Kari and Paul’s Epic Wins and Fails from 2021

This is episode 167 of the Empowered team podcast.

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Welcome to the empowered team podcast where we explore how to optimize your performance in career, sport and life. And now, your host, executive coach and life strategist, Kari Schneider.

Here we are for another empowered team podcast and this special episode. I am so fortunate to have my amazing husband join me because we.

Friend of the show.

Yeah, friend of the show. We're going to talk about our epic fails and epic wins of 20, 20, 21. And I'd say we've really face planted hard on a few things.

Yeah, all the stuff that went viral this year that we put out, you know.

I don't know what you're talking about. Can you clarify?

I don't know. Talking about COVID We talk about a number of things. We're gonna find out. Hey, but before, before we dive into that epic wins and fails, I want to just acknowledge you for another great year of the empowered team podcast. You have put out some incredible content over the last 12 months. Great stuff for the mindset Monday, getting things going for people. Each week. We got five minute facts that you've been doing. You've had great interviews, your own personal content. So I just want to, on behalf of all the listeners out there, thank you for continuing to make amazing content for people to digest, absorb, use, laugh at and enjoy. Great job.

Thank you. I've been blubbering enough lately. You're gonna make me cry again. Wow, thank you. That's awesome. That's very kind of you, honey.

You're welcome.

Thank you for doing all the intros just so people know, behind the scenes. He's getting these produced behind the scenes. He's the producer extraordinaire.

Friend of the show.

Friend of the show. There we go. Okay, do you want to start?

Oh, wow. Okay.

I. I don't know. I don't know what his epic fails are. Well, I mean, strong word though. No. Well, no, I'm looking for the epic fails, like total face plan. And this is where you don't like to share your epic fails because you don't like to fail at all. I don't like to fail either. We don't like to share our epic fails. Nobody does. Who likes to share their epic fails?

Yeah, no one. I don't know.

This tees up the Epic wins. That's what's great about it. Yes, yes. So anyway, we don't know what each other's things are, but we separately decided to look for some fails and some wins, and now we're going to share them with you because we think. Well, I think. I think you think. We think that sharing what we've struggled with and what we've overcome and what we've won will help you do the same. So that's the intention behind it.

All right, well, I'll kick it off. So I'm gonna go cut right to the bone here. Get serious. That my biggest fail of the year probably come around us in our relationship and dropping the ball once or twice. You know, just once or twice. Once or twice I dropped the ball and maybe missed a little thing or didn't communicate a little thing, maybe.

I don't know. Maybe.

No, but I. I feel like the most, you know, you're the most important person in the world to me and for me. And so if something goes wrong with us, it feels epic to me. It feels epicly bad when things aren't going well and we aren't connected. So it. Yeah, it definitely gets a lot more magnified for sure. The emotions, the feelings, all those sorts of things. So my number one epic fails have been just in different ways of not showing up for you, maybe not following through my word or not having an awareness of how my thoughts or feelings, not being aware of that and taking actions that then kind of let you down in some way. Be it with something for business or just for our dates even, or something like that, that I was getting in my own way and not having awareness about the reasons why. So without getting into some epic wins, I'm just gonna say that that is one of the epic fails for sure for me. So number one out of the gate, because those feel the worst.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, I get to. We get to live it together. So. Yeah, Yeah, I. I wanna. I wanna make fun or say something, but. Yeah, it's a. It's. We have a. We've had an amazing relationship and an awful relationship all at once. And I think we do a great job at showing up for other people when we need to. And then. And then. But behind the scenes, there's just been some real rifts for the two of us and. And they've been. Yeah, there's been some patterns that are long term enough that we're digging ourselves out of a bit of a hole.

Yeah, that's a good way to put it. There's Definitely been ups and downs. And I feel like if you looked at our relationship on a graph, it'd kind of be like the letter U start really. If, you know, the letter, uh, with.

Some jagged edges, started really high.

And then we just kind of let things slide by focusing on everything. But our relationship kind of hit some.

Rock bottom, might have plateaued at the bottom for quite a while.

We kind of got stuck there down.

In the bottom of the U.

Hung out there for. Yeah, maybe it's more of a U. Maybe it's more like a. A bathtub.

A bathtub. Yes.

The bottom of the Pretty damn.

