feel that for yourself, too. It's. You have to. To be the best dad you ever want to be. For me to be the best husband I ever want to be. At the end of the day, I've got to love who I am. I've got to love myself legitimately and not. And shut that voice up in my head that's been tearing me down for years, you know, and it's. That's a really important step, too, to have. Use all those external things that we love so much as motivators to be better for ourselves. And it really starts with loving who we are. Like Kari alluded to before, the good and the bad.

You know, we.

No one is perfect. No one's even close. And it's just recognizing the dark sides that we have and being okay. What Can I learn from this? Hey, there's that dark side showing up.

Why?

And just having that. That feeling towards life of just keep loving yourself, loving around you, and good things will happen. And I've just always felt from you, I mean, I've haven't spent a lot of time with you in the gym.

Kari spent way more.

But you're always true to that. You say what you're feeling, you're honest, and I love guys like you. And if I had more teammates like you around when I was playing, I'd probably be a hell of a lot better at communicating what I'm actually feeling. But it's coming.

Yeah. Yeah. I think it was empowering for me, for. Also for my. It never was easy, and I was kind of. I never spoke about depression. I just. I just shut up and then, like, show upside a lot and bury it. Barry Barrett. And then when someone else started speaking for me, really pissed me off. And then I was like, you know what? I'm so tired of everybody else talking for me. I'll just tell you what. I don't give a. Like I said, I don't care. I'm not a barrel. Like, I'm not embarrassed. What do you want me to tell you, if anything? It's like, I don't want your sympathy either. The other thing I don't want. I hate. I don't. I don't want. It's not. That's the point. Just kind of like, I understand now that since I talk about it, I've seen the positive wave of people, like, oh, my God, I'm glad you said that. That, like I said, it goes back even to the beta. I got to accompany that their idea is to change the world in a positive way. Now with this mental health stuff, I. I just wanted to say that and let people know. I mean, it wasn't easy for me.

Yeah.

Maybe there's ways I acted in a certain way. People thought I'm a joke or a clown. It sucks that that's the way it is. But, I mean, for me, it was a mechanism in a way of, like, trying to entertain myself. So I kind of want to clear that here. I'm not just a clown and an idiot. You know, that was to benefit myself in some way and make myself not want to think bad things.

Yeah.

But also. Yeah. Just doing positive things like that. I don't know.

Yeah, well, we so appreciate your openness and honesty because this is so valuable. It's so good for other people to understand that, like, it's not all, you know, medals and roses when it comes to high performance sport. And, you know, your story makes such a huge difference for people and we're super grateful for that. Is there anything else that you want people to know before we wrap up and on. On this such important issue?

You know, I think I touched on it already. I don't think the sport owns you or anything owns you. And it doesn't matter. We talk about sport because we're in sport. I'm not in it. We were in sport. This goes for everybody. Nothing owns you in any situation, whether it's business, office, or it's anything. I don't think you should be trapped by anything. When you start feeling trapped and you're a depressed person, it's a bad thing because you can really tell spinning, that's where the bad things come. So I think don't ever feel trapped is a huge. It's hard. I know it's kind of cliche to say, but that's for me, I don't feel trapped anymore. And it gave me a huge relief. That's my story. I'm not a psychologist and I'm not a doctor, but for me, that's my story. I kind of. I just don't feel trapped anymore. So I feel like I'm not suffocating and I don't have to fight and like, defend myself to people. I just get to wake up every day and be with the people I love and surround myself with friends that I love. And my days have been going great. So, yeah, I mean, I'm not making money anymore. Unfortunately, with hockey, that's, you know, you got to worry. There's that too. It's. Financially, it was, you know, hard. That was money, that was easy. It's something I've done my whole life. I could easily done hockey again. Yeah, it was a sacrifice to walk away from that. But you have to be willing, I mean, some sense to do that, to take some risk, to change your avenue. Otherwise you just keep chasing the tail. And that's where you. You wind up 50 years old and being like, what the hell did I do? Yeah, I got a 32. And I said, that baby's good enough and reason for me to make myself happy. And that's enough for this. So that's my story. Like I said, I'm not a psychologist. I can't give you exactly the route, but how I'm dealing with it and I want to talk about it. If someone else makes them talk about it and helps them, and that's when I'VE done my job and I feel, I feel gratified by that. So that's cool.

Well, you can, you can certainly feel amazing from what you shared because I know that it's going to make a difference for a lot of people because you've, you've, you know, so many people have looked up for you, to you for what you've done in your sport. And this is, is so much bigger in terms of how you can help people. So congratulations on retiring, congratulations on stepping into just whatever you want to create your life to be and your new business. And we're just grateful to know you and really thank you for sharing so much.

I appreciate it. Thanks for having me on, guys. It helps a lot to talk and have support like you guys. So, so it's easy for me to have this conversation with you guys today. I feel your sincerity and support. So thank you for that and also being great friends and thank you for all the training. Kyrie and Paul, I tried to get in shape.

You did great.

You're all good.

You're all good. Well, it's too bad you weren't here this weekend, but next time you're in town or if we head down to Florida, we'll, we'll see you in person.

Okay? Sounds awesome, guys. Thank you so much.

Thanks so much, Rob.

Take care.

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