Mastering Self-Belief: 3 Things You Need to Know

This is episode 290 of the Empowered Team Podcast. Welcome to the Empowered Team Podcast where we explore how to optimize your performance in career, sport and life. And now your host, executive coach and life strategist, Kari Schneider. Welcome. Welcome to the Empowered Team Podcast. I am so excited to be with you today. Today I'm going to share with you the three things you need to know about self belief. And I became so present to this recently. I am your hostess, Kari Schneider and I love bringing you the skills, the tips, the material, the research that's going to help you in developing your self mastery so that you can show up as your most empowered self in whatever you do. Because I know you're up to big things. So here's what happened. This is why this topic is here. Self belief, how to create self belief. These three key things you need to know about self belief. It came about because my daughter was playing in volleyball provincials and she's playing on a U13 team. And this is a chaotic event. It's huge. There are teams and teams, there's over a hundred teams there. There's three days of volleyball on court after court after court. And it is loud and it is bright and it is intense. It is overwhelming to the most seasoned athlete, it's overwhelming to every parent, it's overwhelming to these kids. And yet everyone is so excited, so excited to perform, so excited to be around other athletes, so excited to play and see what's possible. And that was no different for our team that went in my daughter's team and Paul was assistant coaching and this team, I've got to tell you, it had been a rough season. So if this is you, if this is you in whatever season you're in, whether it's a work issue, whether it is a stage in your life, whether it is a personal health endeavor like me, if you've had a rough season and you are trying to find some self belief, you're trying to find your next step forward, you're trying to find the path that's going to make the biggest difference for you. If you're in that boat, you're not alone, I promise you. I've been there. So many people have been there and there's something that's a common thread that's going to help you through and it's self belief. So here's what I learned with my daughter's team as I watched them heading into this provincials after a season that they lost almost every game in their tournaments all season long, they lost almost every Game. I'm saying that again because I want you to feel that kind of season. You've had it. You've had it in life, you've had it at work, you've had it in relationships where you feel like you're losing over and over and over again. And it wears on you, it grates on you, it pulls you down. There's research that shows that people who have just won are more likely to win. Go figure. If you've had. When they say winning streak, creating momentum, there's reasons for that. Because it's real. It actually happens psychologically, it happens with results. This has been shown. So this team had lost and lost and lost and lost all season long. The parents of the players were going through quite the season with their kids who were losing and losing. So they get to this provincials. But the beautiful thing about provincials is that based on the results all season, they're being put into a tier that best matches with other players, other teams who have had similar types of results. So we're in A tier ranked 14th. My daughter's team is appropriately ranked in this tier and paired up against the first three matches of the first day. So day one, day one, it's determining, well, what direction are they going to go, how are they going to get ranked? And on the first day, they went into every set, and because they're used to losing, because they don't know how to get themselves going, they typically were losing by a few points in the set of the first. The first set, and then they'd have to come back. So they'd either lose that set or they'd have to come back from a deficit to win the set and then. Or they'd lose the full set, then they'd come back in the second set and then they'd be scrapping away in the third set, trying to win, often being two to five, to six points below the other team and then coming back to win. So on that first day, they won two matches in that fashion. Losing, being down and then coming back, losing being down and coming back. They. They won two matches, they lost the third match. But what this taught them on the first day, what the heck, they could come back. They could come back. They hadn't experienced that before. They had this evidence that might have been a thought. Somebody had told them about this very thing, but they just experienced coming back. What a feeling. Now they're heading into the second day, same thing, they're lower, they're losing, they're coming back. And again they win two matches and they barely squeak by in the third match or they barely squeak by to win these two matches. But in the third match they lose. But on the second day they've moved up to be ranked 4 4th and it positions them to go into the third day in semifinals where they've got an opportunity. However, if they lose the first match on the third day, they're out. It's go home, drive the six hours, get out. But now on this first day, they learned how to come back. On the second day they're like, we, we can win. What? We can win. We didn't do it just once. We, we did it again and we did it again and we can win. We're going into a