Well, the shape of our relationship is a bath.

But now, man, we are sliding up the back of the tub where you've kept it warm there in the water.

Slippery. Like, it's hard to get up that slope because it's, like, slippery.

We keep. We keep sliding, slide back into the dirty bath water.

Oh, God damn.

No, but seriously, we. We are.

That's a great.

Taking great steps and. And actions that are trending us in the right direction and building our connection back each day. Although, you know, we both have tenderness or sensitivities or that stuff carrying from the past. That's raw. That makes things that. Anything that happens now extra magn. Hence, there was a couple what felt like epic fails this year. So. Yeah, there you go.

Yeah. Is it my turn?

Am I supposed to keep laying on the crap right now? I don't know.

Do we go with a win? Like, is there. Is there a win? Can you please balance this out with a win? Because I'm kind of stuck in the tub and the water has gotten cold. It's like, all right, nasty.

Let's pull the drain and get this. All right. We're not making more stupid references to a bath.

I don't know if I can help it.

So a win was hitting Tony Robbins relationship event with you over a week in Austin. Just focused on us and learning about how we tick and even more. I mean, you've been doing this for years, so you're much more practiced at it than I am. But just for me personally, it was an epic win because I'm just better at hiding. I was able to identify. Will you stop? I was able to identify, you know, the key fear and fears that were holding me back from taking the actions that our relationship needed. And so it was just like having the blinders pulled off and realizing, holy crap, I've been pretty stuck, stupid and not doing a few things. And to be more specific, it's really basic Fears, it's primal fear. That fear of doing something wrong or fear of upsetting you or being at fault for something that is potentially damaging to our relationship. I couldn't even admit to myself that I've potentially done that because it would be acknowledging that and making it real in my mind that I could potentially lose you. It was so critical in my brain that, oh, my God, no, I couldn't have upset her in that way, because I was thinking, in my mind, I'm thinking I'm doing this for the right reason, taking this action with positive intent, but it's being misconstrued or misunderstood, and there's no way she can take it that way, because if she takes it that way, you could potentially love me less or, like, be damaging our relationship. And so that fear just caused me to be defensive at times or freeze or not take action or not take ownership of things. And then that is the worst thing for our relationship and magnifies any problem that's there. So it was fueling the problem. But as I felt more and more fear, those types of actions became more prevalent, and it was this vicious cycle. And so just going through that, that week and, you know, the great conversations we had, the great things we did there, the great teachings that we received, just really gave me confidence in how to step into being the man you need and trying to show up. So that was a huge win, A huge win. Because coming out of there, I won't speak for you, but I feel like we're on a way different plane. And I feel like I have more tools that I still need to practice with and train with, but more tools that are accessible to be able to deal with all the crap that comes up with a busy life.

Yeah, well, I mean, huge, huge acknowledgments for your fail, fail and win there. Because, yeah, like, it. It's so freeing to be able to face openly and honestly what's. What's going on there. I'm going to share one here with relationship. Since you started with relationship, I'm kind of looking at spheres of influence, so areas of business and purpose, relationship and self. And when you mentioned relationship, I've got a couple of epic fails for myself and our relationship. And one of them, I'm going to get pretty specific here on a couple things, but one of them was the biggest fail, I think, and it piggybacks on what you were just saying because it fueled what you were saying. The biggest fail for me was getting to a point where I had a foot out the door. I Was at a point where I was allowing myself to start thinking that. It wasn't repairable and that I couldn't handle our relationship anymore. And thinking, you know, almost envisioning, okay, what. What is it gonna look like if we're not together? And just that.

Were you picturing kind of a burning hell, like a barren kind of world, all black, or was it more like.

No, it was neither. It was just this, like. Okay, logistics. It was logistics. That's all it was. It was logistics and getting to a point where I just can't handle this anymore. I can't handle feeling so lonely. I can't handle feeling like I've tried all the things. I can't handle feeling like. Like that I can't trust you. And I don't mean with other people. I just mean, like. Like you said earlier, your word. I couldn't trust your word. And then my hopes would get up, and then I'd think that, you know, it'd be expectations, but it'd be expectations based on what you said were gonna happen or not happen. So. But. But my fail. It was me is my fail, and it's that I. I had stopped trying to work through it. I had started to. To go down the easy path, which is. Which would be just, okay, must be easier just to give up. And so that was my fail. Like, big fail. And, um. And the win is a little more specific on.

