Kevin Wood -Resilient Humans Podcast

This is episode 248 of the Empowered Team podcast. Welcome to the Empowered Team podcast where we explore how to optimize your performance in career, sport and life. And now your host, executive coach and life strategist, Kari Schneider. All right, welcome back to the Resilient Humans podcast and I have an awesome guest today. It's Kari Schneider. She was manager of the strength and conditioning at the Canadian Sport Institute for five plus years, head strength coach for many Olympic and national level athletes, and has worked with multiple leaders in multiple industries across tech, health, finance, agriculture, you name it. So kind of a jack of all trades and also master of many. So welcome to the show, Carrie. Kari, how are you doing today?

Thank you so much. First of all, thank you for having me on. And, and it's okay. I get the, my, I have a four letter word for a name, so I get it gets said in all sorts of ways. So thank you for having me on. And yes, I have currently, for many years I work with companies and leaders of companies and consult and leadership and culture creation and do executive coaching. But as you mentioned, I came back, I came from a background in high performance sport. I had my dream career as the head strength coach for multiple national teams and individual athletes for many years and worked very hard to get into that position, which was phenomenal. So whatever you want to talk about, I'm, I'm excited to dive into.

Awesome. We were chatting a little bit earlier and we have a, I guess a similar starting path. So you started a Gym back in 2005, is that correct?

Yeah.

Yeah, tell me about that process because that was about the time when I started getting into CrossFit or functional fitness. And I like what you said. You were, you kind of started it before. It was cool. So can you dive into that and tell me about that process?

Yeah, you know what, I started it from a lot of passion and the passion came from not the normal thing. You know, a lot of us come from. A lot of us are gym rats. We, we love to lift. We probably started to lift at some formative time in our lives for me, in high school, but that's not how what had me started gym. What had me started gym was that I was already in my dream job. I loved working where I was working. It was the highest level of sport. I was a head strength coach for the men's and women's national volleyball teams and all the B teams. I worked with regional national swimmers, triathletes, rhythmic gymnasts, hockey players, football players, Paralympic athletes and whoever. I wasn't working with or myself and my assistants. Then I was contracting other strength coaches out to work with them. So we were in charge of whatever, who, whichever national sports were housed in the middle of the country in Manitoba. And, and there's only five sport institutes across the country. But what happened was it's Manitoba and Manitoba Floods. And we, our high performance training facility was. And those were air quotes for those who are listening. Their high performance training facility was in the gritty grotto it's called. It was the basement of the Frank Kennedy center at the University of Manitoba. And one year it get flooded. And I'd already been working with a sport institute for a few years and we had, and I developed that high performance area of the gym. But it was, we're still in a nasty basement type facility. There's no, there was no natural light. We were, we were in one area that was all designated as a high performance training area for the Manitoba Weightlifting association, the university athletes and the Canadian Sport Institute athletes. So our national level athletes were sharing space with some other athletes and it flooded. So all of those people were not, were put somewhere else. And so we were put in what was called Lipset hall. And it was a condemned military base, so literally boarded up. And the athletes were training in there, in the gymnasium and in the weight room. And I couldn't wrap my head around the situation. I was, I was just not fully understanding what was going on. I thought, let me get this straight. These are our national level athletes. We don't, we're like orphans wandering around trying to find a place to train. And we're approaching an Olympic qualifier and the, the qualification would have been for the 2008 Olympics. And, and I just, I couldn't quite get over it. So I started, I started thinking we need a facility. There's infrastructure, there's money for infrastructure that comes from Sport Canada. I knew that because I'm in all the meetings and all the political stuff. And so I started going, well, let's, let's start a, let's get a facility. And they looked around at different things. They looked at potentially building something and nothing would ever happen. Everybody who had to do something wasn't doing anything. So I basically tried to partner with Sport Manitoba, tried to partner with the Sport Institute in order to start a facility and they wouldn't. And I was a single mom at the time and, and I finally, you know, started going to the bank and seeing if I could do something by myself. And I ended up putting my house on the line and got a line of credit and took this loan as a business loan and opened a 6,000 square foot facility that was in a warehouse area with two huge bay doors and a front office space and a clinical space. And I built my office so it had a window looking into the gym. And I did it basically with buttons and a smile. I found every possible friend and resource and I basically resigned from my salaried position. And all these coaches who I'd worked with for many years and believed in me, and these athletes that believed in me, advocated for me, even though my boss was not pleased with me. And, and so I ended up getting contracted for, out to work out of my facility with all the athletes that I worked with. And so they came to my facility that I started. And I knew that I couldn't just rely on the pittance that is the payment of Canadian sport. And I had to make it a business. And we believed, we started our mission with a tagline of ask yourself the question, is this the best I can be? And we also had this, this mission that high performance sport inspires excellence in others. And that's what we drew. We drew the people who were go getters, achievers. And it was this first kind of functional training space that I had never seen before. I created what we needed for high performance sport. We had four Olympic lifting platforms. I had custom made squat racks that went for the 5 foot tall gymnast and the 6 foot 11 volleyball player. So I had to have custom racks made. And, and so I had everything set up. Lots of open space, we could do dynamic warm ups. We had, you know, we had ropes, we had med balls, we had plyo boxes, we had all the things you need for high, high performance. I even had a climbing wall in there. But it was also, you know, bare bones and not, you know, not your no machines. And anyway, it was before the time of CrossFit. And, and then when CrossFit came around, I was like, that's, this is, this is good, this is good, this is what's needed. You know, let's, let's stop thinking about Nautilus and let's, let's get into the space of some functional action. And so anyway, that's a long answer to your question, but it was based on a lot of heart and a lot of passion. And I ran my gym in Winnipeg until I moved it to London, Ontario in 2010 and reopened it in London, Ontario in a smaller facility. But I bought the building and, and then I closed it in 2020, actually, not because of COVID but I did Lose some money because of COVID But I co. Closed it. I sold my building before COVID happened. And it was coincidental, but it was. It was good timing for. For us anyway. So. Yeah. So fun times.

