Interview with Pericles Rellas: Reset your Financial Mindset

This is episode 299 of the Empowered Team podcast. Welcome to the Empowered Team Podcast where we explore how to optimize your performance in career, sport, and life. And now your host, executive coach and life strategist, Kari Schneider.

Welcome. Welcome to the Empowered Team Podcast. I am so excited. Excited. I have a brand new guest interview on a topic that I think you're gonna love. I adore this topic. And with me is Paraclase Relas. We are here talking about money, mindset, financial literacy. You've got over two decades of experiencing experience helping entrepreneurs, PhDs, everyone and anyone master their own money mindset, get aligned with their own values in order to have the financial literacy really works for the life that they want. That's what you've been up to. So tell us a little bit more about what you do, and then let's dive in to some of the things that can really help our listeners.

Yep. Awesome, kri, thanks. Well, you know, the mind, money mindset, or mindset in general, is not the sexiest of conversations. Most people just don't want to talk.

We're gonna make it sexy today.

We're gonna make it sexy today, though, right? But you know, you would know from you're doing renovations. It's like most people don't want to think about the foundation of the house. They don't want about the superstructure. They don't want to think about the. The sewage lines and the water lines and the communication lines, electrical. They just. It's not what they want. They want the pretty house. They want the beautiful building or the beautiful empire. But you can't build any of that without the foundation. There is no way to do it. It is a house of cards. And so I realized this 20 years ago when I was working with my clients. I'd been working with people to grow and expand their business, grow and expand their income. And I started to notice this pattern. And no matter how much more money they made, they were still in the same position they were when I started working with them. It was either just treading water or falling further behind. I'm like, how can this happen? You just made.

And they're making double the money. Double the money.

They did triple or more. And so there was a moment when I stopped and I said, there's gotta be something to this. And I really started to study it and research it and look at it. And over the next couple of years, I noticed that there were two things that were going on. One is that we had a money mindset, and that money mindset can limit us, it can restrict us. It can also empower us. So there are some people have great money mindsets, and then the second was how to actually shift that mindset. I like to call it your financial thermostat. And I do that simply because it gives us something we can relate to. Most people, they think of mindset, they're not quite sure, but if you say, hey, I'm going to shift your. Your thermostat, we're going to reset your thermostat for money, they're like, oh, I like that. That. That they can relate to. So that's when I started working with people, my clients specifically, on how to reset their financial thermostats so that they could create the kind of wealth and prosperity that they truly want in their lives.

So that financial thermostat, where. Where are you, in your experience? Where are you finding that people are getting their original settings? So, for instance, if their setting is, you know, barely scraping by, if their setting is, you know, always have to have $20,000 in savings and never touch it, no matter if it's, you know, keeping me from what I really want. So whatever there, where are you discovering that's coming from for them? Is it childhood? Is it a crummy experience? What. What do you think is happening there?

It can be a myriad of places. There is no one answer for me. For example, I remember when I was very young watching this show on, I think it may have been Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, dating myself, right? And we're watching that at home with my mom. And there was. It was some disastrous story about this wealthy family and all the horrible things that had happened to them. And I remember my mom saying, very off the cuff, this was not some deep conversation we were having. She just said, I never want to have that kind of money. You'll lose your whole family. And in that moment, as a child, I made up. I can never have a lot of money because I will lose my family, and I love my family and I don't want to lose them. So there was immediately this glass ceiling that was placed on how much money I could make. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't break through it because it was undistinguished. My setting was at that level. And because I didn't even know that I had a setting, it was just kind of operating in the background, keeping me from accomplishing the goals that I wanted. So they could have started when they were very young, family member, a friend, something they saw on tv. Any kind of influence can impact us and we don't always know in the moment that this is a life altering conversation that we just had.

Yeah. You know, okay, this is. I'm going to share this just as a thing that's come up recently for me. Try this one on. I. If I earn more than my father did, I won't be loved. Oh, yeah. You know, like, oh.

Imagine how that. Well, you can't. You can. You don't have to imagine, you know, exactly how that impacts you. That's a very personal thing. That is a very. It was. Came from your father, who was not. Was probably a great man, but just grew up in the environment that he grew up in where women had a certain role and men had a certain role, and we just never altered that. And. And we have to break through those old conversations. You know, it's kind of like this old adage. My grandmother used to cut the edge of the ham off and everybody thought, well, that's what you do because it tastes better. We just made that up. Turns out her pan was too small, so she cut that part off just so it would fit in the pan. We make up this whole conversation about why that is, and we live our lives inside of that rather than noticing it and then making some adjustments.