But just wait. Was it. Was it laundry that kept you here? The. The fear of having to do. I mean, I do a lot of the laundry, and it was that. That kind of was the one thing.

You're funny. No, because. Because now, hold on here, everybody. I know some people listening might go, oh, he does the laundry. Wow, He's a superhero.

Yeah. But he doesn't plan dates or. Or make the relationship a priority. So if you like your stuff clean that you're wearing, but you want a guy who won't take you out.

No, I just was gonna say that, like, we've been to the laundry point there. We've been an epic household team. Like, we are masters at running a smooth household, getting kids to where they need to go. Dishes, meal planning, laundry done, cleaning. Like we are. We got a tight ship going on. That way we can be great co captains on the ship. But. But anyway, to the laundry point, though, we've. We've had a history in our relationship of swapping roles based on what was needed. So, you know, for years, I did groceries, and then there was a span of a few years where you did Groceries. And now I'm back to doing groceries. Or, you know, there's years where I was doing all of the laundry, and then. Then we were both doing the laundry together. And now you do most of the laundry, or, you know, I do most.

Of the butter churning and the candle making.

You're funny.

Yeah, it balances out is what you're saying.

But. But just to that. That point, like, we were. You know, the house looks really good, but our relationship was like, ugh. Ugh. Anyway, so the win was. The win from that particular epic fail of mine was especially coming from getting coached at the relationship trip, and huge thank you for the support of the people there, the Platts there. I got coached by Tony Robbins. That was a very incredible experience. But the win coming from that relationship trip that you mentioned was getting back in. Getting my foot back in the door, closing the door, staying in, trying scary new things, writing new vows, and stepping into a zone of scary, which is developing more of my feminine energy, being back into a part of me that truly is me but has not been nurtured for so long due to various circumstances, due to comfort zones. But now the wind is getting back my foot in the door, trying and experimenting and. And practicing feminine nurturing and. Yeah, and I love my vows. I thought that was a win, too. I love just what they. How they've landed for you and what they've done. So that's one of the things. Relationship. Can I give another relationship one?

Yeah.

Okay.

I don't have another one.

Well, I. I have a. I have a big one. Epic fail. And this goes for having my foot out the door. Not loving unconditionally like, our. Our. I'd gotten to the point where I. I know that we used to love each other unconditionally. Like, you. You could have done anything, and I would have loved you. We could have not been together, and I would have loved you. Like, it would have been just so unconditional. And it got to the point where it was transactional. It was a kind of love where it's like, well, I'm not gonna express love to you because you haven't followed through with your word or you haven't bothered to, you know, try and date me for months or, you know, like, whatever it was, I was just starting to withhold and not love on you unconditionally. And that was the fail. And then the win was just especially coming from the relationship experience, the trip, accepting and appreciating more and focusing on your needs more. Those are the wins that were Coming from that kind of realization of, yeah, like I wanna. I wanna love on you and show up and love on you and have you feel that I love you and, you know, show affection and allow you to be you and not try and not try and make it different. I can express what's not working for me, but at the same time know that I don't need to have an expectation there that, that that's going to change and that that's. That's the practice at this point is just expressing, but being able to accept, appreciate, just allow where you're at and then also focusing on your needs more that those are the.

And I can sense that. And that allowed me to step away from some of those fears I was talking about earlier where when I sense that foot out the door, disconnect. That is so scary. That's the most scary thing in the world to me. And so as soon as the foot comes back in and you start expressing things the way you have, it fuels me to get past that fear, which I need to do. Regardless of what you're doing, which I realize that I own that and I have to do that, but it fuels. It helps. Helps me with that. So really powerful.

Awesome. Well, we dove in with the relationship stuff right off the hop. That was hardcore.

I'm just going with a quick win, though, on the relationship side too. It's kind of separate from. From you and me, but in everything that's going on with this pandemic and all of that this year, I made a real effort to just try to go out of my way to connect with people. And so I had a number of COVID porch coffees with people I haven't seen in a long time. And that was really, really special. Really great to just connect with some guys I haven't talked to in years and have conversations that we never had before as I was in a space of wanting to truly connect and share and open up and get real and a little vulnerable and it. So that was definitely a win for me. A big. A big shift. I think I just. I want to keep that going regardless of what's going on with the world, but making that effort to connect and nurture those relationships.