position of semi finals. We could, we could be in a medal contention, we could even be going for a gold medal. That was something that was so beyond reality for these players. And it was fascinating for me to watch them as their belief in themselves as individuals, as their belief in their own team grew over the course of those three days. I would see players who would typically pout and drop their chin going and rallying and clapping and patting their, their teammate on the back after a lost point. Instead of pouting and going into self pity, they were going into rallying themselves and rallying the next player, they went for it. So the third day comes along and what happens on the third day? If they lose that first match, they're out and they win in the same fashion where it goes to a third set, it's within two points and that's how they won in that third set. And then that means that they're in a position to be able to go for a gold medal. So they win their next game. That allows them to actually go for the gold medal. They're positioned to instead of being play, instead of playing for third or fourth, they're now playing for first or second. So they won and they won and now they're playing in the gold medal match. Now I wish I could say they won, but they didn't. But to them, most people lose a silver medal, meaning in order to win a silver, quote, unquote, they have lost the gold medal game and then that's how they get silver. So most people who have gotten a silver in, in this tournament style play, they feel like they've, they've lost and they've gotten silver. But not this team, not this team. This team had learned over the course of three days belief in themselves and belief in each other and watched themselves from being a losing team all season. To be able to compete, to be able to come back, to be able to win. And they learned self belief. So this team celebrated this silver medal like I've never seen this team, team knew that this is something they earned and it was so worth every step they took, every single step that they took for this silver medal. And as parents it was astonishing to watch. Now I don't know if the other parents were seeing what I was seeing because I've got a certain filter that I'm looking through called self development, called growth, called Olympic background. So for me I'm watching this through my lenses. But I loved, loved seeing certain players who they became in order to create those results. I loved seeing this team as a unit gel together in order to keep coming back from mistakes or lost points, in order to gain points, gain momentum, gain the win. It was magnificent. And this is a 13 year old team, roughly they're between 12 and 14 years old. And this is why I'm sharing it. Because if they can do it, you can do it with whatever you've had as a losing season, whatever your losing season is right now. So here's three things that I really think will make a difference in you understanding this thing, this entity called self belief. Because when you have it, let me tell you, it does create the momentum, it does create the win, it does create the winning streak, that self belief. And it's a beautiful thing. So the first thing I want to tell you about self belief is simply because most people feel so uncertain, they have a hard time believing that something is possible. So they want evidence, they want proof. Give me proof that if I believe there shall be the thing. Give me proof. So the first thing about self belief I'm going to tell you is that you do not need evidence. You don't need evidence in the thing that you're doing. Look at the story I just told you. You don't need evidence. They didn't need evidence in order to pull off something that they'd never done before because the only evidence that they had was that they were a losing team. That's the evidence that they had. And that's why I gave that example, to really exemplify this point so that you can understand that you do not need evidence in the thing that you are attempting. You need self belief. But when you understand that you're not reliant on some sort of past occurrence, then you go, oh, okay, so wait a second, this can happen even though there's no evidence that it has ever happened before? Yes, exactly. That's exactly what I'm telling you. Go back to the story I just told you. If you need more evidence, that you don't need evidence, you don't need evidence in the thing that you're attempting. But if you're really looking for evidence, if you really want something, take a look at somewhere else that you've accomplished something. Take a look at there. Just to draw on a little evidence somewhere else. But I promise you, you do not need evidence in the thing. I'm going to give you a couple of examples because there are people who are firsts in the world. There's so many firsts in the world. Think of Rosa Parks, the woman who did not give up her seat on the bus to a white woman. Think of Amelia Earhart, the first woman to go alone. A solo flight across the Atlantic at a time where airplanes were not exactly as safe as they are today. Think of Jackie Robinson, the first African American man in the Major League Baseball. How hard would it be to be the first person in those things? They had zero evidence and they were normal humans. Normal humans with extraordinary belief in what's possible. Their belief in what's possible gave them the self belief. Maybe it could be me, go figure. So that's number one. Number one is you do not need evidence in the