You were a ground breaker before Rogue came in with all the gear. Even that. Even when I started, it was pre Rogue and we had, like, medicine balls that were massive. They weren't these little condensed ones that you could get. The dumbbells were like the steel plates that were welded together. Like, you. You couldn't find gear. You had to go searching for it or you had to make it yourself, like you did with your. Your squat racks. Like.

Yeah, yeah.

It just wasn't a thing.

Right. So, yeah, we had. We had these big. I mean, I don't want to date myself here, but we had these big leather medicine balls that, you know, they. At least. At least they. They didn't bounce, so you could slam them without people mistaking the ones that slam and the ones that bounce and then getting bashed in the face. So those things happen. But we didn't have any of the padded plyo boxes. And yeah, it was. It was all the functional stuff before functional became cool.

Yeah, absolutely. So you're a groundbreaker. You kind of set the stage for. For everybody else kind of coming you. So thanks for that.

Yeah, yeah, no problem. Well, thanks for what you do because you've been at it longer than most, so that. That says something because it's one of the toughest industries to have a business in and stay successful. So great work for sure.

So what have you done, I guess, since you closed the gym? What's been your journey since. Since then?

So I. I transitioned online because what happened over the years, and I learned this very early on, that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether someone knows all the biomechanics or all the physiology if they don't have the. The mindset to go with it. So, you know, at the time I had a. I. I mean, I still do. I have a master's degree in. In biomechanics. I did research and heart rate variability. I'm an exercise physiologist. I'm a specialist in strength and conditioning. But I realized that it didn't matter if I didn't know how to help that person with their behavior change or their mindset, because in the moment, that's what we have to have happen. And in high performance sport, we have what's called a performance enhancement team. So there's a athletic therapist, strength and conditioning person, which is me specialist. There's a psychologist, a sports psychologist, a massage therapist. Like, there's all these professionals, assistant coach, surrounding these athletes. But the sports psychologist would come in, you know, maybe once in a while, maybe once a week, maybe once a month. They'd be floating in and out. They might have some individual sessions with people. But when you're with this human going through some of the toughest training in the world to get them to become the best in the world, that is a level of grit and determination and breakdown that occurs that most people don't ever experience in their lives. And so being in that, I was dealing with, with the minds of people, with the thoughts of people, with the challenges that their emotions and their bodies and their brains were going through all at once. And when I realized that it didn't matter how much better I got in strength and conditioning, how much better I got in physiology or biomechanics or things like that, that I needed to get better in understanding the mind and the brain and how we tick as humans. Because I was also having more people come in as, as clients that were lawyers and doctors and business owners, and they were telling me everything in their lives, like, everything. And I'm. I'm not trained in this. You know, I have a kinesiology degree and, and other sciency things. And so that's when I started years ago, going down the route of, of behavior change, personal growth, also became a certified life coach, did all these other things to really understand how the brain and how behavior change occurs. And, and so that led to an easy transition in coaching executives, because I have coached those types of people physically and mentally for so many years. And that then I just went online. So I consult for businesses in leadership development and then culture creation within their C suite leaders. Or, you know, it could be in the tech fields or the. Or finance or food industries. There's multiple, multiple industries that I've. I've consulted or coached in. But so that's how I transitioned is. It's just. I'm in love with. I fell in love with sport years ago, but I realized that I was more in love with human transformation. And it's the human transformation that I think is really what makes us all tick as humans, because we're always figuring out what our next steps are and what our purpose is in our lives. And really it's always intertwined with other people and also, also very influenced by what we overcome.

