EP81 MM - The Judgement Remedy

This is episode 81 of the Empowered Athlete podcast.

If you know anything about Paul and myself, you know that we're hard driving, high performing, very competitive.

But you may not know that we're.

Also really into our best health and best health practices and that's included essential oils into our lives, especially since one of my girls has had eczema, both have peanut allergies and I started really paying attention to the toxins that were coming into our home and how we can be healthier overall. So that's how essential oils came into our lives, especially after I got really sick and my whole system was, was shut down and suppressed with pneumonia. And they've made a huge difference in our lives. So with this pandemic, with all the social distancing that's going on, going to offer a free essential oils class. Some of you have oils, you might want to learn a little more about them. Some of you don't have oils and.

You might want to learn a little.

More about them and wonder what they can actually do. So that's what this little 30 minute session will be all about. It's on April 21, that's a Tuesday at 6pm Eastern. And if you're in the local area near London, then I'll pop you a little sample so you can participate online from your home and, and we will teach you a little about how oils can make a positive difference in your life. You can ask the questions and just get real about whether they work, whether they don't, what they work for, what they don't work for and that kind of thing. So join me in that online class to register. It is just the email in the show notes info powerconditioning.com that's infoorconditioning.com and I can't wait to see you live in person online on a Zoom call on February 21st at 6pm Eastern. I'll send you the zoom link once you email me@info powerconditioning.com Stay well, everybody. Stay healthy, keep loving on each other and I will talk to you soon.

This is the Empowered athlete podcast Mindset Monday. 10 minutes with Kari Schneider to learn new mindset tactics and tricks to optimize your performance in sport, business and life.

Hey everybody, Happy, happy Monday.

Cari Schneider with you today.

How has your week, your weekend, all of the good things been? Mine's been fantastic, so I don't have anybody on yet and I will chat away anyway because I want this recording for you and if anybody pops on, then make sure you catch this whole part of this episode, because it's all about being judgy and how we think around that and how it affects us. So, first of all, what I'm talking about today is the judgment remedy. And I'll tell you what that is in just a moment. But when you're thinking of being really judgmental, it comes typically from a root or a foundation of comparison. And I've said so many times that comparison is the thief of joy. And if you've felt that before that, you know, you lose your vibrance, you lose your joy, when you're busy comparing yourself and your mind with other people, then you can see why comparison is the thief of joy. But at the same time, you also can see where comparison is critical in not only our development as human beings, but also in how we understand ourselves in the world. So comparison can be a good thing. If you think of a baby when they're in their high chair and they're looking at you and they're watching you eat, and they've never eaten anything before, and they realize that they're not doing that, they're doing a basic form of comparison of what you're doing versus what they're doing. It's part of our hard wiring, our development, to figure out how we go forward. We naturally compare ourselves with other people, and then we're busy judging ourselves. And this is why I say that comparison ends up being the foundation of judgment. So, but that judgment and that comparison can create a whole whack of negative thinking. Because as soon as we don't like what we're seeing, we are going to start to have this negative bias towards ourselves. We're going to take a look at things. We might judge someone. If they're different than us and we don't like it, then we might be looking down on them and realizing that we don't like what we're seeing. And it creates this negative environment within our brains and within the thought patterns that we have around that. So here is the judgment remedy for you. The judgment remedy, I'm going to call it. I'm going to label it in two ways. Number one is self as other. Number two is empathy. So your remedy, when you find that you are looking at someone or you are judging an experience, and you come into that judgy kind of thinking, which, you know, spirals into typically some sort of negative form of thinking. Because if you end up complaining about something you've just seen or some way someone acts, that means you've just fallen into that pattern of negative thinking. So now, if you know this and you see that judgment and you know that seeing yourself as another person or having empathy for another person or a situation, that is your remedy for the judgmental thinking. So I'm going to give you three ways to look at this and just give you a little backstory here on something I experienced this weekend. I was with a person who had a pinched nerve. I knew they were in fairly extreme back pain. They didn't know who I was. They were meeting me for the first time. They had no idea. I have extensive back history personally, but also extensive training in back history. So they were very guarded when I met them. You could tell they were defensive. You could tell that they were a bit standoffish. So I approached them and just said, you know, I hear you've had a pinched nerve. What's been going on with that?

And.

