EP4 Celina Toth - Diving - National Team

This is episode four of the Empowered Athlete podcast.

Imagine you're ten minutes away from a final event and a very well respected national level coach approaches you and says you need to lose weight. Imagine how you'd feel. And that is a huge body image issue that happens in men's sports and women's sports for this particular person, Selena Toth, she's a diver, so she's in a bathing suit all the time and we're going to hear from her and what she's gone through with her own body image and what she's overcome in her progress in dealing with that in diving. And she's a phenomenal competitive athlete and I was fortunate enough to get to know her and her bubbly, amazing outgoing personality a couple years ago when she had a break from the national team. She came and trained with me for a short time and, and she's such an incredible athlete. A five time national champion in the 10 meters, women's event, four time FISU World Championship medalist, Commonwealth Games finalist, and two time World cup championship finalist. I can't wait to introduce her. We're going to have a great chat and I think there's a lot for you to draw from this conversation. Typically in gym clothes, I find it such a treat to get dressed up and go out. Paul says I clean up well. We both love nice watches and I just found a company that's a perfect fit for both of us. Welly Merc watches are Swiss made high fashion accessories that we love. And guess what? We have a discount for you. 15% off any men's or women's watches. Just go to wellymerc.com that's W, E, L, L Y M-E-R-C-K.com use discount code WKARI15. So that's capital W, capital K, A, r, I and 15. So go ahead, shop for yourself, shop for people for Christmas. Enjoy. Welcome to the Empowered Athlete Podcast. Created to support athletes in their pursuit of excellence and inspire others toward their best lives. Hosted by Kari Schneider, coach to top performers in sport and life, and Paul Durden, former national and professional volleyball player.

Okay, so we're here with Selena Toth and we're really, really excited to have Selena with us today. So welcome, Selena.

Hi. Thank you for having me.

Yeah, so tell us a little bit about yourself. Tell us about your background, how you got started in sports and where you're at right now currently.

All right, well, my Name's Selena. I'm 26 years old. I'm from London, Ontario or St. Thomas. People know where that is. And I moved to Victoria B.C. when I was 18, graduated high school in London and decided that I wanted to continue my goal of going to the Olympics for diving. My Discipline is the 10 meter platform event and I'm hoping to within the next year or two get into some synchro diving, see how that goes. But so yeah, I moved out to Victoria and started going to school at UVic for psychology. And I'm almost done, which is super exciting. I'll be going into my ninth year next month of my undergrad. Yeah, it's a long time, but yeah, I have five classes left so hopefully I'll graduate this year. And also had the opportunity to continue diving here with my club board works and Tommy McLeod is my coach here and also continue. Actually started training in the weight room doing some strength and conditioning when I moved out here with a whole bunch of different coaches at CSI Pacific. And yeah, that's basically the what happened from moving from home to here and just been training and going to school and finally, finally feel like I've got my life figured out over here.

I think that's, that's crazy. There's so much there, there's so much there to dive into. I want to, I want to ask a couple things along the way.

Absolutely. What.

Can you, can you back up a little bit about how you got into diving? Like, I know that there's a number of questions I have just from that snapshot of what your life has been thus far. But diving is such a unique sport and it's not one that, you know, you hear about kids going into soccer or going into hockey or this or that. But what got you to diving? Where did that come from?

Well, it's funny because when the Olympics come around, like diving is so popular and everybody wants to watch it and our national team is so strong internationally and so it's really cool to watch on tv. But yeah, not, it's not a big community that we have. So when I started I was a gymnast. I did a whole bunch of sports growing up, but I stuck with gymnastics for about six years and then eventually I'd like gotten hurt and I was scared and I didn't see myself really pushing through any more than where I was. I was like a little bit competitive, but not really. And so my parents were like, well if you're going to quit, like, you know, you need to tell your coaches. So I went in on a Monday and I told them that I didn't want to do gymnastics anymore and a teammate or a coach of mine, who was also a diver, and I didn't know at the time, was like, oh, like a bunch of our other athletes have quit gymnastics and gone to diving. Like, you should try it. So I went home and I, like, told my parents about it. My dad was like, oh, perfect. Because you're not just going to sit home and do nothing and go to school and hang out at the mall after school.

After all those hours of gym, Karen doesn't want to see it go to waste.

Exactly. And he's like, you're not going to do something silly like dance? And I was like, what? Like, come on. And he was like, so, we'll try this. So I called on the Wednesday for a tryout because I have, like, a fairly good acrobatic background that we thought I wouldn't have to start at, like, learn to dive. So we called and the coach was like, yeah, yeah. Like, we'll do a tryout on Friday. Can you come in then? And they're like, yep. So tried out on Friday was there. And I, like, was so scared. And I walked up and they showed me, introduced me to everyone. And then I saw, like, two or three of my old teammates who I actually didn't know had quit gymnastics and went to dieting.

I thought they just moved.

Yeah. And so I was like, whoa, I know you guys. And then. And then I have my tryout and included.

You felt included?

Yeah.

It wasn't so scary after you saw them.

No, it was really a really great day, actually. I was terrified when they asked me to do more than a flip, and I didn't do it that day.

When they asked you to do that, was that off of the diving board?

Yeah.

And what height was the diving board?

Oh, just one meter. So we started off slow.

Well, I love this, so you're saying it slow, but, I mean, I know as a kid, we would stand around the pool. If someone had a diving board, it'd be like, okay, who's gonna try to do a flip? That'd be terrifying. Like, one meter. And I'm talking backyard pool where the diving board's a foot off the water.

Yeah.

And they're just telling you. They're telling you to do a flip with no instruction. I love it. Just.

Just. Yeah. So we. So I was 12 at this time, so as a. I was a late bloomer for divers. They want you to really start early so that they can teach you the basics and, like, the pretty legs and toes and the arms and stuff like that.