I can relate to that on a lot of levels. Like, same thing. When I started the gym, it was all about the fitness and the physical. Same kinesiology background. So, you know, that was it. I wanted to learn all about the biomechanics and the physics and all that stuff behind it, but that didn't change anybody's behavior. It was neat for me to learn and know and, like, I can tell you the angles and what's going to give the most force and all that, but. But cared about that. That was the weird part. Why don't you care about this as much as I do? So, yeah.

And then when we get over ourselves and how much we know, then we can actually help the person.

Yeah, absolutely. And so, yeah, same thing, like going through these. These transformations or seeing these people go through transformations with the assistance of a coach and somebody that can help them through those thoughts, struggles, the stories that they're telling themselves. Um, it allows for more. I like to hear what your opinion is. What does it allow when you can help people through those transformations? What. What do you see consistently on the other side.

When someone has that breakthrough and they go through something, and I've seen a lot of them in so many different forms on the other side, it's. It's almost like an aha. They can look back at themselves and go, holy cow, why couldn't I see that? Why can I see this so clearly now? And. And back there, whether it was a month ago or a week ago, I was so in it that I couldn't see any of that. But there it is. Now I see it. It's like this veil has been lifted. It's like the, you know, you've come out of the weeds or, or there's just this clarity that. About oneself, about one's behavior, about one's thoughts, about one's stories, that. That is removed. And that can be. It really encompasses everything. It's. It's running a business. It's getting over the. The personal challenges. It's. It's weight loss. It's. It's all of the things. It's seeing the thing that. Oh, I was. I was eating all the time, every evening, because as a child, that's when I finally felt comfort because my grandma gave me ice cream every night, you know, like whatever it was. But. But when they make the connection, then they're not a slave to it anymore. When they understand why it was happening or what they were doing, even if they don't know where it came from, as soon as they can see it, you can't unsee it. And it's this light of aha. That then gives more Personal power and more choice. Instead of feeling like you're being controlled by some outside force with your own behavior.

Yeah, I've. You can, you can witness it. It's like a moment when that, that switch happens or that, you know, veil gets removed. And it's powerful not just for the, the person, but for me as well. When I'm sitting on the other side of the, the desk or the, the screen and you see it happen, you're like, there it is. Now we can really start getting to work, right?

Yeah. And. And I could get goosebumps just thinking of so many different clients or athletes or, or my own experiences where it's just like, oh, that, that was it. And then you just know that that's what I needed to. I needed to experience that, to overcome or see or learn what I needed to learn or uncover. So sometimes the most painful lessons that we have in life are. Are what we are. The best things for us.

They're lessons in disguise.

Yes. We don't, we don't see them. It's happening for us. It's not happening to us.

That, that sounds to me like a lot of it is revolved around your language. When we say, you know, the victim mentality, we're talking about things that happen to us. Like, they did that to me. And I can't believe he said that. It's. Everything's goes outward, it's away from me. And part of it is flipping the spotlight around and saying, well, what. What can I can. What can I control? What can I do? How can I choose to react or see this differently? And so what kind of strategies do you use to help people kind of shine the spotlight away from that, that victim mentality?