Well, and that's the key, is that it's the noticing it. It's the going, oh, wait, I've made how many decisions about my future based on one thought that maybe I made as a, whatever, 20 year old, 10 year old. It's amazing. Okay, this is wild. So.

And mostly, Kari, let me just add this one thing is mostly we're not even fully present when we made the decision. So it's an autopilot kind of thing. Something happens, we make something up in our mind. We're not aware that we've made this up, but then it runs the show. So it's kind of like the operating system in our computer. We don't realize that we're running an old operating system. It's slow and it's clunky, but it's just life. And so it really requires us, like you said, noticing it and then saying, wow, is this really what I want? Or do I want to shift it and do something different so I can have a different experience in life?

Yeah, it's the. It sounds like what. It sounds like what you end up experiencing with your clients is that they're bringing you the symptoms, but they don't know where it's coming from. And in fact, it may be coming from something that is not just subconscious, as in, oh, if I look for it, I can find it. But even unconscious, and that they didn't even know it was there. And it's taking your outside viewpoint or observations to go, hey, you. You know, there's. There's actions you keep taking that aren't working for you. Let's. Let's figure this out. So does that mean you have a lot of unpacking to do with some of your clients or some of your. Or does it mean that. That it's just a. Okay, see that this isn't working for you and move forward. How does that work for when you're. When you're looking at this with people?

Yeah. Most people spend the majority of their lives trying to figure out why they are the way they are. You know, I know people who spend years in therapy, and I'm not disparaging therapy. I think it's great. If it works for you, do it. But they spend a lot of time trying to figure out why I am the way I am now. After years and years and years, they may figure that out. They may say, wow, I know why I am the way I am, and it's great. Did that make a difference? No, I'm still that way. I just know why now? Well, I'm not interested in the why, per se. It's. It's. It's kind of sometimes interesting to find out.

Yeah.

But what's important are your actions today. What is it you're doing today to alter the behavior that you've been doing on autopilot for all these years? And does that new behavior empower you? Does that provide you with what it is you want? That's where my conversations are. So, yeah, we may. We may end up uncovering that which is great and it's anecdotal and interesting, but that's not where the meat and potatoes comes in. The meat and potatoes, like the second part of what you said is. Yeah, how do we alter that behavior? How do we notice it in the moment and then alter it and create something new that provides us with what we want?

That. That is so powerful because it's one thing to recognize certain catalysts for where things are now. And yet, you know, if you want to fight with the past, you're trying to fight with reality. You know, you're not going to change anything. The only change that's going to happen is what you're creating right now. That might feel like friction. It might feel uncomfortable just because it's different, just because it's different than what's always been done. But someone's gotten finally uncomfortable enough with what's always been done not working for them anymore. So. So when people come to you to get help with their financial literacy, what are some of the most common basics that you end up starting with for, you know, clearly you're discovering, okay, where's your mindset? But when you look to shift that financial thermostat, what are you typically starting with? Do they, do they have to really get the lay of the land of where am I spending, where am I, where am I earning? What am I? What is, what are the, what are the basics for where you start?

Yeah, there you, you really nailed it with where your money comes from, where your money goes. And then the third pillar is really, what's your relationship to money? Most people nowadays don't even think about having a relationship to money, much less cash. You know, we live in a digital world where we're venmoing or zelling. We don't even see money per se. We tap to pay for things. And it's such an easy world that we live in for us to get separated from our money. We set something up and it just streams and it automatically bills every single month. We don't even see it. We don't even realize it. So understanding where our money is going and then understanding where our money's coming from, a lot of people don't realize that they have a tremendous amount of resentment about where they work. And when you resent the source of your income, you actually start to start to create blocks in the flow of that money coming to you. You know, it would be, I love to relate a relationship to money, to a relationship with a significant other. Imagine you use, you resent your, your husband or your wife. Imagine what that experience for them is going to be like. And do you think they're going to want to be around you? No, they're not. And so the more you resent it, the further you get from them. And the same thing's true about money. And most people don't want to look at that like, oh, that's too woo woo. But the bottom line is we can't become that which we resent. If we resent the wealthy, we can't become that. And there are no gradients to wealth. You either have one penny more and you're wealthier or you're not. It's not, well, I don't want to get into that kind of wealth. It's not that conversation. It's either you do want to be wealthier or you don't and if you resent the wealthy, you're never going to get there. Just can't happen.