Yeah, the sport aesthetics.

Totally. Yeah. So I had a little bit of a advantage there already knowing how to do that, but, yeah. So we started off slow with jumps and going to 3 meter, and they taught me how to do a dive, and, like, I could already sort of do that, but not like the perfect diving way. And then they taught me the arm swing, and I think I might have learned a hurdle that day. And then. And then, yeah, we did a flip, and then they were like, okay, like, you know how to do an entry, you know how to do a dive, you know how to do a flip. Like, let's try one and a half. And I was like, oh, my gosh.

That was the first day.

Yeah. Literally within the practice was only an hour and a half. So, yeah, it was like, um, yeah, can I pass on that one? Like, I really want to do make a good impression, but I don't know if I'm ready for that. And they were like, yeah, yeah, it's totally fine. So then talked to my parents, and they were like, yeah, like, we want her on the team. And within Monday, I was diving like, four times a week. And a couple months later, I went to my first competition, and as a pre. Like, pre competitive, crazy. And it turned out really well. And that was in December of that year, and they have nationals at the end of every year. And I had actually qualified for my first nationals that year, but they were like, no, no, no. Like, you're not ready. But yeah, I was on the. I was on the team, like, and within a couple months, I was full time. So.

So within four. So within three or four years from that, from starting, you won a national championship?

Yeah.

That's impressive.

I've got a question about that, because just a second ago, you said that you weren't that competitive, but you've been quoted as saying, when I started diving, I wasn't the most naturally talented, and there was lots of work to do and a lot of people saying I couldn't do a lot in the sport. That's your quote. So I don't believe that you're not competitive. So I don't know if Kari's going in this direction, but where did that drive come to go from that little, you know, that little kid, first practice, one and a half to national championships so quickly?

So I guess by that quote I mean, like, I'm. I'm definitely a competitive person. I want to win all the time. Um, but I don't think that I was quite at the level that I needed to be with the top national athletes. So when I won that year, in, in 2008, I honestly, like, it came out of nowhere and a lot of people were like, uh, what? And it took me a really long. I got to nationals and I was always at the bottom the first couple years, and they didn't really see me going anywhere. And then I kind of broke out and got invited to the Olympic trials in 2008. That was actually out here in Victoria, so that was really cool. And I found out they called me on my birthday. I was turning 16, so that was really cool.

Awesome.

And so then, yes, I came out here and I actually was invited for springboard on 3 meter. And that's not the event I compete in anymore, so that was really cool. And like, I came in the top 12 and I was like, oh, like, this is cool. This is fun. Nobody really knows who I am. I like being the underdog and I really rode that wave and being the underdog for a long time. Like, multiple years after that, like, a couple months later, we had my nationals in Thunder Bay where I won on tower. And I, I, I've, I've wrote down and told you a little bit about this experience and how it, like, changed everything for me was, was winning. So the way that they did that event, they split it up and they. You did all your optionals first and then you did your compulsories afterwards. And I was never really so in the, like, final. So they'd cut you at the top 12 and then do your compulsories in the final. And my compulsories weren't my best thing. And my optionals that year were like, fresh and new on 10 meter. Some of them are on 10 meter. I didn't have all of them up there yet, so. And it was my first year a. So that was like the hardest age group because you have normally all the age groups then you grow up are just two. So you're only competing against like, either a year lower, a year above you. So this year I had my year and two years above me, and I was like, oh, and the girls were so good. And I was like, competing against girls who were giving the national, the seniors, a run for their money. So I honestly, like, went in and I was like, ah, whatever. Like, I gotta just have fun and do my best and. And I came out after my optionals and my coach, I had my chamois on my head. So chamois is like the thing that you dry little towel you dry off with. During the weight for my turn, I would always put it over my head and be listening to music, so I couldn't really see anything. And I'd look at my coach, and she'd give me my correction beforehand, and I'd walk up to the tower, and I was completely, like, not paying attention to anything else and did my last optional. And I came over, and she was like, oh, my God, like, what? That was awesome. And I was like, cool. And then we, like, look up. Look up at the screen, and we're like, what? Like. And I don't think that she really knew that I was in first either. And we were like, cool. And then she was like, okay, okay. Like, no, no, no, calm down. Like, this. This isn't over. And, like, that doesn't mean anything, especially with your compulsories. And she was kind of, like, trying to make me a little bit angry.

That's the thing about watching as a sex theater or a fan, too, is that you. You know, it's this roller coaster when you're watching diving. That's one of the reasons it's so bloody exciting when you're seeing it on. On tv.

Yeah, totally. One dive and you can totally be out of there. And it's. It's not over until the end. Yeah, yeah.

The stakes. The stakes are so high.