Well, have you heard of triangulating?

Tell me more.

Okay, so you'll love this. You'll love this. And I think it'll be very powerful for anyone who listens into this. If you visualize a V, and at the bottom of the V is the victim, that's the person. And that the two points at the top of the V, there's two other people, and there's a. There's a villain and there's a hero at the top. And so when someone's in a victim mindset, there's always going to be that person they're pointing at like or not a person. It could be a thing, it could be a circumstance, it could be a person, it could be their past, but there's a villain. The villain is the weather. The villain is the, the boss. The villain is whatever. And then there's the hero. If the villain was the boss, maybe the hero is that other job. Oh, I want to quit that boss and go to this other job, that's the hero. So when someone's in victim mentality, there's always going to be a villain and there's likely going to be a hero. But when we get out of victim mentality, then we see things for what they are and they're just other humans, other circumstances, all going through their own thing in the world. However, if you drew a second V connected to the first V, and let's say you just stay in the victim mindset, and as an example, let's use the thing I talked about earlier, let's say you've got the villain that's the boss and you've got the hero, that's the new job. So if you stay in victim mindset and you keep going and time goes by, there's the timeline and you're moved over to that victim in the second V, you look up, there's still going to be a villain and a hero because you're still in victim mindset. But guess what? The villain now becomes the new job. What was once the hero is now the villain. And now in victim mindset, you're looking for a new hero. So what happens in victim mindset is it perpetuates the pattern. Perpetuates. The victim is always going to look for the. The new villain and the new hero. So as time goes by, the hero ends up becoming the new villain and then you look for a new new hero and it goes on and on like that. And that happens in jobs, it happens in relationships. It happens with whatever's going on and we use it, especially in the victim mindset. And women do this a lot. And I don't want to throw women under the bus because we, we all have our. There's different things that go on in masculine and feminine energies. But. But we look to connect with others through our problems with trauma, bonding. So we can complain bitterly about all the things that are going on, but it keeps us in victimhood. It's one thing to express what happened, but it's a whole nother thing to continue to blame, continue to see how bad it is for ourselves, but when we get out of that, then it's just, it's. Things are happening in my work, but it's not about that person doing it to me. It's something I'm learning in the environment called my. My life.

I see that. I feel that the victim mentality almost kind of lands on a spectrum. And those that are at the high end, like, you can look, you can just tell, like, that's a victim. Like, they play that victim card constantly. They almost get addicted to it because there's a. There's a sense of attention. Like, they. They get something out of it.

Yeah.

And then they just keep looking, oh, who's the next victim? Oh, that's over. Who's the next one? And they just. That, like you said, it's that perpetual cycle, and it never ends until they choose to get out of it.

Yeah. And. And they is us. Because it's all of us. We all. We've all been a victim, meaning gone into that mindset at some point. And I'll call it the pity party. Poor meitis. Whatever you want to call it. But we will go there because it's. Suffering is part of our human nature. And I'll redefine suffering as it's the pain we have about our pain. There's going to be pain in the world. We're going to have things go wrong. We're going to have a problem. And if we just allow that pain or that emotion or whatever the negative thing in our life is, then that's one thing. But when we have more pain, when we have pain about our pain, meaning, oh, I can't stand that this is happening to me versus it just happening to me.

It's meaning. The meaning that you give that pain.

Exactly. And when that goes on and on and on, then we're perpetuating our position in that victim role. But when we can identify it, then it's easy for us to get out of the victim role because we're going to be in it at some point or another. But when we can recognize it, then it's the easiest space to go. Okay, I'm going to be my own hero here. And when I can be my own hero, then I can bring myself to a new space and. Or get support from my coach, from my training partner, from my family member to. To explain what's gone on. Have the support, compassion, and then pick myself up or get support to pick myself up.

Right on. That's a cool visual.

The.

The V thing. I really like that. Um, I know that for you, not everything's been sunshine and rainbows along your journey. Um, can you talk about a time where you kind of overcame a significant challenge and maybe the discovery of depression in your own life and how you dealt with that?