You're pregnant or you're not exactly.

It's black and white.

So, so this is very interesting because I, I, it reminds me of a client ages ago that I was working with who was selling their company that they founded. And there was so much resentment around, you know, getting rid of the company and that kind of thing. And at some point I was reminding them that they, they nurtured this company, they built this company. It didn't exist before they created it. It's a business, baby. They ended up being well fed by this company for many, many years and now they were looking to make an exit. But their view of the, the like you say, the resentment, just wanting to get rid of it, that kind of thing was not helping their situation because of that relationship they had with their own, with their own business. So it's that point that it, I don't see it as woo woo at all because we have relationships with everything and it's the relationship they have that we have with anything, with ourselves, with another person, with a business, with money. It's the relationship that we have that can dictate how we feel about that context, context of money, context of vacations, context of business. You know, it's how, what our relationship with it is going to dictate that quality of our own life within that context of, of life. So I really love how you've dissected that for people because if, if they can't see that, then it's going to keep repeating because nothing's really changed. If they can't see what's happening, nothing's really changed.

Yeah.

So you look at where the money comes from, where it goes, their money mindset, really having them understand how they feel about certain things because those feelings are influencing their actions. If they feel crummy like resentment, then they're going to avoid the thing that they resent. Right, so then where, where do you go from there? Once you've really established that, what do they, do most people have an aha moment or do they, are they resisting what you're pointing out? Like where, where do they land? Usually for the most part, because you've worked with so many people on this.

Most people, well, the people that I work with are in the conversation, they're, they're really interested in shifting whatever their mindset is. So the resistance is, is nominal. It's sometimes uncomfortable. Like you said earlier. And it's kind of like going to the gym. It's the analogy I use all the time. You go to the gym, you work out, you feel sore, and it's that discomfort and pressing through where you're going to have the breakthrough. On the other side, people who aren't interested in making that shift, they're not. They don't gravitate to me. They don't gravitate to people who are coaches because they're very happy with where they are. And I have no problem with that. If you're happy where you are, great. But the people who work with me are the people who really do want to shift that. I want to say a couple of things that you, you mentioned, which is really, really mission critical. One is the context. Our context of life is decisive. And we don't realize that we have multiple contexts for everything we do. We have a context for going to bed at night. We have a context for having breakfast, having our coffee, our relationships, our work, our children, our, you know, things that we love to do, traveling, things like that. And each one of those contexts gives us the what we're doing. You know, there's this great. My old mentor, Candace, who I just adore, shared this story with me. You know, there's this guy walking along a road, and he comes up on this man who's, you know, with a pick and shovel, and he's just sweating and he looks angry and annoyed. He says, what are you doing? He said, I'm chipping these stupid stones and. Okay. And he keeps going down the road. Comes to another guy, he's happy and he's singing. He's doing the same thing. And he says, what are you doing? He says, I'm building a cathedral. That context gives their doing the exact same thing a different experience. And so when we start to shift our context, that's part of resetting our financial thermostat. Suddenly working in the realm of money, Working and creating our financial future, working to shift how we relate to money. The context becomes, I'm creating the kind of wealth and prosperity that I want in my life, and wealth and prosperity go hand in hand. I've worked with a lot of people who have a lot of money, people who have more money than most people could ever dream of. And they're miserable. They're miserable. Every day is a challenge. Suffering, just misery. And I've worked with people who have very little money and who are joyful and fulfilled. So it isn't about the money. It's about the balance that you create so that you're actually living the life that you want, whether it's with more money or not. You're happy.

Yeah.

Are you happy with the life that you have?