Totally. So I remember going up for my compulsories, and I think we had four of them, and my. And just one of the girls who was supposed to win, who ended up being a really good friend of mine. I remember when we were just practicing them, her standing at the end of the tower and just death glaring at me like she could not believe that I was winning and that I was beating her. She was supposed to win, and. Oh, I. I'll never forget that. So funny. And then. So we were in the competition, and it was my last dive, and I was the last diver to go, and they, like, called my name, said where I was from, announced the dive, and I could just. And I still. I'm getting sharers talking about it right now. My. My team, who's really, really. We were all very, very close at the time. Even everyone in Ontario was all very close. Had, like, kind of ran up to the edge of the bleed or the stands at the top upstairs, and getting ready to just, like, run down onto the deck and, like, give me a big hug and. But I was like, no, Selena, like, you have to do your last step. But I could, like, see them out of the corner of my eye. I'm like, okay, just land on your head. Like, I didn't know if I needed to, like, really nail it or if it just needed to be good, I had no idea. So I was like, just land on your head. All you have to do is just land on your head, please. And then I went. And, like, I don't. I don't even remember the dive. I just remember putting my arms down and. And going. And then the next thing I knew, I was in the water and the whole pool exploded. Like, just so loud I could hear them underwater. And that's, like. Doesn't really happen. And I, like. I got out of the water and the whole pool is going nuts, just cheering and screaming, and before I could even get out of the water, onto the bulkhead, like, everybody, like, not just my team, but, like, other teams and other divers from. And this was really cool because it was at the time the Junior Nationals. You had all ages, so A to D, so 18 to 8. Like, ages, people, everybody, the whole pool, coaches, officials, everyone was right there. And I could feel like I couldn't even get out of the water. And people just, like, hugging me and shaking me and congratulating me. And the. One of the National Team coaches, who I've now have a lot of experience diving and competing with from Montreal, like, got in there and shook my hand. He's like, wow, congratulations. Welcome to the team. And I'm like, what? Oh, my God. The, like, technical director came in and was like, oh, yeah. Like, that was so good. Hi, Selena. I'm Scott. Welcome to the National Team. And I'm like, what? And I'm, like, looking around for my coach. I'm like, hannah, like, where are you? And she finally, like, people just push her into the middle, and, like, she gives me a hug. And she was basically the same size as me. So, like, that's a.

That's a scene from a movie. That's a movie. Seriously, right there. That's a movie scene right there.

Yeah, seriously. And they, like, bought my parent. They brought my parents down from the stands. And, like, that doesn't happen. Like, people win all the time and, like, win big things and, like. Like, win the Olympic trials. And, like, yeah, their parents stay in the stands and, like, you wave to them and, like, that's it. Like, my parents were on the pool deck with me, and it was. And that's never. I've never seen that in the 15 years of me being a diving. Like, I've never seen that happen.

And it's like, you're appreciating that what you experienced is truly unique and truly special. It's the thing that Dreams are made of.

Yeah, that's incredible. That really did change a lot of things for me. But, yeah, after that, like, I was always fourth at Nationals in my event. I was like, ah. And so there was kind of always that drive, but because I could never make the podium again. Yeah, everyone lost confidence in me and lost and just didn't. And so they didn't think I was competitive enough and that I could ever do it. So I was always just on the outside and.

And that's kind of.

I.

In the. That was probably around the time that I worked with you a little bit and. Yeah, and. And I felt that a little bit. Even though. I mean, we didn't really talk in depth about anything like that. But I felt this need for you to prove to other people that you could totally. And also this. This at this time that you were also. It's almost like you didn't. You weren't anchored in that. That was one of the times that you were looking for a coach you could rely on and kind of going from, you know, you knew you were going to bc, but what did that look like? Because you didn't quite know yet. And. And I felt that. And I wish I remember at the time because I wished you were back in London for longer because I thought that would have been really good for you because you didn't have the stability out in bc.

Yeah. Yeah, it was really hard. Yes. I think I'd been here for a year and then I came home for a summer and worked with you because Tyler got me in touch. And, yeah, it was really hard because I had an okay year, but didn't feel like I was really going anywhere and wasn't sure what I wanted to do. And, like, I was always being judged for my weight and. Yeah, like, body image in our sport is one thing that's, like, crucial and.

Yes.

And I didn't fit in what they wanted, so that was another reason why they were like, oh, well, she's never going to lose weight, so she's never going to be there. And we didn't. I didn't have. Yeah, like you said, I didn't have stability out here or people to help me with that at the time. And so, yeah, that was definitely one thing I thought I would be able. Maybe be able to talk with you about if I was there longer. Yeah, it took a while to get out of that.

So tell me. Like, I mean, it's that kind of thing. And both Paul and I understand that there's so many highs and there's so many lows and what you've just described are one of the most euphoric and. And movie, like, highs. What. What are some of the struggles? Like, what is one of the. One of the. What is one of the hardest things you've had to overcome?

Well, injury is such a big thing for athletes, I find. Like, that's something that's really, really difficult, and I've definitely gone through that. But injury has actually helped me get through my hardest struggle, which was body weight and body image. In my sport was a year where they were like, ugh, like, she's not going anywhere. And I could feel it and I could see it in their eyes when they looked at me at competition. And I was trying to, like, the only thing I would eat was tuna. And, like, I hated tuna that sucked. And so now I like it. But, like, literally that was like, I felt like that was all I was eating for an entire year. And. Which also wasn't helping because that's not. Just eating tuna is not a healthy balance.

You're not eating for performance. Yeah, you need the performance. You need the power and explosiveness.

Totally. So. So, yeah, I went to a competition at the beginning of the season and wasn't doing great, but it wasn't horrible. And I. We had prelim semis and finals that weekend, and it was. I did okay in the prelim, and then the next day was semis, and then finals was like, maybe like an hour after that. And it did okay. I did well enough in the semi to make the final. And at this point in time, we had a lot of people in our event. And this was at a senior national event, so there was lots of divers. And one of the judges from out in B.C. came up to me and she was. She's a big deal in diving Canada and even, like international diving. Very well known. And her opinion very. It matters a lot.

Yeah.

So she came up to me and she was like, Selena, you, me, weight watchers online, 20 pounds. And I was like, oh, God, wow. And I had finals in 10 minutes.

Yeah.

I'm like, yeah, what?

And it's.

Go ahead.

No, I see that over and over in so many different sports, especially with females, but it's also with male athletes as well. And it's. Sometimes coaches get into that realm of knowing or thinking they know what's going to make the difference, but not. Not being aware enough of the impact or how it's going to land for that athlete and how it's going to affect that athlete and it. That kind of thing. Might be the end of their. End of their desire. End of their desire for what they've always loved to.

To do.

And it's such a. It's. It's not as bad as it used to be. But I. I know I. I have story after story where coaches would come to me as the strength coach saying. Saying, you need to get this off of this athlete. And I'm just like, okay, that's not how it works.