Yeah, it's. I've had a lot of bizarre circumstances in My life and a lot of challenges and traumas, actually. And there was at one point, and this is back to what I had alluded to before with, with having my dream job, I had my dream job and I had a young child and I had recently separated from my daughter's father and she was 2 years old at the time and I was living in my house and we were, I don't know, we'd probably separated probably two months prior and he was having a very hard time with it. And to give you a sense of my day, it was get up in the morning, take care of my two year old, take her to daycare, go to work at a high performance institute, have high, high expectations. Now, because of training schedules and periodization, not every athlete trained during 9 to 5, which meant that then on weekend trainings or, or meets or, or evening things, and I'm bringing my 2 year old with me. And that was pretty challenging because I had no family members in the city to help me out. I was basically a single mom, but because my ex was, because her father was having such a challenge at the time, he was hospitalized because he was so challenged by it. And then when he came out, he was stalking me. And he was stalking me so badly that he was breaking into my home. Anywhere I drove, anywhere I looked, his car would be following me. And ultimately I called the police, the police put a restraining order on him. And this went on for over a year. And during this time, I am busting it, I am working full time, I am single momming it, like truly single momming it. No one else helping out other than childcare. And I am working at the highest level of sport. I'm doing my master's degree part time. And because I'm doing my master's degree, that made me eligible to compete for the university because I was technically a master's student. So I was running track as well. And, and then I was, I had a doctor's appointment and I went to the doctor's appointment and they said, so you're just hearing all the overachiever. And now when I'm saying all of it, I'm just like, whoa, that poor human. Like, this is my daughter. That daughter now is 23 years old. So this is literally 20 years ago. And I'm, I'm thinking about it with compassion and going, that poor woman, holy cow. Like, what, what is she doing? And she doesn't see any other way. And so I went to the doctor and I said, I'm so tired. And she says she kind of looks at me and, and I said like, I just don't know how I'm gonna this. And I didn't say everything that was going on in my life. But she passes me this sheet and it has a bunch of questions and it's just like ticking off yeses or no's or something like that. And I'm ticking the things off. And then she looks at it and she says, well, based on how you've answered this, you're depressed. And that hit me like a smack in the face. I was like, me, overachiever me. Like, what? Can't you see that I do everything in the world to create my worth in the world? Like, what do you mean? So I, I was really surprised. I'm like, what do you mean depressed? And she says, well, you need to schedule things in your life that you're really looking forward to. You need to have some time to yourself. You need to, you know, do these things. Otherwise I would suggest medication. And I, I was like, oh, now the thought of me, the all knowing exercise professional being on meds for depression at that time, 20 years ago was I, I was very accepting and embracing of any of my clients because I had come from a many years of personal training before I was in my high performance sport career and I was very embracing of wherever anyone was at. But I couldn't imagine it. For me, I didn't want to go on meds. I was a single mom. I didn't know how that would affect my life or my daughter. And so I was like, okay, so now I'm motivated to book something I'm looking forward to. I try to reach out to some friends because I had zero social life. It was all work, all daughter, all training. Like that's all I did. And I imagine there's probably a listener or two who can relate because that's what their life is and that's what they love. That's what I loved. I love my daughter, I love my work, I loved my training and that it, that was my identity around everything. And so I basically went, okay, I'm gonna book, look up a couple of my friends I haven't seen in a long time. Book a couple things I'm looking forward to. And I figured I solved it. And I ignored the migraines and I ignored the, the fact that I was stalked for over a year. I didn't