And, and what I'm hearing kind of between the lines here, reading between the lines, but what I'm hearing through is, is that they're bringing the context with them. Even though there is a different circumstance, but they've brought their old context with them. And, and then at the same time, simultaneously, they may be crushing it in one area of their life and wonder why they can be so, so successful in this one area and not in the next. So then they've gone, oh, well, I'm fantastic at the gym. I can go and, you know, work out every day. But then I, I'm not. I'm spending all my money, I'm not saving. Why. Why can I be so consistent in this area and so inconsistent in this area? And to your description so far, you'd be able to answer that in their relationship with money or their relationship with that money mindset. Then, then the answers come out. Because they. It's not that they don't have the ability because they're demonstrating it in some other area.

Yes. Or.

But they aren't demonstrating it in this particular area. They actually.

Forgive me, Kari, they are actually demonstrating it in that area as well. It's just that the skill set that they've acquired doesn't provide them with what they want. And they don't realize that that skill set is the thing that keeps setting them back or keeps them from accomplishing what they want. Case in point, I had a. Was working with. She had a really successful business and she brought in a new. It was a new client or something that was a million dollar deal. Huge. She was so excited about it. Next week she got a bill for a million dollars. That kind of pattern, most people don't notice. And that pattern is the thing we start to look at because it shows us what our context or our money mindset is. I get ahead and something shows up and takes me out.

Yeah.

I start to. To do the thing I love and it disappears. Whatever that pattern is, that's your money mindset. And it's not by accident, it's by design. Whether you know it's by design or not, it's by design. And that's where the beauty of the program and the work that I do is. People start to see that and then they start to shift it.

Yeah, I have people.

That's why I like to say I Work with doctors, lawyers, I work with pilots. It doesn't make any difference.

You can be.

The people I work with are hugely successful in their areas and they see that either joy, happiness, fulfillment, or making more money is missing. And that's what they want to shift.

Yeah. And they're willing to recognize that it, it starts and stops with them.

Absolutely. Finger points here. And that's it. And that's where power comes from. Most people live their lives. It's this and this and them and them and them and them. There's no power in that because you can't control other people. We can only control the thoughts that we have, the actions that we take. Those are the only things we can control. We can't control our emotions. Those, you know, those happen no matter what. We have random thoughts, but we can control what thoughts we choose to focus on, what thoughts we choose to feed. We can, we can control what actions we take. And so it's that power is, that's where you get to create the life that you want. I have this random thought. It's a horrible thought. It diminishes me terribly. And I just think, yeah, okay, great, thanks for sharing. And I move on. Or oh my God, I'm such a loser. I suck. I shouldn't ever do this. I'm just the worst person in the world. Great. You've now fed a thought that completely takes you out. So it's really shifting that focus on a regular basis gives us all the power.

Yeah, yeah. And, and it's that, that some control, no control, complete control. And there is one link that I, I, even though. A lot of people want to control their emotions so tightly, whereas they don't necessarily see that they're influencing or feeding, contributing or contaminating the direction that they want to go in those emotions so that where that emotional state, they can have some control over the thoughts that they're thinking. Because if most people don't realize what they're actually contributing into the emotional state. So for instance, if they think a thought that says, oh, I suck with money, they're probably going to feel either disappointed in themselves or inadequate or resentful towards money or whatever those, those subsequent emotions are. Whereas if they think the thought I, I can figure this out, then they might feel optimistic or whatever, but they don't usually realize that they have some level of control over their emotions until they ask themselves, well, why do I feel this way? And when they answer it, oh, I feel this way because I suck with money, or I feel this way because I Then they realize, oh, there was the thought that's been sneaking in there subconsciously through and through and through that I didn't realize was playing into the emotional states that. That are there, that feel so out of control.

Yeah.

And that's where that mindset goes and opens up. Like, oh, well, you do that area. You felt like you had no control over some of the emotional area or some of the thoughts that were coming up. A, we don't have to believe all those thoughts. They're optional. B, we have the opportunity. That's what we can control. And then the action, we can go and have a thought even if we didn't control it coming in, they just pop in like popcorn. Then we can just notice it and go, well, I don't have to take action on that one, and I can create a new one. And those are all within our control. And it's. It's such a phenomenal thing. It's that. It's that. I think two things. One is that not realizing for so long that this is what was going on. And two, then the discomfort of taking an action that's different than what they've often taken.

Right.

Because if you're used to seeing something and buying it, because that's what your whole life has been, seeing something and buying it, Seeing something and buying it and feeling uncomfortable, because then there's the guilt after buying it, then that's just what they're accustomed to. Whether they like it or not. There's still a familiarity.

Right.