Okay.

Like, okay, first of all, like, I'm not cutting a limb off, so.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, yeah, no, so go on. That. That must have. What was that like for you? That must have just pressed your. Your heart at that time.

What was it like at that moment? I was like, okay, thank you. I'm going to go dive finals now. Try and just, you know, like, oh, it's.

Shake it off. Shake it off.

Yeah, it's just her. That's how she is. And, like, let it roll off my shoulder. Not a big deal. And then literally, as I was turning around to go towards my coach, another official who I'd known a long time growing up, has watched me grow up from Ontario, comes up to me, selena, when are you going to start doing more challenging? Like, oh, God. Oh, my God. Like, perfect timing.

Is this normal for people to be talking to you 10 minutes before a final?

Yeah, if you're not training. Yeah. Yeah. Like, depends on.

Because it just seems. It seems distressing from my personal perspective that no one's talking to me and I'm playing. Yeah. People might be trying to talk to me before a match, but I'm not hearing it. They're being like, yeah, it's. It's blowing my mind to hear you say that. The people even have a chance to say this to you.

It's unreal. I don't.

I.

Honestly, this. It is a little weird. I mean, I'm like, I try to keep it loose and not too stressed. In a competition. And like, nationals, the level of competitiveness, like, anxiety isn't as intense. So it was okay for them to come and chat with me, but not about those things. That was not the right time.

Inappropriate.

Yeah, totally. But, yeah. So I went. Went to the event and I. To be honest, I don't even remember how it went, but I remember having to come back home and, like, it didn't bother me at the time. But then when I had to tell Tyler, my coach, my strength coach, I knew he was gonna be pissed and really upset. And so when I told him, he got upset. And that's when I cried and I was like, yeah, okay, this is like a real thing, and it's a problem. And so every competition after that, that year, I hated being there, which is not competing, is my favorite place to be. I love seeing everybody and being with everyone and, you know, like, just the adrenaline high. It's like, it's so much fun, and the people are so important to me in the sport that when I got there, like, I couldn't even enjoy being with them because I just thought everyone was judging me. However, how I looked and how you can.

That's all you can think of once that's been put in your space. And. And in the. Initially, it's the kind of thing that you feel like you're supposed to, because one thing that happens with athletes over time is that they are so trained to be coachable. And when someone with that much clout and that much superiority over you comes and says things like that to you, it. It's. It's like you. You're supposed to absorb it and do what they say or. Or agree with them or be coachable that way. And it's just goes directly against who you are and being the best version of yourself as an athlete and your best performer as well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the end of that year was a mess. I basically was done. I was like, yeah, like, internationals didn't. I was like, okay, this probably my last competition ever. Like, I didn't tell very many people, but, like, you could see it. It was written all over me. Like, everyone was like, what's wrong? And I'm nothing. Like, just, you know, kind of done with this. And. And then I did okay. I came fourth or something at nationals, and, you know, like, I was. I was decent at my dives. I could land on my head and. And at that point in all you needed to do to get to an international competition, because the. The top two girls were going to other events, and then the top. The next two were, you know, got the all. All the smaller internationals. So I got invited back to my favorite place in the world, Bolzano, Italy. They have a Grand Prix there every year. And I was like, yeah, you know, this is going to be my last competition. It's going to be international, it's going to be fun outdoors. It's my favorite place in the world. It's beautiful. You're diving in the mountains. My old teammate is coming, my first, like, my old coach, Moana, who got me onto the national team from London. Like, she's going to be there with Taylor one of my teammates, who we never thought would ever make a Grand Prix, made one that year. He's one of the hardest working guys I know. So, like, it was literally my fan, like, another teammate of mine was going. So my family was really. This was the family that was going to be at this competition. I was like, you know what? I'm done. Like, this is great. And I didn't care. And again, like, just went and had fun and I did awesome. And I came for. And I was like, okay, maybe I still really do love this and it's better when you don't care kind of thing.

Yeah.

And so it kept me hanging on for the next season a little bit. We went back into the gym and. But I was also at that point year, I finally met friends in Victoria and my. My life was coming together here and I found a balance between school and diving and my friends. And I kind of wanted to do that whole first year of school thing where you're going out and you're having fun. And so it kind of took me away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't good for my diving.

But that's the thing, what you experience. Oh, my gosh, that's so important because as you've felt in your career, it's that identity of Selena the diver, and that's the majority of your identity. And then when something penetrates that or it starts to shake or there's just something that cracks that identity. Well, what else do you have? Especially when you've left your family, you've left your home, you. If you didn't have close friends out there, that's the kind of thing that ends a career right there. When you have been shaken by your results, by what coaches say, by feeling certain ways, it's just. That's a tough thing. So to experience being a friend and being a first year student and being a psych student, that can be the thing that makes your diving that much more rewarding.

Yeah.

And it's really, it's so evident in your story that you're rock bottom, everything's low, and the thing that pulls you out is simply enjoying your sport the way you did the first time you tried it, and being with your friends and those core elements that all the passion revolves around and getting rid of all that other crap. Was that call to you to say, hey, this is for me, I really do love this and kept you in it. It's amazing to hear that. You know, it sounds like the roller coaster is about to go right off the tracks. But that shift in gratitude you know.

Takes it right back to the top.

It's that thing, you never know, you, you never know what's gonna happen. You never know what's around the corner. And time, it's just that thing that, that either heals or takes you through or, you know, brings you to a new place. Yeah, that's so, that's so great. So what's happening for you now and for university, like your psychology, you've been.

Working on that for a few years now.

Yeah. You know, I might not even graduate this year saying that I've been like looking at classes and like part of the reason why I've been in school so long is because our diving schedule is so set. Like they've been, I feel like they've been. My coach has been here for 20 years. He had his 20th anniversary this year. And I think the training schedule has been the same all these 20 years, which is only accommodating to the junior athletes who are in high school because they go to a sports school where they get a block of time and that's when they get to come to the pool. And then when they're done school, they come after school like at 4 o' clock and that's the only set time we have.