tell anyone about it. I hit it. I, you know, I was just like, I, I wanted to not do, I didn't want to have anything sully my Professional reputation. So I just like put that aside. Didn't. Didn't exist. And. And I carried on. And I carried on. I finished my master's degree. I. Well, at first I opened my business, I still competed. I finished my master's degree. You know, I, I just carried on and kept going. And. But the, the lesson in this that I've shared with you, Kevin, is that now I've been diagnosed with Graves disease and Graves disease is an autoimmune disease and it's basically the immune system turning on itself. It doesn't recognize tolerance of self anymore because it's been. The immune system has been so taxed by stress because for me, I'm not the person who's drinking a whole bunch of alcohol and eating a whole bunch of crap and not exercising or whatever. I'm healthy in all those aspects. But the amounts of traumas and the number of stressors in my life for my entire life were so high that that to my immune system trying to fight all of this off all the time until it's so fatigued that it can't recognize what's an intruder, like gluten or something like that, can't recognize what's an intruder and what is safe like my own body. So it turns on my own body, affects the thyroid and has some very dangerous symptoms and whatnot. So. But the point is that, that there was that time in my life and there were a whole bunch more things that kept coming at me like come at all people in life. You know, a. My brother in law commits suicide. My mother in law had Alzheimer's which we were trying to. My. My husband became depressed. I had a blended family with five kids and I was the primary breadwinner with my business for a few years before he had other income coming in. So. And then a childhood of various traumas or abuses. So when I went through that, that scenario of being stalked and not getting help and not acknowledging it to other people and, and literally setting it aside, compartmentalizing and moving through that was because I didn't know that I was worth getting help. I didn't know that I was allowed to rest or, or find a different way. It's. All I knew was this is how I survive. This is what I have to endure and I will overcome. And so now from a physical standpoint, it's a shock to me because I'm weaker than I've ever been in my life. All of the things that I built to create my armor, if you will, as, as humans to protect ourselves, my armor was my physical strength, my fitness, my knowledge, my education, my expertise, my business, any, any money that I'd accumulated or invested. So those are, and it's this, this autoimmune disease basically strips all of that away. Now it's like, okay, now you're back to starting over as a human and you have nothing because you have brain fog. You are weaker than you've been. You know, when you were 5 years old, you, you have no idea how the healing process is going to work or how to heal, and you basically don't even know how to communicate it to other people because you look normal, but you need to lay down every couple hours or you can only eat certain things, or you have insomnia all night or splitting headache or whatever it is. So it, it's, it's a humbling experience of life because it's, it's a huge lesson that, oh, you ignore all those other lessons. You think you've understood the lesson at the time, but you've compartmentalized, not truly healed the thing. Just put it aside, put it away, and it eventually will build up and come back. And it's kind of like if you think of a relationship, a husband and wife where, or any relationship, friends, whoever, where the problem is there and it doesn't get fully resolved. And then the problem comes back, and then the problem is there. It never fully gets resolved that comes back until it finally explodes or becomes something that's so much bigger than it ever was because it didn't truly get dealt with. And that's what I didn't have the skills or the tools to. You know, I didn't, I didn't know that I could have had access to therapy. I didn't, I didn't know that. I didn't know to say no to certain things because I, I thought that I had to do everything because that's what would make me worthy in the world or important to others. So it was that transactional love of, okay, if I, if I'm, I'm creating value for the world and I'm creating something for you, then, then that means I'm valuable or I'm worthy. So it's, it's an interesting, very interesting journey called life Long answer.