But if there's. And then for there's. There's a client that I, That I have who calls it the. We'll keep it clean here, the effort factor. Once. Once it's to a point, then instead of keeping. Keeping the attempt, then they just. It's effort, effort, effort, effort.

Right.

And so then they let themselves go off the deep end and then they dig themselves out of that hole financially or whatever context that happens to be in for other people. But then they're digging themselves out of that financial deep hole that they've dug because they've gotten into a mindset called, oh, I can't, I can't help it, or I can't do anything, or I'm out of control, or whatever. Whatever those thoughts are that contribute to it.

Yeah.

Do you have example or go ahead?

Yeah, well, yeah, there are a couple of things you're. What you're saying is gold, and this is really great. There are two things that I wanted to share based on what you were saying is. One is we're human beings and we have emotions. It's when we let the emotions have us that we lose that control. Now, there are times when we're in severe grief or trauma and the emotions have us. There's nothing we can do. You've got to let those emotions play out. You've got to release those emotions and experience those emotions. You can't not do that because it's like a pressure cooker and it will explode at some point. And so, you know, I always recommend to people, let those emotions out, experience them. Do that, do it in a. In a. In a. In a responsible way so that you don't impact other people around you, but let them out so that you can get to the place where the emotions no longer have you. You're just someone who has emotions. And I can still have critical thinking while I'm having these emotions. I can. I can still thought process whatever it is that I'm dealing with while having these emotions and still move and function as a. As a human being would. Would want to move and function. And then the second part is you were talking about that familiarity with those emotions. It's actually an addiction. We get addicted to certain emotions and even negative ones. And I know people think, well, that's just crazy, you know, and if you look at. When someone is saying something nasty, let's just use this example, somebody says something nasty or horrible about you and you hear that suddenly there's not. This isn't for everyone, but this is just for those of you. The shoe fits. It's like suddenly you're like, ooh. And you want to talk more about it. You wanted. You're addicted to that emotion, which is why you want to engage in it more. You want to create more and more mass around it because ultimately it feels good. I know, again, it sounds counterintuitive, but it feels good. Even the negative. That's what an addiction is. We know it's bad for us. We know going down that path isn't going to help, and yet we do it anyway. So when we can interrupt that pattern and create new neural pathways that we can then become addicted to by design rather than default, that we've got true power in our lives to create, design and build our lives the way we want.

It's. I love how you've described this and how you've brought. I know that many people might think, oh, well, this is financial literacy. We're not going to be talking about emotions, but emotions run everything. Emotions rule the roost for. For most people. And I Love how you know, you're talking about this pressure buildup. I describe it as the beach ball effect. The harder you try and push the beach ball under the water, what's going to happen? The faster, the harder it wants to fly out of the water, pop up. And so just how you're describing, processing some of those, those emotions, I'm going to ask you about how in just a second, but before that I want to highlight that addictive, that addictive possibility that's there. And the way I, I really find that if, if people can understand what the original payoff was, then they can see how they got into that pattern and they can see why. Well, because sometimes I notice that people then when they see what they're doing to themselves, they then want to beat themselves up or make themselves wrong. And that's a whole other. Other. Another example of the same type of thing.

Yep.

And yet when they can understand where it might have come from or, or what the payoff is, there's always a payoff. There's always a payoff. Like for instance, the addict to alcohol or the addict to drugs. It might be the numbing effect or the high or the whatever. Well, the payoff to the emotions is often the certainty. The payoff to the emotion that they don't like or the pattern that they don't like might be that it created safety at one point point or a feel good moment or who knows what. But it's just not working for them anymore. And, and that, but, but the, but recognizing that lynchpin of the emotional part, if they're not either releasing or processing and they're trying to get through it with this big ball of whatever emotional state they, they have, it can be really hard for people. So what are some of the ways that you have either coached, advised or experienced yourself to process some of this to get through more easily to the actions? Because if they're stuck on the emotional part, they're not going to be as fluid in the actions. Would you, would you say that that's the case in your experience?