So you can't take any classes.

No, because it's. Exactly. And diving is 10:30 to 1, three mornings a week and four to seven. So any evening afternoon classes out, any mid morning lunch classes out. So that leaves me with 8 to 10.

Yeah, yeah. Which takes forever to get that, that, that school.

Exactly. When you get into 400 level classes, there are none at that time because the professors don't want to be up at that time like, like anybody regular, normal person. But yeah, so it's been really hard trying to figure it out, especially with the travel too, which was a pain in my butt at first actually for a majority of my education because none of the teachers I wasn't on varsity diving is not part of university sports. So they didn't care if I missed stuff and they didn't have an obligation to help, have to help me because I wasn't getting notes from university coaches or whatever. So every year, every class I would go in and I'd give them a letter and I'd introduce them to who I was and like, okay, this is the deal. And like the last, I've been in school eight years now. So the last two years of those eight years finally started to get better for me in regards to teachers helping me out. I've had. There was One teacher professor who. Everyone was like, oh, my God, Dr. Payne.

She's.

She's amazing. And then other people were like, oh, my God, she's so mean. And I was so. I was. Felt like I got the idea. Like, you either love her or you hate her.

Yeah.

So I went into my first class with her was Adolescent Development, and I loved the class because she is, like, the psychology God. Like, she's exactly who I want to be when I'm done my sporting career and go into my actual educational career. She just, like and doesn't care what people think. And she'll say she knows every stat about anything, and if you're wrong, she'll call you out on it.

So we had.

I was super. I thought I'd be shy and not want to talk in class, but then I, like, would end up laughing at everything she says, and then she'd ask me questions so I'd have to talk. And I was a little nervous because in this class, the first time I ever asked her a question, she made me feel like an idiot. And I, like, walked away. And I was like, oh, God, like, maybe I shouldn't be in this program or something like this. And then we had our first group project, and she told us we were doing it on discrimination against LGBTQ youth at the time. And we found this article that just, like, it got me going. And there was an article about a priest in Toronto still thinking that they could pray the gay away and, like, yeah, clean you. And I was like, this is so wrong for kids. Like, I just. It blew my mind. So I took it to her, and I was like, okay, can we talk about this? And she was like, yeah, but don't base your whole presentation on it. I was like, okay. So, like, me and my two other friends, like, got the whole presentation going, but my part was all about that specific thing because I was so passionate about it, and I started to freak out. She was gonna hate it because she said, don't just talk about that. And the presentation that went before us, she basically shut them down at the end and said that whole thing was wrong. You used all American stats f. Like, nothing was right about that. And I was like, oh, my God. Scared.

Scared, yeah.

At the end of the presentation, I ended up jumping up and down in it, and it was super embarrassing, but people were crying and, like, coming up after us and thanking us for talking about it, and it, like, really hit home to us. Like, it was amazing, and she loved it. And I was like, yeah, okay. Like, I'm in Her good books. And then two years later, I had another class with her. And this was two years ago. She told me I look like shit.

Oh.

Like word for word. I was going through the worst breakup, super sick. And we had two exams and I, like, really didn't study for it. And then I also had a project classes throughout, both at 8:30 throughout the week with her. So every day at 8:30 I saw her and I wanted to go after the two exams to go have a meeting with her to make sure that I was doing this project right. So I didn't get too far into the semester and realize it was all wrong. And this was the first time I ever gone to an office hour with her. So I sit down and she was like, how are you? I'm like, okay. She goes, you look better today. I was like, thank you. Why would you bring that up? And she's like, well, because yesterday you look like shit. And to be honest, you've looked awful all week. And I was like, oh, my God.

Are you saying that because you're worried about me or are you saying that because you care or because you're just being mean?

Excuse my language, but it was just so funny but also awful at the same time. I, like, I started crying. And immediately, as soon as she asked, am I okay? She regretted it because she's not very. Like, she doesn't really like to talk very much. Like when she was in clinical, she was good working with kids, but quickly found out that that was all she could work with was kids.

Yeah.

So she like, instantly, like, shoulders back, kind of pushed herself away, but it was fine. It was good. And after that, like, she kind of got to know me better and realized, like, the athleticism, the elite athleticism that I was at and like, going to these events. And she finally started to help me out, which was great because the first couple of semesters I had her, she was like, if you miss it, like, it's zero. Like there's no makeup dates. And I was like, okay, so. So now she's helpful.

That's that kind of person that then once they've got your back, you know, they're the person that's going to go the extra mile for you because they get what you're really about, not only through that presentation, but also what you're doing in life that's so much bigger than what the majority of people out there do. And, you know, out of the things that you respect out of a Prof. Like that, you're likely also learning a ton from that. Same person, but even though she's a hard ass. But in all of that, are you like, there's a couple of facets to where I'm going with this, but one is that is that, you know, there's her as an example of a Prof. Which you may or may not want to be like if you go into that field. But what I'm getting at is going into psychology. Do you know where or what you might want to direct that towards and how.

Here's the other part.

How has that helped you either overcome or manage body image challenges that you've gone through within your sport and then you know, or even the challenges of what you need in sports psychology, like what has your programming been doing for you, your studies doing for you?

Have never actually thought about that in regards to like my athletic career. But so yeah, I've being at first I wanted to do like forensic psych and have nothing to do with sport and like really nothing that was going to be able to help me because it was super cool and like TV obviously, you know, exploded everything. But I realized that's not a very realistic career in life. So I quickly changed that.

It's like bones and, and all the.

Like the grimy, gross dead stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'm not really like, I'm more bubbly up. Like I feel like that would have brought me down a lot and it wouldn't have really lasted very long for me.