So when, when you back there, let's, let's go back 20 years ago. You didn't know it at the time. How would somebody that's currently going through that recognize that and then be able to do something about it before it's 20 years down the road?

As soon as something is a Challenge in life, get help. And, and what I mean by that is a close friend, a therapist, a coach, a community, get help for that thing. Find someone else who's experienced that thing and come out the other side and get help. Because to experience it alone, our own brains don't know how to process traumas that happen in our lives. If you feel, for instance for me, being stalked for a year or other traumas, if you're feeling unsafe most of the day, so you're either performing really high or feeling unsafe or protecting another human, if you're feeling unsafe most of the day, that's not normal. And when I say normal, a lot of people think, well, I can, I can handle what I went through. And this is especially it with clients I've had who are first responders, police I've had homicide inspectors as clients. And the PTSD is rampant. It's rampant. And so things like EMDR therapy or there are incredible progresses in microdosing in specific drugs like psilocybin or there's so much progress that's been made and yet we tend to isolate ourselves, especially when we're going through something hard. So don't isolate, tell people what's going on with someone you trust who's got more experience in the world than you do, so then you have another human's perspective. And if they're a solid human, they're going to tell you whether they can help you or help you get some other help. Because I just didn't have one of those. I didn't have a parent, a relative. I wasn't telling people around me because I didn't want it to look poorly or have them not feel like they could rely on me in my professional career because I thought, well, you know, I'm a single mom and if they knew these other things were going on, maybe they'll think I can't do my job. I was a female in a largely male dominated role, so I was doing way above and beyond what my male peers would have done because I was proving myself, because I was automatically being viewed as, oh, can she do the job? I'm a small female, mostly working with male athletes, double my size. So I had to know more and do more. And so I was in this cycle of over performing to prove that I was just as good as the next person, yet I was being 10 times better and believing somewhere deep in my mind that that's what I had to do or be in order to be perceived as valuable in the world. So for the people going through it it's that you always were, you always have been. There's a distinction, and the distinction is that all of us are incredibly valuable and worthy. We always were when we came into the world. Whatever your spiritual beliefs are, we are incredibly worthy and valuable and loveable. And as we learn and get programmed, then we perceive that we have to transaction in order to get our worth or our value in the world. But the distinction is that there's value in the marketplace or worth in the marketplace and then there's just plain worth. And all of us have equal, just plain worth. And our worth in the marketplace might be contingent on our skill set, our experience, our, you know, whatever industry we're in. So our worth in the marketplace is one thing. We, or the, the economy or the, or the country or wherever we interact as a marketplace, our worth in the marketplace is very, very different than our worth. And I was confusing my worth in the marketplace called strength and conditioning and high performance sport, or as a mother or whatever that marketplace was, I was confusing my worth in the marketplace with my worth. And my worth was always just as much as anybody else's in the whole world.

I like that perspective. It's really, that's. I think a lot of our listeners will appreciate that as well. I always view resiliency as a spectrum and oftentimes people will think at the far end. It's being tough and you know, always working, put your head down, nose to the grindstone. But there's the other side of it too, and that's being vulnerable and, and being able to ask for help. I think that's what you're highlighting is if you live at that hard and hardworking end, always, it's going to come back. It's going to come back to bite you some form or another. It's definitely going to happen. So, yeah, I appreciate your perspective on that. So thank you.

May I comment on the spectrum? Sure. In my experience, I would say that that hardest end of the spectrum is actually not true resilience. That hardest end of the spectrum is actually a, a armor like I described for myself, an armor to protect and that, that the real resilience is, is the, like you say, the vulnerability. And hopefully your listeners are familiar with Brene Brown and the research that she's done on vulnerability. But it's those two things. It's vulnerability time. Those are the things that allow us to build trust. They're the things that allow us to heal. And I can easily say that those, those who have been through the most that you can't Even imagine, like, the, the. The most incredible challenges in life. And, and I can name you 15 other incredible, crazy things that I've been through. But those who have been through those things and truly attempted to overcome them or heal them, they have the most compassion for others. It's not a matter of, oh, I did this. What's wrong with you? I can handle this. Why can't you handle it? That's. That's basically still being in a space of, of thinking that you're better than someone else because you've experienced more or you've been tougher through something. And that's not at all how the world works, because it's. That it. It ends up. Life has enough time for most of us that there's a lot of equalizing opportunities. You know something, if. If you think you're that tough, then something's going to bring you to your knees. You're going to have to understand that your resilience comes in the form of compassion for other humans, that your resilience comes in the form of being able to lean on another human and actually receive support. Like some of the strongest, most courageous acts are receiving support from someone else. That can be an incredibly courageous act. Another courageous act can be standing up for someone who needs it. So these are the. These are the unsung heroes in resilience, I think. And we all have that capability. It's. It's being around, being in proximity with other humans who can recognize that capability, because that proximity with other people who are going to see what you're capable of is part of what will generate your own resilience and going through some tough crap like, we can make it through, we just don't know it yet.

Harry. I like to end all of my episodes by asking a question, because I like to make these episodes about being practical. So do you have one piece of practical advice that you can give our listeners to become a more resilient human?