Yeah. And it all boils down to remaining present in the moment. When we're stuck in those emotions, we allow the emotions. Again, the emotions have us. The emotions then dictate our actions, not our critical thinking. And so we go out and we buy a new pair of shoes because it makes us feel better in the moment. I'm feeling bad about myself, so I'm gonna go do something to make me feel good about myself. And what's been pre programmed is going and buying Something makes me feel good about myself. I, I get frustrated and angry with work or my life. I deserve a vacation. So I'm going to go spend a ton of money on vacation that I don't have. Yeah, I'm going to go on vacation. The first day, I'm going to enjoy it. The second day I'm going to start stressing about how much I'm going to, I'm spending. The third and fourth and fifth days are all about, oh my gosh, I'm really spending a lot of money. And then you get home and you get the credit card bill and then it's even worse. So you've gone on vacation, enjoyed maybe one day of it. The rest of it you're stressing and worrying about how much you're spending and then you get home and it starts all over again. So it's noticing these patterns and then starting to interrupt them. And this is where that discomfort comes in. You know, it's like when I'm with my, my, my trainer Stu and he's like, okay, we're doing this today. I'm like, oh gosh, I don't want to do it. He's like, yeah, I know you don't. Here we go. We're doing it. I'm like, okay. And I'm pushing and I can feel it and it hurts. And he's like, good job, good job. I have to create a context of this pain or this discomfort or what I'm dealing with right now is actually good because it's giving me what I need to produce the outcomes that I want. That context then drives me. I get up every morning, I'm excited to go to the gym, I'm excited to work out. We want to create those kinds of contexts in all scenarios. And first we have to notice what are the pre programmed ways that we behave. Notice them and then allow ourselves to just let them be. You said earlier we love to make ourselves wrong. We love to invalidate ourselves and beat ourselves up. We're our own worst enemies. And so if we can then let go of that and stop invalidating ourselves and beating ourselves up and say, you know what? I just did X, Y and Z. I screwed the pooch. Great. I screwed the pooch. No big deal. I can do something different next time. I noticed it. Now I can do something different. That's when we start to experience life differently and have the kinds of outcomes that we're looking for.

This, I can, I can feel your passion around this. I can feel your just how much you are lit up by helping people through this and the difference that it makes for them. It's. It's clear, it's resonant. What brought this passion to you? What. What did you experience or, or how did you come about having such passion for this area?

Oh, it's a great question. It's. It's twofold. So back in 94, I was doing a, a, a, a workshop, and it was all about, you know, self empowerment, self improvement, things like that. And I. And I completed this, this, this first program, and I was doing a seminar afterwards, and this woman walked to the front of the stage, introduced herself and said, I'm so and so. And I lead a training program for people who want to be leaders in their life, people who want to make a difference in the world and really make a contribution. And there was something about her. And I said, I want to be just like her. It was so profound. I was like, all I want is what she has. And I didn't know anything more about. I was like, yes. And then I started. I did that program and then started, got trained to lead that program. And then I became the person who was accountable for the southwest region of the United States and leading this leadership program. And there's something. It's just a purpose that I'm here for. My true passion is making a difference in helping people in many different ways, but in that particular way was about contributing and helping people become leaders in their own life. And then it really dovetailed into the work that I do now. And the second part of it is I've. I've lived through it. You know, I spent 23 years in a relationship with someone. We built two businesses. We ended up moving to France as our dream. It was so exciting. We were in France for three years, and he went away on a, on a retreat, which we always did because we worked together and we lived together. We took weeks off. Every quarter, we took a week off. And one of us went and traveled. And at the end of that week, he sent me an email saying, it's over after 23 years, two children living in two continents and two businesses, and it's over via email. And I was, first of all traumatized. The amount of trauma of something like that is extraordinary. And you have to deal with that. And I had to deal with those emotions. Like I said, they had me, and there was nothing I could do but lean on my friends. That was the first lesson that I learned, was you have to learn to lean on your friends. You have to let them help you, because I remember I had extraordinary French friends, and they were right there to rally and support me. They didn't vilify anything. They were just there to support me. And I remember one day saying, you've gotta, you can't keep doing this with them. They're gonna, it's too much. You're asking too much. And in that moment, I said, no, they're going to give you everything you need. You have to surrender. And I surrendered to, I need help, and allowing them to help me. And then ultimately, after I moved through that grief and then realized, I need to move back to the United States, I need to go home, I need to recover from the trauma, I really came to see that I had allowed 23 years to displace my true passion in life. I allowed it to kind of put a, I put myself in a situation where I wasn't contributing the way I wanted to contribute. Yes, I had a beautiful life and I had beautiful things that I lived in a beautiful city, but I wasn't doing the work that I truly wanted to do. And so that brought me full circle to what I'm passionate about. That's why the passion comes through, is because there were many years where I wasn't expressing it the way I want. I'm sweating. I get so excited about it. You know, this is so much energy. But yes, so, so I, I, I, I walk the walk. I lived the life. And I just love making a difference and contributing to people who really want that. Because I, when I see the results and I see what they've accomplished, for me, that's just the icing on the cake.