And they were tentative in describing it. And I went into that scenario just asking questions. And that is number one in the three steps that you can really get into empathy and understanding self as other. First, seek to understand.

Seek to understand for what's going on for the other person. And if you're not actually in a conversation with them and you're seeing someone.

On the street and you're judging somebody down the street and you're not even.

Connecting with them, that's none of your freaking business. So if you're judging someone you don't even know or you don't even talk to or any of that, then you know you're in a pattern of negative thinking and you need to cut it off.

So now you're speaking with someone, you might become judgmental. You seek to understand so that you know more about their situation. And when I got into seeking to.

Understand this person, not only did she just have a pinched nerve in her back, she also had been undergoing radiation therapy for a brain tumor. She also just had her sister hit by a truck and almost died. So there's all these other things going on that had I not seeked to understand, I wouldn't have been able to really see the bigger picture and how impacted she was by this pinched nerve that was causing her pain. So, number one is seek to understand. Number two, there's going to be a lot of situations, whether you're at work, you're in a team environment, you're with your family, a lot of situations that you have not experienced. So you sit there. How can you have empathy? How can you put yourself in self as other when you don't know what they're going through? You've never been a teenager who's gone through a breakup like that or whatever. You're not a woman who's had a pregnancy because you're a man or whatever it is. If you haven't been through what they're going through, it doesn't mean that you can't find empathy. And I'm not talking about sympathy, like I feel sorry for you. That's going to cause a disconnect just like that. And then you're setting yourself up for being in that pattern of judgment. So it's not sympathy, it is empathy. It is understanding what they are going through. So how do you find that when you've never experienced what they've they're going through? What you seek to find is the layer beneath. You find the feeling that they would have in that situation and guaranteed you've had that feeling in some scenario or another, at some time or another. So if you can find the feeling that is underneath what they are going through in their experience, say they've lost a child, say they've got fired from work, say they got cut from the team, you haven't experienced those things, but you have felt the feeling that they feel in that time. Maybe they feel shame, maybe they feel embarrassment, maybe they feel loss or grief. Guaranteed you've felt those things at some point or another. And that's how you start to connect with them and find that empathy. So again, number one is seek to understand. Number two, you find that layer underneath. And number three, this is where it's time to take action. So you've been in that judgmental, negative space, you now are empathizing, you've seeked to understand, you've found the layer of the emotion underneath, but now you throw them a line. This is a scenario where if you are not looking at them with sympathy, you're not judging, you're not going into the negative mindset, but you're actually connecting with them, you're finding the emotion that they are going through. And, and now you come from a place of not diving into the hole that they're in and being down, wallowing with them and saying how bad it is and all of those things, but staying in your high vibration space and throwing them or offering them a line. And that line might be just, you know what, this sucks. Understanding that line might be, you know, hey, I'm here with you.

Maybe it's a hug, maybe they need their space or whatever it is. This is the hardest part to navigate.

Because you need to learn to read what's going on in that situation. And that is where you're throwing them a line, but from a space of connection, from a space of positivity, from a space of understanding, not from a space of I feel sorry for you or I'm judging you or too bad for you. That is a clear way to disconnect from that person. So just for a quick recap here, your judgment is always coming from a foundation of comparison. Comparison doesn't have to always be a bad thing. It comes from a natural place of development, from when we're kids. But when you understand that you're in that judgy place, it typically creates a negative spiral and negative thought.

So your remedy, your main judgment remedy is going to be empathy.

Another way of wording that is seeing yourself as other, understanding their perspective and then your three methods to really connect with that person and have and keep yourself and keep them or help them into a positive space that is seeking to understand and then finding the emotion beneath the experience that they are going through that you can connect with. And number three is throwing them a line. What does that line look like? Maybe it means leaving them for their space, saying, hey, let's connect later when we can really talk about this. Or maybe it's giving them a hug, or maybe it's hey, I really understand what this is like. This really sucks right now. That is more along the lines of empathy versus sympathy or feeling sorry for someone and falling into that negative spiral of judgment.

So that is your mindset Monday for today. If you're just listening to the end of this now, please, please listen to the full part so you really understand what's going on. If you resonate with this, pop a thumbs up. And again, I'm so grateful for you in listening to this. I hope this causes more positivity in your life and causes you the ability to have that progress to get towards.

What you're working towards, all of your.

Goals, all of your best life, all of your connection. Have a fantastic day and an amazing week.

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