Not the real you.

Yeah. So for me like I really. Sport is going to be impossible to forget and leave. So I really want to continue with sports like eventually. And then also I like family in the diving community. Everyone is much younger than me now and for the majority of the time have I've always been one of the older athletes. So I've really liked like watching my teammates grow up and help them get through things. And that was something like my teammates now will look back and will always say like, oh, thanks for giving me that pep talk or like something like that. So like working with children and adolescents and taking those that adolescent class with Bain and I've taken another advanced one. Like I really enjoy that age. So I feel like adolescence and working with children in psychology too and some clinical stuff would be really cool. So to kind of combine that and like sports psychology. A lot of coaches I'm hope hopefully you know, when newer coaches come in the psychological aspect will change and be more welcomed because with a lot of the coaches I've worked with, it's not been something that's been Very popular.

It's more technical and. Yeah.

And they think it's kind of a waste of time, unfortunately. But that's been something that's changed my career because, like, in diving, you can have so many mental blocks. And, like, I have my own issues as it is, but I wouldn't have been able to get through it, my. My struggles with body weight if I didn't have someone to talk to about it. And I cannot talk to my coach about that stuff. He. He's not comfortable.

And is that how you got through it, was by talking to somebody about it? Was that your. Was that your biggest help for me.

To be able to finally lose the weight? It took an injury and time off and a support system of my sports psych, My nutritionist and my strength trainer to all, like, build a program around each other. Like, my nutrition had to go after how many calories I'm burning in the gym and in the pool. And my strength coach has built this program that literally tracks absolutely everything down to when I'm having my period, like, or how well my sleep was, how many hours I got, like, everything. So to have that group and my, like, even my nutritionist, she's one, like, I adore her so much. She's one of my really, really good friends. But, you know, she's like, it's supposed to be a business transaction, you know, like, she's professional. Right, Exactly. Thank you. But I will go and see my sports site, Christy, and then literally go and see Ashley, my nutritious for an hour to talk about food. And I'll literally tell her all the same things. And, like, so it. And Dana, he hears all that stuff too. So it's the people that built that team with me that had my back to help me be able to express my. My things that I was upset about and, like, say, like, oh, like, I feel really fat today or really gross. And like, oh, like. And it wouldn't be like, oh, don't say that. Like, no, they'd be like, okay, well, how can we change that attitude? And it wasn't just the. The sports that did that. And like, yeah, so it was.

It was the culmination of everyone together and also helping them. Helping you find your own self. Love.

Yeah.

So that you're not viewing your body as this machinery, which. Which athletes often have some. Some level of that.

That's how the. The head honchos of. Of our sports see it. Right? Like, you are that person for them. You are that machine.

Especially with national teams, you're a commodity or you're a professional athlete. Paul's been through so much of this. You are the. You're the big gun. You're coming in, and your job is to perform, and your body is how you perform and.

Exactly.

So it sounds like what I was going to say.

It's the language around it, too. You'll hear, you know, it's your machine. Did you fuel today?

Yep.

Yep. Yeah. You mean.

You mean, did I eat food.

Though?

It's.

It's.

It's this.

And I.

You're this commodity that's being used by the team or the sport, and you're this machine. And let's plug in and go. And it's.

And. And language is something that. Oh, totally. Yeah, exactly. And language was something that Christy really talked to. Like, we even. Like, the moment I say something she doesn't like, like, not what I'm saying, she doesn't like it. Like, how I'm saying it will have to switch. Like, there's no, like, hey. And, like, switch it to a different word. And, like, even though it, like, bugs me because I like. But it's true. That's.

Yeah.

Language is such a part of it.

And you've got somebody in that support to be a pattern interrupt. So the things that were your automatic patterns for so long that weren't so serving you, you've got somebody there who can go, hey, you know, catch you in the pattern right when you. When you have it and then switch it, and then it actually. It actually starts to change for you. There's a transformation that starts to happen. Yeah, that's huge. And having the support there.

Yeah, well, in the beginning, that change, like, when they. So Diving Canada actually found out that I wanted to quit that when I came back that fall. And, I mean, they're a little bit too late coming to the table, because I'd already decided that I was gonna try and stick it out. But the way that they wanted to approach me losing weight was again, incorrect. Like, I had a chart. I still have a piece of paper in my room of. I had four months to lose £20, but I had to weigh myself every single day. And there was a number of how much I should weigh every day. Oh, my God. Like, how is that supposed to work? Your body fluctuates five pounds every day.

Like, I want to bang my head against a wall here.

I know.

I know. Like, how. And, like, every. Even, like, people who know. My friends who know nothing about this stuff, like, are, like, what? Like, they wouldn't even say that's Possible, like, so why would someone who's in the sport say to you, that's how you're going to do it?

Yeah.

And, like, that's how we're going to support you. So even my nutrition is like, yeah, this isn't going to work, but for the next four months, we'll. We'll try, do our best to what they think, show them that we're trying, and then do our own thing when it doesn't work. Yeah. And I was like, okay, I'm cool with that.

Yeah.

So it took a long time, but it's.

It's such a tough thing because if someone. If someone doesn't have negative associations with their body weight or, you know, a difficult relationship with either food or their body weight, then sometimes weighing in on a daily basis can be a fantastic tool because we're looking at things like hydration or, you know, especially pre and post practice. So, for instance, one of the things we used to do with the men's and women's national volleyball teams is, especially in really hard training phases, going into a qualifier, going into major tournament, it would be weighing in before and after practice, but especially each morning, because if they had two or three trainings per day and some of those athletes were really heavy sweaters and they weren't replenishing and weren't rehydrating, then it could be disastrous. Within 48 hours, we'd be losing somebody really fast in what they were able to perform and recover with. But at the same time, you know, it. When we went through those phases, I recognized so clearly that it was very different with the men's team than it was the women's team. The women's team, you know, had more resistance because there's more just emotional attachment or connection with different weights and things like that. And sometimes to keep it as healthy as possible, sometimes it was a matter of, okay, we're going to be monitoring this. But I would set it up so they either didn't have to or couldn't see the scale so that they weren't attached to that.