You know, I. I think that most of your listeners probably already do hard things, and I think that most of your listeners. I'm just speculating here, but I think most of your listeners are probably aware of meditation. And I think most of your listeners probably, you know, train and develop that muscle of I can do hard things and transfer that ability to something else. So here's what I would say. I'd say something a little bit different. It's that write down, we have thousands and thousands of thoughts in our head. And when you're in it, when you're in the thing, write it down on a piece of paper, all the sentences that are in your head that we call thoughts, sentence after sentence, you might be able to fill a page of why did that happen? They blah, blah, blah. This isn't fair. Like the whole page of it. And then look at it and recognize that you can cross off any one of those. You don't have to believe any of them. We tend to walk down the path of life thinking that every thought that comes into our heads is. Is more. Is just as valuable as the next thought. And they're not. It's like you've got a whole bunch of unpopped, crappy kernels with some decent popcorn and they just keep popping and a bunch of these kernels are just floating around that are not serving you. So I would suggest that as an, as an exercise is just write it all down, look at it and go, no, that one's not serving my future or me or, or my future self or anyone around me either is that one or that one or that one. Oh, but this one one, this one might serve me. So then you get to. Once you can see them and once you can understand them, then you get to choose to believe the ones you want to believe and choose to discard the ones that just are not going to do anything but produce self pity, self doubt, fear, pain. Whereas you pick the ones and they're going to produce some hope or some compassion or some confidence. I can do this. I can get through this. That might produce some confidence. So then you can pick consciously which thoughts to keep versus which thoughts to be ruled by that don't work for the future that you want.

Absolutely. And I say sometimes the pen can be heavier than a barbell and it's going to require a lot of strength to pick it up and start writing. But trust me, it will be valuable if you do it. It'll help slow down those thoughts, get them on paper, and then like you said, you can evaluate what. What ones do I want to put some time and effort into actually doing something about? Kari, I'd like to give you the floor. How can people find you listen to more of what you have to say or connect with you.

Ah, great question. Thank you so much for asking that. And I. And I love the pen is heavier than the barbell. I like to say the. The faintest pencil is stronger than the strongest memory. So I love the. The analogy. We are at the empowered Ca. That's our website on Instagram. We're at. At M P. Where are we at? Oh, V. Underscore MPRD or sorry, mp.

Wrd.

Wrd.

Sorry, I'll put it in the show notes so people just click on it and they're good to go.

And ultimately, yeah, we have a podcast called the Empowered Team Podcast. So we go into all kinds of topics like this that are designed for leaders who are interested in their best performance in life, ultimately via self mastery. But we're also developing a really neat tool and we haven't, we haven't launched it yet, but it's just a little tool that's a leadership assessment, assessment of our leadership level. So it just goes out, you know, are you this level leader? What are you working on? But goes through that from the perspective of self mastery. And so if we, once you get this aired, hopefully we have that ready and maybe we'll pop that in the show notes too. But yeah, just reach out. We're, we're on Facebook too and LinkedIn and all the places that people hang out on and you know, do the things on. So we are, we are happy. And we also have actually, I can probably provide a discount code for your listeners. We have a little course called Sleep Tonight for Achievers. It's been something that I see high performing people constantly have issues with sleep and it's something that's just so pertinent to our overall health. So we, it's a little, little. Well, it's a powerful but efficient course that is all about how you can actually get some solid sleep. And that'll be in there for you too.

Sweet. Kari, thanks again. This has been a very awesome conversation. A lot of valuable information and tidbits in here and I, I'm sure our listeners will provide or gather a lot of value from that. So thank you again for taking the time to come on for this interview today.

Thank you so much, Kevin. And as a fellow podcaster, I'm going to ask your listeners to pop you a rating and review because that's how these, yes, pop that five star rating because that's how these podcasts get a little traction. And as you know and being a fellow podcaster, this is a labor of love. You don't get any other thing other than it's a passion project. You connect with other people, people. You're not making money from it or anything. So that this is to help other people. If you enjoy listening to the Empowered Knowledge, being on the Empowered Team. The Empowered Team is our group coaching and accountability program where we provide the tools, skills and community for you to grow your self mastery as a leader and optimize your results alongside other leaders. The Empowered Team runs year round. To learn more about our leadership Consulting for business and our Empowered Team Group coaching, head to www.thempowered.ca.empowered. learn more. That's www.theempowered.ca. learn-more. We can't wait for you to join us. Let's go.