I, that is, I, I very, very much resonate with that. I love, love, love that feeling. I want to highlight something that you said because I really think it's so important when, when we are able to receive help. It teaches us that it's, it may feel like we may feel weak at the time, we may feel vulnerable, but it teaches us that it's, it's not weak. It's not, it's got nothing to do with that. It's part of human connection. It's part of community. It's part of support. And then on the flip side, it also has us realize down the road that when we're helping other people, that if, if we're never able to receive help, then how do we view every single person that needs help? If we can never allow ourselves a mistake or allow ourselves help and assistance, then we literally walk through the world through the lens, looking at other people that, well, you shouldn't have. If you receive help or if you, whatever, if that's how we're treating ourselves, we're bringing it to other people too. We're bringing it to other situations. So I really applaud that, that, you know, the friction, the feeling of not being able to, but then receiving the help and leaning on it and surrendering and then really discovering the kind of strength and courage that's there simply from being in receiving, being in, in support. So I, I, I wanted to highlight that one part because it, it seems so. Well, of course he received help. He went through an awful time. But it's. For those of us who are the helpers or those of us who are high achievers, that's a big deal. And it's one of the biggest lessons that high achievers have to learn is that the judgment that we tend to carry when we're not able to receive, then what are we, how are we seeing people who are able to receive or are asking for help or what that looks like? So it's big.

It's all about, are we able to get comfortable being uncomfortable in situations that we're not used to? Like you said, I was somebody who was used to being the one who provided value, used to being the one that was the support structure. And here I was now broken, needing to be lifted up. And I, my initial thought, that first thought was, no, no, no, you can't do that. You've got to do this on your own. But then on the flip side, immediately, the next thought that I created was, no, you need to surrender to that. And that ultimately is what allowed me to move through the journey at a different pace and in a way that was more nurturing and supportive and for, for some people and this, it's so strange. It's. All of this tends to come out in the course of our money con. How we relate to money is how we relate to everything. It's not a coincidence. People, people are cold and callous about money, I promise you. They're cold and callous in their relationships. People disrespect money, I promise you, they're disrespectful in their relationships with others. How we do anything is how we do everything. So noticing this, the course of these conversations, people's whole lives transform. And you would never think about it, but that is exactly what ends up happening. Because money is all pervasive and it is something we all deal with every single day, and we can't not deal with it. You can go without a relationship, but you have to pay your bills, you have to have a place to live, you have to eat food. We have to interact with money. And so when we start to look at that foundational relationship that we all have and we all share, suddenly life can look differently. And people. It's extraordinary.

I love that. And I love that perspective that you have on how pervasive it is, because it. I think a lot of people think that it's in its own little box and that it's very separate, and it's just. It's not. And every single aspect of life overlaps into other. So I think that's a wonderful thing. Well, I want to be respectful of your time and make sure that the listeners can find you, reach you. And, you know, when you're not baking your French pastries, which I know you love to do. Okay, first of all, I. I love to bake, too. And I did not live in Paris, but my husband did, and so he was kind enough to bring me there. And right now, I'm missing some pastries as you're talking about them. Like, oh, man. So good. So you are. You are a connoisseur of many different things, and I hope that people can learn from you in this zone of genius that you have that's so helpful in other people's lives. You have a master class called my reset your financial thermostat master class so people can find you there. We'll put that link in the show notes. You also are on Tik Tok a fair bit, so you can find just with your name at Pericles Relas, and that is TikTok regular and anywhere else that people can find you.

Yes, Same thing with my website, periclesrelis.com that'll take you to where my money my reset your financial thermostat. The four keys to resetting your financial thermostat masterclass is. You can do that. It's totally free, and it really provides people with the four keys they need to start to reset their financial thermostat. It's a great opportunity to start to dive into this conversation and see what your financial thermostat setting is and then what you can do to start to reset it so you can create the kind of prosperity, joy, happiness, and wealth that you want in your life.