So they don't know. It's just you guys doing the work.

It's just, you know, okay, these people might need to hydrate a little more, or then we might just say, in general, okay, everybody needs to hydrate a whole lot more right now. Or, you know, it just. It could be things like that. But for a diver, which is very different, because the sweat loss isn't the same as, say, a cyclist or a triathlete or a volleyball player in the Summer, it's a completely different thing. And, like, it's such an approach that speaks. That request speaks such volumes of do this, do it now. And we really don't care how you get it done. Just do what we're asking you to do. Yeah. And. And that's the message that it sends. And it's such a hard thing on an athlete because they don't ever get the message that I'm supported and we're going to do this in a healthy way that really works because that's the way that I'm going to perform the best if I'm really nurtured that way. And that just doesn't. It. It often doesn't happen with a national team. And it's so, so refreshing to hear that you had a team of support because what it's doing for you is, it's. It means that it's furthering your dream and also means that as a, as a nation, we've got another athlete that is still competing and has such amazing things to offer in representing our country.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you. But.

But it just says it wouldn't happen without those people. You know, it's that. That kind of thing.

This group has turned my career around for sure. And it's funny, it's been so. The team that I have, many of them have. A couple of them have been solid in the gym. It's been a little bit unstable just because Victoria is a really hard place to live. It's super expensive and it's hard to keep people. And people aren't necessarily planning on sticking around for very long. So I literally. In the gym, and this is another reason why it was hard to start that process of losing as well, because I had this problem. I confided in people about it. They wanted to be there for me. They were doing everything they could to turn things around. And then they left. Another opportunity came up and. And in the first situation, like, I know he. Karen, had planned to be with me for a very long time, but his wife wasn't happy. And, like, they'd moved across the world to be here. And after a year, like, she wasn't going to be able to work for another year. And so, like, just. And then he got a way better job offer. And so it made sense that he left. But so when they brought in someone else, I told the, like, hiring people, I was like, look, I need someone who's going to be here to 2020. Like, I've literally been. Before they found Kieran, I had been through every single strength coach they had in there because they couldn't find someone to fill one athlete or one team or two athletes for one team. So it was impossible. And then finally they got someone and I met him and I told him the same story over again. And I was like, this is what I want. This is what I need to change. This is how we want to do it. Like, I need you to be here and have my back and stay. He said the same thing, don't worry, like I've got your back. We're there, I'm gonna be here. And then he was younger and same kind of thing came up. Like the job couldn't afford to live in Victoria and he was having a really crappy time here. And the only good thing that he had was like working with me and his other athletes, but it just wasn't enough. So then he left and I was like, I can't, I can't do this anymore.

And it's, it's that kind of thing that what people don't realize in the bigger picture is that in order to have a really good program that you can't have constant turnover in coaches because it just doesn't foster a really good program. And then on the flip side of that for the athlete, the athlete can't develop when they don't have someone that they trust, someone that they're, you know, even if there's only a professional relationship, it ends up falling flat when the athlete can't. They're not going to perform the same for someone that they don't know or just met or that kind of thing. Yeah.

And like you can't do, you can't have eight different strength coaches when strength is honestly the one thing that like everything else kind of, it helps everything for me. It is the one thing that needs to be stable for my diving to be at its best, for my nutrition to be at its best, for, for my like, positivity and my mind to be healthy and at its best. So when I'm not doing that consistently, it's so frustrating.

A lot of people don't realize what goes into making a well rounded athlete and, or realize that how much that strength coach puts in there for their athletes. I'm plugging strength coaches clearly.

I don't know why.

So weird to hear this.

Yeah, yeah, well, like, and it's funny because it took me so long to realize that like the coach thing made sense to me when I'd been turned over by everyone and finally this coach who was for the first two months I moved Here he was my coach, but was just basically, I didn't have any strength and conditioning experience before, so he was just warming me up and teaching me to put me into the main group. And then I didn't work with him again until all of this is happening. He's now one of the big guys on the team there and it's like, Selena, what would you think if I coached you? And I was like, haha, don't joke, that's not funny. He was like, no, seriously, what if I took diving? And I was like, are you while you live here and you're from Vic, so I don't think you're going anywhere. So yeah, I would absolutely love that. And I mean I've known you for eight years. Like it's not like I need to start another relationship. Yeah, this could be awesome.

What a relief.

Yeah. But I didn't want to get too excited because you really never know.

Well, you've been burned.

Yeah. So. And then he was like, yeah, I'm gonna do it. And then told them and was like, yeah, we don't need to find someone. Like I'm doing it. And then they ended up like hiring someone else later down the road. But he's now been with me for two years, I think. And now this year being outside the gym for like not inconsistently, like all the competitions we had, we'd be gone for three weeks and then back two weeks and then gone a week and then back a week and then gone a week. Like my strength and my body changed again. Like I'm not very happy with my body composition right now. But I know like I have plans to, you know, get leaner again and get stronger. But that was because I wasn't in the gym consistently.

Yeah.

So I saw that one piece of the coach not being having, you know, stability there and it playing a role. And then now I've seen in the last four months what inconsistent training does for me. It's like it's literally all coming together now. And yeah, it's really cool when you.

Think about it, but that's the more you learn, the more you can fine tune as an athlete and see how it all comes together and know more about your own body that way.

Yeah.

So I'm gonna, I'm gonna wrap up here today, but I want to finish with a few questions just to kind of pick your brain about a few things.

Yeah.