Yeah. And I think that the more we, you and I, were in any sort of suffering state, whether it was in personal or within our relationship, we just would. Would isolate and silo and not connect with other people. And Covid didn't help that. And yeah, I think that was. I think that was awesome. That was huge.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So do you want me to fail at something else?

Yeah, I want to hear your fails. It's fun. I'm kidding.

No, this is good. So I. Another fail. This is fine. This is a physical fail. Yes. And it's happening at work and it's called sitting on my ass.

Oh, sitting on your ass.

And so I had a massive fail.

Hemorrhoids.

Oh, no.

Sorry. I just. No, no, don't assume. Right.

Okay, thank you.

Yeah. Okay.

The fail was just sitting too much. So I live with a person who is fairly body aware.

Who me.

Who notices posture and notices bodies relentlessly. But no, I was having back pain and back problems and we were doing renovations at camp all summer. And, you know, things got better as soon as we went up north because I was moving away more and active. And the fail was the first part of the year, that first third and everything the year before even of just getting away from some basic habits to maintain against what work is doing to him in terms of being sitting in front of a computer and it's taking more meetings, standing up and stretching on meetings and moving around more often every chance that I get. And working from home really was the accelerant to the. To the sitting and just being in one spot and spending extra time at work, not really drawing the line of when work should end. So big fail there. Of just not doing what my body needed and paying the price with just some serious back pain that's taken months and months to get under control and was again, like a wake. I think I've said wake up call already today in this recording, but it's just another wake up call of, hey, you're dropping the ball here. You got to do something or this is going to be really bad. So fail for all the sitting, the sitting.

You know what?

It was literally killing me.

Yeah. Because you can give all the facts.

And figures as to why. Why, But I felt it. But I was just feeling terrible on.

On that note, like what you just said, you're feeling terrible. It goes from the physical, it goes into the mental seeps into a lot of areas whenever we're physically injured. But. But on a different point, just bringing it back to the relationship because again, with the relationship. I know. Right, right. Because it's the Tony Robbins says that men are not hairy women who want to be coached. And so for our relationship, I've been your physical coach for gosh, like what, 20. No. Oh, God, almost 20 years. Holy. Sorry, excuse my language, if any small ears are around. So I. I had also a relationship trip. Really kind of take a step on this one back. Because I've been your physical coach for so long, and then when you're injured, I naturally fall. And I would say that for the last year or two years. Well, for a long time. For a lot of years, we've been more training together. We weren't really training partners for quite some time because we're. I was making your programs. That was the extent of it. And then we kind of went back into being more training partners. And then as soon as you're injured, I fall into that role of going, okay, it's. I fall into coach role automatically. Like, it just. It's seamless. And you were. We were in a relationship space where you didn't want coaching from me. No, but you're in a physical space where I can see you need coaching from me. And so that was problematic for us because it was creating this tension where you're like, oh, my gosh, leave me alone. And meanwhile, I'm like, you're injured, you need help, and you're not getting it, and you won't help yourself. And meanwhile, I'm trying to coach you, which is the last thing that our relationship needed. Oh, my gosh. And then I just had to. That was a realization for me, like, just back off and actually ask permission to, you know, like, I've got the expertise. I know I can help, but. But, you know, there's a level of masculine stubbornness that might have been occurring. And.

Yeah, you're thinking like, hey, Quasimodo, that posture isn't gonna work 10 years down the road.

Yeah. So. So, I mean, like. But that's both. I mean, I think we've done a great job together in navigating that in me backing off and really saying, hey, do you. Do you want help with this or not? Or. And then me having to just leave it and like a dog. Leave it, leave it, and then stay. And then you just finding your way in being able to, you know, ask for what you need or. And then communicate, because I make our programs, and then it's. I want it to serve you for sure and the direction that you want to go, but then I can't tell unless you communicate. So we just. We figured that out, I think, in a better way at this point. So great job. And you're back. Because it's so much better.

Wins. You're programming, too. I'm jacked.

You're freaking.

I'm feeling jacked. Thanks to your program.

You're epic.

Epic win.

I came back from Date with Sun's out.

Guns out.