thing that you are attempting. You can borrow from something else you've done though. Number two, your actions highlight your path. Your actions are like the. It's like those little illuminating lights that pop up ahead of you because there's some sort of motion sensor and then you're going to know which way to go. Well, how does that happen? It happens from the step that you took. That's what activated the motion sensor to activate the light so you knew where to go on that path. That's what this is like. I love giving a visual. So this visual that I'm giving you is that your actions are going to highlight the direction that you go. Every single action in a successful pass, in a successful result. That action that gave you the successful result says to you, okay, there was something great about this action that gave you what you wanted. So go in that direction. And then you take another step. Oops, that was a pothole. I stumbled, I made a mistake, it didn't work. Okay, what did I learn from it? Do you learn to go back and hightail it and never go on that path again? Some people do. That's the lesson that they choose. From that experience, however, you can learn to watch where you step. You can learn not to step in those Soft spots not to step in that pothole. Otherwise it's going to slow you down or it won't take you on the path you want to go. So that's what highlights your path. Oh, don't step that way. Yes. Do more of this. Do less of that. Do more of this, do less of that, do more of this. Do less of that. That's what's happening every step you take when you're learning from your actions. Your actions highlight your path. Your actions highlight your path. Your actions highlight your path. Every action you take is going to tell you, give you feedback, information on what was successful and what wasn't. This is called neuroplasticity. This is how our brains learn. This is how our brains work. This is how you highlight the path to where you want to go when you've never been there before. It's so important. Actions highlight your path. That is number two. And number three, this is the thing where you're looking at a spectrum. On one end of the spectrum, it's I can't. On the other end of the spectrum, it's I can. Or maybe it's on one end of the spectrum, it's can I? And on the other end of the spectrum, it's, I can. Look at that, can I? We just reverse it. I can. It's so simple. But there's a few things in between that most people go through. If you said can I, your brain might answer you with nah. Or maybe you're a little further along that spectrum. Maybe your brain answers you with maybe. Or maybe you're a little further along that spectrum, getting closer to I can. And maybe your brain responds with I think. Think I can. I think so. I think so. Number three is practice. It takes practice to tell your brain over and over, yeah, maybe I can. Maybe it is possible. I think so. I can, I can, I can. It takes practice to do that because I promise you, your brain has had practice saying I can't. Your brain has had so much practice saying I can't, it's ridiculous. Your brain needs practice saying I can. And it may start for you with maybe it's possible, I think I can. And repeating it just like that little choo choo train. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. Until it's just, I can, I can, I can, I can do this. We can do this. We've got this. And that is number three of what you need to know about self belief, is it needs to be practiced in order to be A path. It needs to be practiced in order to be consistent. It needs to be practiced in order to be contagious with the people around you. So self belief is a thing that is so, so powerful and feels so much better than self doubt. Self belief. Number one, you don't need evidence in the thing that you're attempting. Borrow it from something else you've done. In fact, let me go further with that. Borrow it from one of those firsts, one of those people who didn't have any evidence at all. Who did they have to be in order to do this? Model after someone you admire. Model after a coach, a mentor. You don't need your own evidence in that thing. You can borrow from what they did. You can borrow from their emotional state. Number two. Your actions highlight your path. Learn from the mistakes. Learn from the successes. Keep learning. Keep learning. Keep learning. Your actions will highlight your past. That's how you know where to be weave, where to turn right, where to pause. Your actions highlight your path. Number three. It takes practice to be I can. In the moment where you want it. It's gonna take practice. So keep practicing. Flex that muscle. Go for it. Build that resilience. Build that strength. You've got it. All right. You are empowered. I believe in you. Keep going. Take care of yourself, take others and keep being up to big things. You are empowered. Have a wonderful day and wonderful rest of your week everyone. If you enjoy listening to the Empowered Team Podcast, you'll love being on the Empowered Team. The Empowered Team is our group coaching and accountability program where we provide the tools, skills and community for you to grow your self mastery as a leader and optimize your results alongside other leaders. The Empowered Team remember runs year round to learn more about our leadership consulting for business and our Empowered Team group coaching. Head to www.theempowered.ca empowered learn-more. That's www.theempowered.ca Empowered learn-more. We can't wait for you to join us. Let'.