So if people. How would they know they're ready for something like this? Is. Is it just that they have the lack of fulfillment financially or they feel like they want more of something that's missing in that context? Is that. Is that usually the, like how do I know? Is that usually the thing?

Yeah, it's a. It's a great thing to look at for yourself because sometimes people start. Go to that invalid. Well, there's nothing wrong with me around money. I, you know, I. It's not about that. I had one client who came to me, said, I've accomplished everything in my life except how to manage my money. And this is the last thing I want to accomplish my. You know, in my life. And after that, I'm very happy. And then I have other people that are. I worked with someone who was an appellate attorney in the state of California. She's one of the top appellate attorneys. And disastrous relationship with money. Right. She's like, bear, I just got to get this handled. I'm amazing at my job, I'm amazing in my relationships, but I just can't get this aspect in where I want. Want it to be. So it isn't about that there's something wrong with anyone. It's really about what it is. You're committed to people who have. They're hugely successful, and yet they can't find that fulfillment that they want. They're still. They feel empty or they feel unsatisfied, or they're struggling with ghosts in some way, whether it's from the future or the past. And they want to get grounded in something that really inspires them. So for each individual person, it's distinct. Look for yourself. You know, what accomplishments do you have? Celebrate those. And then if there's something missing or there's something not where you want it to be, then find someone who can elevate you and take you out of that box so that you can go to the next level.

That's amazing. And then do you. Do you guide with some actions that they should take? Is that something that comes up specifically?

Absolutely. In the work that I do and in the masterclass, there are very specific actions. So we have to work on our mindset. We have to then work on practical applications. And a lot of people. You said this earlier, the how of it. I. I loved. I love this distinction of how versus what. Most. Most people, when they are confronted with a challenge, they think, well, I don't know how to do it. How am I going to do this? How am I going to do this? And how's such an abstract word that we can't get our mind around it. And so we end up struggling with just the word how because there's nothing we can grab a hold of. Shift from how to what. What specific action do I need to take today? What specific phone calls? What specific lists? What specific future? What can I do right now to forward the next. To, you know, take the next step to the goal that I want to accomplish. So if it's around money, write down what's not working for you. And then look at that list every single day and take action on one item on that list so that you can check it off of your list. And then at the end of every day, celebrate the things that you've taken off your list. Don't lament the things that are still on the list. This is another thing people love to do. They look at their to do list and they. The end of the day, like, oh, gosh, I have so much to do. And they end the day in this disempowering context. Celebrate the things that you accomplished at the end of every single day. Then the next day, get up and celebrate the things that you get to do today that all are forwarding you, fulfilling the outcomes that you want. So we're always living in an empowering context.

I love it. I love it. I love it.

I want to share one last. If I can share last one more.

Yes.

Which I really love. This one twists people's noodles sometime, but it's really fun to share the things that we can't be with about others are the things that we can't be with about ourselves.

Yeah.

And I have people all the time and say, no, no, that's not true. That's not true. That's not true. I had a client once say to me, well, I have this neighbor, and she. She smokes on her balcony, and I don't sm. So why. Why does the fact that she does that bother me so much? Okay, well, let's take a look at it. And what we ultimately saw was the neighbor wasn't supposed to smoke on the balcony. So what do you do that you're not supposed to do?

Oh.

And suddenly she realized there were all these things that she knew she wasn't supposed to do. So anytime she saw someone else doing something they weren't supposed to do, it really plugged her in. As soon as she was able to distinguish that, she's like, like, whoa. Now you have two choices. One, you can own that. That's how you are. That'll give you freedom. Or you can alter that behavior and put a new behavior in place. And again, that gives you freedom, but we're no longer run by that. So it's a. I just love sharing that.

I love it. It's so good. Well, thank you so much. We've got a wonderful links that'll be with this podcast episode and you have just been delightful to be with. I I can just imagine how fulfilled your clients feel just being able to work with you. So thank you for this time together. This has been wonderful and thank you. Yes, thank you and I will hopefully talk to you soon.

I look forward to it. This has been an absolute joy. I so exciting and I love looking at the view out your window. It's just magnificent. Thank you so much Kari. I really appreciate it.

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