I came back from Date with Destiny. You're following our program to a T. I'm like gone off the grid for 10 days. You come, I come back and your pipes are like, boom. And I'm like, training partner. Wait, I'm behind. Wait, wait. And I'm struggling and I get a flu when I come back. Oh, my gosh. It's been painful, this program anyway, we're carrying on here. Yes. But your pipes are epic right now, honey. You've gained some muscle mass. It's looking good. Gotta. Gotta give you the props there.

Great work, great program.

Thank you. What's next? What's. You want to go?

No, you got to get through.

Okay, I've got it. I've got a couple.

Like, I have one more. I have a big win. I want to.

Okay, I've got a. I've got a couple business fails. So in business, some of you who are listening might be in business or you're a professional in some form or another. I failed hardcore in the beginning of this year. I built the website for our business and for the empowered. And then I had this like, check it out.

The empowered ca. Go on.

Thank you. Yes. So I built it and I was like, I put so many hours, so many weeks, all this work into it, all this stuff. And then I did the. The thing that you get told in business never to do. If you build it, they will come. I kind of waited and looked around thinking, like, where are the people now that I built this amazing website? So that was the fail. And the win was building the website because it was a big thing. So that was a business one. Another business one. For those of you who, especially those of you who are entrepreneurs, I've been and have done this and default to this, trying to do it all on my own. And that's a fail. And I'm learning from that, trying to see where I'm attempting that. And now the win is really getting help of. We've brought in three coaches for the empowered. They're freaking amazing. Certified, accomplished, incredible coaches and a va. A virtual assistant and a bookkeeper. And these actions I know are still, you know, we're still sorting things out. They're in the works, but they are massive actions toward not trying to do everything myself that I shouldn't be doing. So those are a couple business specific wins and fails and. Do you want me to go on? I have another one too.

Keep going.

Are you sure? Okay. Self. In the category of the sphere of influence of self, the fail was making Myself, others, and situations wrong. I have this. I. It creeps back in for me. It creeps in, and I noticed it in our relationship especially. It creeps in and blame, and I didn't realize it had crept in again. And that blame of making others wrong or myself wrong, it's very much of a victim mindset, and I don't see myself as a victim. And yet that blaming or making others wrong or situations wrong had snuck back in. And that was big fail. That the hugest win was catching it, getting coached on it, getting coached on it again, really, I'm committed to giving that up. I know it might sneak in again, but really giving that up. And that's.

That's a huge one because for everyone listening, we're all exposed to such black and white opinions now that it's. It's this or that. It's all or nothing. It's, you know, it's like politics in the US it's just divided. It's one side or the other. It is all about wrong making as opposed to just finding common ground and listening and seeking to understand as opposed to just being right and wrong. So that's an amazing one that we all need to keep working on, like you were, because society is forcing us the other way. They're forcing us to wrong make. So, yeah, it's a daily practice of just letting people be where they're at with whatever decisions they're making about whatever the topic is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it. And I'm finding that that whole part with our relationship where I'm nurturing the feminine energy, and specifically a very radiant femin feminine energy that has. That energy has nothing to do with wrong making. It is.

No, it is so right.

It is nurturing. It is accepting. It is fun. It is playful. Oh, hot. Thank you. Wow. I didn't know this episode was gonna go there. Okay, you go now.

You swore, so I'm gonna slap the E on this baby.

Okay, There we go. Explicit. We've got an explanation explicit podcast.

I'm going to the. I think one of the biggest wins of the year.

Biggest wins of the year. Go for it.

This is a win for you too, so.

Oh, is it?

Yeah. You're along for the ride. It's camp.

Oh, my gosh. I know. Busted it.

Yeah. You were there for, I think, four months. I was there for.

Wait, can I tell people what camp is? Because if somebody hears camp, they're like, what is camp?

Oh, tell them about camp.

Okay, so camp is this gorgeous little. It's an old fishing Camp. It was in my family for a really long time. It's on this lake in northwestern Ontario in Canada. But to give you the sense of it, it's five little log cabins and a log lodge and a cottage and a boathouse. And it's got all this lakefront and a gorgeous, serene, private, quiet lake. And it's just this amazing spot that's got. I clearly have a lot of attachment there. So. Yeah, and that's what camp is. It's called Wickcliff Lodge. And the dream has been there for 20 years to actually create it into something that can serve people. And so you go, you go, sorry. So wanted people to get the vision.