Let'S see. Oh, I know one that of course we have to ask is what are some of your favorite physical training workouts or Your least, least favorite.

Oh, diving or strength wise?

Well, I'm of course biased.

Yeah. Kari wants to know the strength side of things.

Okay. Well, I hate cardio and you know that all too well.

Yeah.

The hill of death is not something I ever want to remember from your workout. So. Yeah, I actually am not really allowed to do cardio. Dana doesn't want me to do that as much anymore because it slows me down. So that's great. I even wanted to ride my bike to the gym because I live like 10 minutes. And he was like, nope, you have to drive. So I like that I don't have to do cardio because I'm awful at it. So that's probably one of my worst exercises. Also EMS electromagnetic stim to gain strength in my muscles. I've had to do that when I had my toe injury and was out for four months. And that was probably the most painful thing I've ever done.

You don't like that one either?

Nope, don't like that one. Something I do like is probably when I dive 10 meter on a good day. Yeah. Or my first practice of the week is a 3 meter springboard. Simple workout. And it's pretty quick, but I'm moving really fast and working on specific techniques and specific dives that lead into, you know, doing the big dives properly. So I think that might be my favorite workout in diving.

Nice.

Yeah.

And what, what would be some really small thing? It could be an action or some, you know, like a ritual or routine that you do that has a really big impact in your life. It could be in your sport, in your life, in your workouts, in your relationships. But what's one of those little things that really has a big impact for you?

Getting out and, you know, being outside and doing things that you love with your friends. Like, for me, it's started to become a ritual where I would. If I'm going away for a long time and I'm not going to see them a competition or like, you know, just a weekend competition here, like the night before the competition starts or before I leave, I'll. And it's reasonable. Like if I'm competing, obviously I'm not going to go out, but I'll go out with them and just like let off some steam and have a little fun. And even if it's just going to the beach or going out to hear a band or something, like, that's been something I found has been really helpful for me. And just getting out of the athletic world really like a positive distraction. Yeah. Yeah, I really love, like, exploring the island and going up somewhere before we go.

And it's such a beautiful place to live, too.

Oh, yeah. Honestly, for a reason, it was. Yeah. Yeah. It's so difficult. Like, it's a real big challenge to move out here and money wise especially. But honestly, it's the best thing that I could have ever done.

Oh, that's wonderful. Okay, this is kind of a deeper question here. Long after you've retired and retired from your sport and you're no longer around, you've passed on or left this earth, what would you like your legacy to be?

Oh, God.

Easy question.

You know, I had someone ask me this the other day, and I. I gave them such a bad answer.

It's your second chance.

I think I want it to be just, like, enjoy what you're doing while you're doing it. And, like, have learned that. I want people to have learned that from me. And, like, appreciate the people that are doing it with you. Because for me, that's the whole reason why I'm still here. And doing this is one. I love the sport, but I love the people that I get to meet and the relationships I get to make. Like, talking here, talking with you guys, like, I worked with you guys for a month, right? Like, and it's. They just mean so much to me. And so I want people to be able to, like, recognize that by maybe watching me if they ever trained with me for a year or. Or a day or whatever. Just, like, appreciating and loving the people that you're with and what you're doing it with. That's awesome.

That's fantastic. You know, Selena, it's probably clear to people listening to this, and it was easy for me to really absorb the genuine, upbeat, loving nature that you have and that you give off towards other people. And that's one of the reasons why you were one of the first people that came to mind for this podcast. So we are really, really grateful for your contribution to this podcast and how it can benefit other people. And we're so, so excited to see your achievements and what you're going to give back in this world. And, you know, we know that we're going to see you at 2020 Olympics.

So thank you so much. I really appreciate that.

No, no problem.

And how can those listening follow your story moving forward to Tokyo and the road beyond? What's the best way to follow?

It's all over social media.

So what's your.

So it's Instagram. Is Selina C E L I N A toth T O T H. And Twitter is Selena Toth all one word. And yeah, if you find me on Facebook, too, I'm all over that.

Yeah.

Hopefully I don't have an athlete page. Maybe I should make one of those.

Well, is there anything that you're promoting now? I think you're working with Kidsport. Is there anything else that's meaningful to you right now?

Yeah, yeah, I'm doing a lot with Kidsport. Just started working with the Fichu program. I'm one of their ambassadors that recently they've just created this program and also live like Alex is a project with World Vision that's really close to me. It was a friend of mine who passed away four years ago, wanted to bring clean water to people who don't have any. And she was also a diver and she was just an incredible person. And so that's not something that's really, I feel like, popular right now because I think they've got a lot going on with World Vision. It's a pretty big program, but something that when I have some time, I'd like to pull some more attention back to potentially when I'm done training, because it's always at a time where I'm competing. So when I'm done, hopefully I can bring more attention to it.

Yeah. And even do projects like actually.

Give back.

Those are amazing adventures, too, in and of itself, when you go and do something like that in another culture or another part of the world.

I've never got to do the whole Southeast Asia graduation trip, so hopefully when.

I'm retired, I missed that one as well.

Yeah, me too. Me too.

Maybe you guys can come with me. Yes.

Yeah, let's do it together.

Hey, wait.

I've got to graduate first. But Selena, I want you to point out, though, that you're already giving back. I mean, and what you said today, we've heard how you're helping young athletes around you all the time, taking that extra moment to give them a pointer or the pep talk, like you said. So don't feel like you're going to be giving back when you're done. You're already doing it.

Thank you.

Well, thank you so much.

Awesome. Thank you.

Thank you so much for listening. To get more support in living your best life, find us in our free Facebook community empowered top performers. We're on Instagram, Paul Durden and powerconditioning. Please share this podcast and rate us. A five star review would mean the world to us. That is how we connect with and support more people to excel in sport and life. Take what you learned today and try it. Progress is perfection.

Sam.