Of, but yeah, you've had this dream forever and I'm 100%. And it's such a special place and cliffs, the wind. The win is A, you buying it. And then B, this summer, us just getting into massive action. And you did so much with the main cabin. You did so much with organizing tradespeople and contractors. And I threw in a lot of sweat equity and we ticked off all the big things we wanted to get done, namely a new wash house, framed and sealed from the weather before winter hit up there. And it is a huge win because when we're done with this place, it's simply gonna be a world class getaway spot where you can disconnect from the things that you need to disconnect from and connect to the things you absolutely need to be connecting to. And that's other people and nature and yourself. And yourself. It's just gonna be awesome.

And it's such a healing place. Like, it is so profound. Yeah.

Like, yeah. So that is, for me, that's. There's no. No fail there at all. There were challenges for sure, but it is such a win to get that project going and going hard.

So, yeah, like, I'm. I'm looking forward to what we can do. Like, so much. So much got done in four months. It was profound. So are those all your. Your wins and fails? That's an epic win. That, that, I think so. The biggest. The biggest two epic wins would be what, how we've grown in our relationship individually and what we're doing to actually repair and grow our relationship as its own entity. Those are huge wins. The. The. Yeah. What's been done with camp is a massive, massive win. And the fails. Every one of the fails led to something that we learned from or we won from or we grew from. So all those fails were, you know.

Are you sailing in a way that failing is winning What?

Fail forward, baby. Fail early, fail fast. Fail forward. Failing is learning or win too.

Just. Yeah, start winning.

Yep. Win, win. So that's our little fails and WINS Reflection on 2021. We're sharing it. We're getting personal so that hopefully for you, you can, you know, feel like you're not alone. Whatever fails you're going through when you're falling on your face. Well, we've probably done it in some form or another. And you know, yeah, if you want.

To win more too, like, the empowered team that you're running is the place to do it. It's been a huge help for me all year long of the weekly, you know, touching in with this incredible group of people who are motivated to grow that practice, flexing that muscle. Training those muscles is so key. And the reason I just thought of it now is because of the practice that you started. Gosh, I feel like two years ago. Of Wednesday wins, where every Wednesday, people in the group are posting a win, big or small, of just some way that you've taken a positive action for yourself, for those around you and celebrating you and the little things that you do. And it's simply an action of piling on momentum on those positive things and reinforcing that. Because we so often really harp on the bad and see the negative, and we don't take a second to see all the good that we're doing. So that's why that popped in there.

That's really, really powerful. And I want to add one thing too with that is that I realized that we do group coaching in our empowered team program. And that's where we do the Wednesday wins that you're talking about. So that group coaching. But we also learned along the way that not everybody opens up in group coaching. And that's why we brought in more coaches so that we can provide 30 minute, one on one coaching each week that people can do privately. And that's been very powerful and people have gotten such amazing growth from that alone as well. And this is in place to serve individuals and businesses. And yeah, I feel so fortunate that we've gotten this to a point where it's serving people in a way that we can help more people now. We can help businesses, we can help individuals. And I think that's something that people really need right now. And it's, it's. Yeah, it's my mission, it's my purpose is to. To help people see their vision of their lives, their businesses themselves become reality. And that's, that's what we do. We coach that's beautiful. Thank you. And, and thank you, honey, for doing this. I love you.

My pleasure. We're making out, listener.

Bye. Just kidding. Thank you for being on and we truly wish you a real wrap up to your 2021 that you look at it, you create the story of what it was. And that's what we're doing by looking at these wins and fails, by really looking at the story the way we decide to create what 2021 was and step into 2022 with power, with with vision and with a lot of love. So we got a lot of love for you. Go for it. Have a beautiful new year.

If you enjoy listening to the Empowered Team Podcast, you'll love being on the Empowered Team. The Empowered Team runs year round. It is our group coaching and accountability program where we take mindset and physical performance concepts and break them down to usable action steps that optimize results. To learn more about our Empowered Leadership coaching for business, our custom online physical training plans, and of course, the Empowered Team Group coaching, head to www.theempowered. cat empowered learn more. That's www.thempowered. ca empowered learn more.